there is Lightning in those Clouds
by InMyWildestDreams
Summary: Lightning joins SOLDIER. Sephiroth x Lightning. Completely AU.
1. Chapter 1

Author´s note: First of all, let me thank you for giving my fanfiction a try.

To make things clear from the beginning, I want to let you know that this story is completely AU. It features characters as well as places and story fragments from FFVII and FFXIII carelessly tossed together and bent to accomodate my story. Characters may behave differently, events might take place in unchronological order and may be altered completely.

Please note that I am completely aware of my story not fitting the events or circumstances of neither of these games and I ask you to try and resist the urge to write tons of reviews telling me how things were supposed to be or how I got it all wrong.^^

Now that´s said: I wont give away much about the plot at this point. I´ll tell you that much though: It is mainly set in the world of FFVII with some FFXIII elements before the events of crisis core when everything is still „alright", but will feature parts of the FFVII storyline later and ignores most of the events of both games.

My fanfiction features Lightning (who is determined to join SOLDIER in order to provide a good life for her sister Serah), all of our favourite SOLDIER heros and some other characters from both games will appear too.

As already announced in the description this story will be romance/drama with Lightning x Sephiroth as main pairing.

Last but not least I´d like to inform you, that I am NOT native english. So please take this little fact into account before you start flaming about my disrespect of language or whatever. Let me assure you, I love this language and I am writing here because I want to improve my language skills... so if you find some grammar mistakes – as I am sure you will – don´t be angry with me...if they annoy you just tell me and I´ll do my best to correct them.

I really appreciate constructive feedback, but I won´t change story parts or characters.

(I don´t own anything... blabla)

Rated M for .. reasons.

* * *

CHAPTER 1: PROLOGUE

„ _Life is simple. You make choices and you don´t look back." -_ Han Seoul-Oh

LIGHTNING´S POV

Have you ever loved somebody?

I´m not talking about that teeny „I have a crush on somebody I totally want to shag" kind of love here or some kind of silly infatuation for another that might last a few months or years.

I´m talking about real love. The kind of love that inseperably bonds you to another human being – fusing your fates – no matter how much you try to evade it, no matter what happens or what that other person does to you – you can´t escape... that can´t ever be destroyed...

...not even by death...

I assume most of you haven´t.

But let me assure you. It is exactly this kind of love that drove people to do horrendous things in the past – things they´d never thought they´d possible do even for themselves – for a beloved one.

It was exactly this kind of love that drove me away from home. That drove me away from what I had left of my family – away from everything I had ever known – towards a hazy future...

... towards Midgar ...

...leaving all of my innosence and youth and dreams behind...


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2: EVERY STORY HAS A BEGINNING

LIGHTNING´S POV

I was lucky and had the pleasure of occupying a seat next to the window again. It had started to rain heavily a few minutes ago, large drops slapping against the glass – impairing my vision. But still. After 4 days of travelling in that wrecked excuse for a train I finally got my first glance at Midgar.

To say it was huge would be an understatement. Born and raised in the small town of Bodhum I had never seen a city so big... monstrous... intimidating... that´s what it was to me. It sat there- a monstrousity elevated from its adjoining wasteland and sourrounded by an eerie greenish glow - like a diabolical beast ready to pounce - the top of what I knew must be the Shin-Ra building resembling its ugly head. My final destination.

A shudder ran down my spine and I couldn´t shake off that anxious feeling of foreboding that had settled somewhere at the back of my mind - present since I first set food on this damned vehicle.

 _It might be nothing_. I tell myself.

 _It doesn´t matter. There is no way out of this anyway._

 _Coming here and joining SOLDIER is the only option i have left anyway. Mom hadn´t left us any money when she returned to the planet and father... I can´t even remember him... I was only a child._

Trying to steer my mind away from the sadness that threatened to consume me every second these days – I thought about Serah instead. Serah was all I had left. And it was my responsibility to care for her now – wasn´t it? Who else would make sure she had a save place to sleep and enough to eat...

After all I wanted her to grow up whole – wanted to spare her the cruelties of this world – to be happy and save. I wanted to make sure she had the possibility to get a good education too, to grow and pursue her own dreams.

I wanted Serah to get the future I could never possibly have – no matter how hard I tried – because something inside me was broken – shattered- already … something inside me never to be whole again.

Sacrificing my pathetic life and dreams for her future and safety was only a small price to pay I thought.

 _I will make it into SOLDIER. I will make it into SOLDIER. -_ I kept repeating in my head to try and calm down my nervous mind.

Thruth be told I was afraid – scared – at the thought of the possibility that I might not make it into SOLDIER.

Of course there were other ways to make some money. I was young and not bad looking after all. And many women before me have resorted to such desperate measures... _but I feel like I just can´t._

 _Not now...when there are still options._

I was so immersed in my thoughts that I didn´t even realise the train pulling into the Sector 1 train station. It was the hustle and bustle of people trying to get out of the train all at once that let me snap back to reality.

I got out last – relieved to finally take a breath of fresh unconitioned air again when I nearly choked on the unexpected stench of the heavily polluted air burning my lungs that I should learn was what was considered normal morning air in Midgar - a constant reminder of the permanently working Mako reactors surrounding the city.

 _I´m far way from home_ – I thougth to myself as my longing to go home kicked in full forze.

Stashing my depressing and anxious thoughts away I immediately made my way up to the Shin-Ra head quarters building.

 _For Serah._


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3:

SEPHIROTH´S POV

„Oh come on Sephiroth – at least go in and see the aspirant!" - Genesis´ aggravating voice echoes in my head, his words bouncing off the walls of my brain.

 _Can´t that bastard ever shut up. He knows I´m busy. And he knows I hate to be interrupted..._

„...our new challenge. This will be great – I know it!"

 _Wait. Challenge? What is he talking about anyway?_

„Kindly excuse me Genesis... as much as I enjoy listening to your glorious voice... unlike other people I have work to do...as I´m sure you must have realised by now" - my voice lowers dangerously at the last part but who am I to think I could possibly intimitate the almighty, intollerable, always cheerful Genesis Rhapsodos.

 _Funny how there´s just a narrow line between courage and stupidity._

I turn away from him - determined to continue my doings - but it´s no use.

 _It´s impossible to block out that stupid jerks voice._ I think, turning back to him impatiently – a frown on my face.

„Really. Think about it. Each of us takes on an apprentice. Well Angeal already has the pup... But we could take somebody on as well...You know!?

We could train them seperately and have them fight against each other to see who´s done the best job!

Besides... Shin-Ra want us to pick apprentices anyway..." he keeps babbling on excitedly.

 _Hell might as well freeze over before I will sacrifice my precious time showing some idiot how to hold their sword... I definitely wont._

 _Fits Genesis to get all exited about crap like that. Challenge... as if he could ever beat me... Trying to pick things he knows I´m no use at to finally experience the pleasure of besting me._

Annoyed I shake my head. „You can do what you want but leave me out of this nonsense." I beg.

„Besides... if you are so eager to take on an apprentice then why don´t you go in there and accept that candidate whome you are so fond of?!" I snap at him.

„I really would love to do just that you know... but sadly I cannot."

 _Huh?_

„What´s fucking wrong with you?!" This ridiculous conversation has lasted long enough in my opinion. I wont put up with this nonsense for much longer.

My expression must have encouraged him to go on though. „It just happens that in this candidate I have found the perfect apprentice for you! You wont find anybody better. She´s right in there" - he enthusiastically gestures at the meeting room-"you really should give her a chance."

„Wait... HER? Now you expect me to train girls too?" I spat at him irritated, vigurously shaking my head to empathize my point.

„Come on... don´t be like that. Not all girls are „plush and pink" you know. Came here to make some money to support her family or something. Beside she scored 98% in the SOLDIER entrance test. Neither Angeal nor I made more than 85!"

 _Yeah...now that´s not very surprising right... I probably had scored 200% on that damn thing had I ever had to take it._

„She reminds me a lot of you, you know? All cold and calculating... s´got a stick up her arse just like you" he teases.

Chosing to ignore that last comment of his, something else comes to my mind:

„They´d never let women into SOLDIER. It´s something unheard of." I state calmly. Hopefully ending this ridiculous discussion.

„Then she´ll be the first." he replies knowingly. „When you choose to take her under your wing who would possibly dare to complain? …. Right... Nobody"

 _Okay. He´s got a point there._

„You know when you don´t think you´re up to this challenge just admit it and I wont bother you any further..." A wicked grin forms on his face and I want nothing more then wipe it away with one of my gloved fists.

I sigh in defeat as I get up from the desk I had been doing my research at. All the while glaring at that insufferable being in front of me.

„At least go in there to meet her... That´s all I ask of you. If you don´t take her on you should at least ask her out on a date..."

 _Right... you´ve got to be kidding me._

„You know, that bitch in there might as well be your match."


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

LIGHTNING´S POV

The door opens once more as the red and black cladded guy comes back from where ever he might have been – this time followed by another man dressed in a black leather coat with long silver...

 _Wait._

My breath hitches instantly. I knew who he was. Everbody knew who he was. General Sephiroth Crescent – decorated war hero, first class SOLDIER and flagship of the Shin-Ra defence forces.

What was he doing here. Was it common for somebody in his rank to witness an ordinary job interview like this?

The door closes and our gazes lock immediately. Intimidating deep green mako eyes staring into my own icy blue ones.

I feel a shiver running down my spine just from the intensitiy of his stare and for a second I am paralysed – not even to form a coherent thought – a current of inexplicable fear rippling through my body – my soul. However my looks don´t betray me as I manage to maintain my calm facade.

I am gladly spared the opportunity to further elabourate the nature of this strange occurrence as he shifts his gaze to the guy next to me – Lazard- giving him a smal nod. Lazard returns the gesture and then turns back to me, eager to continue this interview – it seems.

Determined I rip my eyes away from the living legend now leaning with his back against the wall next to Genesis, watching me intently and focus my attention back to Lazard once more.

„As I already said, Miss Farron – I realise you´re test results are amazing and you seem to fulfill all the requirements for a positon as third class SOLDIER in training." - I draw in an excited breath at his words - „but however I need to inform you that Shin-Ra does not accept females into SOLDIER."

 _Oh._

My heart sinks. This is it then.

Averting my eyes to my feet I feel the famous Generals gaze linger on my form – like needles priking my skin.

Against the urge to just break down and cry I am able to resume my poker face.

No need to show them how desparate I am. I wont give them the pleasure to see me break- again.

I would thank them for their time, get up and leave calmly and calculated. Plenty of time to shed my tears later.

I lift my head again and immediately our eyes lock again. He studies me intently as I feel my heartbeat quickening – feeling like pray – about to get ripped to pieces.

I need to get out of here. Fast.

Suddenly he talks to me and I hear his deep intimidating voice for the first time:

„What would you do to be able to join SOLDIER?" he asks devoid of emotion.

„Whatever it takes, Sir!" I say without hesitation. My voice smooth and determined – not letting show any hint of my insecurities.

His eyes narrow swiftely – before he gives me a tight nod.

„Meet me at my office 6:30 tomorrow, Miss Farron. I´m taking you on as my apprentice."


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5: Lightning´s point of view

My first weak in SOLDIER almost killed me. I was used to physical exercise. But this was beyond me.

Getting up at the break of dawn to receive my daily SOLDIER basics training, barely making it through the day to tumble to my bed late, passing out the second my body hit the sheets – just to wake up from the morning trumpets seemingly seconds after – feeling worse than the night before.

A vicious circle – swallowing me whole.

I woud have quit right there. I really wanted to. But I couldn´t. I was there for a reason after all and that reason was not me. I wasn´t responsible for myself alone. I was here on a mission. I was here for Serah. And for Serah I needed to be strong – for Serah I needed to carry on.

Strange how from just being my annoying little sister, Serah became my reason to live.

Today was different thought. Today there was no SOLDIER basics training. Today it was the third class SOLDIER´s day off. Every third calls SOLDIER except me that is.

While all the others finally got some rest – I would have the priviledge to finally take my first private lesson with Sephiroth. Nothing I was actually looking forward to. In my state everything - just the tinsiest exercise - was exhausting and painful and I had the nauseating feeling he wasn´t going to go easy on me.

I don´t know how I did it, but somehow I managed to heave myself out of bed, my tormented muscles complaining painfuly.

I set on the edge of my small bunk for few minutes – just staring at the opposite balnk wall.

 _What did I get myself into. What had I been thinking – I must have been delusional to think I could make this..._

This was bad and I felt tears stinging my eyes for what felt like the millionth time since I got here.

* * *

After my interview had taken such a surprising turn I was shown to my room – a huge room – built for at least 6 people – judging from the number of bunks and lockers. I chose a bunk close to the small window- all the other ones vacated ( A fact that wasn´t going to chance – assuming that Sephiroth wasn´t going to take on another female apprentice anytime soon ) and put all my stuff on top of the thin white blanket. It wasn´t much.

When I had stowed all my belonging into one of the lockers I sat down on my bunk again trying to figure out what to do next.

I got up again – inspecting my now private „only for me" 3 sink and 3 showers bathroom feeling more lonely by the second. Staring at my reflection in the huge mirror I see a single tear make it´s way down my cheek. I don´t bother to wipe it away.

There is no need to cry now. I had everything I had hoped for. I made it into SOLDIER. I even made Sephiroth´s apprentice. I guess that´s something to be proud of . An honour – being trained by the legendary General himself. But however I wasn´t happy about that. It kind of scared me. He kind of scared me. But then again... wasn´t it his job to scare people...

I left the bathroom to resume my position on my bed again. The emptyness of my room pressing onto my mind.

 _See it as a priviledge. You have all that for yourself. You have a lot of privacy...something all the other SOLDIERs possible wish for – can only dream of..._

But however the lonelyness kept bothering me – it kept depressing and scaring me.

 _Come on Light... Being alone is nothing to be afraid of... It means there´s noone there to harm you._

Suddenly I just wanted to go home. It was overwhelming - the feeling of homesickness.

But I coudn´t and I wont.

That night I couldn´t sleep– something that I should learn was not going to happen again anytime soon.

I got up early the next day to make it to my meeting with the General. I hadn´t received my SOLDIER uniform yet so I had put on the best clothes I had available.

Our first meeting had been brief. He filled me in on my schedule, all the time eying me disapprovingly. It didn´t make me feel any better. But somehow I understood. To him – first class General Sephiroth Crescent - I must look pathetic.

I can´t imagine why he chose me as his apprentice in the first place. Maybe it was just pity... than again... I didn´t think he was one to have much pity for anybody...

The reminder of the day had passed in a blur. I was shown the most important institutions of the buiding and I was finally brought to get fitted my dark SOLDIER uniform. Something I had been looking forward to.

Entering the fitting room, I immediately noticed that I wasn´t the only one to be fitted their uniform today. There inside stood a lanky young man – probably younger that even myself – with spiky blond hair that seemed to defy gravity. They apparently where about to make changes to his trousers as they hung losely on his slender frame.

Clearing my throat to let them know I was there, I entered – an elderly man greeting me and after handing me the smallest sized uniform - shooing me into a cabin to change.

Putting on the clothes I realised they nearly fitted – they only had to change minor part of the trouser where... well I was female after all.

When I was done I went outside to patiently wait for the tailor who was occupied with the other guy´s trousers.

Blondy seemed intend on starting conversation immediately:

„You must be Sephiroth´s girl then!" he says with a grin on his face. I dislike him immediately.

„I´ve been looking forward to meet you! I´m Cloud Strife!- General Rhapsodos hired me just today! As his own apprentice – can you imagine?! He is so great.. Genesis I mean... It´s such an honor don´t you think.. I mean we are being trained by the best SOLDIERs there are!

I felt relieved when I was finally allowed to leave.

* * *

Sighting I finally manage to get up and dress. I make it to the bathroom – my eyes immediatly darting to the tiny photgraph I had pinned to the mirror the day after my arrival. Pensively I look at Serah´s cheerful, kind face smiling back at me.

 _I can do this Serah._

My reason to carry on. My reason to live.


	6. Chapter 6

_Author´s note: First of all I want to thank everybody who was patient enough to read my story up to this point! I hope you enjoy._

 _Furthermore I want to thank my first reviewer Kurochach for feedback. Here´s what I´ve got for you: I have most of the upcoming chapters already drafted out (yes – also the final chapters) so I can reassure you that most things you asked me for will come up as the story progresses. I will include some information about Serah soon – there wont be too much though, as she is not a main character in this story._

 _About the Guardian Corps – yes it does exist and it will play a major role in the later chapters._

 _There will also be a lot of Lightning/Sephiroth interaction in this story. And you will get some right now – I know it´s not much but please be patient – there will be lots of it later on._

 _You also asked me how old Light is. I don´t have an exact number in mind. I´d put her around the age of 16 - 18. Something like that. (considering that her mum died when she was about 15)_

 _I´m well aware that Cloud is out of character. I´m sorry for that. He will not be a main character in this story (Cloud has his own story anyway;)) and I´m going to mess a bit with him so he will fit my storyline._

 _Also please note that this story is Lightning x Sephiroth NOT Lightning x Cloud.(as I already stated in the beginning)_

 _Last but not least I want to apologize for my numerous grammar and tiping errors. I have a hard time proofreading my own work – somehow overlooking many mistakes – and also, as I´m sure most of you realised – I am not native english. I will try to do a better job on the upcoming chapters and I promise to proofread the previous chapters again when I find the time. However my english is far from perfect=(... I can only hope for you to excuse my poor language skills._

 _If there is anybody out there who has the wish to voluntarily proofread my texts just let me know._

* * *

CHAPTER 6

LIGHTNING´S POINT OF VIEW

„Attack me." His voice is serious. Deep Mako green eyes burning into my own.

„Huh?!"

„...a weapon of your choice and attack me."

We are in the SOLDIER´s training room. Sephiroth is standing just a few meters away from me, clad in his black leather uniform and somehow I find it hard to concentrate. Something about his presence is just unnerving.

He looks at me expectantly.

For some reason I came to hate the way he treats me – or treats people in general – like he were a superior being. The rest of us only insects, crawling at his feed – not even worth to be crushed by him.

As on it´s own, my body walks over to the right wall where a number of weapons is displayed – waiting to be used. I take my time – studying them – trying to figure out which one might give me an advantage in the upcoming challenge.

After a few minutes I deside to use a plain, simple training katana – it´s black grip already worn from use – but it´s blade still sharp – deadly – ready to cut it´s opponent in half without effort.

I think it´s a good choice, as I had used a similiar weapon before – back at home – where I used to spar with my friends.

Home... My mind travels back to the place I used to call home for all my life, back to my people, back to Serah as my fingers absentmindedly trace the edge of my chosen weapon´s blade. I wonder what Serah is doing right now.

Snapping out of my musings I turn around to face him – presenting the katana – my eyes shyly asking his opinion on my choice.

A smirk forms on his lips and I instantly want to cut it away with the blade of my new acquired sword.

„Show me what you can do", he says – his voice smug.

Without hesitation I let my anger take control over my actions as I charge at him. He doesn´t even bother to take out his weapon to block me - he just sidesteps my blows easily – like it was child´s play. I´m nowhere close the even scratch his skin.

„Is that the best you can do?" He asks me in a mocking tone once I stop in frustration.

I can´t contain my temper. In this moment I just hate that arrogant bastard.

I channel all my frustration and exasperation of the past week and project it onto the annoying First Class General. I toss the katana to the floor and opt to attack him with my bare hands – throwing myself at him – my fingers ready to claw at his pale skin, fists lashing out everywhere. But he either dodges or blocks me easily.

I keep going until exhausted but I´m not able to land a single blow.

He even has the audacity to laugh at me.

Panting heavily – my already overwrought muscles complaining painfully, I finally stop - sinking to my knees.

„Get up" he commands.

No matter how much I want to – I can´t find the strenght in me to comply. I just sit there my gaze fixed on the cold grey tiles as I fight to regain my composure.

„I said get up!" his voice, deadly calm.

When I don´t move he´s suddenly right next to me. His leather gloved hand painfully grabbing my upperarm, roughly pulling me up to stand on my own feet - This would leave a terrible bruise, I´m sure - then abruptly letting go of me. I barely manage to stay on my feet.

His expression is calm but I catch his eyes laughing at me.

„You are pathetic" he teases.

Somewhere inside of me I feel the urge to cry, but I wouldn´t show that bastard how much he got to me. I wouldn´t give him the satisfaction of wittnessing my tears even if my life depended on it.

This was unfair. I couldn´t have stood a chance against him even if I had attacked with all the weapons simultaniously.

I so desperately needed a break. I needed a break to rest and to heal physically as well as mentally. But I knew I wouldn´t get any.

Without a word I stagger over to the display of weapons again in a daze and with my back shielding my actions from his view, I collect an already loaded gun and unlock it. I don´t even think before in one swift movement, I turn around and - aiming at my sensei - I repeatedly pull the trigger until no bullet remains.

I don´t know how he did it, but somehow he had conjured a huge katana of immense lenght out of nowhere (i don´t know where he even carried it - it´s not exactly easy to hide) and fast as lightning (^^) deflected my projectiles with it´s shiny blade. Not even one singeing his coat.

I can´t help but stare - lost for words, my brain not even remotely processing what had just happened - while he just stands there, slowly lowering his katana – one eyebrow raised – his eyes not leaving my own, a predatory glint in them.

„We´ve got a lot of work to do." he states before turning and without another word leaves – his enormous sword vanishing with just a swift motion of his left arm.

Abandoned in the vast emptiness of the training room, I start to pick up the useless projectiles from the floor – which after closer inspection I realise - are all neatly cut in half.


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

LIGHTNING´S POINT OF VIEW

The second week was not different. And after the end of the third week I was ready to break.

My last meeting with Sephiroth had been especially painful and humiliating – his sole intention seemed to be to proove how unworthy and weak I was.

Over the past weeks he had started to train me some close combat techniques and last time he had been showing me how to defend myself against simple attacks. But coming from him – no attack was to be taken lightly or categorized as simple. Not only fast, he was also unbelieveably strong – his arms about as firm and deadly as the blade of his katana Masamune. And although he was incredibly holding back, I couldn´t even dream to stand a chance against him. This man could easily erase a whole army with both his hands bound behind his back.

It was a miracle I hadn´t broken any limbs yet, although sometimes I wished I had, so I could spend some time in the hospital – taking a break. The break I so desparately needed.

„Defend yourself."

He was attacking me again, with his hands only, for what felt like the hundredth time. Sephiroth had never used any kind of weapon against me since I got here – he didn´t need to – his body being the ultimate weapon already.

I barely dodged his first blow – trying hard to block his second – I was much too slow for his third. I didn´t even think to dodge again – I didn´t even want to doge him again – I just couldn´t – a fraction of a second later his leather clad fist connected with my cheekbone and my world erupted in pain – again.

This time I landed on my knees (a position I find myself in a lot lately), not able to summon any power anymore to defy him – to not let him humiliate me as I was so mercilessly beaten up yet again. Who was I to defy him anyway.

„You are too slow."

I don´t even look up to meet his eyes. I just stare on the floor – trying hard not to pass out – blood trickling from the corner of my mouth and onto the floor... tiny red droplets... crimson tears... on the grey tiled floor... My vision blurring.

It takes me a few minutes to regain some control over my body again, just to realise that he is gone.

* * *

That night after my private beating up with Sephiroth I couldn´t hold it anymore. I just went back to my room and let my tears flow until they ceased, hugging my small pillow to my chest.

Then, when I decided that I was done, I went to the bathroom, took off all my clothes and inspected my injuries as well as bruises and sores from the previous week. Ignoring them, I went into the shower to step under the stream of icy water, stinging my skin like a thousand needles - clearing my mind.

When I felt like I couldn´t bear it nomore, I stayed in there a few moments longer - before getting out and watching my quivering form in the mirror. He was right. I was pathetic indeed.

I took a closer look at myself – taking in all my imperfections – when my eyes travel to the small photograph I had pinned to the corner of the mirror. Serah.

Tears stinging my eyes again, I replay the memory of my farewell in my mind. The last memory I had of Serah. I remember her eyes watering – again – as she pleaded with me to stay. I knew this was hard for her. Having lost all her family except for me and then loosing me too. How she didn´t want to go to boarding school... It had pained me to see her like that. I wished there was another way. But really, there weren´t many other options. We had nowhere else to go.

Distancing myself from my memories and my emotions, I focus on my reflection again.

 _I am a SOLDIER now. I can´t carry on like this. I need to be strong. I need to be strong for Serah._

„I am SOLDIER third class Lightning and I am strong." I tell my reflection.

I repeat it again and again until my voice sounds steady and determined.

Then I walk back inside my room and take out some ink and paper and start to write my first letter to Serah – something I had been wanting to do since I arrived but had put off for reasons I didn´t understand myself.

It was the first of many letters to come.

„Dear Serah," it said: „I want to let you know that I savely arrived in Midgar and that I was lucky enough to join SOLDIER. In just one week´s time I will have finished my third class basic training and I will receive my first salery. I hope you are alright. Whatever you´re doing right now, please know that I am thinking of you.

I really miss you here. Don´t worry about me. I am fine.

I love you. - Claire."

I fold the paper with my sore fingers – stuffing it in it´s envelope - ready to be shipped. I really hoped that she was doing well. She was all I had left after all.

I got up from my bunk and dressed again, getting ready for dinner and posting my letter on my way down to the dining hall.

* * *

Dinner time was always the worst of tortures for me. Much worse than any beat up I received from Sephiroth could ever be, because it was the time when all the others ate together- talking animately- while I went to sit alone – reminding me just how much I didn´t fit in. At least the staring and pointing and wolf wistling from the first few days had completely ceased – me being the only female SOLDIER – the others had been ogling me like a wild beast in a zoo. However, for all the attention I received, nobody had ever asked me to sit with them or anything.

Although their antics had been annoying – I didn´t know which was worse – being the dinding hall´s main attraction or being ignored completely.

However the lonelines had been eating away on me lately – the sole people awknoledging my presence being my instructors at basic training and Sephiroth. Despite their torturous nature, I even found myself looking forward to my meetings with Sephiroth. Besides being a complete bastard, he was at least looking me in the eyes – focusing on me while training – interacting with me – even if he was constantly mocking and humiliating me.

I swallow my tears as I sit down at my empty table in the far away corner of the dining hall – trying to shut off my fellow SOLDIERs, repeatedly chanting „I am SOLDIER third class Lightning and I am strong." in my head – forcing my expression into an emotionless mask.

 _A SOLDIER like me mustn´t let Show pathetic feelings like this._

I had barely started my meal, when suddenly another tray is set on the table next to mine.

„... join you?" I am ripped out of my thoughts.

„Huh?!" I hadn´t payed attention to my surroundings (this seems to be happening often lately) – I feel Sephiroth scolding my lack of viligance – missing more than half of the question that had been directed at me.

Blushing slightly, I look up to meet the kind face of Zack Fair for the very first time – closely followed by Blondie – to my dismay.

„I just wondered if you´d bother for us to join you...!?" The black-haired young man repeated himself in a cheerful voice – sitting down on the chair opposite my own without waiting for my response – gesturing for Blondie to take a seat as well.

„My name is Zack, Zack Fair" he extends his right hand to greet me „and this is Cloud – I think you two already met!"

I shake Zacks hand – revelling in the warm tingling sensation the casual touch creates inside of me – briefly soothing my sore skin. I hadn´t realised how much I had been craving normal interpersonal contact.

My gaze lingers on Zack´s beautiful blue eyes as I introduce myself – blue just like the sky.

I only halfheartedly greet Cloud – instead of shaking his hand just giving him a tight nod.

That evening I learn that Zack is being trained by first class SOLDIER Angeal Hewley. Angeal had apparently taken him on as apprentice some months ago and although in the beginning he had had no combat experience whatsoever he was now close to being promoted to second class already.

The evening went by incredibly fast – with the three of us sitting and talking for hours, so when I left to go to sleep – after 3 long weeks of torture – I finally had the feeling that maybe – just maybe – everything was going to turn out alright.


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8

LIGHTNING´S POINT OF VIEW

Today´s meeting with Sephiroth had only been brief. I had finally made my first month in SOLDIER and had completed the basic third class training.

Instead of training – or rather being beaten to pieces - today he had told me to take the day off and gather my strenght as tomorrow I was assigned to receive my first Mako treatment. A ritual that every SOLDIER had to undergo – branding me a Shin-Ra property for the rest of my life.

„Don´t underestimate the Mako treatment. It is very strong. You need to be fit in order to take it or it might as well kill you." Encouraging words spoken with complete lack of emotion.

He doesn´t care whether I live or die, I figure. He might as well be happy for me to be gone – a nuisance he´d be glad to be rid of. I don´t care what he thinks of me. I decided to make it and live on and if it´s just out of pure ignorance... just to defy him... I would keep breathing.

So I spent the remainder of the day tending to my wounds and catching up on my lack of sleep – restoring some of my energy.

* * *

It is the next morning that suddenly I wake up about 5 seconds before the first note of the morning trumpet – feeling wide awake – and with a nauseating taste of foreboding at the back of my tongue.

I prompty get up and ready to go straight to the science department – where the procedure is to take place – without consuming any food or water, just as instructed.

Upon arival I am directed to take a seat in a sterile looking, white painted waiting room, where some of the others are already gathered. I spy Cloud and Zack at the other end of the room, the latter gesticulating for me to sit next to him. Zack has already had his first shot of Mako months ago but he apparently was here to mentally support us.

A woman in a lab coat was calling out names from along list and then one after the other my fellow third class comrades followed her through the door at the other side of the room.

I´m getting more and more nervous by the minute, until finally it is my turn to get up. I follow the labgirl through the door and into an equally white corridor, to another door - leading to a much smaller room with a moveable table holding an assortment of needles and a number of frightening instruments I didn´t want to know the use of, next to a small stainless steeled operation table with only a thin paper towel on top – where I was destined to take place.

While climbing on top of the cold table, I self-consciously realise the bad condition my body is in. All my muscles aching and sore, I feel weak and volnurable – the surface of the cold metal pressing through the soft fabric of my shirt – as the woman tells me to lay down and relax.

 _Yeah... as if that was going to happen._

She exits the room again - 3 heavy built guys taking her place, positioning themselves around the table and it is then that a terrible fear threatens to take over my senses – when I hear a hair-raising, high pitched disembodied male voice - talking more to itself than anybody else: „Ah... what do we have here... I´ve been looking forward to seeing you.."

A gaunt looking, bespectacled face appears in my field of vision. Long pulled-back dark hair catches my eye.

I cringe when a cold spidery hand examines my forearm and I feel the sudden urge to push it away, but upon moving I am restrained by the strong hands of the other three men immediately - one of them firmly securing my legs, while the others take care of my arms.

I hear the man cackle – a sinister, crazy sound that I knew would haunt me like forever „HA-HA-HA – what an outstanding specimen... you would make quite the interesting project...wouldn´t you?"

„Let´s see how well you take this" He says in his creepy voice, when suddenly I feel the twinge of a needle being inserted into my vein at the crook of my right arm. I can´t stiffle an audible gasp as I realise that something is off. This hurt way more than a simple injection should have. A searing pain spreading from the puncture – travelling through my veins – to my entire Body.

My eyes dart to the weird man´s ugly face in panic – his lips twitching into a malicious grin - and my eyes dilate as suddenly my world erupts in pain – this time blinding me – deafening me – torturing me - devouring me whole until finally I pass out.

* * *

HOJO´s POINT OF VIEW

I can´t help but drink in the suffering of my pretty little specimen. How just a second ago she tried to defy me, and now she is writhing in pain – screaming from the excrutiation at the top of her lungs – my lackeys barely able to restrain her twitching body.

I enjoy every second of it. This moment is definately the best part of my work. The first Mako shot always hurts worst – I of everybody should know best – I had tried it on myself severel times.

But this one was not quite the normal Mako shot, was it? Though Shinra-Ra wouldn´t´t let me do much experimenting these days, they at least let me have the honour to create this special shot for Her.

Displeased by the course of events – they had a female SOLDIER now after all- HAHAHA- they had planned on disposing of her as soon as discreetly possible – and the Mako injection was the perfect opportunity. A SOLDIER dying from a simple Mako injection was nothing unheard of.

But however they weren´t going to take any risks in her casse - and so I was instructed to design a lethal Mako shot for her. HAHAHA... fools... as if I would let slip such a perfect opportunity... The Mako shot I created was special indeed. Very special... But also very strong... I wasn´t sure if she could take it. She might as well die... in which case they´d get what they want... But if... if she survived- HAHAHA- they´d better think of something good to get rid of her.

I can´t help but marvel at my own ingenuity. This way or the other... my experiment would be a success.

Chuckling, I lean down to check her pulse – just to feel it racing under the tips of my fingers. Good.

„She is quite the tough one isn´t she?" I laugh to myself.

I can see now why my precious experiment had taken a liking for that girl. Admittedly I had been somewhat taken aback when I heard that he had chosen a female as his apprentice but – Ohhhh – the possibilities... I can´t stiffle a delighted cackle as I take off my gloves and move over to the sink to wash my hands before exiting the room – looking at her one last time.

Shin-Ra wasn´t happy about this. A girl in SOLDIER. I know they are going to give her a hard time here. But what could they do now that Sephiroth chose her. Nothing. HAHAHA. I would make sure he´d get the apprentice he deserves.

Not for the first time I wish I were free to do what I pleased... to do some further experimenting...

...but sadly my hands are bound...

...as for now...


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

ZACK´s POV

I had been in conversation with Cloud when suddenly his name was called - shortly after Lightning had left.

I knew what was about to await the both of them and I wished I could somehow make it easier for them... take some of their pain to make it somewhat manageable... but I knew I couldn´t. I was starting to get up to make my way back to the commons, as I knew it would take them some hours of rest to finally get themselves back together, when suddenly Lightning´s tortured screams echoe from the rooms that lie behind that damned door.

I can´t bear it. Ignoring the lady clad in white, I push past her and easily find the examination room Lightning´s in. I enter promplty, just to find 3 lab guys trying to secure her, while she is trashing around wildly, screaming in agony - blinded by the unbearable amount of pain.

I stand there rooted to the spot, knowing there is nothing I can actually do, watching as she goes silent and limp. Somehow I feel relieved – relived that I wouldn´t have to witness her suffering much longer - relieved that at least her torment is ended for now and she might be able to find some peace before waking up to a modified body that will take some time to get accustomed to it´s surroundings – to the world.

The three guys leave – supposedly making their way to their next victim – maybe Cloud.

Slowly, I walk over to her side – gently cupping her face: „Light?" I tentatively call her name, but to no avail.

I am about to check her pulse, when suddenly the door opens and I am shooed out of the room by some nurse.

Involuntarily, I leave the room – only to find Sephiroth outside – leaning against the wall next to the door. He raises an eyebrow at me questioningly – I nod in respect and turn to leave.

* * *

SEPHIROTH´s POV

Oh, How I hate that son of a bitch. Hojo.

I lean there against the cold wall adjoining examination room number 2, my left hand nearly crushing the handle of my Masamune in anger, as I hear my third class scream in agony.

I can´t help but remember the countless times I had been at the receiving end of one of Hojo´s "brilliant" creations and a nauseating feeling settles in the pit of my stomach - thinking about the terrible pain my apprentice has to endure right now.

What for.

Damn Genesis for his shitty ideas. I shouldn´t have been manipulated by him so easily.

I shouldn´t have accepted to train her in the first place. If it wasn´t for me she would never have been allowed to join SOLDIER ...without me she wouldn´t be here now...

Instead of here I´d rather she were somewhere far away – save. I´d rather never met her than to know her in Hojo´s hands.

But I had seen the desperation in her eyes. Like she had nowhere else to go – joining SOLDIER being her last resort. She hadn´t come here because she wanted to become a hero - to fulfill their dreams - as most applicants. She had come here because she didn´t have a choice. And even though the cicumstances might differ – a lot – I remembered that I hadn´t had a choice either.

And I had seen something else there that day. Something I cannot describe...

Militancy... maybe... something inside her unbreakable...

She had defied me from the first second her eyes fell upon me and no matter what I did to her – how much I tormented or humiliated her in training - she never once asked me to stop.

And although she was weak and ignorant and pathetic, I did respect her for that.


	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER 10

My memories of the first few days after my Mako injection are hazy. I remember waking up, the cold surface of the operation table pressing into my back – the white tiled walls of examination room 2 zooming in and out of focus...

It took me some minutes to realise where I was and what had happened. Feeling dizzy and tired and incredibly exhausted - like I was coming down with something – i was forced to get up on my weak feet and escorted to my quarters by a nurse.

Once there, I still felt terrible and just wanted to go to sleep again. Which I did.

* * *

It was the next day that I woke up feeling surprisingly restored - awake and energized. Something I hadn´t felt for at least a month. My muscles and joints didn´t ache anymore and now that the pain that had been constantly present in the background for the last 4 weeks had left my body, my mind felt stable and clear.

Now that I had successfully finished my SOLDIER basic´s training, I was assigned minor missions together with Zack and Cloud – mainly containing of fending off smaller beasts that had somehow managed to sneak their way into Midgar through the city gates.

I shared most missions with Cloud – Zack only randomly joining us, as he was allowed to go on more important missions with his trainer Angeal already.

When I wasn´t on a mission or in private training with Sephiroth, I went to the gym to keep myself in shape or sometimes I´d wander the streets of Midgar, whenever I needed a change of scenery.

I´m not sure about how Mako affects the human body, I only know that a few days after my injection I definately felt better and stronger than I had ever before.

But it wasn´t until one evening in the SOLDIER´s gym, that I realised just how much it had changed me.

The first class´s had rearranged our private lesson to a joined gym training session today - something that had never happened before - and I was already interested to find out what it was about.

Upon entering the room I immediately had to fight the urge to smile at the picture I was presented with: Zack showing off his skills at bench-pressing, making Angeal proud – while Cloud struggled to not get himself crushed by his 60 kg weights - much to Genesis´ dismay.

Sometimes I wondered how Cloud had actually made it into SOLDIER. I had the feeling he had problems doing the simplest things... lagging behind at missions... it seemed he wanted to evade battle.

I find Sephiroth gesturing me over to the unoccupied bench next to Cloud´s and I can´t help but cringe. I know how this was going to end. Being a girl I was naturally much weaker than Zack or Cloud. I remembered how I had been struggling with 25 kg the last time they made me try it in SOLDIER basic training.

This is going to be embarrassing. The intention of this session probably was to humiliate me in front of the others.

 _Great._

I lie down and position myself, focusing on a point at the ceiling - trying to gather my strenght - as Sephiroth hands me my first weight. At first I think they are going to crush me – giving me something I couldn´t possibly handle just to make fun of me - but to my surprise I lift it easily – _hmpf_ \- he must have given me 5 kg...

They are making fun of me the other way now. _Fine._ I was just going to get this over with, as I knew complaining would get me nowhere, or probably just made it worse.

Sehiroth nods as he takes the weight away from me.

„Good... let´s try this one." he says before carefully handing me another one, his voice full of approval. I feel irritated and humiliated... he must be mocking me. Making fun of me in front of the others... it wasn´t fair.

The next one is definitely heavier, but focusing on the task, I can do it.

I hear Cloud gasp audibly and when Sephiroth finally takes the weight away from me, I look up to realise all their eyes were on me, Cloud staring at me in disbelieve.

I notice Sephiroth´s smug expression – a smirk forming on his lips as he challengingly looks at Genesis, who in return just shakes his head to then look over at Cloud in disappointment - before I realise that I must have lifted at least 80 kg.

I couldn´t believe what I had just accomplished. I catch Zack smiling at me approvingly, while Cloud just looks at me, crestfallen - Angeal´s expression slightly curious.

 _Was this the Mako´s doing?_

I didn´t understand why that Mako injection didn´t work for Cloud – the way it did for me. How could I have fathomed that my Mako treatment had been different... special?

I look at Sephiroth again in disbelieve – our eyes locking, he nods to me in confirmation – the smirk never leaving his face.


	11. Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11

LIGHTNING´s POV

The next months passed by in a blur. With the aid of my Mako treatment I finally had enough energy to go on missions as well as productively use some of my spare time, which I mostly spent in the gym.

I made good money too and I sent about ¾ of my salery to Serah every month so she could pay for her tuition fees and food and have everthing she needed. I wanted her not to have to worry about money. I wanted her to concentrate on her education and to grow up protected and happy and save. Unlike myself.

Over the past months I had built a close friendship with Zack and I also became somewhat friends with Cloud – who, after realising that his constant babble annoyed me, gladly decided to spare me his words.

 _...words wasted on me anyway..._

With him shutting up for once, I figured he was´t such a bad guy after all.

However, Cloud is not very talented. More often than not I wonder how he actually made it into SOLDIER. Something inside me tells me that Genesis might have had a hand in it.

Although most of our missions are rather fun that exhausting – I see Cloud struggle hard. I pity him... A lot... After a terribly humiliating incident, where I actually had to save him from a lonely slug-like creature gone rogue – which I had easily cut in half with a single blow of my training katana- he had confided to me how he came to join SOLDIER to become a hero like Sephiroth.

Well...we both know he´ll probably never even make second class.

But still, I decided to help him out – me or sometimes Zack taking over parts of his missions - with him staying in the back ground, watching in defeat.

It is after Zack is sent to another mission to Wutai, that he gets promoted to second class.

And after that I am stuck with Cloud alone, as Zack is then to go on more important mission, most times accompanying the firsts.

Even if we rarely meet at work lately, we still spend our evenings together when we both have some time off.

* * *

Although the Mako treatment made me stronger, my private lessons with Sephiroth didn´t get any easier.

I don´t know how he got like this, but he was incredibly strong. The mako shot not making any real difference against him.

I spend time in the training room with him more often now.

As I go on so many missions, it is even more important for me to be prepared – especially as we are going to leave for Wutai soon.


	12. Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12

LIGHTNING´s POV

It was the night before we left for my first Wutai mission – a mission we were all going to attend together, with Zack, Cloud and me accompanying the firsts - that the three of us got out together to have some fun.

* * *

I was already nervous as it was my first real mission in the war. I didn´t feel prepared. I didn´t know what was to await me. I had planned to spend the night in the gym in order to clear my mind, but Zack and Cloud were not going to give in that easily.

„Oh come on, we might as well die tomorrow!" Zack is trying hard to convince me – big puppy eyes pleading me to come along.

I know it was not supposed to be funny - as members of SOLDIER, the possibility of a sudden death constantly hanging over our heads – but I couldn´t help it. It starts with a giggle – and suddenly I find myself laughing out loud. Something I feel like I haven´t done in ages.

 _I don´t know how we are going to assist Cloud this time... maybe a common garden rat will threaten to kill him..._

I laugh harder. My nerves must be getting the better of me - the other two just watching my antics in bemusement.

„Okay... okay you´ve got me convinced" I manage in between giggles.

I have no idea where they are taking me, as we are taking down a path that I figure is heading in the directions of sector 7 – my worries confirmed as after some time, we find ourself in a neighbourhood that suspiciously looks like the slums.

Althought I had been here before on various missions, the slums still made me feel uneasy. I had the feeling that some people there weren´t well-disposed towards Shin-Ra and therefore SOLDIER.

We make it to what looks like a three storeyed wooden building somewhere in the heart of sector 7, and I realise we must have reached our destination as I notice a giant sign fixed to the wall, reading „TEXAS COWBOY CLUB", bright yellow neon letters spelling the words „TYLER BAR" right above the swinging doors.

„Welcome to 7th heaven" Zack announces while gentlemanly opening the door for me to enter the run down, but well-visited bar.

„This place´s an insider tip" Cloud assures me, as both of them join me and we squeeze our way through the crowd of people to get some drinks.

Zack and Cloud order strong drinks immediately and - despite me declining – insist on buying me some too.

I don´t consider this a good idea as I have no desire to head for my first Wutai mission with a hangover. No... it was essential to keep a clear head.

I take a sip of my drink after we toast - „to Wutai" - in order to satisfy them – making a mental note to get rid of that poison as soon as possible.

After barely ten minutes, Zack excuses himself to hastily make his way over to a brunette girl in a pink dress, calling out her name - „Aerith!" - as he approaches her. They meet in a tight embrace - starting to make out right there.

 _… ugh..._

Forcing myself to look away, I turn to check how Cloud is feeling about their public display of affection – just to realise that he had started flirting with the big boobed bar keeper.

 _Yeah... now I know why they call it 7th heaven... alright..._

I seize the opportunity and make my way over to a flower pot – where I plan to discretely dispose of my drink – emptying at least half of the glass´s content. I did´t dare get rid of all of it, for I knew they´d be eager to pay my next round.

Resuming my place at the bar – I somehow feel like being watched – before I notice a guy some feet away staring at me – a fatal attempt on his side to establish eye contact.

I take a short glimpse to make sure... and indeed.. he´s staring.

I think he´s trying to flirt ore something.

 _Oh please... not that_ – I think to myself annoyed as I sense the guy starting to make his way over to where I stand, and - so not in the mood to take his bullshit - I look him dead in the eye, my brow furrowing angrily. My fiercest SOLDIER expression must have shown on my face, as he stops and - obviously intimidated - retreats.

 _Good._

After some more minutes just standing there, watching Clound´s banter with the barmaid, I decide I need a break and make my way to the bathroom – catching a glimpse of Aerith´s pink dress and Zack´s combat boots vanishing behind the men´s restroom door.

I sight - entering the lady´s restroom, flushing the rest of my devilish beverage down the toilet.

It is when I am cornered by a drunken dike - trying to seduce me on my way back to the others - that I deside I have had enough for the day. I call it a night and make to leave.

I´d better get back to headquarters and prepare for the mission – making sure to get a good night´s rest.

* * *

Little did those three know that upon entering that bar, their actions had been closely monitored by the first cass´s...

„Having an important mission like this coming up – you´d expect them to prepare themselves instead of celebrating" Sephiroth points out disapprovingly.

„Let them have some fun guys..." comes Genesis´s voice.

„You don´t think they´ve realised we´re here, right?" Angeal asks – slightly embarassed.

„No way" Sephiroth assures him.

„You know, I´m kind of disappointed with Zack´s actions... Actually I thought he had a thing for Lightning..." Genesis suggests – watching Zack hurriedly leading a petite, brunette girl to the restrooms.

Sephiroth raises an eyebrow in response.

„He knows better than to try anything" Angeal says.

„Yeah she´d probably cut off his balls" Gnesis laughts.

Sephiroth can´t hide a smirk. She probably would.

„If I were you, I´d worry about my own apprentice" Sephiroth tells Genesis, who greatly dislikes the path the conversation is taking and promptly looks away.

„I´m not sure yet if it was your lack of judgement that led you to a poor choice when you picked him as your apprentice, or your incapability as a trainer that made him turn out this weak." Sephiroth teases.

„Quiet guys, she´s approaching!"Angeal interferes, alarmed.

They hold their breaths as they watch Lightning make her way in their direction – a frown on her face - relieved to find that she is actually aiming for the exit, not even once looking over at their booth, hidden in a corner.

„She´s leaving" Genesis comments - disappointment evident in his voice.

„She´d better. I´d like her to get prepared for the Wutai mission...", Sephiroth states calmly. „Unlike your´s, my apprentice is mature enough to take responsibility – focusing on her duty – not messing around like an idiot."

That silences the other two.


	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13

LIGHTNING´s POV

The Wutai mission ran smoothly. Everything proceeded as planned – with Cloud´s and my task to infiltrate some important wutai military facility, to place a bomb there and make it back out safe, while the others where somewhere outside causing a diversion. Cloud was even doing a good job for once, crossdressing as a cleaning lady– part of our camouflage..

 _.. Maybe to good a job..._

I notice how disturbingly good the flower patterned summer dress hugs his lanky frame. Much better than my own.

 _Maybe Cloud did have... uhm „talents"... after all._

We make it back to base camp later than everybody else – set up at a near village, brought under the control of Shin-Ra forces some weeks ago. As fast as we can, we change out of these damn clothes – I´d rather die than letting the others see me in a summer dress – and Cloud...

 _...well..._

In search of the others we enter the local bar, just to find them seated at a table loaded with food and drinks already, in a corner of the crowded room – waving us over.

They apparently had arrived some time ago as Zack was getting tipsy and Genesis had started to quote from Loveless, his speech already slurred. I take a seat next to Angeal, who appears to be attempting to eat a whole roasted pig alone... something I can actually picture him accomplishing.

I have the feeling that this was their usual procedure celebrating a successfull mission and I can´t help but let a grin form on my face.

I can´t see Sephiroth anywhere. Although I might have catched a glimpse of silver hair among the crowd upon walking over to our table.

When the waitress comes over to take our orders, Cloud immediately asks for another tankard of beer, while I only opt for a glass of water.

No way was I going to loose it in front of those – I would never hear the end of it.

Besides, I have this nagging feeling of foreboding. An uneasiness. Like this wasn´t over yet...

I brush the feeling off as just the aftermath of the adrenaline from the mission and try hard not to laugh as Genesis is slowly slipping from his chair.

I can barely make out the words from Loveless Act IV„... and your eternal slumber" before he hits the ground – unconscious.

Cloud and me get up to look whether he is okay and move to pick him up again. But Angeal – his mouth filled with food - stops us. „Better leave him where he is, or he might wake up and start citing that damn poem again!"- spraying pork everywhere.

* * *

SEPHIROTH´s POV

I only watch them from my place at the bar as Genesis, in his fake theatric – alcohol tinged - voice, performs Loveless again. I have no desire to join them. I´ve heard enough of this bullshit to last me a lifetime.

I notice Light and Cloud finally making it back _…Good..._ and I only observe, as they make their way inside and over to our table. Was that makeup on clouds eyelids? I mentally facepalm myself. This is getting ridiculous. SOLDIER is going to the dogs.

At least they made it out of this alive - or at least Light had... for I didn´t care for Cloud.

I am not surprised as the poor excuse for a SOLDIER orders an absurdly high amount of beer, but I can´t help but appreciate Lightning´s choice as she only goes for water.

I continue to watch them until Genesis falls from his chair – as usual – passing out _… thank god ..._ that way he´d shut up for at least the next few minutes.

I take it as a clue to leave when I witness Angeal sprinkling the others with food...from his mouth... I guess I´ve seen enough.

Clearing my mind, I step out into the warm evening breeze and make my way to investigate the vicinity. Something about this place was off. I knew it.

* * *

LIGHTNING´s POV

I wonder what Sephiroth is up to. I had shortly glimpsed him at the bar – our eyes locking for a tiny second – but now he´s gone.

I try hard to keep a clear head, while the others are getting more and more drunk by the second. Whatever I had thought about being on top priority missions - it had had nothing to do with this.

The strange feeling of uneasiness is back and I can´t help feeling on edge. I just can´t brush off the feeling that something is wrong.

It is when I hear strange rustling noises - like footstepts on dry leaves - outside that I excuse myself and get up to take a look.

When I exit the bar – relieved to finally drag in a breath of fresh air – there is nothing that seems to be out of the ordinary. I nearly turn to go inside again, when suddenly I hear muffled voices coming from behind the building.

Careful not to make a sound, I stealthyly make my way to the corner of the cot, where I can overhear two male voices talking:

„Are you sure?" the first voice asked. It was the voice of a grown man.

„Yes. I just checked with the waitress. They´re all in there – drunk." The second voice answered – only a boy – stiffling a giggle.

„Good. Now go and do as you were instructed. Find our secret hideout and tell the others. The hour of our victory approaches... I will take care of the beasts. Now leave... This village belongs to Wutai! Shin-Ra wont know what hit them once we´re done with them!"

I listen in shock, pondering my options fast. I feel the urge to go back inside to tell the others and let the opportunity slip... or I could follow that little bastard to find out the whereabouts of the secret hideout, where the wutai forces were obviously gathered and we could attack them out of the blue - and THEY won´t know what hit them.

I barely dare to breathe as I make my way around the corner and as quietly as possible, tail the boy from the shadows of the nearby bushes, all the while keeping a save distance – so he wouldn´t notice me.

I follow the boy for a few minutes. It is when I spy him rounding the corner of yet another building – that suddenly I am attacked. „What do you think you are doing!?" I recognise the voice of the man from behind the bar before I feel the breeze of a knife being hurled at me, brush angainst my Skin - it´s blade missing my cheek only by millimeters.

For a fraction of a second I am unable to move – shocked – like deer caught in the headlights of a truck – and I feel the impact of his boot hitting me hard in the chest - breaking at least one of my rips – as I am kicked down to the groud. However I manage to take out my katana as I fall – impaling the attacker on it´s shiny blade as he lunges himself on top of me.

My heart racing, I rid myself of the crushing weight of his lifeless body – trying to get back on track – but the little boy is gone. I can´t find a trace of him.

Following my instinct I take a path leading to the outskirts of the village.

Some minutes pass before I enounter Wutai fighters again– and I am promptly attacked. In the end I manage to take them down – receiving a few minor cuts on my arms in the process, but I am starting to get exhausted and my aching rips do nothing to help me.

I know the riot my last fight had caused must have alerted others and not loosing any time I get up and run for it.

Racing through the thicket I am confronted with a number of other oppocing forces, before I finally find myself with my back to a wall – blood oozing from a gash in my upper arm - several superficial wounds decorating my face and hands.

I take shelter there, deciding to pause for a moment, one of my hands pressing against the sharp pain in my chest while the other is clutching my katana – the effects of the adrenaline that had been cursing through my veins finally ceasing – I feel ready to collapse. I take a few calming breaths, trying hard to think straigt to figure out what to do. I needed to find a way back to the inn to get the others. In their current state I bet they hadn´t even noticed I´m gone.

But upon carefully making to look around the corner of the wall I find my way blocked. Only thin bushes seperating me from my enemies. And I know these I couldn´t take on my own. There were 3 armed men with a huge Behemoth trailing behind them.

They braught Behemoths...

Panic was taking over my senses upon looking at the monstrous beast in front of me. My heart racing as adrenalin was kicking in – again. We were screwed. I was screwed. They were going to erase us just like that... Shin-Ra wouldn´t know what hit them.

I snap back to reality when I hear a twig being crushed by feet in close proximity behind me and - my breath hitching - my reflexes take over, as in panic I attempt to defend myself against whatever was coming – just to find myself brutally pinned to the wall, unable to move – my katana hitting the floor – a gloved hand stiffling my cry – as I am suddenly face to face with Sephiroth.

I can´t rip my eyes away from his Mako ones as he slowly lets go of me – putting a finger to his lips, signalling me to stay quiet.

I can´t help but feel relieve wash over me, his presence strangely calming me. For the first time in my life I was glad to see him... glad that he was so strong.

My eyes are trained on his back as he watches our enemy to contemplate the situation. With him here I suddenly felt relaxed and save.

After some time he turns to face me again and bends down to whisper into my ear.

„I will take on the two guys to the right and desturb the beast. That leaves you with just the guy to the left between you and your way back to the inn. Go back and alert the others. Don´t wait for me." He fills me in in a calm and buisness like voice.

I look up to meet his gaze – my eyes full of doubt and also possibly fear. He can´t seriously plan to take on the giant beast alone.

„Trust me" he sais as he signals me to go – turning to face his opponents.

And I run. I charge at the guy blocking my way and although he is very strong and I am already exhausted and injured, I manage to take him down within seconds.

I can´t help but look back to check on Sephiroth as I pull my katana out of my enemy´s chest - just in time to witness the first class general cut down both wutai fighters at once while charging at the huge Behemoth infront of him to then, with a single blow of his Masamune, decapitate the thing before jumping to the side to dodge it´s dead body´s weight - threatening to collapse on top of him. I can´t believe my eyes as I pause in my actions to watch just a second longer as he rids the Masamune of the beast´s body fluids with a swift motion of his left arm.

Sometimes I couldn´t shake off the strange feeling that Sephiroth´s power was beyond human. I shudder as I ponder what those Shin-Ra people must have done to him in order for him to become like this.


	14. Chapter 14

CHAPTER 14

LIGHTNING´s POV

When I wake up I notice a message had been slipped under my door.

„Please meet me in my bureau. 11 o´clock. - Lazard." it said.

Appearantly Director Lazard wants to talk to me. It must be about some important upcoming mission - I figure, as I make my way over to the bathroom.

With the help of Angeal´s healing spells - the bruises on my chest were barely visible anymore and the gash on my arm had nearly completely healed – leaving only a fading scar.

I step into the shower as I replay the memories of the events in Wutai in my head again.

How after watching Sephiroth beheading the massive Behemoth, I had ran back to the inn to alert the others.

How Angeal had shot up from his seat, unintentionally turning over the table and sending the remainders of his dinner to the ground – awakening Genesis.

How they had called Lazard for reinforcements.

How we had only had 5 minutes to gather our stuff and make it to one of the helicopters, before Shin-Ra turned the whole place into hell on earth. The village and surrounding woods erupting in flames as we clear out.

It had been a close call. I knew it.

And without Sephiroth there, I would have been done for sure.

* * *

Being on time as always, I enter Lazard´s bureau, ready to receive instructions for my next mission, just to find not only Lazard but also Sepiroth waiting there as well.

„Well... Congratulations Miss Farron... who woud have thought you´d make it this far." Lazard greets me somewhat dismissively. Something inside me tells me that he does not agree with what he´s about to tell me.

 _Huh?_ I don´t understand.

I turn to look at Sephiroth – my eyes asking for an explanation.

„You did a good job in Wutai, keeping a clear head like that. I recommended you for second." Sephiroth clarifys in his calm voice. I process his words in astonishment as I look back at Lazard, then Sephiroth, then Lazard again – lost for words.

„Well as I said – congratulations... You may go down to the tailor´s in order to get your second class uniform fitted. You will also be asigned minor tasks in top priority missions now. You may leave"

I couldn´t believe what had just happened. Feeling grateful I salutate and take my leave through the door.

I am half down the corridor when I feel Sephiroth´s presence behind me and I stop to turn and face him.

„Meet me in my office when you´re done." he instructs.

I just nod and make my way to the tailor to proudly collect my new uniform.

I can´t wait to return to my room.

Once there, I fetch a piece of paper immediately – intent on sharing the news with Serah.

„Dear Serah. I have great news. Just a few minutes ago I was promoted to second class! Can you believe it?", I write.

I pause – the tip of my pen resting at the end of my last sentence. Weeks will pass before she will be able to actually read this I think... and suddenly I feel a pang of sadness inside my chest.

How long had it been since I last saw her? It must be more than half a year now.

„I will receive better payment now as I´m also to go on more important missions. I hope you are well. Take care of youself. -Claire"

I finish my letter fast.

I don´t bother to tell Serah about our previous mission to Wutai. There was no need to worry her.

* * *

It is already late afternoon when I make it to Sephiroth´s office.

„Enter" I hear his voice from the other side of the door, right before my knuckles meet the wood to knock.

„You told me to stop by?!" I greet him impatiently. I can´t wait to make my way down to the dining hall – to present my new uniform to the others and see Cloud´s devastated look upon finding out about my unexpected rank upgrade.

I regret my impolite behaviour immediately as I take in my sensei´s slightly offended expression - his intimidating form leaning against the front of his desk.

„Forgive me, Sir" I quickly try to make up for my disrespectful beheaviour, as I salutate.

Raising an eyebrow, he steps to the side, revealing a longish parcel resting on his desk – which I at once recognize as a sword – wrapped in thick brown paper.

„Now you made second, I figured you needed your own, personal weapon."

I think I suddenly forgot how to breathe, as I tentatively look up at him. No words could possible explain the amazement I felt upon being presented with such a respectful gift – and from the person I least expected something like this.

„Don´t you want to open it?" He invites me, his voice sounding slightly amused.

Using both my hands, I reach over to free the object of it´s packing material, revealing the most beautifully-crafted gunblade I had ever layed eyes on.

 _Blaze Edge..._

Picking it up – I can´t help but marvel at it´s complexly manufactured appearence – and it is when the tips of my fingers caress it´s gunpart that Sephiroth´s voice rips me out of my admiration.

I had forgotton he was there. Finally I look up at my sensei in astonishment.

„I figured you might like it as you can shoot bullets too..." one corner of his mouth rising up into a half smile.

„...In case you feel the urge to try and kill me again..."


	15. Chapter 15

LIGHTNING´s POV

„Simulation training room. 21:00." I checked the note I had received earlier again, before I tossed it in Cloud and Zack´s direction. We were in the dining room again, seated around our usual table in a far away corner and dicussing the latest events.

„We´ve received exactly the same notes...I wonder what it is about this time.." Zack thinks aloud, while Cloud is turning green. „You don´t think they let us fight some huge simulated beast, do you?" he manages – nearly choking on his drink.

Well I don´t know about Zack, but that was exactly what I thought.

What else is there to do in the simulation room.

We finish our meals – Cloud´s nearly untouched.

* * *

It is 20:50 when we make our way to the simulation room, to find our favourite first class´s already waiting for us - mischievous expressions on their faces. I find it hard not to laugh looking at them. They were clearly up to something. It´d better be something good, I think to myself.

Cloud´s worst fears are topped, when it is reavealed that for today´s training they want us to fight each other. A challenge.

I am all excited, but also a bit worried. Worried for Cloud - for this time I can´t watch his back. This time his lack of skill and courage will be obvious for all of the first´s to see.

We take our positions in the simulation area while our trainers seat themselves in the small adjoining observation room. Watching us trough bullet-proof glass.

„We decided to let you fight in the simulation of the clearing in the woods... my favourite place for sparring" Genesis sais, excitement evident in his voice.

That´s fine by me. I don´t care for the location anyway.

„3-2-1"

I close my eyes and when I open them again I find myself in a beautiful clearing sourounded by huge oak trees, a bright blue and sunny sky above – the sun shining down on me – warm rays of sunlight caressing my skin. I take a deep breath of clean, fresh air and let my temporarily blinded eyes get accustomed to the brightness of the sunlight.

I marvel at how realistic this simulation is – a beautiful meadow with an assortment of extraordinary coloured flowers, interwoven with the green, lush blades of grass.

Being inside a simulation like this, it was easy to accept it as reality. Everything – from the looks to the scent and the sounds - felt so real.

I hear a soft brease rustling the leaves when I look up to find Zack and Cloud just a few meters away from me.

I immediately get into fighting stance as I sense Zack getting ready – while Cloud is stepping out of the way - clearly not eager to participate in our sparring.

I patiently wait for Zack to attack. „Are you sure you´re ready – you know i´d hate to actually hurt you." he says – slightly mocking me.

I let out an amused snort. „Come and try".

Without further delay Zack charges at me with his fists ready to attack and I defend myself easily. I feel him holding back and although I appreciate that he doesn´t want to hurt me, I also sense my opportunity to strike and - without waiting for him to get ready again - I kick him to the ground.

He disbelievingly looks up at me from his position on his buttocks – he obviously didn´t see that one coming. To keep things friendly I extend a hand to help him up again, which he ignores.

Carefully, I take a few steps away from him, all the time looking at him expectantly. He studys my face – my expression smug. Then he reaches behind his back to produce his sword and I mirror his actions taking out Blaze Edge.

Then it starts in earnest.

Although cautious in the beginning, our fight gets wilder and messier by the second. Zack is strong – but he is nothing compared to Sephiroth. For the first time fighting I feel like I am battling a fair opponent – not like fighting against a rock with superhuman powers - and suddenly I don´t feel weak and pathetic, but strong and full of confidence.

* * *

„So Genesis... I can´t see Cloud anywhere... where is he exactly? Hiding behind a tree maybe?" Sephiroth is taunting from his safe seat behind the glass pane.

Genesis is averting his gaze – not able to look Sephiroth in the eye. „I don´t understand..." he´s trailing off - a tinge of red forming on his cheeks - from embarassement.

„Cloud´s even too scared to take on a girl!" Sephiroth states.

„GIRL?! You call that thing in there you´ve created a girl?!" Genesis blurts out while they watch Lightning giving Zack a hard time again. Genesis´s expression is sullen, while Angeal watches his pup´s opponent´s actions with interest. He cannot fathom how Lightning got so strong. It wasn´t normal for a simple Mako shot to have such an impact. She matched Zack easily.

„Sephiroth... they didn´t... you know... do any experimenting on her.. did they?" Angeal words his suspicions.

Genesis looks at the two of them in exasperation.

„ … " Sephiroth looks away.

„Wait... they did!? That´s not fair!? That´s cheating! How can you expect Cloud to keep up with something like this!? How could he possibly keep up with a monster!?" Genesis exclaimes in outrage.

„Come on that´s not even funny!" Angeal states sternly, „...they didn´t... Jenova cells?!"

„No..." Sephiroth shakes his head „all I know is she received a special Mako treatment. Something of Hojo´s latest creations. Further condesed Mako..."

He doesn´t tell them how the shot was actually aimed to kill her.. or how it nearly had.

„Are you sure...?!" Genesis cuts in.

„Of course I´m sure... I could sense it if she had Jenova cells inside of her" Sephiroth answers acidly, while narrowing his eyes at Genesis angrily.

„This is getting messy... maybe we should interfere before someone is injured" Angeal suggests, gesturing towards the simulation area, where the fight between Light and Zack is turning nasty.

* * *

LIGHTNING´s POV

Zack is very strong and much more experienced than myself. It is only a second that I´m losing my focus and suddenly my body hits the ground - hard – his sword approaching the spot where my head rests fast. I have barely time to bring up Blaze Edge to shield my face. Using both my hand´s - my right one resting on the hilt, the left one against it´s blade - my elbows are painfully rammed into the hard ground upon the forceful impact of Zack´s assault – the beautiful maddow suddenly transforming back to the grey tiled floor of the simulation room.

Somehow Zack is on top of me - the blade of his sword resting on Blade Edge - separated only inches from my skin and I can´t summon the streght to push him away.

I watch Zack´s triumphant smile fade abruptly as - just a second before I break - I sense Sephiroth´s presence and see the tip of Masamune resting against the skin of Zack´s exposed neck.

„Enough."


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

LIGHTNING´S POV

„Dear Serah, „ I wrote „I know it´s been a while since my last letter..."

Feeling left out and lonely as I am stuck here at headquarters - with Sephiroth having left for a mission on his own and Cloud and Zack in private training with their firsts - I had retreated to my room. Genesis was now insisting on personally training Cloud every evening, giving him a hard time, as he still hadn´t made second class.

I was trying to write to Serah but the words wouldn´t come.

I wonder where Sephiroth is now. Ten days have passed already since his departure.

I catch myself actually worrying whether he is alright and I can´t stifle a snort... stupid... of course he is alright – with him being the ultimate predator, there´s nothing out there that could actually harm him.

I try to stear my mind away from my memories of the terrible incident that had occured with Sephiroth a day before he had left for his mission. The mission we had actually planned on attending together. Our mission.

But it´s no use – my mind replaying the events again anyway - for my inner eye to watch.

* * *

It had been our last private lesson together before he left – and we had spent our time sparring in the training room.

He obviously wasn´t planning to go easy on me this time as, after some minutes of relentless fighting – I am rid of my sword – Blaze Edge hitting the ground, coming to rest a few feet away from me.

 _Shit.. I didn´t see that coming_ , I think to myself, just to - a fraction of a second later - find my back pressed against the hard stone wall – the tip of Masamune gently caressing my throat.

„Got you again..." Sephiroth states – his expressoin smug as usual – our faces only inches from each other.

Somehow being this close to him distracted me.

„Got you too..." I manage to choke out and it is only then that Sephiroth notices the tip of a small knife pressed against his neck.

I knew technically I was cheating – but what was I supposed to do – let him win this every single time? I had no chance against him playing fair. So, after ending up in this position more often lately, I - acting in wise foresight - had equipped myself accordingly.

He raises one of his eyebrows at me suggestively – I know he hadn´t anticipated my actions.

We stand there – neither of us daring to move – our eyes locked, our foreheads nearly touching.

I can feel the heat of his body – only centimeters from my own now - loosing myself in the dephts of his beautiful deep green Mako eyes – the rest of the world fading to the background - when suddenly, with a loud bang the training room´s door is thrown open and I jump in reflex – the sharp edge of the knife I had forgotten I was holding penetrating the skin on my sensei´s neck easily.

I only marginally perceive Zack´s voice echoe from the high walls - like someone talking to me from faraway „Sorry, I didn´t mean to interrupt!" - sounding embarassed – as he pomtly leaves, trying to act somewhat discreet.

I see Sephiroth´s catlike pupils dilate in surprise and his hand darting to the wound. He´s glaring at me in disbelieve - while I stand there in shock, processing what I had just done.

„I´m so sorry... I shoudn´t...I..." I stammer as I don´t know what to say or do.

He was so going to kill me for that.

He brings his hand up to look at his bloody fingers – possibly assessing the degree of his injury – then presses his fingers to the cut again, putting Masamune away with his other hand.

„Let me see.." I manage, tentatively reaching over to remove his hand, but he violently pushes me away, his gaze trained on the floor – apparently pondering whether to kill me now or save it for later – then appruptly turning around and leaving.

* * *

I hadn´t seen him for the remainder of the day and when I went to the meeting room the next morning, ready to leave for our mission as planned, I was informed that he had left early – without doubt leaving me behind deliberately.

It was upon entering the dining hall the next evening that I caught Cloud exchanching knowing glanzes with Zack – the two of them stopping their conversation immediatly once I enter hearing range. I immediately know they were talking about me, probably discussing the incident in the training room – and come to think of it – I can only guess what it must have looked like from Zack´s perspective from the door...

Great...


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

LIGHTNING´S POV

Several weeks passed without me hearing anything from Sephiroth. Having nothing better to do, I started to help out Cloud on missions again – taking over most of his assignments. He was doing better now – having managed to show off during one of his previous missions, were he had apparently saved his squad from impending doom, by killing off some huge murderous beast all on his own – he had finally been recommend for second class – something Lazard hadn´t agreed to yet, but it was an improvement nonetheless.

I kept wondering how he had actually done it. Cloud was the worst fighter I had ever seen in SOLDIER and he had not an ounce of courage inside of him – always trying to stay in the background, letting others do the work for him.

Years will pass before – during an especially festive night – I would find out – that this day Zack had acually been hiding under Cloud´s uniform – having taken over this mission as well as various other assignments – the reason why „Cloud" had never taken off his helmet during most of his jobs.

Sometimes I ask myself how many missions Cloud had actually carried out on his own during his time in SOLDIER – with Zack and me helping him out so much – there were hardly any left.

* * *

It is New Year´s Eve that Zack insists on me joining the celebrations on the top of the Shin-Ra building. I don´t know how time can pass this fast. It seemes like only yesterday I had come to Midgar to enter SOLDIER and now I´m already second class. I can´t believe I had made it this far in this short amount of time... or actually that I had made it at all.

Not looking forward to participate in any social event alltogether I did´t bother to change out of my uniform. Something I regret the moment I realise Cloud and Zack have both brought dates – Aerith and Tifa (the girl who worked at 7th heaven) – both of them dressed in beautiful festive gowns. I feel ugly and bold next to them – painfully aware of how my baggy trousers make my legs look chunky and my SOLDIER shirt hides the little cleavage I had. I don´t think I could ever look gracefull and stunning as they do, even if I tried. That just wasn´t me.

I catch myself feeling a bit jealous. Jealous of their good looks... jeaulous of them having dates... jealous of their lifes...

I feel that the moment I joined SOLDIER my life somehow froze. All the others carrying on with their lifes, while mine just stays put. Like during a movie, someone hits the pause button.

Seing the couples have fun and dance to the music depresses me.

Already bad tempered – I make my way over to great Genesis and Angeal, who mercifully seem to have come alone.

They are leaning against the balustrade in what Genesis assures me is the best place to watch the fireworks - „We better not leave it unoccupied – someone else might take it!" he tells me in a hushed tone – as if somebody might catch on and... get ideas. I mentally roll my eyes at him.

I spend the next hours talking to Angeal and Genesis – carefully avoiding the topic of Sephiroth and his/our mission, while my thoughts keep travelling back to him and the embarassing incident.

I had lost focus while I had a weapon directed at his throat – this could have ended much worse. My beheaviour had been unacceptable – I knew and I understood – and I kept scolding myself in my head every day anyway, but there was no excuse and I knew he was going to make me pay for it once he returned. And although I felt abandoned and wanted him to come back and release me from my predicament – after everything that had happened - I was so not looking forward to face him.

* * *

Midnight approaching – little by little – peolpe gathered at the banister – Cloud und Zack taking their places on both my sides – eager to get a place in the first row – tugging along their obviously jingled dates.

„10-9"- I hear the countdown start „-8-7-6-" I sense everbody running around excitedly, eager to find a place close to their beloved ones „- 5-4-3-" I close my eyes – pretending to be somewhere else – far away - pretending to be home – celebrating with all my friends... celebrating with Serah.

„Are you ready!?" I hear Zack ask Aerith right next to me, who just giggles in return „-2-1 -!"

My eyes snap open. For the first time this year.

People are cheering and I hear cork´s pop – everybody eager to grab a glass of outrageously expensive sparkling whine first – as the city below erups in a deafening outburst of colourfull sparks and flashes. My eyes fixed on the spectacle in front of me, I marvel at the beautiful colours illuminating the dark night sky – the smell of gunpowder tickling my nostrils. Genesis was right – this definitely was the best place to watch the fireworks.

Zack´s hand brushes against my upper arm as he protectively puts his arm around Aerith´s shoulders – enganging her in a deep kiss – Cloud´s elbow is painfully bumping into my side, while Tifa is flinging her arms around his neck - neither of them acknowledging my existence - a strange feeling of emptiness rising in my chest and tears stinging my eyes as I realise just how lonely I am.

I suddenly feel out of place. Having nothing else to do I let the events of the past year pass in front of my inner eye again – while around me the party is reaching it´s climax.

I can´t believe how much my life had changed in just a single year.

I felt proud of how strong I had become. Physically as well as mentally. But I realise I have also become cold and empty. Most of my emotions stowed away in a chest locked and banished in a place deep inside my heart.

I feel sad as I realise I had left behind my innocence, my carefreeness, my dreams... my identity. I try to find out what was still left of me.. of the person that left Bodhum for Midgar about 8 months ago. There isn´t much to find.

I had left that person behind at the gates of Bodhum.

It felt as if when choosing to become a SOLDIER I had ended my previous life as a human beeing, transformed into a tool without feelings... without dreams... without a future. Come to think of it, I hadn´t bothered to think much about my future anyway. I would fulfill my mission – I would be strong until Serah wouldn´t need me anymore... and then?

I will serve SOLDIER until one day I will die on one of my missions. The answer comes easy and instantly.

I cannot go back to lead a „normal" life – like marry, have kids... I don´t feel human enough to do any of this anymore.

This was my sacrifice.

This was for Serah.

* * *

It was the day after that, that Sephiroth was back.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

LIGHTNING´s POV

It is some hours later, when I finally make my way down from the top of the Shin-Ra building – my gaze loosely wandering over the city below and then to sector 0, to the Shin-Ra headquarter´s entrance - that a flash of silver hair catches my eyes.

Sephiroth must have returned.

Looking closer I can make out his form getting off of one of the company´s motorcycles and making his way to the entrance – then suddenly stop, as another figure approaches him from inside the building. I can´t make out who it is, but they are obviously discussing something important.

Then the person leaves to be replaced by the forms of what must be Angeal and Genesis – judging from their hair and clothes – talking animately to the first class general. I hadn´t realised they had left the party.

I wonder what had taken him so long. The mission had actually been sheduled for only a week.

I turn to leave only a second too late – Sephiroth suddenly looking up in my direction, our eyes locking for a tiny moment, before I hurryedly make my way back inside.

* * *

SEPHIROTH´s POV

When I finally made it back to headquarters, I hadn´t expected to find Lazard waiting for me in the entrance hall. As if he had forseen my return.

I had completely lost track of days and dates – so I hadn´t realised it was New Year´s Eve already.

 _I couldn´t have chosen a better day for my return. Could I?_

I delivered the news he was so eager to receive – hoping that he would be satisfyed easily this time and just leave me alone.

 _I don´t have time for this._

He did seem pleased, leaving at once to inform his master - the almighty president Shin-Ra.

 _What a bunch of fools. They had no idea what was awaiting us – counting on me to win this war for them .. typical._

After that idiot is gone, I am promptly greeted by Genesis and Angeal, eager to hear the news I´m already tired of spreading, as well.

I just want to get this over with as fast as possible.

„ ...what do you mean they are gathering their forces again?!" Genesis inquires, sounding concerned.

I suddenly feel watched and instinctively look up to meet the gaze of my apprentice spying from the top of the building, just for a second before she is gone.

 _... Lightning..._

„What?!" Angeal and Genesis look up too, a bit too late – obviously confused.

„Nothing..." I assure them – my hand unconsciously travelling to the spot at my neck where her lack of attention had left a tiny scar - as my gaze lingers where she had just vanished for a few seconds longer, before traveling back to the two in front of me.

I feel weak and spent and it definitely takes a lot to make me feel like that. I had to fight a small army in order to make it back here.

I desperately needed a Mako shot... _now._

„Let´s talk about this later, there´s still something I need to do..." is all I offer them as I turn and make my way up to floor 67... up to the science department.

I knew Hojo would be waiting for me... as usual, and I was not disappointed. Event though it was New Years Eve and about 3 o´clock in the morning, I easily found him – still working on – no doubt- some crazy invention of his.

I wonder if he actually sleeps at all. Probably not.

„Ahhh what do we have here... my precious experiment... I already wondered when you would visit again... HAHAHA..." he greets me. „I knew you would be back soon... craving my Mako aren´t you" he cackles crazily while slowly limping over to the examination room – gesturing for me to resume my usual position on the operation table. He knew what I had come for anyway.

I follow him, my eyes trained on my feet in embarassement.

Oh how much I hated coming here …how much I hated showing weakness, how much I hated being dependent on somebody...especially Hojo.

But it was no use... he´d get what he wanted every single time...

He had known I was going to seek him out soon. He even had my injection ready. I hated how he was always able to predict my actions, my needs ..everything. I guess that´s what comes with him being my creator.

I feel humilited and pathetic as I take my place on the stainless-steeled operation table …but I don´t even bat an eyelid when the needle pierces my skin – it´s poisonous contents cursing trough my veins and into every millimeter of my body – burning me from the inside.

Closing my eyes, I take deep steadying breaths to cope with the searing pain – a pain I was already used to feel by now. I had learned to stop my body from giving them the satisfaction of showing my agony ages ago – over the years I had perfected my pokerface.

I just lie there – waiting patiently for the Mako shot to kick in – while I let Hojo take a bloodsample to check on my DNA as usual – to asses whether everything is in the ordinary – as if one could categorize my degenerated DNA as ordinary - rather to asses wether everything is as usal – making sure I wasn´t going to mutate and sprout extra heads anytime soon.

He is muttering crazily to himself again – obviously excited – as always when he had the chance to lay his hands on some of my blood – but this time I don´t bother to listen – I just try to relax while the Mako does it´s work – slowly restoring my body back to its usual form.

I shouldn´t have gone on that mission alone – I had known that from the beginning. Well I hadn´t intended on going alone... my thoughts trail off as I remember what had led to me leaving on my own in the first place...

„ Ah...you were in fact my most brilliant creation... what a pity... I would love to do some more research..." Hojo´s words catch my attention and I instantly get up into a sitting position – my eyes snapping open as I sense him getting ideas again...

„I think I´m done here..." I state as I get up – eager not to stay a second longer than necessary.

I see Hojo´s expression of disappointment. I probably have hurt his feelings – some ungreatful experiment I am...

„I´m sure we will meet again soon..." he simpers.

„Not if I can help it" I murmur making my way towards the door, when I hear him calling after me: „You know... you should send up your second class sometime soon..." I stop dead in my tracks, waiting for him to say something I´d make sure he´d regret, „so we could undertake her some... modifications..."

I have that bastard pinned to the wall in just a fraction of a second – my leather clad left hand crushing down on his windpipe. The burst of energy I had received from the Mako shot threatening to take the little self-control I had these days – I feel like ripping his head off – and I nearly do.

„You´d better leave her out of this you crazy old fool, or I swear I´ll make sure you will regret it" I spit at him, my voice deadly, barely able to contain myself as I fight the urge to just crush him and get this over with once and forever, as I see a wicked grin forming on the crazy bastard´s face.

Disgusted, I abruptly let go of him – his body slipping down the wall to a heap on the floor as I hurry out of the room before I have time to do something stupid.

I barely manage to resist his provocations this time - his evil chuckle behind me making me want to turn around and just get done with him.

* * *

HOJO´s POV

I barely feel the hand choking me as I marvel at my precious experiment´s abilities...abilities I had so generously equibbed him with... he was incredibly fast... and strong... my perfect little killer machine.. I wish they´d let me make more of his kind...

The DNA sample I had secured would give me further insight on the workings and abilities of Jenova cells – their potential only marginally understood... oh how much I wished I could get my hands on that little bitch of his... She was a very promising specimen after all … having taken my special shot so well... Shin-Ra hadn´t been happy with me. Cancelling some of next years research funds to punish my incompetence... incompetence... HAHAHA...fools... without me they would have lost the war a long time ago – the wutai troops outnumbering them easily... without my precious creation... they´d surely be done for.

However I don´t care. I will get what I want anyway. Sooner or later. I will patiently wait here – biding my time.

HAHAHA.

I can´t help but feel surprised how much my last words seem to have offended my experiment. Protective of that girl aren´t we... This was something unexpected.. I hadn´t created him to protect or to care for anybody. I hadn´t raised him to have feelings.

He had been created to fight and kill. Nothing else.

It therefore was interesting how he was defending her... very intresting indeed.

* * *

SEPHIROTH´s POV

I finally make it back to my room – still feeling on edge from my encounter with Hojo – I make my way into the shower – an attempt to calm my nerves.

It had nearly happened there... I had nearly snapped. Somehow I feel like loosing control more often lately. Coming from me, it was nothing to be taken lightly.

I let the hot water soothe the pain of the Mako injection – burning in every muscle of my body – while I try to come down from my previous outburst, my fingers absentmindedly tracing the tiny scar I had received from my last training with Lightning... a souvenir of my incompetence.

I could have easily healed the cut with the aid of my Jenova cells – leaving nothing behind but a memory – but for some reason I wanted to keep that scar. A reminder of how I hadn´t been in control of the situation... of how I had underestimated my counterpart... of how I had underestimated her...

I couldn´t let something like this happen ever again...

My hair soaking wet, I step out of the shower – closely observing my reflection in the mirror, studying my deep green Mako eyes – I can´t detect an ounce of emotion in them. They are the cold calculating eyes of a predator... of a killer. Not a human being.

I can´t believe I had lost my focus like that.

Wasn´t it my job to stay in control, always?

Somehow I find it hard to concentrate around Lightning lately. Her icy blue eyes – full of defiance – somehow distracting me... I catch my thoughts travelling back to her a lot recently.

I shudder to think of what Hojo would actually do to her, if he ever had the possibility to get his fingers on her...

I can´t deny the fact that somehow she´s getting to me...

This is ridiculous. I need this nonsense to stop. _Now._


	19. Chapter 19

CHAPTER 19

LIGHTNING´s POV

The first month of the new year passed fast – with Sephiroth finally being back, I had no time to be bored anymore.

My private training sessions had become more demanding than ever – with Sephiroth having become a complete asshole – giving me a harder time than ever before. This apparently was his way of making me pay for what had happened - the anticipated lecturing never came.

I barely made it out of our sparring alive these days.

I was also granted the honor of accompanying him on some of his minor missions – some of which we gladly shared with Angeal and Zack – where he tended to give me pointless tasks – like collecting firewood – not giving me the possibility to gather any combat experience whatsoever.

But today was our day off and I had agreed to accompany Zack – who, in prospect of Valentine's day approaching fast, was searching for a present for Aerith. I didn´t like the concept of Valentine's day – a painful reminder for all the people who were out there alone – I had never been asked out on a date back home – and I was definitily not going to be asked out here, so I didn´t plan to join their celebrations next tuesday – watching other couples having fun. No go.

However I needed to find a birthday present for Serah anyway – so I though coming along to the market wouldn´t hurt.

''I have no idea what I should get her... what do girls want for Valentine´s day anyway?" Zack wondered, clearly overwhelmed by the enormous range of items to choose from.

I was in search of some kind of bracelet or pendant Serah might like. She had always been fond of jewellery – sneaking our mothers necklaces from her bedroom to try on in front of the mirror when she was still a kid.

I couldn´t help but frown. I had never owned a single piece of jewellery in my entire life. It was a luxury I had never been able to afford – and now that I could – I had no use for it.

''Lightning... you´re not much of a help!" Zack exclaimed– feeling neglected.

''I don´t know... why don´t you buy her one of these hair ribbons over there?" I suggested – pointing over at a booth that had several on display. ''She looks like she cares for her hair a lot..."

Zack nodded and left to take a look at them, while I selected a pretty, silver bracelet with tiny heart-shaped diamond inserts, I was sure Serah would love to wear.

I paid for it and let the vendor put it in it´s small box and pack it in gift wrap paper, before I made my way over to Zack, who was having problems deciding on the ribbon´s colour.

''Take the pink one" – I helped him out.

''Huh?" he looked at me questioningly.

''It will fit her pink dress" I assured him, turning to make my way back to the main street – not bothering to wait for him.

He caught up with me a few minutes later, carrying a small parcel.

''Thank you so much, having a girl as a comrade is really good for something" he said, teasing me.

I watched his expression change from amused to concerned as he adressed a more serious topic:

''What do you think about the Wutai thing..?" He asked me – in a hushed voice.

''They are gathering their forces to strike back." I retorted matter-of-factly.

''Do you think Shin-Ra is planning anything to stop them... I mean right now?" Zack asked shyly.

''I guess so. That´s what Sephiroth and the others are doing when they are going out on top priority missions without us, don´t you think?" I hadn´t given the topic much thought to be honest.

There was silence for about a minute until Zack spoke up again.

''Do you think they will actually..." his voice was trailing off.

„I can´t tell." I said, my voice calm. ''But I´m sure we´re going to find out soon."

* * *

Once we were back to Headquarters, I returned to the privacy of my room. I wanted to post the present to Serah as soon as possible – in order for her to receive it in time.

I took out another piece of paper and wrote down the words that I had come up with on our journey back from the market.

''Dear Serah,

I hope this letter reaches you in time..."

While writing the words, I felt tears stinging my eyes. I wished I could actually be there... with her. It was Serah´s 16th birthday... a birthday I wouldn´t be able to attend. Me being the last piece of family she had left – abandoning her.

''I´m so sorry I am not going to make it to visit on your special day... but I promise you that I will be there next year." I made up my mind while scribbling the words – tears sliding down my cheeks – I will be there.

I tried to stifle my sobs as I attached the letter to the little parcel containing her gift – a gift I knew could never make up for my absence. But i had no choice in this.

 _Oh Serah..._

 _I wish you all the best – I hope that one day all your dreams will come true..._

* * *

 **Special thanks to Kurochach for helping me out with my grammar problems. I really appreciate your work.**


	20. Chapter 20

CHAPTER 20

LIGHTNING´S POV

Several months passed without any sign of rebellion from Wutai, which was strange – considering the rumours that had been spread.

My situation had not changed much – private lessons with Sephiroth still beating the hell out of me, treating me like an insect that needed to be crushed - and still trying to help out Cloud in my free time, who still hadn´t been made second class.

It is the 13th of may, my 18th birthay – a fact that I didn´t let anybody know - that I spent in the ambulance again with a few broken ribs and a deep gash in my left arm – a souvenir from my last encounter with Masamune – not to mention the numerous bruises and grazes all over my body - my wounds the only birthday presents I would receive today.

I was ready to break again – feeling lonely and lost.

I watched the doctor tend to my wounds and finally stitch the cut in my arm. I would have to pay a visit to Angeal afterwards. I could really need one of his healing spells now.

They released me from the examination room and I got to my feet – eager to leave this place – when on my way out I caught the creepy sientist from my Mako injection leaning next to a water dispenser, studying my every move - from the corner of my eyes.

A shudder running down my spine – I hurried back to the SOLDIER common room – hoping to find Angeal there.

* * *

„You can´t let him treat you like that!" Zack´s voice was sounding worried „He can´t just beat you up all the time..." he seemed to go on and on like this for hours.

„You´ve got to defend yourself!"

Entering the commons, I hadn´t found any trace of Angeal but Zack had spied me immediatly – outraged at my current condition – he had been ranting on about how I needn´t take this from Sephiroth any longer.

„Have you ever fought against Sephiroth?" I couldn´t help but scowl at him.

 _Defend myself... what does he think I´m trying to do..._

Besides... I was not eager to win against him anytime soon – if that was what I got from it.

„What is his problem anyway... I thought you two were getting along now..." Zack carefully threw in.

I knew he was referring to Sephiroth presenting me with Blaze Edge – which I knew was a great sign of respect from his part (Zack was still fighting with his standard SOLDIER sword) - an honour– but he was also referring to what he thought he had seen in the simulation training room that fatal evening.

„You know... it isn´t like you think it is... there is nothing going on between us.." I tried to assure him..

„Sure... that´s not what I thought anyway... no offence..." he answered, surrendering.

He motioned for me to take off my jacket – I complied, exposing the freshly stitched cut on my upper arm.

„This looks like it hurts" Zack stated.

„Well it does" I growled. „That´s why I came here to look for Angeal in the first place..."

Although I know Zack wass feeling slightly offended by me seeking out Angeal for a healing spell rather than ask him – he didn´t complain – and started to work on my wound instead.

Zack wasn´t as experienced as Angeal – who was simply the best choice when it came to healing spells – but he was definitely better than nothing.

I wish Sephiroth would teach me any healing spells – but I guess this is just beyond his abilities – the only thing he´s actually good at was destroying things... killing and fighting.

So unlike Genesis and Angeal, I had never seen him use any kind of magic at all... well... he certainly didn´t need any.


	21. Chapter 21

CHAPTER 21

LIGHTNING´S POV

It was the beginning of the next week that Wutai finally attacked the Shin-Ra headquarters. I wasn´t there to witness what had happened exactly as I had been in my room, taking a rest, when suddenly the alarm siren went on. I got up to go and check – I was not prepared when upon entering the corridor I was attacked instantly by, what I would figure out later, were wutai fighters disguised as members of SOLDIER. I knew something was off immediately. Nobody in SOLDIER was stupid enough to attack someone personally trained by Sephiroth. They were no match for me.

I hurried down the corridor headed for the entrance hall – encountering more opponents on my way.

It was at the elevators that I ran into Zack – who was hitting the „go down" button several times in a row in a frustrated manner.

„The stairs" I shouted while passing by and bolting through the small door with the sign reading emergency exit.

We were half way down when we met Cloud – running in the opposite direction.

„Don´t go down there!" he managed to get out – trying to catch his breath and panting heavily.

„Hell´s broken loose down there..." he called after us as we try to decend those stairs even faster.

However we didn´t even make it to the foyer – as the moment we were at the door it was thrust open violently – hords of armed wutai fighters welcoming us.

Together, Zack and I managed to make it past them – barely injured – but it had held us up for quite some time – so when we finally entered the entrance hall, the battle was already over.

We were there in time to witness Angeal heal Genesis – who apparently had received a nasty blow to his leg - Sephiroth standing in the middle of the now completely destroyed room, studying the security gates at the entry in disbelieve.

„I can´t believe they made it through the main entrance undetected..." he mused.

„So can´t I..." I suddenly heard Director Lazard´s voice coming from the back of the room. He had just arrived via elevator – everybody turning to look at him.

„They must have had an insider here..." Lazard said, wording his suspicions.

I saw Sephiroth´s brow furrow as he seemed to contemplate Lazard´s assumption. Somehow I felt like he didn´t buy it.


	22. Chapter 22

CHAPTER 22

LIGHTNING´S POV

The days after the Wutai attack were awful. After the opposing forces had been dealt with, the authorities were now eager to hold someone responsible for the incident and as Cloud´s performances were far beyond what was expected in SOLDIER anyway, they were now eager to dispose of him.

How exactly the Wutai forces had managed to enter through the main entrance that day was still a mistery to most, but Zack and I knew the truth, as Cloud had – after we had to endure another mental breakown from his part – told us that he had been responsible for securing the gates that night... the rest of the story self-explanatory.

It was during the disciplinary conference all the firsts and seconds as well as Lazard and President Shin-ra himself attended – that I made my decision.

Cloud was standing in front of the commitee, sobbing uncontrollably - his face white as chalk - while Genesis tried hard to convince them of his innocence – but I knew it was no use. Even if he had possibly only been in the wrong place at the wrong time, they were going to get rid of him – viewing it as an opportunity to destroy the weakest link in the chain.

I don´t know why I did it. I just couldn´t watch any longer.

„Stop this now" I suddenly heard myself speak up- getting into a standing position. „He is innocent... It was me who let them pass through the gates undetected" I blurted out, all the faces turning in my direction in bewilderment.

I felt Sephiroth abruptly getting up next to me – „Lightning!?" his voice grave, attempting to shush me – but I wouldn´t let him.

„No it is the truth... I´m the one guilty." I persisted.

I felt Sephiroth´s inquiring gaze burning into the side of my head – he was probably questioning my sanity - but my eyes were trained on President Shin-Ra who was raising his eyebrows at me in disbelieve.

I knew what I was doing must seem crazy – risking my rank or maybe more to save Cloud... His honour... His dreams... But I was just so angry at the company´s fucked up ways of dealing with things... people really... they didn´t have use for anymore – or dealing with people in general.

If this – standing up for a comrade – was all that was needed for me to get sacked then so be it.

 _They had taken away so much of my personality... my humanity already... I wouldn´t let them have this._

I caught Shin-Ra exchange glanzes with Lazard before he turned in my direction again:

„Well, well... if that´s the case" he said, starting to get up – this meeting was taking a direction he hadn´t anticipated... a direction I realised he definitly approved of, as I watched his eyes fill with malicious joy.

I couldn´t shake off the feeling that they were eager to get rid of me as well.

„Lightning... Out... Now" Sephiroth suddenly orders me, his voice deadly, daring me to contradict his instructions, while making his way around the table to approach President Shin-Ra and the commitee himself.

Unable to say anything, I felt my arm suddenly grabbed by an official and am escorted outside.

I catch the others staring at me wide eyed on my way out – Cloud´s mouth gaping open in astonishment.

In this moment I did´t care what they were going to do to me. I did´t care if they were going to throw me out of SOLDIER. I didn´t care if they were going to take my life for it.

I don´t know whether it was worth it. But I wanted Cloud to keep his dreams... my own ones long forgotten...

* * *

CLOUD´s POV

My brain doesn´t seem to be able to process what is happening – when suddenly Sephiroth is getting up , and Lightning is brought away and Genesis shoos me back behind the table and into my seat – telling me to „fucking shut it up" while Sephiroth is positioning himself infront of the authorities – a place I never want to be in ever again.

I cannot fathom the reasons for Lightning taking the blame on her, but I am so infinitely grateful.

I don´t know what they woud have done to me.

* * *

SEPHIROTH´s POV

 _I can´t believe what she had just done, trying to safe Strife from the inevitable._

I knew she wasn´t guilty.

I couldn´t fathom why she had taken the blame on her, but I felt the sudden urge to just grab her and beat the fucking hell out of her.

Trying to maintain my calm exterior – my insides burning with anger – I approach president Shin-Ra:

„Leave her out of this. She doesn´t know what she is talking about. She isn´t guilty. I know it." I spit in their faces.

„Well I´m afraid your opinion on this doesn´t matter – General." Lazard tells me, his voice smug.

„She has confessed, and that is what counts." A smile on his face.

This was exactly what they had wanted from the beginning, hadn´t they? To get rid of her.

And after their previous attempts had failed so badly this was their most welcome chance.

„For her neglect of duty, and her assistance in the infiltration of the Shin-Ra headquarters by Wutai forces, second class Farron will be expulsed from SOLDIER." President Shin-Ra announces gleefully.

 _I can´t believe he has the guts to actually say it..._

However I wouldn´t let them get what they wanted so easily. I wouldn´t let them get away with it... not his time. They have taken everything away from me already... I won´t let them take her.

„Then you´d better expulse me too... cause I´m not staying without her" I retorted – wiping that smirk off Lazard´s face instantly – I knew, I had hit a nerve.

„You cannot leave... you are property of the Shin-Ra company" President Shin-Ra informed me, fake - smiling at me in disbelieve – the pompous fatso, probably disturbed by the fact that I dared to think I could leave as I pleased.

„Then I´d like to see you try and stop me..." I dared him – my eyes narrowing dangerously at the overweight individual in front of me - who, in response, visibly swallowed in discomfort.

„I advise you to hire somebody else then, to win this war for you... as once my job here is done, I might as well consider joining the Wutai forces against you..." I didn´t know where that last bit had come from, but it definitely did it´s magic.

Whispers breaking out all around the room, I suddenly preceive Genesis´ voice: „And you´d better count me out too."

Everyone in the commitee turning to look at the redhead now.

„And me too." There goes Angeal.

 _Brothers in arms then._


	23. Chapter 23

CHAPTER 23

LIGHTNING´S POV

Sephiroth wasn´t happy with me. After he had somehow managed to get me out of this mess I had gotten myself into, he had left the Shin-Ra headquarters and wasn´t seen for a total of 3 days.

Zack had told me how Sephiroth had fought to save my neck and I understood that he had risked a lot in there... I instantly felt a pang of guilt...

I knew he must be angry with me... very angry... and disappointed with my behaviour...

I knew I shouldn´t have acted so recklessly... I had acted without thinking... again.

It was for said reasons, that I wasn´t really looking foreward to face him, when on the 4th day after the conference, the General had ordered me into his office – to talk about my punishment.

I had a bad feeling pausing in front of his door – so not eager to feel his wrath.

„Enter." he ordered from inside. I hated the way he always knew I was there, even before knocking.

 _Let´s just go through with it..._ I thought to myself as I carefully opened the door to step into the cool of his air conditioned room.

Showing respect, I salutated – my eyes trained on the floor in remorse. I did´t dare look him in the eyes.

I spied him seated in the chair behind his desk from the corner of my eyes -staring at me – Masamune menacingly resting against the wall behind him. I had never seen him have Masamune out when he wasn´t in combat and I knew he had placed it there just to intimidate me... to make me even more uncomfortable.

„Look at me." he ordered, after a few minutes of silence.

After hesitating for just a second, I complied – meeting his gaze - cold killer eyes boring into my own, his facial expression completely devoid of emotion.

„Please... I.." I started tentatively, just to be silenced again.

„I don´t care for your words." He stated – matter-of-factly, staring me down – his hard gaze forcing me to look away again.

„Look at me when I´m talking to you." he spat at me and I could sense him getting angry again, really angry. This was dangerous territory I was walking on.

I fought the urge to appologize, while I forced myself to look up again. I bit back all the nasty retorts that I had formed inside my mind -ready to be thrown at him – knowing they could just as well be my last words. This was not the time for disrespectful beheaviour.

„I have thought of a challenge for you." he finally announced. „As you seemed so eager to leave SOLDIER just a few days ago, I want you to show me just how bad you want to stay.", I sensed a smirk threatening to show on his face, and I couldn´t help but swallow – trying to rid myself of the lump that had started to form in throat.

I couldn´t guess what kind of task he had in mind, but I could tell it was definitely not going to be a pleasant one.

„What is it, Sir?" my voice fragile, as I was not sure whether I was aloud to speak or not.

He laughed at me – his smile never reaching his eyes: „80 rounds on the running track tomorrow 11´o clock... no break... one round less and i´ll personally make sure you can clear your room before dinner time"

I averted my eyes once more – swallowing hard again, as I processed what he had just told me.

„Let´s call it a test of endurance." his voice cold as ice.

„But Sir, I´m not sure I can make it..." I tried, my voice slightly pleading, an attempt I knew was futile.

In fact, I highly doubted I could make it. 80 rounds were a lot and at this time of the year climate was clearly against me.

„I don´t care." Is all I got – and I instantly knew it was true.

* * *

SEPHIROTH´S POV

I knew the task I had set her would push her limits a lot...80 rounds... I wasn´t sure she could make it.

But she deserved them. Every single one of them. I couldn´t believe she had done something stupid like this.

She probably hadn´t realised how badly Shin-Ra and Lazard wanted her out... serving her head on a plate like that... to try and safe Cloud from the inevitable... his expulsion from SOLDIER was only a matter of time anyway...

I manage to resist the urge to slap her, as she is standing in front of me, not even able to look into my eyes... pathetic.

I don´t care for her empty words.. her feeble appologies.

I can´t put in words how angry and disappointed I am.

 _You´d better proof to me, I wasn´t doing the wrong thing, convincing them to let you stay..._


	24. Chapter 24

CHAPTER 24

LIGHTNING´s POV

It was the next day that I got ready to receive my punishment and I was already nervous as I knew it wasn´t only a punishment but also a trial. If I failed I was packing my stuff before dinner.

I hadn´t been able to get much sleep last night - tossing and turning, my mind not able to shut down.

80 rounds on the running track was a lot. I didn´t know whether I could make it. Zack had informed me that originally Sephiroth had intended to make me do 100, and that Angeal had thankfully talked Sephiroth into reducing it.

 _Great..._

I knew Sephiroth was angry with me for taking the blame – he didn´t understand what helping Cloud had meant to me. It meant that I was still human. Standing up for another. A concept he probably wasn´t human enough to grasp.

But I didn´t understand how after convincing Shin-Ra to let me stay, he was now eager to kick me out himself. It made no sense.

It was quarter to 11 o´clock in the morning, that I made my way out to the SOLDIER training groud, all my spectators already gathered. I could even make out the form of what must be Director Lazard on one of the top stands – he was probably eager to witness my failure from a seat in the front row – so he could notify me of my dismissal as early as possible. I spotted the first´s seated somewhere in the middle – Sephiroth glaring at me disapprovingly – probably thinking that this served me right - Genesis absorbed in that stupid book of his as usual and Angeal giving me an encouraging smile...

 _Thanks Angeal..._

I found Zack and Cloud in the first row - eager to support me and cheer me on. Without these two I would have cracked ages ago.

Upon entering I instantly noticed the climate, the weather apparently against me, with sunny cloudless skies above - temperatures of at least 30°C already.

 _Great._

I took a last sip of water before entering the running track that lead past the stands and around the SOLDIER training ground and I started to feel slightly nauseated.

 _How am I going to make this?_

„You can do it Light!", I heard Zack´s cheerful voice. I turned to look in those sky blue eyes – he was giving me an encouraging nod – a smile on his face. I tried hard to return the smile as I turned to take my position at the starting line, closing my eyes and trying to focus.

Zack had been there for me last night – listening to my tantrum – listening to me weeping – the two of us staying up late into the night. All the time he had tried to console me... to convince me that I could make it.

It would be tough, but I could do it. I had to.

 _Success´s an option. Failure´s not._

Taking one last deep breath, I opened my eyes and lifted my right foot to begin what was definitely going to be a long run.

* * *

LIGHTNING´S POV

It was already past noon and the thermometer was reaching 35°C – the midday sun turning the training grounds into a torrid desert. Cloud and Zack must have left the pitch about half an hour ago – I couldn´t blame them. I also noticed Director Lazard was gone. He had probably been bored.

 _Hah... he probably didn´t think I would last that long._

I had lost count of how many rounds I had already done as well as how many I still had to do – but I knew I wasn´t going to last much longer. I was already burnt out and exhausted and weak. I knew I was nearing the point of collapse fast.

I knew I was on the verge of breaking – as I was staggering to keep my body from hitting the ground. I knew once I fell I would be done for. I wouldn´t be able to get up anymore. Exhaustion and dehydration taking their toll on me.

* * *

„You know – you should probably go down and tell her … I mean she already passed her 90th round now..." Genesis suggested cautiously. He knew it would be dangerous to upset Sephiroth today.

„..." there was no reaction coming from Sephiroth whatsoever.

„Yeah Genesis is right... she´d had enough" Angeal agreeed, looking down at the small form of Lightning, in concern. She was still struggling to go on – she had been pushed far beyond her limits – oblivious to the fact that she had already succeeded. He didn´t understand what Sephiroth was playing at. It didn´t seem fair.

* * *

SEPHIROTH´S POV

I let no emotions show on my face as I ponder their words.

I´ve been watching her closely the past few rounds, waiting for her to break down any second, but she kept fighting. I couldn´t deny the fact that I was impressed.

I had actually waited for her to give up somewhere an hour ago, but she hadn´t.

I had expected her to beg me to let her stop about half an hour ago, but she hadn´t.

And althought I had seen her struggle and stumble – I even thought she was going to collapse at one point – she just kept going.

And even now, she didn´t ask me to let her stop.

I discovered that she was impossible to break. Her body might... at some point. But it was impossible to break her mind.

I realised that with every round she kept going, she had gained a little bit of my respect.

 _Maybe 90 rounds is enough after all._

* * *

LIGHTNING´s POV

I already felt light-headed, strained, ready to faint from dehydration and overexertion – not able to form a coherent thought anymore, but despite everything I kept going.

 _I´ve got to keep going._

I didn´t know what I was doing here anymore... or what I was doing this for anymore, I just knew I needed to keep going.

I felt dizzy and faint... I couldn´t even feel most of my body anymore... my feet heavy as lead as I tried to lift them one after the other – I was barely able to breathe anymore... strange whooshing noises in my ears... the borders of my vision strangely blurring and then darkening...

It was when the tip of my boot got caught in a bump on the ground for what had to be the thousandth time, that I was not able to regain my balance again – I did´t even realise what was happening when I hit the floor – my body crashing into the dirt face-first.

* * *

SEPHIROTH´s POV

She is barely able to catch her breath and on the verge of passing out, when finally I approach her.

She had pushed herself far beyond her limits – or maybe I had. It is then, that suddenly I feel a pang of guilt in my chest – all the anger and resentment I had felt the past few days vanishing into thin air, sympathy and self-loathing taking it´s place.

I somehow respect her.. for her endurance... for her determination... for her stubbornness...

 _...for her patience with me..._

I kneel down next to her and turn her around to lie on her back – her body limp – I bring my fingers to her wrist to check her racing pulse.

My eyes travelling to her dirty face – she had grazed her left cheek upon impact with the running track and her lips where chapped, her pinkish bangs sticking to her forehead, dripping with sweat – her eyelids fluttering weakly...

I study her face then move to gently lift her head.

* * *

LIGHTNING´S POV

I feel like floating... I try hard to stay in the present...

 _... I need to get up and run... I need to keep going... I´m not done yet..._

I don´t even realise I´m lying on the ground, my face buried in the dirt, when strong arms turn me on my back.

I feel my head gently being lifted by a hand supporting the back of my neck and then something solid and cool pressing against my lips.

„Drink."

It is an order.

I try hard to obey... but I can´t summon the strenght to move another muscle. I´m too weak. I´m just done.

I feel my conscious slip away as I only marginally preceive the soft touch of a hand, applying soothing cold water against my temples and onto my neck.

I don´t register him lifting me up in his arms, carrying my spent body back to the main building.

* * *

Another year shall pass before I am recommended for first class.


	25. Chapter 25

CHAPTER 25

LIGHTNING´S POV

After I had passed my „test of endurance", things got better - a lot – with Sephiroth finally acknoledging my existance as a human being, now taking the time and effort to train me for real instead of just beating the hell out of me – I was able to become the second class SOLDIER I had wanted to be.

I got stronger and more confident, sometimes even able to beat Zack while sparring.

Also I was assigned more important missions now – sometimes allowed to support Sephiroth and the others on top priority jobs.

I was finally getting used to sharing a room or sometimes even a bed with some of the guys while out on mission too, something that had felt kind of awkward in the beginning, but something I had had to arrange myself with – as this was the case almost everytime we had to spent a night outside the Shin-Ra headquarters.

Most of my missions were nothing to brag about - focusing on gathering some important information or retrieving items for the Shin-Ra science department. But each of them was a great opportunity to gather combat experience and also - as Zack was eager to point out almost twice a day – there might be the opportunity to do something heroic – something that would get us promoted to first class any day now. However I didn´t feel like doing anything heroic anytime soon.

I knew Zack was really excited about this topic – his upgrade to first class the next step on the ladder to reach his goal: to become a hero.

However I didn´t care to become a hero. The only reason I was here was to make money, to support myself and my family... I couldn´t shake off the feeling lately that with signing my employment contract over a year ago, I had sold more than my services to Shin-Ra... I had also sold out my soul..

I was oblivious to the fact that the others had actually bet on who would make first class first. Zack or me. Years later I should learn that Genesis had lost an horrendous amount of money to Sephiroth and Angeal that day – the day of my promotion. It was a good feeling to actually know that my sensei had believed in me after all... then again he might have only believed in his abilities as a trainer.

Cloud – besides all his private training with Genesis - still had not been made second class – a fact that greatly disturbed Genesis – who seemed to have given up on his apprentice some time ago now – obviously stamping him a lost case. But that didn´t seem to keep him from joining in on most of our off-time activities, Cloud still tugging along more often than not – probably the only thrid class to spend time with the seconds.

Now that I had finally managed to settle in, my stay at SOLDIER suddenly didn´t seem like hard work anymore, but instead had gotton a major part of my life, the people I worked with somehow becoming a substitute for the family I had lost a long time ago.

Although I didn´t dare to think about it much, I couldn´t deny the fact that my letters to Serah had gotton fewer and fewer, now that I had my social life back I had written less frequently. What was I to write about anyway? I woudn´t tell her details about my missions as these were top secret informations in the first place and also I didn´t want her to fear for my well being.

So I just kept sending her my paychecks – attaching small notes to them like „I love you" or „Take care".

I assured myself that in my current Situation, this was all I could do for her. And although I felt bad for not being able to be there for her, I at least was able to make sure I provided her with all the material goods she needed.

And that was what was most important now, wasn´t it?


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

LIGHTNING´S POV

We had set up camp in a clearing on a hill overlooking the vast, thick forest that seemed to stretch out endlessly around us.

They had sent us to the other end of Gaia, to the middle of nowhere - Sephiroth, Angeal, Genesis, Zack and me - to retrieve some important kind of materia that was supposed to be hidden away in an old underground bunker, located somewhere in this beautiful fairytale woods and I was delighted to finally be far away from Midgar and it´s Mako reactor´s toxic fumes... to finally breath some fresh, clean air again.. it felt like a relieve.

Only problem was, we hadn´t found any sign of anything even resembling an abandoned bunker yet.

Only God knows why they had sent all 5 of us to retrieve a single piece of materia – but this special piece of Materia was a top priority item, something they definately planned to transform into a weapon to end the war against Wutai. They were obviously expecting us to encounter resistance – either something that guided the treasure or attackers that might try and take that thing away from us on our way back...

 _I can only guess..._

The mood was cheerful and the weather was mild as we were sitting around the campfire Zack and I had built to keep us warm after dawn. Genesis had taken out his harmonica to play a joyful tune, while Angeal was roasting the young boar Sephiroth had hunted down earlier over the flames, using Zack´s SOLDIER katana as a makeshift skewer.

Zack kept singing along to the melody Genesis was generously providing us with – some ancient hiking song - while I had layn down in the grass, my arms folded under my head as a pillow, to look up at the stars twinkling in the beautiful nightsky above – there was not even a trace of a cloud in sight.

„Maybe you have missed your calling, Zack" I hear Sephiroth point out – barely hiding a chuckle – as he fills our cups from the bottle of red whine, Genesis had apparently carried along all the way from the last village we had stopped by to stock up on our supplies.

I hadn´t thought Sephiroth would ever approve of us consuming alkohol on a top priority mission, but this mission had turned out rather like a holiday trip than work anyway and he probably agreed on the fact that we could deal with an agressive squirrel or a murderous bunny – the only residents of this forest we had met so far being normal wildlife – with or without a glass of whine anyway.

Zack just gives him a „oh shut up" look – and focuses on his solo instead – while Angeal starts dissecting the now well-done pork – handing out pieces of meat to everyone – then breaking a huge loaf of bread into 5 equal parts for us, as a side dish.

„No really... lovely singing voice..." Sephiroth teases – receiving Zacks piece of bread hurled at his face in response, causing the rest of us to errupt in laughter – the incredoulous look displayed on his face, doing nothing to calm our cheerful mood -Sephiroth killing Zack with his eyes as he slowly but forcefully hands him back his piece of staple.

„Let´s eat guys.." Angeal suggests – trying to loosen up the situation.

„Bon appetit." Genesis sais, as everybody digs in hungryly.

As usual Angeal is the first to finish – packing together his cooking utensils and beginning to clean the plates and stuff.

„I think you missed your calling too" Zack tells Angeal... „You would have made an excellent cook." he points out, the others agreeing instantly.

Angeal shakes his head: „I AM an excellent cook" and all the others start to laugh again, even Sephiroth joining in. I had never seen him so cheerful, or participate in any social gathering whatsoever. It was a nice change to see him relax a bit.

„Yes you are..." Sephiroth says, his smile reaching his eyes for once.

„Well, then I should have become a poet, or at least an actor!" Genesis announces, obviously elated.

„Oh no, not that again" I hear Angeal and Sephiroth complain in unision.

„You should have become a dyke." Sephiroth teases again, earning a kick from Genesis in return. He doesn´t even bother to hit back.

I briefly wonder what got him in such a good mood today.

„Oh hear who´s talking, Mr. I-wear-my-hair-like-a-girl over there." Genesis retorts – pouring another round of red whine for everybody, then downing the rest of the 2,5 Litre bottle on his own.

I empty the rest of my beverage to wash down the remainders of my dinner, then resume my position on my back again.

I feel Zack lying down next to me – the fire burnt down now, only a faint, orange glow – handing me a blanket, which I gladly throw over my body to hopefully keep me warm over the night - the others getting themselves comfortable for the night too.

I feel the whine warming my body, an irrational happiness spreading inside of me as Zack suddenly points to the sky above. „Look a shooting star!" he says excitedly.

„I want to become a SOLDIER first class." He says – turning his head to look at me expectantly, „What is your wish, Light?"

„You´re not supposed to tell others about your wishes, Zack... or they wont come true..." I point out, jokingly.

Thinking about it I realise there is nothing I wish for. Of course I want to lead a good life... to not die a painful death on one of my missions soon... I want Serah to be safe...

I don´t have any desires for myself at all... in my situation it was pointless to have dreams anyway...

„What I want most is the gift of the goddess..." Genesis informs us, his voice turning poetric again. I hear Sephiroth and Angeal groan in frustration...

„There he goes again." Angeal states.

 _I wish that Serah leads a happy and fulfilled life..._ I think to myself as I look up to the stars above.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

LIGHTNING´S POV

After several days of useless prowling around in the woods we finally found a trail.

In order to not waste another week of precious time, Sephiroth decided for us to split up. Genesis, Zack and Angeal following the path in the direction of south, while Sephiroth and I headed north.

It took us about two days until the the top of a small mountain came into view.

„If anywhere, we´ll find the bunker there." Sephiroth says motioning to a region of blank, white rock – where there must be something like a stone quary.

I don´t know what makes him so sure, but who am I to question his motives.

„Let´s rest here and continue there to investigate tomorrow." he instructs, setting down his stuff. „It is getting dark anyway."

I don´t care for the uphold. I am thankful for the rest – my feet hurting terribly from days of walking already.

Sephiroth starts to set up our camp, while I roam the neighbouring thicket for firewood. Only about 100 meters away I find a small creek, sourrounded by bushes of berries and I take a short rest there, taking off my boots to let the cool refreshing water soothe my sore feet. I restash on my water supply and collect some berries for us to eat later... as a desert.

I start on making a fire immediately after my return – Sephiroth already had gotton out our blankets and the last bits of the rabbit we had had for dinner yesterday. He had placed himself in front of the makeshift fireplace – staring into the crackling fire pensively – the flames painting beautiful shadows on the pale skin of his face.

I continue to watch him from the corner of my eyes as I prepare our dinner – studying his features, I can´t help but notice how handsome he actually looked when he was at peace... relaxed.

 _If it weren´t for his character..._

Sometimes I wonder what must have happened to him... in order to become like... like he is now.

We consume our food without conversation and then settle down for the night. I make to study the nightsky once more – hoping to see a wishing star again – but I´m not lucky and in the end my fatigue wins over as I fall asleep.

* * *

LIGHTNING´S POV

I don´t know how much time had passed, but it is still dark when I wake up – to find Sephiroth´s place on his blanket empty – the moonlight dipping our resting place in it´s creepy pale light.

Confused, I get up to look around for my sensei – I find the silhuette of him seated on a rock some distance away. He had taken out Masamune - which rests on his lap - carressing it´s blade – his long silver hair sparkling in the moonlight – he seems deep in thought about something.

I feel a strange invisible force inside me, urging me to approach him, to join him in his nighttime musings, but I know better than to disturb the first class General. Sneaking up on him like that... he´d probably kill me for just standing here and watching.

Without risking him detecting me a second longer, I turn on my heels to go back to sleep.

* * *

SEPHIROTH´s POV

Deep in thought, I run the fingers of my now ungloved left hand over the blade of my Masamune – feeling it´s sharp edge slide against my fingertips.

I don´t know what we are going to find tomorrow – but somehow I have a bad feeling about this whole thing. This materia. I didn´t know what they wanted it for or what it was actually able to do, but I knew it must be something powerfull... something important to them, or they wouldn´t have sent us... they wouldn´t have sent me.

For some reason they wanted me to retrieve it for them. Shortly before our departure they had told me to head north, once we found the old path. They had told me to look for the forgotten entry in the vicinity of a stony quary.

For some reason they wanted me to know all that, withholding the information from Angeal and Genesis... which had been the reason I sent them in the other direction in the first place.

However I hadn´t sent away Lightning. Something I regretted now. I shouldn´t have taken her with me – endangering her like this... but it would have looked suspicious had I taken that path alone... and somehow... I just wanted her close.

I had somehow gotton used to her presence – with us being on so many missions together now – she didn´t even annoy me anymore...

 _She..._

I suddenly sense a presence behind me, causing me to turn around fast– lifting Masamune – ready to slaughter whoever was there... but I can´t find anybody.

I was probably imagining things.

I take it as a sign to try and go to sleep again – knowing already that sleep would evade me anyway. I make my way back to camp and lie down on my side, watching Lightning´s sleeping form breathing evenly... her presence somehow calming my restless mind.

* * *

LIGHTNING´S POV

It is the next morning that we approach the quary and find the entry to the hidden bunker. We need to use plastic explosives to enter through the heavily armoured door.

Once inside, Sephiroth lights a torch to guide the way into what is revealed to be a labyrinth of narrow, dark corridors – the walls lined with tons of tubes and cables... it isn´t a place I planned to stay a second longer than necessary – the musty air choking me – a rat squeeking in surprise, scaring the living daylights out of me.

I didn´t like it... and I could tell Sephiroth didn´t either... I could sense how tense he was. He had seemed tense and pensive last night too...

...It usually didn´t mean anything good...

* * *

SEPHIROTH´S POV

I don´t know how I am able to find my way through the many intersections and tunnels leading in different directions every few meters, but I let my instincts guide me deep into the heart of the mountain and I am not disappointed as we descend another flight of stairs, an eary greenish glow greeting us from the bottom – I know we have nearly reached our destination.

* * *

LIGHTING´S POV

We finally reach a vast cave-like hall – the walls wet and earthy – nothing in there but a podest in the middle of the room, bearing an intensly shining sphere about the size of a golf ball, lying in a case connected with tubes – the origin of the eerie glow that illuminates the room.

I can´t rip my eyes away from it, as I approach the thing we have apparently come for.

Once there – I slowly reach out a hand to touch it. I am only a centimeter away from it´s slightly puslating surface, when I feel my wrist grabbed by Sephiroth´s gloved hand, pulling me back.

„Don´t..." he warns me, his voice soft.

I turn to look into his eyes questioningly – his face illuminated by the unearthly gleam – his eyes two sparkling Mako green orbs – focused on the thing in front of me.

I step aside as he approaches it himself and I watch - spellbound - as he hesitantly reaches forward to touch it´s mesmerizing surface.

I realise I´ve been holding my breath, letting out a relieved whoosh of air as upon contact, nothing fatal seemed to happen.

He looks at me briefly – as to ask for advise – I just nod at him – encouraging him to continue whatever he was doing – then he cautiously grabs the globe in his hand and lifts it out of it´s socket.

The moment it disconnects from it´s encasement, the eery glow vanishes – leaving us blinded in darkness. I am disorientated for a second – jumping – my heart involuntaryly quickening it´s pace. I take out Blaze Edge ready to defend myself, when suddenly with a dull rumble the ground begins to shake, parts of the ceiling collapsing – threatening to bury us alive. Staggering - I cry out in shock and fear – but am silenced instantly when a strong hand grabs my shoulder to steady me.

As suddenly as it had started it ceased again.

I breathe a sigh of relieve as Sephiroth, releasing me, lights another torch – illuminating his face in it´s reddish light - most of it swallowed by the vast emptyness of the cave.

„What was that?!" I manage, my voice shaky.

„Sshhh.." he silences me – signalling to me to shut up – looking around warily.

My heart pounding violently in my chest – I look around the cave too – squinting my eyes to try and see something...anything at all … panic rising inside my chest.

 _… I need to get out of here... out of this fucking mountain – back to the surface..._

I panickingly search for the stairs - the way to the exit where we have come from, when suddenly the earth shakes again and with a deafening roar the back wall of the cave bursts open – revealing an adjoining room and a huge machine – a giant mechanical fighter – armed with numerous razorsharp blades in place of it´s hands – ready to pounce at us.

I don´t dare to move... I can´t move as I am rooted to the spot again, staring at the thing in a mixture of shock and disbelieve. My body acting on it´s own, I lift Blaze Edge – putting it into gun mode and aiming at what I perceive as the thing´s eyes, I pull the trigger. Once. twice. The bullets causing the glassy pupils to explode – shards raining everywhere. Not a good idea, I realise as the thing roars out in rage, lifting it´s deadly weapons menacingly and making to slowly close the distance between us.

„Here, you take it." Sephiroth instructs, as he hands me over the orb – not thinking twice I put it into my pocket.

Then he hands me the torch as well.

„Lightning... get out of here." he suddenly tells me. He doesn´t look at me, busy taking out Masamune – grabing it´s handle with both his hands – getting into fighting stance.

„I.." I try to refuse.

I wouldn´t leave him here... not alone... not against this huge beast... not without the torch... in complete darkness...

* * *

SEPHIROTH´S POV

This thing is just too huge and strong.

„Don´t wait for me." I instruct. I can see the hesitation and concern in her eyes, but I couldn´t risk her getting injured... I didn´t posess powers such as Angeal´s. Once she´d get hurt there was nothing I could do to help her.

„That´s an order!" I tell her – emphatizing my last words – and she turns to run.

I watch her form fade as she runs for the stairs – taking with her the only bit of light we have – immersing the cave and me and everything around into complete darkness.


	28. Chapter 28

CHAPTER 28

LIGHTNING´S POV

I made it to the exit, dashing out of the suffocating maze of tunnels and into the blinding daylight. I took deep breaths, eager to fill my lungs with fresh air again. I let my eyes adjust...but I couldn´t bear to run away any further.

He might need me once he got out of there.

 _... if he gets out of there..._

I couldn´t imagine how he was going to beat that thing down there, completely blind... it seemed an impossible task... even for him.

Having nothing else to do I just tried to calm down, standing there in the bright sunlight - waiting - my eyes never left the entry - hoping to detect the faintest sound of approaching footsteps, but none came.

After some time I felt the earth shake again - a low rumble coming from inside... from far below...

I felt my heart beating against my ribcage violently as I started to panick.

 _What am I to do?_

 _I need to go down and help him..._

I had a hard time resisting the urge to just go back inside.

 _He´s fighting down there blind..._

I felt the desperate need to go in there and check on him, disobeing a direct order... I didn´t care.

But however, even if I had the guts to go in there, I doubted I would find my way back to the cave on my own... probably getting lost in there, never to make it to the surface again.

So I kept waiting.

It took excrutiatingly long, but in the end I saw him stagger up the stairs to the exit.

I immediately notice something is wrong.

He approaches the gates, his right hand pressed to his side - where he is obviously injured - in the other one dragging Masamune after him, it´s tip leaving a deep groove in the stone floor.

 _I don´t know what had happened down there, but I know it certainly took a lot for him to get hurt..._

I don´t care to hide my emotions, worry etched all over my face, as I hurry over to his side.

He´s leaning against the walls for support, panting heavily - dropping his sword, which lands with a clatter on the ground a few feet away.

„You´r injured!" I blurt out, reaching out to steady his stumbling form, but then deciding against it as he brings up one of his hands to stop me. „It´s just a scrape," he assures me.

I can see it is definitely more than just that, but I don´t dare to touch him anyway. Injured he might be, but he was proably still the most dangerous person to cross on the planet.

Not knowing what to do either, I just watch him as he stands there his eyes closed - he seems deep in concentration - as his breathing evens.

* * *

SEPHIROTH´S POV

I force my lungs to take deep calming breaths to block the pain from paralyzing my mind - concentrating hard to use my Jenova cell´s powers to close the long gash I had received in my side earlier.

Fighting blind was one thing. I could rely on my instincs to guide me effortlessly. But fighting an approximately 2 tons heavy monstrous machine with 6 arms of razorblade sharp weapons blind was something else entirely.

I know I had barely gotten out of this alive this time, but I had... and that was what mattered.

And I had ensured that Lightning and the materia where safe.

 _Good._

Now my job here is done, time to focus on the matter at hand again. I gather my concentration again as I force my degenerated cells to work their magic on the numerous internal injuries I had received in the fight. It drains me a lot, like always... but better weak than dead.

Finally done for the moment, I stretch my body and open my eyes - spying Lighning in the attempt to pick up Masamune... hilarious.

 _It´s no use. Noone else but me can lift it._

I chuckle slightly, then make my way over to help her out.

„Need a hand?" I ask her, my voice slightly mocking as I pick it up easily, using my storage materia to vanish it with a swift motion of my arm.

I catch her staring at me, her mouth slightly opened in surprise - disbelieve written all over her face - at my sudden recovery.

I feel the earth shake again and we stumble away from the entry of the now collapsing shelter – as I take out my phone to hit the familiar sequence of digits, the number I had dialed a countless times already.

„I´ve got what you want – now come and get us." is all I say as I let myself fall to my knees – exhaustion finally getting the better of me.

I would have to pay a visit to floor 67 again once we returned to headquarters...

 _Hojo will be thrilled to see me, I´m sure._


	29. Chapter 29

CHAPTER 29

LIGHTNING´S POV

It was December the 31th , that I stood infront of my private bathroom mirror again - trying to style my hair into an updoe to look a bit more female - a bit more festive. I couldn´t believe another year had passed so fast.

This time I was not going to feel stupid and out of place in front of the others, wearing my SOLDIER uniform, while the other girls sported festive gowns. No. This time I was prepared. I had not only made the effort to visit Midgar´s noblest tailor to obtain the most beautiful gown I had ever owned, I had also bought a small assembly of make up, as well as matching shoes for the occasion. The first time I actually used my wages to buy something for myself - being provided with everything I needed from Shin-Ra anyway. I felt a little bad at not sending all of my money back home. But I had received double wages for december anyway.

I wished Serah could be here to witness my transformation- as I put on the dark purple dress, it´s silky fabric caressing my skin, and started to apply a light coat of makeup - and maybe to help me with my hair and makeup. She always loved to do stuff like this. I guess I had never had the time or patience for it.

I checked my appearance in the mirror a final time - I liked how the dress was accentuating my female attributes without being too revealing - before I put on the matching kitten heeled shoes and made my way to the elevators. It felt kind of difficult, walking in these shoes - as I was used to wearing my combat boots about 24/7 now.

I feel awkward and also self-conscious in these clothes and I almost turn to go back to my room to change into my SOLDIER uniform, when suddenly a „BING" announces the elevators arrival, it´s doors opening only a second later.

„Ah good evening Mademoiselle..." I am promptly greeted by the sight of Heidegger - some important member of the Public Safety Department - his belly protuding heavily from his forest green suit. People say he´d been after Lazard´s position for ages.

I nearly cringe in disgust, as the fat old lech lets his luscivious gaze roam my body unrestricted. „What gives me the pleasure of sharing this ride with a beautiful girl like yourself?" he inquires - inching nearer with every word.

Pervert...

„Second Class SOLDIER Lightning, making my way up to the New Year´s celebrations, Sir!" I inform him, quickly salutating and then hitting the „up" button.

„Ahh..I´ve heard about you of course... so finally I have the pleasure to meet you face to face" he sais, his voice sickly-sweet, a wide grin on his face.

„The pleasure is on my side, Sir!" I answer, out of courtesy.

„Stand easy SOLDIER, no need to maintain formalities in here, heh?" his sais, his eyes twinkling at me suggestively.

„Thank you, Sir." I try to stay neutral as I dearly wish the elevator would just speed up.

„A beautiful young girl like you isn´t going to attend this party alone, heh? You can join me of course.. we could have a little...private party..."...

Fortunately I am saved the discomfort of finding an answer to this - no dubt - immoral offer of his, as the doors open and I immediately find myself face to face with Cloud - who had been leaning next to the elevator - persumeably waiting for Tifa.

„There you are Cloud..." I throw myself at him, eager to escape Heidegger´s advances, whom I had left to find himself another plaything.

„Hey Cloud - who is the beauty you´ve braught?" I hear Zack´s voice ask playfully as he approaches us.

„Huh?! Wha -aat - Wait..Lightning?" He splutters, obviously surprised, as he takes in my appearance. „Is that you!?", rubbing his eyes in disbelieve.

I can´t stifle a giggle at his childish antics as I hit him on the shoulder - hard - to confirm my identity.

„Shit, I need to call Aerith and tell her I´ve found myself another date", he jokes - twinkling his eyes at me playfully. „No serious Light - you look great!"

I can´t help but feel my self-esteem boost, as I make my way over to where I had spied the firsts at the bar. Zack and Cloud following a few steps behind, I catch Cloud whispering to Zack: „Fuck, she´s hot!"

I can´t help but smile.

I was not used to this kind of attention. It was a nice change to receive compliments for my apperance, for once.

And I shall receive more and more of them as the night continues - Angeal telling me how stunningly beautiful I looked - Genesis´ mouth gaping open in astonishment as he lays eyes on me - probably taking me for the personification of the goddess of his beloved poem.

I can´t find Sephiroth anywhere... _Looks like him to evade a social event like this_.

Genesis turns to order shots for all of us and we have our first round of many more to come, as we are making fun of the other party guests, the atmosphere cheerful and festive - so unlike last year.

This time I am in the middle of the partying crowd as the countdown reaches zero and people scream on the top of their lungs to greet the new year - I am provided with sparkling whine and hugged by Zack and Tifa as well as several other random people and I even receive a peck on the cheek from Cloud - something all the others find rather amusing. But I don´t care - the alcohol making me ready to burst with bliss and happyness - feeling part of this - belonging... Partying with my friends, as the firework tinges our faces in glowing pinks and greens.

I don´t think about home once.

* * *

It is 3 o´clock in the morning and the crowd had begun to scatter, some people having left already. I am pretty wasted - Genesis continuous donation of shots had finally gotton to me. My feet hurt and I am slightly light-headed, dazed, but I feel comfortable and save... protected as I snuggle into the safety of Zack´s embrace as we slowly sway to the music on the dancefloor. My arms are around his neck and my cheek is resting on his collarbone - I can feel the warmth of his body - the stubble on his jaw tickling my forehead as his head rests on my own. I revel in the feeling of his strong arms around me.

I don´t remember the details about how we had ended up like this, but I feel blissful and content... something I can´t remember feeling for a very long time. I don´t want that song to stop... ever. I stumble over my own feet once more, but it doesn´t matter, for Zack is here with me, he would never let me fall...

* * *

SEPHIROTH´S POV

I can tell Angeal is hungry again as he is stuffing his mouth with huge amounts of peanuts and other snacks available at the bar. I take my place next to him, my eyes glued to the closely entwined couple of Lightning and Zack on the dancefloor, unable to look away. My gaze lingers on Zack´s hand resting on the small of her back - my eyes narrowing involuntaryly. I feel like cutting it off with my Masamune.

„I always said they would make a nice couple..." Genesis states matter-of-factly - motioning towards the two of them.

I feel my chest tighten uncomfortably, followed by the nearly irresistable urge to rip his head off.

„Hey, Zack´s here with me after all!" Aerith pipes up from next to Genesis, who turns to look at her, giving her the „who are you anyway?" look.

„He´s just dancing with her out of pity... because she has noone!" she explains, her voice full of spite - I wouldn´t have expected her to be the bitchy kind.

„What kind of guy would want a girl like her... she´s probably lesbian anyway..."she continues. Genesis is only raising an eyebrow at that. With her homophobic behaviour Aerith had probably hit a nerve. It was not that Genesis was gay or anything. It was just that despite having a whole fanclub of horny women, that man was rarely seen in female company.

A soft sigh escapes me... _I don´t know whats wrong with me lately. It must be the alcohol._

Angeal seems to catch on pretty fast as he follows the direction of my gaze.

„Why don´t you just go over and dance with her instead?" he suddenly suggests, turning in my direction to block out the others from listening into our little conversation - looking at me knowingly.

 _Fuck, is it really that obvious? I need to get a grip on myself..._

„You´ve got to be kidding me..." I growl at him, ripping my eyes away from the source of my predicament - incredulously staring at Angeal instead.

 _He didn´t just say that, did he?_

* * *

LIGHTNING´s POV

I revel in the feeling of Zack´s arms around me when suddenly we are interrupted by Aerith:

„Zack... don´t you want to dance with ME?!" I hear accusation in her voice and maybe jealousy as I realise that Zack wasn´t here with me... he was here with Aerith...he was with Aerith anyway...

 _What am I doing?!_

Shaking my head as I take a few steps away from him - attempting to clear my head - staggering slightly, trying hard to keep my balance.

„I´m sorry" I manage as I retreat further. Zack looks back at me over his shoulder, an apologetic look in his eyes, while Aerith is dragging him to the middle of the dancefloor - starting to make out with him immediately, obviously marking her territory.

 _Ugh..._

 _I didn´t mean to steal him away from you or anything!_ I yell at her inside my head. _Or did I?_

I saw Heidegger amuse himself with Scarlet of the Weapon Developement Department, who´s red dress had ridden up all the way to expose her thighs, and Cissney from the Turks dance with Tseng, both of them wearing their naivy blue buisness suits. I´ve heard they where officially an item now.

Feeling kind of lost as I stand there on the dancefloor abandoned, I feel tears stinging my eyes...I needed to pull myself together... _what was wrong with me today?_

I catch my sensei looking at me from the first´s place over at the bar, our eyes locking for a brief moment and I instantly feel humiliated and pathetic standing there alone .. I decide I can´t stay there a second longer, so I turn and take to leave.

It is about half past 3 when I make it to my private quarters. I take off my dress and let it fall to the ground to settle in front of my bed - cold and empty.

The lonelyness... the emptyness of my built for 6 people room... bringing depressing thoughts to the surface of my mind, as I realise that I have noone.. _NOONE!_

I scream out in my head, not a sound heard in the vacated room, tears falling now - I don´t care to hold them back.

I hate myself for feeling so weak. Being lonely was not a bad thing. I didn´t have problmes with it normally... but now it just hurt. Without going to the bathroom I let myself fall onto my thin matrass, blaming my emotional outburst on the excessive comsumption of alcohol.

 _Thank you Genesis._

* * *

It was about 5 o´clock in the morning, Sephiroth, Cloud and Zack had already left and the sun had already started to set, that Genesis approached Angeal, who was casually leaning against the banister watching the sunset, his forehead wrinkled in a frown as he was contamplating the recent events.

„What is bothering you my dear friend?" Genesis asked in his poetrc voice, placing himself next to Angeal.

„It´s nothing..." Angeal assured his childhood friend.

„Nothing, huh?" Genesis wondered doubtfully.

„It´s just about Sephiroth and... Lightning..." Angeal carefully voiced the subject of his thoughts.

„Sephiroth´s sourrounded by women... what is reamarkable about that...?!" Genesis taunted.

Yeah...what was remarkable about that... Angeal thought. Sephiroth had himself sourrounded with women whenever on pubic display - something that went hand in hand with his good looks and war hero status.

But seeing Sephiroth care... seeing him show what could be interpretated as traces of jealousy ... of feelings... for someone... for another human being... that was something very remarkable indeed.


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

LIGHTNING´S POV

Luckily that night on the top of the Shin-Ra building hadn´t changed anything between Zack and me. However I couldn´t shake off the feeling that ever since then, Angeal had been watching me closely - going pensive whenever his eyes fell upon me.

I didn´t know what had driven me to do such desperate things on the New Years Eve celebration, but well if anybody Genesis was the one to blame - handing out drinks like candy.

It was kind of awkward though when one day Zack approached me, Cloud following closely behind - I knew they were up to something immediately - to invite me to join their party on Valentines day.

I declined immediately.

 _No way._

New Year´s eve had been humiliating enough. I was certainly not going to attend their public make out session on my least favourite day of the year - just another reminder of my lonelyness.

 _Just no way._

So instead of joining their little get together, I settled for a nice calm evening in the gym - which I had all for myself, everybody else had apparently left the nest for some celebration.

 _Hmpf._

Feeling down again, I decided to let the day end early as I went to sleep quarter past 9.

* * *

SEPHIROTH´S POV

I don´t know what had driven me to join their stupid party again as we are squeezed against the counter of the run down bar in the heart of the sector 7 slums.

Genesis is buying drinks like mad as always - it is only a matter of time before he starts quoting from Loveless again...

 _I can´t wait for it..._

I am in the middle of a discussion with Angeal about the ridiculously wide sword of his, he never seemed to use, that I see the door open and a shock of spiky blonde hair appear in the doorway. I hold my breath as I watch Cloud enter, closely followed by Zack who´s hand in hand with... Aerith.

I feel relieve wash over me as I slowly let out the breath I had forgotten I had been holding... I had half expected Lightning to show up as Zack´s date.

 _Stupid..._

Ridiculous, I know.

 _What does it matter to me anyway..._

 _Zack can spend his nights with whoever he wants..._ I think to myself.

 _...Everybody but her..._

I realise I feel disappointed though, as it is obvious that she isn´t with them... as I watch them making their way to a booth in the corner without her... when I comprehend that she wont be here tonight.

Part of me wants to see her.

Part of me wishes she were here.

Part of me wonders where she is instead...what she is doing now... is she meeting somebody else, or did she stay back at Shin-Ra headquarters alone?...

Part of me tells my other parts to shut up... and just let it drop. It is non of my buisness. I am not to care... about her... about anybody.

* * *

It was late already, with midnight approaching fast - Genesis had already gotten past his „quoting" phase and was now moving on to his „I´m an insufferable jerk" mode relatively fast.

I had left him in Angeal´s care - who didn´t seem happy with the circumstances at all - and headed to the bar to get myself something strong... something to sedate me enough to ensure the other´s survival - should I have to stay here much longer.

I watched the big-boobed barkeeper pour me a drink - not realising I had taken a place next to Cloud, who appearantly was drunk enough to attempt to engage me in a conversation.

Sure... Cloud had something going on with that girl... Tifa... I faintly remembered her from the New Year´s Eve celebration.

Eager to escape Genesis´constant nagging, I opt to listen to Cloud instead who is ranting on about how hard a time he is having, relieving the outskirts of the city of bugs and other vermin...

 _Like I care..._

I nod here and there to encourage his unceasing flow of words - barely listening, as I watch Angeal and Genesis talk animatedly to some middle- aged women, wearing barely anything but make-up and high-heels... obviously fangirls... or maybe skanks... throwing themselves at my first class comrades.

Genesis catches my eyes excitedly - motioning for me to follow, as Angeal and the girls make their way upstairs to where I know, were several seperated rooms free for us to use. A service of the bar that we had used countless times in the past - they call it 7th heaven for a reason - but somehow I don´t feel like it.

 _Not today._

I feel ready to throw up as I watch Genesis and Angeal ascend the creaking wooden staircase, closely followed by 4 of the fangirls- their faces lit up in anticipation of what was about to come.

 _Never again._

* * *

LIGHTNING´S POV

I knew my plans of going to bed early where doomed the second my body hit my bunk - my mind restless and brooding.

Instead of escaping that dreadful day as fast as possible - I lay there - tossing and turning but finding no sleep.

It was no use.

Everytime I closed my eyes instead of darkness, I saw his beautiful Mako eyes - boring into my own - reminding me of how pathetic I was.


	31. Chapter 31

CHAPTER 31

LIGHTNING´S POV

It was some weeks later, during one of my private lessons with Sephiroth, that I was rather upset. It was just another session in the simulation training room, but this time I was getting nowhere.

I was having a hard time; conquering a simulation of Midgar, fitted with numerous opponents waiting to get slayed, I had bested about 5 times already. It should have been easy now, but somehow it felt hard to concentrate with that little fact constantly present in the back of my mind: that today was Serah´s 17th birthday. The birthday I had promised I would attend...

I couldn´t stop the image of her disappointed face float in front of my inner eyes again and again - I had broken my promise... I had let her down.

It is when I make my way to the sector 1 Train station, that I am attacked by the huge Behemoth that had been waiting there for me - catching me off guard... I should have known it was there - it had been all the previous runs. But I was too distracted... unable to focus.

I don´t have time to mentally scold myself, as I am instantly thrown to the floor - trying to shield my face with Blaze Edge again, as the beast pounces at me - ready for impact - when suddenly the simulation freezes - Sephiroth approaching me, obviously displeased with my performance.

„What is it today? You´ve mastered this simulation numerous times already. If I remember correctly, you didn´t have any problems last time... I actually chose it as a warm up for you..." he says, his eyes inquiring instant explication.

I opt to ignore his question. I feel embarassed. I try to get up from my postition under the charging beast, accepting the hand he had offered for support - I let him pull me up into a standing position - my eyes trained on my feet.

„You have something on your mind," he observes - his voice soft - I notice his hand lingering on my own maybe a second too long.

I turn my head to look up into his eyes, his expression questioning - encouraging me to spill the beans.

 _Since when does he care..._

„What is it...?" he insists.

I sight in defeat. I don´t understand why he´s so eager to find out, but now that he is, he´ll get it out of me anyway.

„It´s Serah´s Birthday..." I disclose - my voice barely a whisper, as I feel tears stinging my eyes. I try to force my emotions away - I shudder to think of what he´d think of me if I dared to cry about something like this in front of him. He wouldn´t understand. He didn´t have family.

I look away again - moving to pick up Blaze Edge from where I had left it on the floor - brushing imaginary dust off its hilt.

„I promised her I would be there... for her Birthday. This time..." I explain, as I bring up my gunblade, going into fighting stance again - trying to get myself together and ready to engage the beast once more, hopefully ending this uncomfortable conversation.

„What are you doing here then? ... Why didn´t you ask Lazard for a few days off, I can´t remember you taking a day off since you joined." he asks, frowning as he moves over to adjust my footing.

I chuckle. I didn´t remember him taking a day off either.

I still watch my feet, while he steps around me - probably to inspect my stance.

I can feel his arm brush my side as he reaches over from behind, to adjust my grip on my weapon - making me shiver slightly.

I hadn´t realised he´d been standing so close.

„I did..." I inform him. „But Lazard wouldn´t let me go...he insisted on my presence... he said I couldn´t leave now... with the Wutai war and everything..."

I can feel his body close, as he is standing behind me - his chest only centimeters from my back - his gloved hand resting on my own, as he corrects the way I place my hands on Blaze Edge´s hilt.

„You shouldn´t put your hands so close together... Put them like this to attack with optimal force..." he instructs - lightly squeezing my hand to push it into the proper position. I feel his breath against the back of my neck - causing tiny goosebumps to erupt all over my skin.

I can´t remember him touching me like this before - gentle. I feel the strange pull to lean back - to let my body relax against his chest, to feel his arms wrap around me... to just escape this bleak reality that was my life these days...

I experience a strange feeling of loss when finally he steps away.

„Much better..." he states, his voice buisness-like again.

„Are you ready?" he asks, making his way out of my battle range... obviously oblivious of what he´s doing to me.

 _What is wrong with me lately?_

I force my mind away from my daydreams - they were taking alarming directions these days anyway - and back to the fight, I am actually ment to prepare myself for right now.

„Ready." I say, my voice determined and the scene around me jumps back to live.


	32. Chapter 32

CHAPTER 32

LIGHTNING´S POV

My letters to Serah had gotten less and less over the past months, and they seemed to have ceased completely after I hadn´t shown up on her birthday like I had promised – sending an expensive gift instead – I had assured her I would be there next time... but I guess it was no use.

I continued to send her the money though, so she could get on with her live. But I had broken my promise and disappointed her. I didn´t want to bother her with my useless appologies and my feeble excuses.

She coudn´t understand. I wanted to see her. I wanted to be there for her - badly. But I couldn´t leave here.

Not just like that.

* * *

It was about half a year later and I was crouching on the dirty floor of my new prison cell, as I looked up to watch the nightsky through my small metal grilled window. I gave a long bored sight and tried to strech my legs as far as possible as the confining walls would allow.

 _I hadn´t thought about Serah in a long time._

I didn´t know how long I had been locked in here already, but in my opinion it was far too long anyway.

„Lightning are you awake?" I hear Zack´s voice from the neighbouring cell.

I consider pretending not to hear him, but then give a grunt to indicate that I´m listening.

„I think they are coming..." he says. The faint sound of helicopter rotors in the distance, indicating that indeed he was right.

 _Good._

We had been waiting for the firsts all night - our mission to let ourself get captured by the wutai forces and hope they´d bring us inside their well protected fortress, to then release ourself of our captivity and - disguised as Wutai guards - let in the others and together... finish off the enemy. At least that was what I thought.

This was easy infiltration strategy. Almost too easy. The Wutai knew the faces of Sephiroth and the others. They´ve heard of them after all... but they didn´t know Zack nor me - a fact that would definitely change tonight.

Well that was probably the reason why SOLDIER didn´t take captives.

 _We just kill everything that moves._

Slowly I try to get up and take out the little package of C4 that Zack and I had managed to smuggle in, concealed in the hidden pocket of our SOLDIER trousers.

I place it over the lock in the door as I had been intructed, placing the timer on 5 seconds.

„Ready?" I hear Zack´s voice again.

„Ready." I answer, my voice determined, as I hit the timer and hurry off to the back wall, shielding my head with my arms as a deafening bang indicates my liberation.

I hurry out of the cell instantly and teaming up with Zack, kill the first wutai guards to come to look at the commotion. We put on their cloaks as fast as we can and stuff their lifeless bodys back into our cells, then we make our way up the stairs.

It is only seconds before we encounter other wutai guards.

„What happened?!" one of them yells at us.

„An explosion!" I choke out, trying the best I can to make my voice sound shocked and scared.

 _Genesis´ acting talents must have been useful at some point in his carrier._

„What about the captives!?" the other inquires, getting nervous.

„There are bodies inside the cells..." I hear Zack speak up. It is not a lie.

The others hurrying past us to investigate, we make our way up to another corridor, than find our way outside into the yard.

I can see the heavily secured gates at the other side of the court, but this is not where the others are going to get inside. There was a hidden passage, a backdoor they used to sneak in and out in case of emergency. This door, albeit protected was going to be conquered easily. This door we needed to find.

 _But where to start._

Trying not to act conspicious, we sneak along the wall, when suddenly we are caught.

„Don´t dare to move you Shin-Ra lapdogs, you are discovered!" I hear a female voice shout, but I can´t make out it´s origin.

Turning to inspect the closer vicinity – I am suddenly attacked by a small girl. Without thinking I turn to welcome her with a final blow of Blaze Edge but Zack - last second - blocks me.

„Calm down... She is only a child..." he tells me - trying to talk some reason into me – aghast at what I had been about to do just a moment ago.

I try to calm my adrenaline infused body... _Was I just about to kill an innocent child?_

 _She isn´t innocent_ , I argue in my mind, _she is Wutai... and she attacked me..._

„Hey young Lady... what do you think you are doing?" Zack asks in a playful tone, holding the girl at arms lenght, who is struggling to get free with all her might.

„I am Yuffie Kisaragi – the most powerful Ninja in all of Wutai – and now I have blown your cover – you are going to feel the wrath of Wutai´s greatest warrior!" she shouts, kicking Zack in the shin hard with one of her sandals, who yelps out in pain - like the puppy he is – dropping her small frame in the process.

„For the glory of Wutai" she yells triumphantly as she runs away.

I shake my head in bewilderment.

„You think she´ll alert the others..?" I ask cautiously.

„I don´t know... we better keep going..." Zack says, rubbing his leg where the girl had hit him.

Our backs pressed against the wall - in order to stay in the shadows - we make our way over to what looks like some kind of temple.

„The great SOLDIER second class Zack – unable to defend himself against a 10 year old girl" I tease him, my voice hushed as we decend a narrow staircase at the back of the building.

„At least I´m still human enough not to kill a child..." he retorts acidly. „Sephiroth is finally rubbing off on you."

That silences me.

* * *

„You think this is the place?" Zack asks a couple of minutes later, as we descend even further until we reach a low underground corridor.

„It´d better be." I tell him, looking around in discomfort. It was very dark and narrow. This was definitely no good place to get confronted in. There wasn´t much place for any... options.

We hurry along the corridor until we reach a flight of stairs again, that leads up and back to the surface – I perceive voices, close to the entry.

I signal Zack to be silent and wait, while I sneak up to find the source of the commotion. Hiding behind a rock, I make out a bunch of Wutai fighters – engaged in a game of cards – their weapons carelessly tossed in a corner. I mentally shake my head. _. some guards they are..._ no wonder Wutai hasn´t won this war yet.

They may outnumber us by far, but Shin-Ra had quality over quantity.

I don´t even bother to inform Zack of my discovery, I just get up and approach them.

„Ohhh what do we have here?!" one of the guys says upon spying me – obviously drunk, excited to suddenly find himself in the unexpected company of a female– the others wolfwhistling.

I just smile at them as I take out Blaze Edge.

It takes only a few seconds.

„ Very impressive" I hear Zack´s sarcastic remark as he comes up from behind, activating the tracker he had brought along. The device was hopefully going to show the others our position... the position of the secret entrance.

Having finished my job here, I busy myself looking around - my eyes never leaving the tree line, while Zack is inspecting the emtpy bottles of rum – surrounding the table that now is occupied by 4 dead guys. Four guys I had killed without batting an eyelid. Like insects.

 _This is what I do after all._

„They didn´t even leave any for us..." Zack says- his voice fake sad.

I roll my eyes at him. Watching the line of trees in front of us for any sign of the first´s.

„...quietly but surely" I hear Genesis´s voice as the 3 of them approach from behind a bunch of trees.

„Good job" Angeal praises us, as Sephiroth brushes past me – not waisting a second – this was an important mission after all.

I don´t hesitate and follow him into the hole again – the others close behind.

„Where does it lead?" he asks me – his voice cold, calculating.

„A temple, west of the main building" I inform him.

„What is our mission?" I ask him after some minutes of silence.

„Genesis and Angeal will keep the guards busy and you and Zack stay out of trouble, while I..." he trails of.

„While you?" I promt.

He turns to face me - one of his eyebrows riding up - I can tell he´s contemplating whether to fill me in or not.

„None of you buisness.." he tells me matter-of-factly.

* * *

It is when we reach the main building - a high built structure, decorated with complexely crafted ornaments, that our disguise crumbles and we are engaged in battle.

At first we are doing fine – until it turns out that the Wutai have a number of beasts in their reportoire.

No matter how many we kill, there are coming more and more, ready to throw themselves at us– it feels like we are fighting a Hydra - and I know the situation is closing in on us. It didn´t take a strategist´s genious to understand that we needed to do whatever it was Sephiroth had to do to accomplish this mission – and leave as long as we could still do so alive.

I am in the middle of battle against a bunch of Foulanders, as I spy Sephiroth leave through a hidden door in the stone wall.

Dodging another attack from my enemy, I leave the atrium to follow him – acting on instinct.

I follow through the door – pressing against the wall as it already closes again – then ascend a flight of stairs until I reach another corridor, that leads to a balkony overlooking a vast room - a massive staircase - covered in red carpets – at the other end a huge, gilded door – I was sure I knew what must lay behind... the royal chambers...

I see Sephiroth standing at the banister – and near him, cautiously.

„What are you doing here?" he asks dryly - without looking in my direction. His eyes are fixed on the impressive door on the other side of the room.

„Your mission is to kill the leader of Wutai..." I say - ignoring his question -as realisation dawns on me.

„Kill the leader... and end the war..." He says - deep in thought - then looking over at me as if asking for advice.

I can tell something is bothering him... which in itself is strange enough.

„I wonder if it´s the right thing to do..." he continues.

I furrow my brow at him, not understanding what he was implying.

Our musings are interrupted anyway, as we are greeted by a bunch of guards – two huge Vajradhara suddenly appearing in the middle of the great hall.

 _We are screwed..._

I nearly shit my pants as the two troll like beasts approach us – getting ready for battle.

„The doors..." Sephiroth orders me – gesturing towards the gates with his head– I nod at him in understanding – breaking into a run – taking down 3 of the guards effortlessly, I dart between the legs of the giant beasts without them even realising – hearing the battle behind me commence.

I don´t turn to watch even once.

 _This is it. My moment._

I rush trhough the door, taking down the gurads on the other side immediately – to face Godo Kisaragi for the very first time... For the only time, really.

For a second I just stand there, staring at the old man sitting crosslegged on a beautiful, eleborately woven rug infront of me – his long black mustache nearly touching his chest - his demeanour calm and peaceful - easily accepting his fate, as if he had been waiting for this to happen for a long time - and I dont avert my eyes - his brown ones staring up at me, unfaltering - he does nothing to defend himself, as with one forceful thrust of Blaze Edge, I neatly pierce his heart, twisting the blade as I had been shown in training a thousand times, before I pull it out again - bloodstained from its deadly blow - his eyes widening - blood spraying everywhere and a gasp escaping his throat, for the very last time.

I stay to watch his dying form – petrified – unable to move a muscle - his body falling forward - crumbling to a heap on the floor - nothing more than an empty shell now – his soul returning to the planet - until strong arms grab me from behind, dragging me out of the room, past two Vajradhara corpses- their heads neatly cut off - and back to the atrium wehere the others are still fighting.

 _I did it... It is over... I finished the war_. I think to myself but I can´t believe it´s true - feeling sad and empty inside.

A feeling I couldn´t explain taking over me - like I had done a serious mistake in there.

 _This man has been waiting for us to come... for me to kill him for a very long time now..._

I had ended the war.

It still doesn´t seem to be real, as we reach the atrium where Genesis, Angeal and Zack are trying hard to stand their ground... their enemys oblivious to the fact that there was nothing to guard here anymore.

My feet are reluctant to move as Sephiroth shoves me in the direction of the exit of the main building and towards the helicopter that was there, waiting for us already.

 _I can´t leave them._ I think to myself as I break away from him - dashing back inside.

We hurry to their aid - the number of enemies growing exponentially - we really had to get them out of there... fast.

Nurmerous fighters approach us - some followed by other Vajahadras.

This is getting bad, I think as I turn to fight against one of the giant enemys. It can´t be that hard... Sephiroth had decapitated two of them single handed in barely a minute... Then on the other hand, Sephiroth seemed to be able to behead practically everything with a single blow of his Masamune.

It doesn´t take long until I´m cornered - Blaze Edge knocked out of my hand by one violent strike of the Vajhadras paw - I´m planning to dodge it´s next blow by simply making a run for it, when suddenly I see Zack - about to be stabbed from behind in a fatal attack of one of the wutai fighters - I scream his name out in panic as everything around me seems to go into slow motion.

I throw myself in between Zack and his opponent - knocking Zack out of the way in the process - having nothing else to defend myself with, I bring up my hands to shield my face from the oncoming assault - receiving deep burning gashes in my palms as I stagger backwards, just to feel the blade of the opposing party´s sword stab into my abdomen - I cry out in surprise as my body is shocked with the sharp, unbearable pain the metal is inflicting inside of me - watching as the wielder of the sword thrusts his weapon upwards - slashing my flesh up to my ribcage - excrutiatingly twisting it before he pulls it out - its sharp blade now dripping with my blood - oozing out of my body - a wicked grin on his face. I stumble backwards - the noise around me fading to the background as I start to feel light headed - heavy black dots clouding my vision.

My hand shooting to the wound in my abdomen, I observe my clothes - drenched in my own blood.

I barely hear Zack screaming my name - the fighter infront of me falling to my feet, slaugthered - Zack catching my falling body from behind and half carrying me out of there...

...I hear my heart beat like thunder ...

Sephiroth suddenly there, next to me - ushering us out of the building...

Zack setting my shaking body down on the floor ...

...I feel my breath - irregular - every draw hurting like hell ...

Sephiroth inspecting my wound, then calling for Angeal - his voice full of concern ? - as he takes in my bloody hands and clothes

I see Zack´s face hover behind him - then Angeal pushing the others out of the way, bending over my helpless form...

...my vision fading...

I feel his hands - pressing against my wounds and then... nothing.

* * *

I come around a few minutes later on the floor of the helicopter - my back propped against one of the seats - sourrounded by the others - concern displayed on all of their faces. We are obviously on our way back.

I see Blaze Edge - resting against one of the helicopters cargo areas´ walls.

I feel dizzy and faint but mercifully the pain is gone.

Drawing deep calming breaths I reach down to where seemingly only moments ago, there had been a gaping wound in my stomach - now nothing more than a painful memory.

I look up into those dark blue eyes - monitoring me closely - their owner ready to act again, should the need arise.

 _Thank you Angeal._


	33. Chapter 33

CHAPTER 33

LIGHTNING´S POV

It was for my outstanding services to the Shin-Ra Electric Power Company during the Wutai war, that I was proposed for First Class, the day after we returned from the mission that had nearly cost my life.

The news about me killing Godo Kisaragi - leader of Wutai until just a day ago - had spread like wildfire and everybody was expecting my promotion any day now. After all I had done, it was actually odd that they hadn´t upgraded me to First the second the soles of my combat boots had hit the helideck of Shinra HQ.

On the other hand... neither Director Lazard nor President Shin-Ra were espescially fond of me.. were they?

I didn´t give it too much thought at that point- they couldn´t deny me my upgrade after everything I had accomplished - landing what probably was the most important blow in the whole Wutai war.

To mark the occassion of my upcoming promotion, as well as the end of the war, we made our way down to Loveless Avenue - treating ourselves with a generous dinner at the Goblin´s bar - some tasty burgers and the occassional cider - a little feast among comrades... _no_... friends.

Cloud was in a good mood that day, so were Angeal and Zack - the former vigurously biting into his first burger (he had ordered two), nearly finishing it before I even had the time to touch my own. I had to stifle a giggle at his eating manners.

 _This man, I owe my life to..._ I thought.

Everybody seemed cheerful that evening except for Genesis - who, for some reason, seemed slightly bitter. (He had lost a lot of money that day, after betting on Zack making First before me - a fact I didn´t know at this point in time.)

But upon taking a closer look, even an outsider could have guessed that the cheeriness was only superficial.

Sephiroth on his part seemed absent-minded most of the time - like he was deep in thought about something - not joining in on any of our conversations.

 _I wonder what it is he´s thinking about..._

I could also sense Zack´s disappointment - which he didn´t want to let show. I felt bad for him.

 _He should be sitting in my position. He should have killed Godo and ended the war and he should have become the hero..._

 _it was his dream to become a hero after all..._

I certainly don´t feel like a hero as I realise the only dream I have is to be free... free to leave...not to take orders from anybody... to do what I wished or thought was best ...

„Unattainable dreams are the best kind".. I remember Director Lazards words.

Little did I know that evening that Zack would be recommended First, following only a few days behind.

When we are done eating and our plates are removed from the table, Genesis orders a round of shots for everybody - it doesn´t take long for them to arrive.

„To Lightning´s promotion" Angeal announces, raising his glass for a toast - ripping Sephiroth out of his musings in the process - the others joining in, as together we raise our glasses. I can´t help but look at Sephiroth, our eyes locking for a brief moment - he gives me a tiny nod - an indication of approval and respect...maybe even pride.

I can´t believe I made it this far... Soon he wouldn´t be my trainer anymore... we will be of equal rank.

I feel an overwhelming leap of joy inside me as I let that fact sink in for the very first time.

 _I will be equal with Sephiroth._

Although technically that was true - a little voice inside my head kept telling me that this was of course not the case. It was preposturous in fact to even consider this. When it came to power or strenght, I was nowhere near to his abilities - and would never be. That was just physically out of question.


	34. Chapter 34

CHAPTER 34

LIGHTNING´S POV

It was a few days after my recommendation, that I was called into Director Lazard´s bureau. I made my way up there proudly - ready to receive my promotion - but I realised something was off the second I opened the door. Zack was there too, as well as Sephiroth and Angeal .

I sensed Sephiroth being upset about something immediately - the fact that I could actually tell, the result of years of trying to decipher him - an usually futile attempt.

I sat there quietly, as Lazard revealed that Zack and I were to take part in a competition - some traditional bullshit - that was held by Shinra about every five years. A test for discipline and self-control in form of a 3 minutes breathhold.

Before anybody had time to complain, we were assured that it was an honour to participate and Lazard seemed intrigued by the fact that the ensuing ceremony would be the perfect occasion to feature our promotion... or in other words: he let us now that in order to become First Class, we have to pass this stupid competition.

Ready to be ranked First - according to Lazard - a challenge such as this should be dead easy to us anyway. But I couldn´t shake off that sense of foreboding... as he kept smiling at me maliciously.

* * *

„I´ve never heard anything about this competition thing..." I rant as we make our way down to the dining hall that evening - Zack, Cloud and me.

„It isn´t that hard, really! Genesis told me everything about it! He even participated in this challenge himself when he was younger." Cloud informs us - obviously elated. „There is a water container where the participants get dunked and held under water by some big guy."

I look over at Zack in discomfort - imagining being brutally forced under water by some huge guy for three minutes - it certainly doesn´t seem to be anything to get all excited about - at least to me.

„You can always give a hand signal when you want to quit.." Cloud assures us after noticing our appalled expressions.

„...But then you get dishonoured and thrown out..." he continues.

 _Yeaah.. now that sounds very reassuring..._

„Genesis said that it is common for people to rather drown in honour, than live with the shame of giving the quitting sign." he goes on enthusiastically, apparenly already looking forward to this torture - he was ready to participate in voluntarily... Possibly viewing it as his chance to grasp some honour himself.

„It is a huge competition with a lot of people..." He seems to go on like this for ages.

I was so not looking forward to this challenge - a test that turned out to be much more of a problem than I had originally thought.

I should find out that I actually was in serious trouble, after that same evening, I settled in front of my bathroom mirror to check on my breathholding abilities - approximately two weeks before the ceremony - to - capitulating after barely a Minute - realise, that for me this will be sheer impossible.

It is in one of my last private lessons with Sephiroth - since once I´m First Class I won´t be his student anymore - that I voice my fears.

„I simply can´t do it." I blurt out, while he has his back to me - putting all the utensils we had been using for training that day back to their assigned places in the training room.

„You simply can´t do what?" He asks incredulously as he starts to turn around and face me - his expression quizzical.

„The challenge... I can´t possibly..." I trail off as I try to explain ... „I can barely last a minute..." I finally manage to get out.

He sights as he contemplates what I had just said, measuring me up with his eyes. „I know it´s not exactly fair, with your lung volume being smaller than most of your comrade´s - this challenge isn´t a problem to most guys. But with a little practise, I´m sure you´ll be able to do it." he assures me.

The next few days weren´t funny, as I tried to prepare myself for the challenge - the image of my upcoming doom constantly present at the back of my mind - gnawing at me.

Sephiroth was kind enough to teach me some breathing techniques to maximize my oxygen intake, all the while explaining the importance of staying calm and concentrated, where the prospect of air deprivation was actually freaking me out.

Still, only a week before the event, I hadn´t made it past the 3 minute treshhold - and I was loosing my mind about it. It was a disaster.

I had done everything. I had practised endlessly and still... I always had to quit after about 2 minutes.

I had confided my fears to Zack - who along with Cloud, with a little practise, had accomplished the 3 minutes breathhold on almost the same day he had started to try.

But all the weeping and worrying wouldn´t help me.

It was Sunday evening - a week from the challenge - that I spent with Sephiroth in the training room again - working on my breathholding technique. I was watching my reflection in the glass of the window to the observation room, trying to keep my mind off the task at hand.

„You´ve already got 2:15." the silver haired General states, keeping me up to date.

I know it´s actually meant to encourage me to go on.. to make it this time... only 45 seconds left.

But holding your breath for 45 seconds is a very long time when you´ve refrained from breathing for 2 minutes already.

I want to make it.. to finally get this done, but - feeling the pressure in my chest build - the urge to breathe is overwhelming. I decide I can´t go on any longer - shaking my head to indicate that I have to quit - now.

* * *

SEPHIROTH´S POV

I don´t have the patience to take her bullshit any longer...

Watching her two minutes again - which in itself proves the most boring task I had ever engaged in - only to have her give up with less then 45 seconds left to go... this is making me sick and there definately are better activities to spend my evenings with...

I won´t let her waste my time much longer... I´ve been lenient with her far too long.

This was making me angry.

If she was going to behave like this next week, then she wouldn´t only dishonour me as her trainer, she would also get herself expulsed from SOLDIER or worse, loose her life.

As much as I´d like her to get ready to do it at her own pace, we had no time for this.

I don´t wait for her to inhale - wasting all of her previous accomplishment - as I move forward to cover her mouth and nose from behind with one of my gloved hands - pressing her struggling form to my chest, I use my other hand to fend off her clawing hands - as she panickingly tries to fight me off - desperate noises coming from her throat - but I wont budge. I´ve had enough.

I know she can actually do it. I had known it all along. And I figured it was time for her to realise too, what her body was actually able to achieve.

„Don´t fight me... Fight the urge to breathe." I instruct her in what I hope is a calming voice.

„It is just your body - making you panick, when actually you could go much longer." I tell her - watching her beautiful light blue eyes stare at me - wide in shock - in our reflection in the bullet proove glass, parting the training area from the adjourning observation room - Her fingers still digging into the skin of my arm in a futile attempt to free herself - her body struggling to be released.

„See.. you still have enough air to fight me..." I observe, unable to restrain a chuckle. „This is not about physical abilities. This is about your mind controlling your body." I explain.

My words seem to somehow have hit their target, as she slowly lets go of my arm - trying to calm herself down - as I feel her body relax against my own, her eyes now trained on the clock on the other side of the glass pane. I let my hand slide down to her wrist to check on her pulse - slow but steady.

I release her the moment the clock hits 3 minutes.

She instantly stumbles away from me - staring at me - apparently still shocked about me acting so harshly, but I don´t care.

„See... you can do it easily." I tell her. „You just have to focus".


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

LIGHTNING´S POV

After Sephiroth had - in a not so kind way - shown me what I was actually able to do, I had spent most of my remaining days practising for real - forcing my mind to overcome my body´s needs.

And after another week of training I finally felt able to do it. It was still very hard for me and it was always close, but in the end I mastered the 3 minutes with difficulty.

Still, the day before the challenge - I was very nervous.. probably afraid... and the anxiety I felt when I thought about what would happen should I fail the next day was nearly killing me.

It was only reluctantly, that I made my way down to the SOLDIER´s natatorium - located in the Shin-Ra headquarter´s basemet, where my final session with Sephiroth would take place - knowing that he would sense my fears and definately not approve of my current mental state.

 _This is going to be my dry run_.

If I make it in there, I am going to make it anywhere.

I don´t bother to take off my boots as I join my sensei - who is already waiting in the waist deep water - fully clothed in his uniform.

„You are nervous." He greets me, one of his beautiful silver eyebrows arched upwards.

„Yes I guess so..." I sight, trying to calm down and take deep, steadying breaths for several minutes to prepare myself for the task.

„Tomorrow will be nothing else than what we´ll do today." He tells me, his voice gentle for a change. „Just make sure you stay calm and focused... and you´ll make it easily."

I check the clock one last time - timing my final breath to let my body sink under the surface the moment the its seconds hand hit zero.

Trying to relax I take a cross legged position on the pools steely floor, with Sephiroth taking his place opposite, facing me - the small lead weights attached to our belts keeping us submerged under water easily.

I feel his fingers close around my wrist, his thumb carefully monitoring my pulse - he had taken off his gloves for once so I can feel the soft touch of his fingers -tingling- against my skin.

I can´t restrain my gaze from going back to them, studying them - beautiful, attractive hands, delicately shaped for someone with his strengh.

I can´t help but enjoy the feeling of one of them resting there on my forearm - admiring the way his pale skin stands out in contrast against my own - though I´m not tanned by any means.

Feeling my body run out of breath, I close my eyes - forcing my mind to relax, to overcome my body´s insticts - the urge to breathe.

 _I wonder how he can do this effortlessly... as if he needn´t breathe at all._

This time, with him there, I am able to stay focused - concentrated - completely calm and absorbed in the task.

I realise I´m starting to feel dizzy and slightly light-headed, when suddenly I am pulled back to the surface - immediately taking deep needy breaths.

Slightly off balance, I stagger backwards - to instantly feel his strong arms at my sides - steadying me.

„Dont push your limits." he warns me - his voice soft - as upon checking the watch, I realise that I had done nearly 4 minutes.


	36. Chapter 36

CHAPTER 36

LIGHTNING´S POV

I felt ready to throw up as I entered the Exhibit Room - which was prepared now to stage our ordeal - taking in the barrel of water placed in the Center of the room - surrounded by rows of seats for all the participants to prepare themselves and all the spectators to watch.

Cloud had been right. There certainly were a lot of people.

I took my seat in the third row next to Zack and Cloud, my eyes lingering on the heavy-built guy standing next to the water container - my executioner - all the time, while Director Lazard and President Shin-Ra are holding a speech.

A lot of guys took their turn before us. Second class as well as third. Everybody was nervous - it was easy to tell. A few of them barely made it, but after hours of watching I still hadn´t seen anyone die nor quit.

Still, I had a bad feeling about this.

I try to calm down as I practise my breathing technique - maximizing the oxygen levels in my bloodstream in order to be optimally prepared for the challenge, once it would be my turn to get dunked.

Zack and Cloud go before me and both of them pass easily. Cloud´s even proudly taking a bow in front of the cheering crowd.

I keep telling myself that after what I had accomplished last night in the SOLDIER natatorium - this is going to be easy.

I just have to focus.

* * *

SEPHIROTH´S POV

I couldn´t deny the fact that I was nervous. Non of us could. Zack and Cloud passed without incident - exactly as I had assumed they would. But we all knew that Lightning had had huge difficulties preparing for this task, especially overcoming her fears...

On one hand it´s Lightning´s anxiety that worrys me. I hope her nerves won´t impair her abilities too much today. On the other hand I know she can pass easily. I´ve been watching her prepare her body for what was about to come for at least an hour now - wisely using the time she had to spend in her seat anyway. This was not going to be much of a problem.

No... it is something else that bothers me. I have the feeling that there is something going on here - that the whole thing is somehow staged - a masquerade - created to divert from the fact that a challenge such as this would be the perfect opportunity to get rid of somebody they didn´t want to have in their ranks anymore... or actually never wanted there in the first place...

I watch from my seat as Lightning - called to the front - makes her way up to the center, hoping against hope that all my initial suspicions would proove wrong.

She takes her place infront of the container - her eyes searching for my own in the crowd - begging for some kind of mental support. I can sense her apprehension - it is contagious - as I give her a tight not to signal her to carry on, to focus on the task, to maybe reassure her that she could do it and everything will turn out alright. But as much as I want her to bellieve that, I have the feeling that this is far from the truth.

And I am not disappointed, as from the corners of my vision I preceive President Shin-Ra suspiciously winking at his lackey next to the barrel - who in return lowers his head slightly in understanding - that my previous assumptions are confirmed.

I sigh in exasperation - my hand gripping the handle of my Masamune tightly as I try to calm my rising anger.

Pondering my options, I know there is nothing I can do. If they planned to play this game unfair then there was nothing I could possibly do to change that.

They make the countdown as with everybody else, but they dunk her early, when she´s not ready - surprising her - she hadn´t had time to properly breathe in.

 _Shit._

I wouldn´t have thought they had the guts to do it that obvious.

I feel Zack get up from his chair immediatly, shouting for them to stop - that it is not fair - a murmur going through the audience.

I just close my eyes and take a deep breath. Unable to watch her struggle against the Shin-Ra lackey´s tight grip from the very beginning...

 _I don´t want to witness this. This is bad._

I know Lightning won´t quit in this life...

* * *

LIGHTNING´S POV

I don´t immideately realise what is happening until my face is submerged under the cold water - my body brutally forced into a stooping position. Strong arms on the back of my head restraining me from straightening up, when I try to reach the surface again to complain - to tell them that I hadn´t been ready... that this wasn´t fair. And I panick when I realise that I wouldn´t have a chance to express my annoyance at this injustice - that I wouldn´t be realeased from this, until eventually three minutes have passed.

So - accepting that this would be the only chance I would get - after initially struggling to get back to the surface, I surrender and try to stay calm like Sephiroth had taught me - scolding myself for having wasted so much of my limited supply of air with fighting already.

I have no idea how much time has passed - that early start had completely thrown me. I just try to stay calm... focused... concentrated... I try hard to think about something else... forcing my brain to imagine that it is just another training session in the natatorium as yesterday... where I´m peacefully sitting in the water with Sephiroth´s hand resting on my wrist - while I feel the pressure in my chest steadily build up.

However I know I´m not going to last very long this time.

* * *

SEPHIROTH´S POV

I can tell she is running out of air fast. I notice the muscles in her upper Body twitching, her fingers drumming against the barrel´s side´s wood - an attempt to cope with the tension constantly building in her chest. I can only watch as it turns into a nervous tapping that is going to transform into a helpless hammering soon.

I can´t bear to look at her - I don´t want to witness her suffering.

I wish she´d just raise one of her hands to give the signal - to quit - but I know this was not going to happen. Not in this life.

So I avert my eyes - I feel no desire to watch her drown right there only feet away from me - as her chest and abdomen contract in what must be a very painful way - her lungs desperately clutching for air as her hands hit the sides of the container hard, her nails scratching it´s surface.

She has lost her footing, her leggs kicking out violently - the soles of her combat boots producing ugly sqeaking noises - rubbing against the floor.

She´s suffocating.

My eyes, having seen so many people suffer at my own hands, are now trained to the floor - unable to watch her dye ...

 _her..._

Why her of all people?

„Only 30 seconds left!" I suddenly hear Zack cry out. „She can make it! Come on Light!" I hear him lead her on... I shake my head at his antics... She can´t possile hear him.

But he´s right... 30 seconds isn´t much. Having realised that, my head snaps back to the scene in front of me, to look at her struggling form - her chest and abdomen spasmically convulsing now at her body´s desperate attempts to suck in air.

 _Fight it Light._

* * *

LIGHTNING´S POV

I´m done. I kow it. My chest is contracting painfully. My mind panicks, as I realise that I wont be able to just emerge and breathe when I can´t bear it anymore. I feel my control and consciousness slip away... I wont be able to resist this much longer.

I wish I could bring up my hand to cover my mouth and nose, to prevent my panicking body from sucking in the water, but my position wouldn´t allow it - every starving cell of my body desperately screaming for air, pleading for me to inhale, to fill my lungs with oxygen again - as with all my power I fight the urge to breathe.

I know once I happen to breathe in water - I´m doomed.

* * *

ANGEAL´S POV

I suddenly feel Sephiroth get up next to me - brushing past the spellbound onlookers and hurrying to the front - to Lightning.

I don´t know what he is planning to do, but he´s hopefully going to interfere with this - probably wishing for this terrible display of injustice to end as much as I wanted it to - before something irreversible would happen.

Whatever his intention - I´m not going to stand by and watch quietly, while a comrade is dying. I get up immediately too - the others following behind, as together we make our way up to the front.

* * *

SEPHIROTH´S POV

I reach her with only 20 seconds left to go and I know she´s on the verge of breaking, when crouching down next to her I put a supporting arm around her shoulders, offering my other one to her clawing hand - which she clasps instantly, squeezing down on my forearm hard - her nails drawing blood... but I don´t care.

„Come on Light you can make it!" I hear Zack mutter frantically under his breath - mirroring my actions to take her other hand - Angeal, Genesis and Cloud positioning themselves around us, watching quietly - nobody daring to even breathe during what is possible going to be Lightning´s last seconds - ever.

I feel her hand, starting to go limp in my own...

 _...Please not now...we´re nearly there.._

Her body convulsing uncontrollably, my grip around her tightens - it is my turn now to press her hand, hard.

 _Come on Light it´s only seconds._ I plead with her as I feel her body go slack - her hand twitching under my fingers.

Then suddenly the gong goes off and Lightning is released - collapsing backwards into my arms immediately. I barely register his voice as President Shin-Ra only begrudgingly announces that she has made it, when I gently cup her face, studying her pained expression - taking in her ashen complexion and her slightly purple lips.

There is no applause or cheers, as the audience is quiet in shock and anticipation.

„Breathe Farron." I order, my voice shaky.

She tentatively tries to inhale - helplessly caughing up water instead - until with difficulty she finally manages to get some air inside her lungs - hyperventilating immedieately - her body´s attempt to restore it´s oxygen levels fast, her eyelids fluttering as she´s ready to faint.

I sit there with her, holding her tight, my fingers slowly tracing soothing patterns on her back - Zack is still holding her hand, whispering comforting words to her („It´s okay you´re safe now... just breathe... you did it...it´s going to be okay...") as we try to calm her down enough for her to breathe properly.

I can feel her on the verge of passing out, sucking in small neady breaths, through her slightly parted lips.

We don´t stay to listen to President Shin-Ra and Lazard holding their speech about SOLDIER honour and what not - to then announce that Zack and Light are officially promoted to First Class - as I pick her trembling form up in my arms to carry her out of there - the others following in silence.

Angeal is kind enough to lead us to his office as it is the nearest room - once we retrait to the privacy of the SOLDIER floor.

No need to let them stare at her and gloat over her misery much longer.

Zack holds open the door as I carry her inside - to gently lay her body down to rest on Angeal´s huge couch in what I hope is a comfortable position, seating myself next to her.

I don´t dare to leave her side, as she is slipping in and out of consciousness - all the time closely watching her chest move up and down, to make sure she keeps breathing.


	37. Chapter 37

CHAPTER 37

LIGHTNING´S POV

We went to 7th heaven to celebrate for real this time.

Despite my near-death experience only about 4 hours ago, I insisted on joining the party.

After regaining consciousness in what I would learn was Angeal´s office - I could neither remember how I had managed to pass the competition, nor how I had ended up here - feeling as if I´d been hit by a truck, disorientated and confused I tried to get up, just to be ushered back into a sitting postition immediately by both Sephiroth as well as Angeal, concern etched all over their faces.

At their request I remained there - seated - Angeal checking my pulse and kindly relieving me from the terrible burning pain in my chest with one of his healing spells. I felt better instantly.

After I had somewhat recovered, Zack and me went down to the tailor to receive our black First Class uniforms and we were brought to our new First Class appartments -APPARTMENTS!- as every First Class had the priveledge to have an appartment on his own.

I couldn´t believe my eyes when I entered my new accomodations - stepping into a small hall that led into a cozy living room with a litttle built-in kitchen - 2 doors leading to the bedroom and a bathroom - setting all my belongings (that fit into the backpack I had brought from home easily) as well as Blaze Edge onto the kitchen table.

 _Wow..._ Zack had not been exaggerating when he said being First Class pays off. I had no idea what I was about to do with all the space I had now.

I immediately went to the bedroom and put the picture of Serah which had been pinned to the bathroom mirror of my built-for-three bathroom for the previous 2 years on the nightstand next to my comfortable looking queen sized bed.

I didn´t manage to finish stashing away my clothes as suddenly there was a knock on the door - and I saw Zack´s black hair in the doorway - entering without waiting for an invitation.

„Can you believe this?!" He blurted out, his arms outstretched to indicate that he was talking about the appartment. „THIS IS AWESOME!" he yelled - jumping up and down - unable to contain his joy.

* * *

As my body seemed to have recovered and my mind was still on edge from what had happened earlier, I felt like going down to the slums together with the others now - we had 2 rank upgrades to celebrate after all. Angeal tries to talk me into staying at home - to take a break - but I just won´t. Now that I´m officially a First Class, I´m not going to take oders from anybody.

I feel a surge of happiness inside me, as together with Zack and the others, I make my way down to sector 7. Zack is bubbling over with joy - his happiness contagious - boasting with pride as he shows off his brand new black First Class uniform - a childhood dream of his come true.

We take a booth in a corner - Genesis ordering a round of shots for us immediately, as well as long-drinks to get this party started.

We joke and fool around for a while - Angeal helps himself to some wings Tifa had kindly supplied us with - on the house - while the bar is slowly filling with people.

„Hey guys, now that I´m first class you think I´ll get my own fanclub too?" Zack asks shyly - his cheeks turning slightly red - Cloud immediately errupting in lauhter at the idea of it.

„What...the Zack Fair fanclub?" He manages inbetween roars of laughter.

I can´t help but giggle, imagining Aerith´s face when she´d realise there were hords of girls drooling over posters of Zack sticked to the walls of their bedrooms.

„Possible... I´m sure you´d make quite the poster boy." Genesis says - causing Zack´s face to redden even more.

„Yeah... you might even rival Sephiroth!" Angeal states matter-of-factly between chews of chicken.

Sephiroth just snorts at this - shaking his head in annoyance - as we all turn our heads to look at him.

It was no secret that Sephiroth was rather popular with women, his fanclub counting the highest number of memberships by far. It was also no secret that even the mention of those "insolent bitches" annoyed him to no end.

„Well, Lightning will definitely have a fanclub... That much´s for sure." Genesis puts in - his statement taking me off guard.

I feel myself blush as I blurt out: „What me? No way!"

Even the notion of it was rediculous.

„What makes you say that?" I ask, perplexed - Genesis just raising an eyebrow at me.

„Well you have your first admirerer right over there..." he says, his voice lowering to a secretive whisper as he slightly moves his head to indicate a guy leaning at the bar, who´s gaze is indeed trained at me.

I can´t believe it as I follow Genesis´ hint - the lad winking at me in what he must have thought was a seductive way.

 _Uuuhggg..._

„What? Him?!" I ask - my brows furrowing in disbelieve as I look over again to study the middle-aged man´s appearence - he looks like some kind of drunkard who lived in a cardboard box at the outskirts of the Sector 7´s slums. He could also easily have been my father.

Disgusted I look back to Genesis. „How long has he been staring like that?" I ask - he just shrugs his shoulders.

„For about 5 minutes." Sephiroth states dryly - Angeal and the others looking at him in amazement. I´m not exactly surprised that he had noticed. He had always been preaching about constant vigilance after all.

I wonder what that guy was actually playing at, staring at me from over there for a prolongued time like that. He couldn´t possible think he had a chance with me. First of all I am wearing a First Class SOLDIER uniform - something everybody around here was bound to recognize. Second, I was in company of 5 guys - also obviously members of SOLDIER - three of them being renowned war heros... legends.

He must be either drunk or extremely foolish.

„Shh... I think he´s coming over." Cloud shushes us.

I try to decide whether to throw up now or save it for later.

 _Good..._ If he had the guts to come over to talk to me, he´d receive what he´s asking for.

I have gone through a lot today and I hadn´t become a First Class to deal with scum like this.

Nobody is going to mess with me today.

So when that guy arrives at our table to ask me whether he could buy me a drink, I - playing nice - looking up from my seat infront of him, politely inform him that I am well suppllied and that he needn´t worry about me being provided with any kind of aliments.

But however that wouldn´t satify him, inching closer to me he tries again: „Come on... I know you want this too..." he slurs - obviously drunk.

I can feel Sephiroth ready to get up and knock this guy into the middle of next week on the other side of the table - His eyes narrowing at the cheeky fellow dangerously, as all the others watch on in anticipation. I notice Cloud swallow in discomfort - the tension tangible. I try to calm my former mentor with a swift glare of mine, before I turn back to deal with my new admirer on my own.

I didn´t need him to watch my back all the time.

Having that sot so close to me I snap: with one swift movement foreward I grip his balls through his overall - hard - smiling up at him I emphatically tell him: „ I said NO." - my voice deadly - uglyly twisting my hand - nearly castrating the shocked fool, who grits his teeth in order to not scream out loud in pain, in the process.

I wait a second to let the effects of my actions sink in.

„...So now we have an understanding, I advice you to approach somebody who isn´t wearing a SOLDIER uniform next time you´re feeling lonely... understood?" I growl - my voice low, murderous, barely a whisper - I can see fear in addition to the pain now written all over his dirty face.

My eyes boring into his in a menacing way, I slowly release him - he grunts in relief.

„Now leave, and rest assured... next time I see your ugly face here, I will use my sword instead..." I tell him, as horrified he hurrys to leave through the saloon-style doors.

Taking a deep calming breath, I turn back to the table to take a wing from the basket and stuff it into my mouth, chewing aggressively.

I move to take a sip from my cup as I look up to realise the others staring at me in bewilderment - their mouths gaping in shock - I can see remains of chicken resting between Angeal´s teeth.

The silence lasts for nearly a minute - nobody daring to move or say a word until Genesis abruptly gets up from his seat nervously, nearly stumbling over his own feet: „Drinks anyone?"


	38. Chapter 38

CHAPTER 38

LIGHTNING´S POV

It was late in the night that we made our way back home - to the Shin-Ra HQ - and once arriving in my new appartment I let myself fall onto the couch. Finally having some time to relax, I let my gaze wander over the lights of the city below - towards the constantly working mako reactors that surrounded the city - immersing the rooftops into an eerie glow - and to the silhuettes of the mountains in the distance.

 _I can´t believe I had made first class_ \- I thought to myself, letting the memories of the events of the past years pass by infront of my inner eye.

So much had happened since I left home... home... I wondered where that place was now?

I hadn´t thought of Bodhum or of the people there or even Serah in a long time.

And I felt a bit guilty about it.

 _Now that I´m First Class I will ask Lazard for a few days off for once and visit her..._ or at least that´s what I knew was the right thing to do.

 _I guess I really should._

But somehow I didn´t feel like leaving. This - SOLDIER - had become the place I belonged. This was where my friends were...

It is a soft, muffled crackling sound at my door that causes me to snap out of my musings and -suddenly alert- I look over to my door to see the shadow of foodsteps moving under it.

 _What the ...?_ I think - slowly getting up and cautiously making my way over to the door - to investigate.

When I open the door the first thing that catches my eye is a small squared parcel wrapped in brown paper, sitting at my doormat.

For a moment I just stare at it.

 _Huh? What is this?_

I figure somebody must have gotton the wrong door... I wasn´t expecting to receive anything after all and I had just moved in here... there weren´t a lot of people who knew of my new adress.

I take the time to briefly wonder who might have set it there, to then look up to see a dark figure retreating down the corridor - long silver hair reaching down it´s back.

„Sephiroth?" I softly call after him, keeping my voice down in order to not alert anybody else - knowing he would hear me anyway.

He turns to look at me - his eyes scanning my features cautiously, he keeps his distance.

„Why didn´t you knock?" I ask - surprise evident in my voice.

„I... I didn´t want to bother you or anything..." he says.

 _Is that nervousness I detected in his voice? No way... It can´t be._

„Just to stay on the safe side, in case you were in the mood to cut somebodys balls off again or something..." he sais carefully, the right corner of his lips rising up into an adorable half smile.

I can´t help but chuckle at that stupid comment of his.

„What is it?" I ask as slowly he comes over - possibly judging that I am not posing any threat to his menhood right now.

„If you wanna find out, then why don´t you open it?" A soft smile now forming on his face - reaching his eyes for once. I have a hard time taking my eyes off his. I loved to see a geninuely happy expression instead of his normally guarded features... It wasn´t a frequent occurence.

Hesitantly I open the small package to reveil a green-glowing, maxed out healing materia.

„A healing materia?" I ask, disbelievingly loooking up at him - he slightly inclines his head in confirmation.

I had seen those in training. They could come in pretty handy... Well calling them handy probably was an undersatement.

„Yes... I wanted you to have it." he says, his voice gentle. „In case you ever get hurt again...and Angeal isn´t there to help you out..."

„Now you´re a First I guess it will be impossible for me to keep you out of trouble.." he adds, when I don´t respond - lost for words at the beautiful unexpected gift I had received... from him.

„They are really expensive...and it must have taken you days to max it out like that" I manage - admiring the small green orb in my hands.

Looking up at him, he shrugs dismissively „Never mind..."

My gaze is drawn to his eyes again... his beautiful Mako eyes - as not for the first time I long to understand what is going on behind that facade of his handsome features.

All his thoughts, his emotions, a mystery to me... to everybody.

Sometimes I wished he´d just let me in.

„You don´t get promoted to First Class everyday..."


	39. Chapter 39

CHAPTER 39

LIGHTNING´S POV

The following weeks were by far the best days during my time in SOLDIER. I felt almost carefree.

They were the calm before the storm.

There hadn´t been any signs of rebellion from Wutai, now their leader had been eliminated and most missions we were assigned now revolved either around obtaining relics, materia, or other stuff for the science department, or getting rid of monsters lurking around the outskirts of Midgar.

Now I was First Class, I found myself in company of Genesis, Angeal and Sephiroth more often - Zack and me spending most of our freetime together with them.

There would be those quiet enjoyable ocassional meetings, where Angeal would be in the mood to cook for us, inviting us over to his clean but cosy appartment - comfortably furnished, with pictures of his family on the cupboards and cute flower-patterned tablecloths on the kitchen table, supplying us with delicious roast chicken or pork and pataoes.

We always dug in - stuffing ourselves - sitting together and talking, or watching the news on Zack´s huge flatscreen he´d bought the second he had received his First Class salary - sometimes even playing a game of Texas hold´em, which with Sephiroth joining, was impossible to win.

We were sitting there on a Thursday evening - Angeal serving us spare ribs this time - that Genesis brought up the topic of First Class uniforms.

„You know Lightning, now that you are allowed to wear a uniform of your own choice, I was wondering... maybe a pink leather catsuit would be just the thing for you..."he suggests taking a generous sip from his glass of red wine.

Next to me Zack nearly chokes on his fries, while my eyes widen in shock - my mouth gaping open in horror - as I try to process what he had just said. I don´t know what to say in answer to this ridiculous idea of his.

I look at the others, my eyes pleading for support - Angeal shaking his head in disgust, Sephiroth just staring at Genesis in bewilderment, both of them apparently lost for words too.

„No thanks..." I carefully start. „I think I´d rather stay with my First Class uniform..."

Not looking Genesis in the eye, I turn to get up and pour a glass of water from the sink for Zack, who´s still coughing uncontrollably.

„That´s a shame... really" Genesis tells me, sounding somewhat hurt. „If ever you decide to change your mind, don´t hesitate to inform me... I know just the place!"

Unsure of what to say, I just nod, wondering not for the first time whether Genesis might be homosexual. It would explain a lot.

It must be either that or his excessive consumption of alcolhol.

„So there is this boxing match coming up next week, at Men´s hall down in Sector 6´s Wall Market..." Angeal attempts to swiftly change the topic. „I think I might test my powers against the Security Department. It´s time we finally kick their asses - What do you think? You´re in?"

Zack is thrilled - starting to ask questions about that match immediately. I´m not that excited about it though. Wall market... That place was scary in a lot of ways. Especially for a girl.

Not that anybody down there could probably pose a threat to me... but still... even being anywhere near people like Don Corneo gave me a headache.

Besides, I didn´t approve of the everlasting rivalry between SOLDIER and the Security Department. I mean... aren´t we supposed to fight for the same cause?

I saw no sense in supporting this nonsense.

„Men´s hall?" Sephiroth asks, furrowing his brow sceptically."Couldn´t they find a better location?"

„Yeah... I know... But `Beautiful Bro´ agreed to let us use the ring for free..." Angeal justifies.

I feel like I´m so not eager to find out what kind of person that „Beautiful Bro" is. I will definitely stay here at HQ - let the others do whatever they want.

„Can I fight too?" Zack asks eagerly.

„Easy there... maybe you should just watch... to get an impression first..." Angeal tries to calm him down.

„No I want to fight too. I can do it Angeal. I´m not Third Class anymore!" He insists - to Angeal´s dismay.

„Genesis - you´re in, aren´t you?" Angeal says, looking over at his childhood friend expectantly.

„Erm...I don´t know..." Genesis says - he is clearly still to be convinced to join.

„Oh come on Genesis... we can stop by Honey Bee Inn on our way back home." Angeal bribes - his eyes twinkling at Genesis suggestively.

 _Uuugghhh... Guys please!_

„Okay, Okay!" Genesis gives in. „But it´s your turn to pay this time!"

„Okay, fine with me..I´ll pay." Angeal promises - patting Genesis on the back.

„Light, you´re in too?" Angeal suddenly turns to ask me.

„I...no... I think I´d rather stay here..." I stammer - raising my hands appologetically.

„But Light... you need to come...don´t you want to see me fight?!" Zack tries to change my mind - giving me his pleading puppy-eyed look.

 _Damn._

„No sorry... I can´t..." I say averting my eyes. I can tell from Zack´s expression that this is far from over though.

„A sip of that Applejack, anybody?" Genesis suddenly interrupts, pulling an enormously sized bottle of brown liquid out of his crimson leather coat.

I don´t know how he always manages to hide those away in his tight-fit garments.

„It´s Banora White..." He proudly informs us.


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter 40

LIGHTNING´S POV

„But you have to come!" Zack´s irritating voice echoed off the wall´s of the SOLDIER corridor. He´d been going on and on like this for ages.

I had just arrived, back from a mission - having slayed monsters all day - and I was feeling worn, my uniform drenched in the juices of various creatures, I wanted nothing more than to take a shower.

I didn´t have much patience left for Zack´s rants today.

 _Can you please just shut up!?_ I plead with him in my head - producing the healing materia I had received from Sephiroth from a pocket of my baggy trousers, to take care of the several cuts and bruises I had gathered during the course of the day.

I wished it could also mend my irritated mental state. But unfortunately after using it, I could tell no difference.

I entered the common room, Zack right on my heals, to be greeted by Genesis and Sephiroth, who were apparently absorbed in a game of chess - taking in my battered state - they knew better then to ask any questions.

I brushed past them and at a quick pace, took down the First Class corridor, to then quickly enter my room - shutting the door into Zack´s face - turning the key 2 times to lock the door properly - hopefully putting an end to this annoying discussion.

But I am proven wrong instantly, as I hear Zack´s voice carry through the locked door easily- „Please Light! Please, Please PLLLEEEASSSSSEEE!"

I sigh in frustraion as I make my way over to my bathroom - getting rid of my dirty clothes and stepping into the shower - the refreshing currents of water running over my head, mercifully blocking out Zack´s voice after all.

It´s clean and somehow relaxed that - feeling a lot better - I make my way back to the common room, finally ready to face the others.

I join them in their talk about recent events for a few minutes - Zack holding his tongue for once, but sending pleading looks my way here and there, which I ignore - when suddenly Angeal joins: „Hey what´s up guys?" he asks cheerfully. „What are you going to do this evening?"

Genesis who apparently had been waiting for Angeal to ask this question all afternoon, gets up abruptly - and pointing his index finger at Angeal, announces that actually he had been hoping that Angeal would join him in the training room once the seconds were out, as he wanted revenge against Sephiroth to „show him his place".

Sephiroth - only chuckling at that - raises an eyebrow in response. „Is that so.. I´d like to see you try..." he challenges, his expression smug.

Angeal´s good mood vanishes instantly - to be replaced by a wary look on his face. „Not that again..." he pleads. „Haven´t you had enough already?"

So to grant Genesis his death-wish, once the second´s training had ended we make our way up to the simulation training room - Zack and me sneaking into the observation room, while the others position themselves in the training area - both of us watching curiously through the bullet proove glass - not knowing what we were to expect, as we had never seen those three fight each other.

Genesis loads the program of his choice and we watch in exitement as the scene in front of us turns to Junon - to the top of the Sister Ray, Shin-Ra´s huge Mako Cannon - a breathtaking sunset painted in the background.

Genesis quotes from Loveless again - while Sephiroth is standing a few meters away - admiring the scenery. I can´t help but marvel at the way the light of the dying sun is reflected by his hair - the soft breeze playing with it´s silver strands.

„Infinite in mystery is the gift of the godess, we seek it thus and take to the sky..." Genesis´s voice penetrates the silence, Angeal next to him seems deep in concentration, as Sephiroth turns to face the red-clad First Class - obviously annoyed at having to hear that poem of his for about the thousandth time - he takes a few steps into their direction.

„Ripples form on the water´s surface, the wandering soul knows no rest..." Genesis continues - his voice dramatic again.

„Loveless... Act I" Sephiroth states - Angeal looking up at him in wonder.

„Painful, isn´t it?" Genesis remarks - mercifully putting away that book of his, then getting up to face the silver haired First Class.

„Having to hear you recite it everyday... That´s what´s painful!" Sephiroth retorts dryly, mirroring his comrades´ actions as they take out their weapons, getting into fightning stance.

„Don´t take Sephiroth lightly.." Angeal advises, looking at Genesis - probably concerned for his childhood friend´s well-being.

But upon seeing Genesis´s recless expression, I can tell he´s not even listening. „Whatever." he shruggs it off, determined, charging at my former mentor - Angeal hot at his heels - they attack simultaneously.

Even combined, they are no match for Sephiroth. I can´t hide a grin as I watch him block them easily - pushing them off with Masamune - only using one hand. He doesn´t even bother to fight back - he´s probably bored with them.

Though the others are giving at least 150 %, I can tell he hadn´t even started. He was probably just warming up.

I knew this tactics of his just too well. He´d wait for the others to get exhausted, to then suddenly attack them relentlessly, usually with a speed and force that were unbable to match by anybody - barely giving his opponent the time to protect themselves in order to not get sliced to pieces.

„Maybe we should join and help them?!" Zack blurts out - not taking his eyes away from the show for a second. „I mean he´s so fucking strong..."

„No... we´d rather stay here." I shake my head. „Better not make him angry...". I feel no desire to find myself at the receiving end of Masamune´s blade... ever again.

It is a few minutes later, that - after Sephiroth had blocked an especially strong attack of both of them - Angeal and Genesis stop, panting heavily - taking a break.

„Is that the best you can do?" Sephiroth teases, obviously amused - not affected by the minutes of continuous fighting in the slightest.

„All hail Sephiroth huh?" Angeal says - sounding somewhat resigned.

But Genesis is not eager to give in that easily this time: „Angeal...stay back." He orders. „I´ll take Sephiroth alone"

„Genesis!?" Angeal warns, probably questioning his friend´s sanity, as Genesis raises his Rapier - activating his fire materia and channeling its magic into the red blade, endowing it with a fiery aura and emblazoning runic symbols along its lenght.

„The world needs a new hero!" The redhead says challengingly, looking over at Sephiroth who just snorts in amusement.

„Come and try." he says, a develish smirk forming on his face.

It was no secret the two had a deep-rooted rivalry going on between them for years, Genesis envying Sephiroth´s powers as well as his legendary war hero status - fed up with coming second everytime.

„So smug.. but for how long!?" Genesis taunts, as he charges foreward in another attack at the silver haired First Class General - who is already waiting for him - Masamune ready in his left hand.

And then they start in earnest.

Zack is watching spellbound as the two battle relentlessly - Genesis giving everything to overwhelm his mate - seemingly fed up with Sephiroth besting him for so long.

Knowing Sephiroth I can see he´s holding back - a lot - countering in what I knew was only a half hearted way. Despite Genesis´ provocations, keeping a calm head like that - I can´t help but admire this display of self-control.

I know it isn´t in his nature to have much patience with anybody.

I know he could have ended that ridiculous struggle for power the second Genesis and Angeal attacked the very first time. He was simply granting them some show so they would believe they actually had a chance... maybe as an act of friendship ... or maybe just because he enjoyed fighting them.

It seems that I had underestimated Genesis powers though - the one-on-one duel escalating faster that I would have thought - as he uses his fire materia to attack now - an attempt to finally get an advantage, but Sephiroth deflects it easily, emerging from Genesis´ onslaught - a huge ball of fire - now definitely angry.

Using his magic like this wasn´t exactly what was considered fair in a sword fight. I don´t know what Genesis was playing at... Provoking Sephiroth now was definitely suicidal.

The latter seems to finally loose his patience, starting his offense - it´s Sephiroth´s turn to attack Genesis now - fast - not leaving his opponent the opportunity to do anything else than bring up his sword to defend himself.

We hold our breaths as we watch Sephiroth flatten the crimson-clad First Class, destroying most of the scenery in the process.

But Genesis, albeit surprised at his opponent´s momentum, doesn´t give in.

I feel Sephiroth´s self-restraint crumple - this situation was getting out of hand... dangerous.

Angeal seems to be thinking along the same line as - sensing the fight escalate - he has no choice but to intervene - saving Genesis from Sephiroth´s next blow by hurling himself in between the two of them - using the Buster Sword on his back to block Masamune.

„Enough!" he barks out - his voice suddenly authoritative.

„Out of my way" Genesis yells at him in rage, attacking Angeal now who brings up his SOLDIER sword to defend himself - Genesis´s Rapier cutting through it like butter - sending the upper part of it to be hurled straigt into his shoulder.

The fight ends abruptly with Genesis sinking to his knees - clutching his shoulder in pain. Nobody dares to move as Zack aborts the simulation immediately- the surroundings turning back to grey tiled walls within seconds.

„Genesis!?" I get up from my seat too as we storm into the training area to check whether he is okay.

„Just a scrape" he assures me, when I reach forward to take a look at his injury, reveiling a deep cut. I take out my materia to heal it easily - Angeal and Sephiroth only watching - opting to keep their distance.

„Thank you." Genesis says - his voice barely a whisper - his eyes trained to the floor in embarassement. The he gets up and - obviosly still infuriated - turns to strut out of the room.

„Not the first time one of us got hurt while sparing" Angeal says to calm Zack who´s sporting a rather scared expression - obviously horrified at the dramatic turn the events had taken.

„Sparring!?" Zack yells - apparently outraged. „You call that sparring!?"

* * *

 _Author´s note: For everyone who didn´t realise or hasn´t played the game: I took that legendary scene from crisis core and altered it a little;) - for everyone who hasn´t got a clue what I´m talking about - go and watch it on youtube. It´s a must see._


	41. Chapter 41

CHAPTER 41

LIGHTNING´S POV

It was exactly one day before the upcoming boxing match Zack was so enthusiastic about, that I was making my way down to do some work out in the SOLDIER gym. I hadn´t been assigned any mission for some days now and things had started to get boring.

I was halfway down the First Class corridor when I am unfortunate enough to run into Genesis.

„Hey were do you think your going!?" he asks playfully. „Don´t you want to wait for us to go down to Loveless Avenue together!?" he adds, looking at me expectantly.

„Huh?" I give him a quizzical look - having no idea what he is talking about - to then feel my heart sink as realisation dawns on me...

„You have forgotton?! Don´t you?" He accuses - his voice indicating that I´d hurt his feelings. „I can´t believe it..." he says shaking his head in annoyance.

Oh no... The Loveless performance Genesis had made us promise to attend... my mind must have ignored that one completely...

„No...No... I didn´t forget!" I stammer - frantically searching for an excuse - but nothing comes to my mind.

„She was just making her way up to Director Lazard´s office..." I am saved by Sephiroth who had apparently just emerged from his quarters.

 _Huh? Was I?!_

„Yeah... he´s right... I was about to meet Director Lazard..." I manage - deciding to better play along - sending a questioning look Sephiroth´s way.

„Lazard just asked for us in order to discuss our upcoming mission." Sephiroth validates.

I see Genesis features relax. „Oh... alright...well I hope you´re finished in time to make it down with us together." he says - seemingly appeased, he turns to enter his own apparment.

 _Puhh.. that had been close..._ I think as I sigh in relief.

„Thank you." I express my graditude, turning around to go back to my own appartment to get ready for the night out.

„You´re welcome..." Sephiroth says, furrowing his brow. „Nobody wants to be at the receiving end of Genesis wrath when it comes to Loveless..."

„You really forgot didn´t you?"he adds - his voice gentle.

„Yeah... I did..." I admid, blushing a little.

* * *

We make it to Sector 8 in time to watch the performance of Loveless.

„Oh can´t we just do something else instead?" Cloud moans. „We can go to Goblin´s bar or something...".

I don´t know who had invited him to come along anyway.

Although everybody is thinking along the same line as Cloud, nobody dares to say a word. We know better than to try anything. Genesis would insist on us to attend anyway.

The red-haired First Class seems to be bubbling over with joy as he reaches the ticket counter to buy 6 cards - at least he has the decency to pay for us..

Handing our tickets to the portier at the entrance we enter the theater - a dark room filled with rows and rows of seats and a small stage in the front - concealed now by heavy dark curtains.

„Back row has the best view!" Genesis informs us as we make a our way over to the seats he had just indicated.

Sephiroth enters the row first - choosing to sit next to the aisle, then goes Angeal - seating himself between Sephiroth and Genesis voluntarily. Zack, Cloud and me have a silent fight for a few seconds about who is going to have to sit next to Genesis, with Cloud naturally loosing - taking the seat to the annoying First Class´s other side. I follow behind Zack who sits down next to Cloud.

 _Good_ _..at least I´m far enough away from Genesis to be out of earshot once he starts commentating on the show or something._

I deside to give the whole thing a try as, after the room is stuffed with people, the lights go out and the curtains are lifted.

I make it through Act I and II - deciding that it isn´t that bad after all. Looking over at the others I observe Genesis´ fascinated face - his hands gripping the armrests of his seats in anticipation - his lips forming the words spoken by the actors a second in advance as he knows everything by heart anyway... He´d probably seen this enactment a hundred times already.

Looking further down the row I can make out Angeal - seeming mildly interested - and Sephiroth, who judging from his facial expression - is downright bored.

Genesis´ friendship must mean a lot to him. After all, he was still here. And I knew he wasn´t one to have much patience.

My musings are interupted by a tiny snore - looking at Zack right next to me, I realise he´s fast asleep.

I can´t help but smile.

* * *

It is near the end of the presentation that suddenly I receive a mail - telling me that I was assigned a mission I needed to tend to immediately.

Not very sorry about having an excuse to leave, I decide to wake up Zack, who´s still sleeping soundly in his seat next to me - his head resting on Cloud´s shoulder who doesn´t seem to care at all - to tell him I needed to leave and why.

Figuring Genesis had to blame this one on Shin-Ra instead of me, I get up from my seat and make my way out of the room and into the foyer.

I´m on my way out when a glimpse of silver catches my eyes.

Looking over I see my favourite First Class General lounging at the bar, a drink set in front of him - obviously skiving the last acts of the play.

I consider to just leave... but no... he won´t get away with that so easily.

I don´t know how he had managed to sneak out of there without Genesis noticing, but I wouldn´t have that.

„Shouldn´t you be in there!?" I start, eyeing him sternly - he turns around to look at me - somewhat taken aback.

„I could say the same about you..." he retorts - I can hear a trace of amusement in his voice.

„I just got assigned a mission... It´s urgent." I inform him - raising an eyebrow at him challengingly. „What´s your excuse?"

„Well... it was kind of a medical emergency..." he says - my eyebrows furrowing „I have reason to assume that I would have died out of boredome in there, had I stayed any longer."

„I just coundn´t bear this bullshit anymore..." He clarifies.

„Hm... Actually I thought it was pretty good." I inform him- my voice neutral.

He just snorts at that.

„What´s so important that you have to leave now anyway?" he asks, giving me a demanding look.

„They seem to have a problem with some monsters entering the HQ maintainance shafts again..." I trail off - suddenly feeling stupid about having been asigned such an insignificant task.

Sighing I voice my irritation „I imagined my First Class missions to be a tiny bit more demanding... "

„With the Wutai war over now they don´t seem to have much work left for us, huh?" he muses.

„It certainly seems so..." I agree.

„Don´t worry you´ll get your fair share of top priority missions soon enough." He says, giving me a tight smile.

„Are you going to come to the boxing match tomorrow... cheer on Zack or something?" He asks carefully, after a moment of silence.

Feeling my cheeks blush, I look away. Was this some kind of invitation?

" I don´t know.. Zack´s been bothering me with this since last week..."

„But?" he prompts - looking at me expectantly.

„But... I don´t feel like joining... It´s just not my thing..." I tell him.

„What a pity.. I would have been delighted to see you fight...defending your SOLDIER honor or something..." he replies, his voice soft now - his eyes boring into my own.

 _What is it with everybody wanting me to join this nonsense?_

"SOLDIER honor... I think that´s a lame excuse for starting a fight..." I retort.

"There is always an excuse..." he says.

I don´t get what he´s implying.

„I think you should go back inside... or you will miss the ending..." I suggest dryly.

„I could accompany you... help you out with that mission..." he tries.

„Nice try..." I deadpan. He only raises an eyebrow in responce.

„No... I suggest you behave yourself and go back inside to watch this beautiful performance of Genesis´ beloved book." I order - doing a bad job at repressing a smirk.

„At your command, Lieutenant..." he says - his eyes never leaving my own - the ghost of a smile on his lips.

 _Is he mocking me?!_

I just give him a tight nod, than - somewhat flustered - turn to leave.

„Take care." I hear him call after me.


	42. Chapter 42

CHAPTER 42

LIGHTNING´S POV

It was already 10 p.m. that I made my way down to Sector 6 alone. I was already late for the boxing match - all the others were already there - I had spontaneously decided to come, knowing how much Zack would appreciate me showing up and I had been feeling restless and bored back at HQ anyway.

I made my way past Don Corneo´s and the Honey Bee Inn as fast as I could - heading towards the local gym without sparing the prostetutes lurking in the streets as much as a glance.

Upon entering the building - music blasting - people shouting - I immediately realise why they called it „Men´s hall" - spying a fair amount of transsexuals among the visitors.

Disgusted, I push trough the crowd towards the ring - reaching the front, I realise I had arrived just in time to witness Zack´s turn against one of the infintrymen. He had received an ugly blow to his face - his nose bleeding - but he was now doing fine, practically flattening his opponent.

Joining Angeal and Cloud who are both supporting Zack at the top of their lungs, I watch the other guy go down to his knees.

„You´ve made it!" Angeal states, obviously pleased to see me - giving me an amicable hug.

„Beautiful Bro has outdone himself... transformed this little gym into some kind of disco or something..." he explains as I look around to take in the atmosphere. The main lights were out and replaced by colour-changing spots and there was a huge disco ball attached to the ceiling in the middle of the room.

This was crazy.

I´m suddenly taken by surprise by Genesis who - bumping into me from behind - showers me with booze from his mug, drenching his clothes in the process - obviously drunk already.

„Hey Light... nice to see you!" he yells over the noise of the room. „Oh sorry...´bout that..." he looks down at me appologetically upon realising his malheur.

I take deep calming breaths as I turn back to watch Zack raise his arms in the air triumphantly as the gong signals that the time´s over, the crowd cheering in applause - Genesis raising his pitcher to empty the rest of its contents over our heads.

 _Ohw... I so knew why I wanted to stay at home..._

I keep scolding myself in my head for being stupid enough to come here in the first place - only half watching, when Angeal enters the ring to have a go himself - being penned-in by the crowd, the bodies of strangers - soaked up in sweat - pressing against my own.

Thinking that this can´t possibly get any worse, I absendmindedly let my gaze wander around the room - Mako green eyes fixed on mine catching my attention.

 _Sephiroth._

My heart does a crazy flutter I don´t understand - to then sink instantly as I realise he is sourrounded by two girls drooling over him - their tight-cut dresses leaving very little to the imagination - one of them throwing herself at him shamelessly.

I feel anger rise inside of me at the sight of them... One of those sluts has her hand resting on his forearm all the time. I only watch as she puts her other hand to his shoulder - pushing herself onto her tip toes - she leans in to whisper something into his ear. I see him bend down in order to catch her words - one of his trademark half smiles I so loved to see, forming on his lips - as he doesn´t take his eyes away from my own - a strange feeling I don´t understand rising from deep inside of me.

I can´t believe he´s spending his time with those brainless fanclub bitches...

He deserved better.

I watch the girl who had been whispering into his ear draw back and giggle flirtatiously - leaning back to show off her boobs for him, but he doesn´t seem to bother as our gazes are still locked.

She takes a sip from her drink, obviously offended now at his lack of attention, then brings up her hand to touch one of his cheeks - bringing his face down to look at her.

It´s only hesitantly that he tears his eyes away from my own, to then reach up and remove her hand from his face - talking to her now.

I feel my dinner making it´s way back up from my stomach as I realise the strange feeling I experience inside is jealousy...

 _Jealousy..._

* * *

SEPHIROTH´S POV

I don´t bother to listen to that stupid whore right in front of me as I notice Lightning enter the gym - her pink hair making her stick out in the crowd easily. I watch her make her way down to the ring where Zack is beating up Pete from the security department.

I can sense her awkwardness as she stands there, squeezed inbetween the crowd next to Angeal - and I mentally facepalm myself when I witness Genesis drench the others in booze.

He can be such a prat sometimes...

I observe Lightning watching Angeal enter the ring until she turns around absentmindeldly to let her eyes roam the location the fags here had turned into a nightclub.

She´s probably contemplating how to get out of here and back to HQ without the others noticing, or concentrating hard to make up an excuse to leave without the others being offended.

I smile inwardly.

That would just be so her.

Always stuck up, but intent not to upset anybody...

Then our eyes meet and the rest of the room around us fades to the background.

Caught in the moment I just let myself drown in those sincere icy eyes. I don´t even realise my fangirl stretch to tell me something and it´s only automatically that I lean forward - faking intrest in her words, when I don´t even hear a single syllaby of what she had actually said - my attention focused on the pair of blue eyes only meters away from me.

I try and give her a small smile - a futile atempt to cheer her up, I know - she´s always so serious...

I´m even able to detect anger now in those pretty features...

 _What is she angry about anyway..._

She´s probably angry with me...

Somehow she always seems to be angry with me...

I realise I long for her to come over and talk to me - or maybe to let me invite her for a drink - as I wish the annoying slut infront of me away... I had no use for her.

I nearly cringe when I feel that bitch´s touch against my cheek - nearly slapping her hand away in surprise - I just want that insolent fangirl to leave, as - having a hard time to take my eyes off the pink haired First Class in front of me - I manage to catch myself and instead I force myself to gently push her hand away. „ I think you´ve had enough for tonight..." I tell my fangirl - leaning down in order for her to hear me over the noise of the background.

My suspicions are confirmed when giggling, she stumbles backwards. I catch her arm in order to not have her crash into the dirty floor face first.

„Maybe..." She says in her unbearable shrilly voice. I look back - searching the crowd for Light but the spell had been broken and she is gone.

„You should go home..." I tell the girl, scanning the crowd for that pretty pink hair of hers.

„I don´t think I can make it back home on my own... Maybe you should help me out..." The little skank says - twinking her eyes suggestively.

I sight in frustration as she takes my hand in an attempts to tug me along.

I know I had done things like this uncountable times in the past - accompanying them home, being invited inside... the rest left to the imagination.

I didn´t give it a thought back then.. using these girls to satisfy my needs - Angeal and Genesis had done the same hundreths of times.. that was what fangirls where there for after all...

But now I somehow felt dirty just thinking about it.

Not knowing what else to do, I follow her out of that transsexual whorehouse, the cold nightwind whipping my face as I let her drag me along by my hand behind her.

* * *

LIGHTNING´S POV

I can´t believe he´s leaving with this slut - my chest constricting painfully, as I watch his retreating back - their hands entwined, as he lets her stear him through the crowd.

I feel tears stinging at the back of my eyes... tears I don´t understand... what does it matter if he leaves with that girl... that´s non of my buisness... I try to calm myself.

 _Since when did I care?_

I can´t help but feel somehow rejected... stupid... I know.

I shake my head in an attempt to clear my mind - barely registering Angeal end the fight against some guy from the securtiy department, who needs to be half carried from the ring by his colleagues.

I observe the painful feeling in my chest being replaced by anger - rage rising inside me - I need to take this out on somebody - now - I think, as I make my way to the ring - volunteering for the next round. I only marginally perceive Zack, Angeal and Genesis roar in surprise and anticipation at me participating in the competition - I also receive cheers and wolfwhistles from all over the crowd - everybody exited at seing a girl fight for once.

The only girl in SOLDIER. That´s who I am.

I feel all the eyes on me as the fight commences - my opponent circling me - giving me a derisive smirk as he examines my black First Class uniform. I decide to just remain there - unmoving - waiting for my rival to make the first move - all the eyes on me but one pair... a pair of Mako green eyes missing... the only pair that counts...

I don´t even feel the fist connecting with my jaw - hard - it´s nothing compared to Sephiroth´s...

Somehow he had a talent for hitting me where it hurt most.

* * *

SEPHIROTH´S POV

I wait for the taxi I had called to arrive outside in the cold air, watching that fangirl of mine crawl into the backseat of the car impatiently. I pick out 100 Gil to give to the driver - instructing him to savely bring her wherever it was she needed to go, to then finally head back inside.

 _Lightning._

I needed to find her in there.

It doesn´t take me long to realise were she is, as all the others stare´s are fixed on her - I look up in time to watch her receive a nasty blow to her jaw.

 _Not that..._

Unable to witness it, I look away as I hear her grunt out in pain.

Deciding I wanted to check on her once she´s done, I make my way over to the ring where she´s now flattening the security guy.

I can tell she is furious. That guy is on the floor even before time´s up.

I chuckle. She really is a tough one.

She´d had a good teacher after all...

I feel a pang of sympathy for the fellow in the ring... that fight hadn´t been fair - he had lost the second he had entered.

I patiently wait as the crowd goes berserk, screaming their throats hoarse at the fight´s outcome.

* * *

LIGHTNING´S POV

I just stare at the guy on the floor in front of me - not getting up anymore. I feel the anger burn me from inside as I want him to get up so I could beat the shit out of him again - blood dripping from my knuckles - open from me striking so hard, I feel dizzy with fury.

I turn to exit the ring just to find Sephiroth, waiting there for me - his presence taking me off guard.

„Lightning..." He calls out my name - trying to catch my attention.

My lower lip cracked - blood running down my face - I brush past him - ignoring him, as I realise I don´t care what it is he´s got to say.

 _Or at least that was what I chose to make myself believe._

* * *

 _(In case anybody cares: here´s the song that inspired this chapter: MoTrip - So wie du bist feat. Lary)_


	43. Chapter 43

CHAPTER 43

LIGHTNING´S POV

The next weeks passed fast and the year was finally drawing to a close. It wasn´t until December that I was assigned a real mission again - Sephiroth was right after all - now the Wutai war was over they didn´t have much use for us anymore.

I was looking forward therefore to my next job - finally able to leave Midgar and it´s Slums again - to get a little change of scenery.

It was the evening before we left for that mission, that we chose to eat in the dining hall instead of going out - something I hadn´t done in a long time - since our departure was scheduled for the early morning hours of the next day.

It isn´t until Angeal and Sephiroth take their places on the opposite site of the table, putting their trays in front of mine - Zack, Cloud and me had arrived early this time - that I realise I had never before seen the First´s dine here.

Angeal only stares at me when I voice this observation.

„Yeah... that´s because we don´t." Sephiroth clarifies, a smirk threatenting to form on his lips again.

„...as the food is just terrible..." Angeal manages in between bites of beef.

Genesis arrives at our table last - squeezing himself in between Sephiroth and Angeal.

„Hey Light... you´re prepared for our mission tomorrow?" he asks - taking a bite from his apple, not touching the main dish.

I hadn´t been exactly pleased about the line-up for the upcoming mission, upon finding out that I was going to leave together with Sephiroth... as well as Genesis. I wished Angeal would come along instead... I was so not looking forward to their constant bickering - the everlasting tension between those two had only increased since their last fight in the simulation training room.

I can already picture them fighting about the silliest things.

„Yeah I guess I´m all ready." I assure the redhead.

„I don´t know why we have to leave so early anyway..."Genesis starts.

 _And so the nagging begins..._

Looking over at Sephiroth, I can see that smirk of his intensify.

Being First Class Genereal it had probably been him who picked the early date.

I knew he had a thing for leaving early.

Intent on not looking at him for too long, I force my attention back to the food in front of me.

After what had happened at Men´s hall - I´d rather keep my distance.

I don´t know where all this unexpected feelings toward him had come from, but I couldn´t give in to them ... I won´t let him hurt me. No matter if physically or emotionally. Never again.

I wasn´t one to dwell on false hopes.

Besides - concerning our positions - feelings such as these were simply inappropriate... unprofessional.

I´m ripped out of my musings as Genesis takes a sip from his cup - spitting it out immediately - spraying us in water, disgust written all over his face - obviously revoltet at the taste.

Drenched in a mixture of saliva and his beverage, we are left to look up at Genesis in a mixture of surprise and dismay.

 _What the..._

„What´s fucking wrong with you?!" Sephiroth shouts in his face, looking down at his drenched uniform in distaste - he abruptly gets up, nearly turning the table over in rage - pushing Genesis out of his way angrily, as he turns to hurry out of the room at once - the whole dining room staring at us.

Genesis raises his hands apologetically.

„I´m sorry..." he starts carefully. All the eyes fixed on him now.

„What´s in it anyway - cat´s piss?" he wonders - eying his cup suspiciously.

„Actually it´s water." Zack informs him - his lips twitching - trying hard to prevent a grin from forming on his face - as Genesis grimaces. „Guess you´ve never had any of that before, huh?"


	44. Chapter 44

CHAPTER 44

LIGHTNING´S POV

It is early in the morning that I get myself ready, exiting my appartment to find nobody there.

 _Strange..._

We had agreed on meeting in the corridor since our rooms where on the same floor anyway.

I go over and knock on Genesis´ door next to mine - a grunt from inside indicates that he´s probably not even up yet.

I snort. „Genesis aren´t you ready yet?" I call through the door.

"Just give me a few minutes..." comes a sleepy voice from inside.

I shake my head. I don´t know how Genesis had made First Class. He hasn´t got an ounce of discipline inside of him.

I make my way over to Sephiroth´s door, contemplating my options before knocking - wondering what had him late as he is normally overly punctual.

„Sephiroth? Are you in there?" I call.

No response. But i can hear the sound of a wooden chair´s leg moving against the linuleum floor on the other side.

„May I enter?" I hear my voice ask shyly.

„Come in." he instructs from inside.

When nothing happens, I cautiously move to open the door - wondering about how it isn´t locked... than on the other hand... who would be foolish enough to enter this room without permission... that would be equal to signing one´s own death warrant.

Realising I had never been to his apparment before, I enter to find myself surrounded by sterile white walls - the whole appartment looking as though nobody had ever lived in it - not a single thing displayed on the clean but empty shelves. It looked nearly as dreary as my own.

I spy him seated at the kitchen table, apparently engrossed in some files in front of him.

„What do you want?" he asks dryly, looking up from the his paperwork - I had obviously interrupted some research of his.

„I´m sorry... I" I stammer - feeling volnerable under his scrutinizing gaze. „Our departure was scheduled for 5 o´clock in the morning..."

He just stars at me - his marble features giving nothing away.

I can´t shake off the feeling that he is angry about something. It couln´t be me... could it?

I suddenly feel weak and pathetic next to him again... like I always used to feel when I was still in training.

 _Get a grip on yourself... your not a Third Class anymore..._ I tell myself.

„Well it´s 10 past 5 already... so knowing how you usually are on time - I just wanted to check... whether you were okay..." I say - forcing my voice to sound strong - determined to hide my insecurities around him.

„Ohw... is it already?" he says - looking somewhat surprised. „I must have lost count of time." he mutters - rather to himself than anybody else - getting up and making his way towards me, towards the door.

„Where is Genesis?" he asks.

„Uhm.. I guess he´s just getting up..." I inform him.

I watch him shake his head in annoyance. Then he heads over to rap on Genesis´door.

„Genesis!? It´s 10 minutes past 5 already! Aren´t you done putting on your make up anytime soon?!" He calls through the door without waiting for a response.

I jump in surprise when suddenly the door is thrown open, reveiling a disheveled looking Genesis - crimson hair sticking out in all directions - clad only in a pair of red boxers, his muscular torso would have caught any woman´s attention.

„NO Sephiroth! I´m barely dressed!" he yells, obviously annoyed. We all knew Genesis was terribly grumpy in the mornings.

„SOLDIER First Class Genesis Rhapsodos... I suggest you get that ugly ass of yours into your pants NOW - or do I have to report to Director Lazard about this!?" Sephiroth warns - his voice deadly.

This was going to be a long day... or rather a long mission... with these two behaving like toddlers..

I can´t help but notice the chaos of Genesis living room - tons of books and parchment spread on every surface available, clothes and various take away food cartons littering the floor, the walls full with expensive looking paintings. The complete opposite to Sephiroth´s.

„Oh shut the fuck up, will you!?" Genesis retorts hysterically. „And I don´t wear any make up! So would you two please give me a break so I can properly dress myself, or am I to leave for where ever it is we´re going with only my shorts on !?" he adds grumpily - not bothering to close the door as - obviously pissed - like a little child throwing a tantrum, he starts to put on his trousers, nearly falling to the floor in the process.

Sephiroth´s just rolling his eyes at his comrade´s antics, while I have a hard time stifling a laugh.

I hadn´t expected Genesis to throw a fit already, without us having even left.

It is quarter to six when we finally make our way down to the foyer.


	45. Chapter 45

Chapter 45

LIGHTNING´S POV

We had been scouring the wilderness for the mako spring for days now, maybe weeks, but we hadn´t found a trace of it.

So, coming to the conclusion that it could only be located at the top of the mountain that was towering over the wildlands we had been sent too, we had finally started our ascend.

We couldn´t reach it with the heli or anything, because the raw materia up there we had to obtain apparently had powerful electromagnetic powers, causing insturments not to work around it, as well as making it impossible to locate it´s exact location. That was probably the reason why Shin-Ra wanted it in the first place... No doubt they would turn it into a tool to use it´s abilities for military defensee strategies.

So it is up to us to find a path up there - secure the materia inside the case the Weapon Developement Department had provided us with to contain it´s powers - and bring it back to Shin-Ra headquarters.

Conquering that mountain on our own... It wasn´t fun.

Most passages were almost impossible to climb and the hours had gotten darker and colder with every passing day. The nights were horrible - cold and wet - as it was constantly raining. Sometimes we were fortunate enough to find a cave to rest in, sometimes we had to try and find sleep with only a ledge to shelter us from the storm.

The weather was clearly against us.

And so was the wildlife.

Despite not a blade of grass growing here, the mountains were packed with creatures ready to attack us. They were no match for us of course, but they were annoying - constantly holding us up and slowing us down.

If I didn´t know better I´d say nature was trying to deter us from reaching that damn leak of lifestream.

I had started to regret longing to leave for a proper mission again - picturing Cloud, Zack and Angeal nestled down in their warm beds, while I was cowering against blank stone - freezing - my clothes drenched in rainwater. It was a miracle none of us had catched a cold yet. But I had my healing materia after all... clenching it tightly in my hands all the time, wishing it´d keep the cold away from my bones.

* * *

It was an especially aweful night, the wind whipped the rain into my face relentlessly, my limbs were already feeling numb and weak from the cold and the exertion of climbing a particulary nasty spot of nearly completely blank stone wall.

It must have been late in the night already, but we hadn´t found a place to rest yet and we couldn´t stay were we were anyway, so we had decided that we´d take a rest once we found a proper place or otherwise just continue, to reach the top that night and get this over with.

Genesis had gone up ahead to secure the path or something. I hadn´t seen a glimpse of him in what seemed hours.

Sephiroth must be somewhere ahead of me too - with me bringing up the rear.

I try to force my body to make it up the wall, my hand loosing grip for the thousandth time - slipping I graze my arm against the sharp stone, drawing blood.

 _Damn... Not again._

I look upwards ... unable to make out a trace of neither Genesis nor Sephiroth - I figure the top of this cliff must be somewhere ahead soon.

It is when I nearly reach it, that there´s a deafening bang - an explosion - thundering behind me, startling me, making me loose my footing again. I feel my body slip - loosing my grip on the rock, I feel myself fall - a small gasp of surprise escapes me as I realise what happens - panickingly I try to regain my grip but everything´s slippery from the rain - it´s no use.

My paralyzed mind playing out the scenario in front of my inner eye, I see myself plummet to my death what must be a thousand meters - my Body hitting the floor with a sickening crack to indicate my demise - as suddenly a strong hand closes around my forearm - pulling me up and over the edge effortlessly - helping me up into a standing position.

My hands clawing the fabric of his coat panickingly, I let go only reluctantly, as standing on wobbly knees, I try hard to regain my composure.

I don´t even think to thank my silver haired rescuer this time, my attention fixed to the illuminated nightsky in front of us, as lost for words, I stare into the distance where a million sparkling lights erupt - painting the horizon various beautiful colours.

 _The New Year´s Eve firework..._

I can´t believe it´s New Year´s Eve already... I must have lost track of days here in this wilderness... in this no man´s land.

We just stand there, marveling at the spectacle infront of us - a bit of colour in these grey days - my vision impaired by drops of heavy rain.

I don´t realise we are standing that close, as we watch the pyrotechnics light the horizon like a multicoloured thunderstorm.

I guess it is one of the most beautiful things I´ve ever seen - beside his eyes - as after an eternity he turns to face me.

„Happy New Year then..." he says - his voice soft - our eyes locked now. His lips are only centimeters from my own - I can feel his breath against the skin of my face.

I seem to have forgotton how to breathe, as I feel my heart beat against my ribcage - fast.

He stares into my eyes, his expression unreadable - his marble features giving nothing away - as I let myself drown in his intoxicating green ones.

For an unbearable long moment I think he´s going to kiss me - followed by an equally unbearable one where I realise I actually want him to - that I´m actually burning to feel his lips against my own - when suddenly our private moment is interrupted by Genesis.

„Hey guys! Seems like I´ve found us a place to sleep after all." he announces - his voice full of joy - taking a generous sip from a little hip flask - his other hand wrapped in flames as he uses his fire materia as some kind of torch.

Sephiroth tears himself away without hesitation - taking a few steps backwards immediately - he´s ready to follow after Genesis without sparing me a glance - leaving me behind - the rain beating down hard on my slightly blushed cheeks.

I notice a strange feeling of loss spreading inside of me as I realise I want his body to be close to mine - I wish I could burry my face into his chest and feel his strong arms around me protectively - just like Zack´s had been almost exactly a year ago.

„Happy new year..." I say, my voice barely a whisper.


	46. Chapter 46

Chapter 46

LIGHTNING´S POV

I was so glad to be back from that awful mission - back to a dry bed to sleep in, back to taking warm showers and being served warm meals on a regular basis.

Reaching the top of that mountain the day after New Year´s Eve, we had secured the Materia Shin-Ra desired and had left without further ado.

Now that we had returned, I settled back into my old routine... doing nothing but slaying monsters all day and training in the gym to keep myself in shape, occasionally spending the nights out with the guys.

Things had become a little awkward between Sephiroth and me.

I didn´t understand what had led to him behaving like he did at the moment, but he semmed to keep his distance now whenever we were forced to do something together... yeah forced... because he seemed to avoid situations where he would find himself in my presence alone... or in my presence at all - giving me the impression that I had totally misread the events from New Year´s Eve.

I tried to not give it too much thought though.

It had been stupid of me to think that there might have been something anyway... he was Sephiroth after all.

So I follow his lead... Not paying him much attention when we are at 7th heaven again.

I am sharing a booth with Zack and Cloud - the others had left for the bar or wherever some time ago.

The conversation had somehow trailed off into silence. I wasn´t in the mood for talking today.

Cloud suddenly gets up from his seat. „I´ll leave you two alone, gotta go and find Tifa." he explains - motioning over in the direction of the bar. „Haven´t seen much of her all evening. She´s probably angry or something..." he grimaces.

This leaves Zack and me alone. I figure this evening can´t get any more boring.

„So what´s up anyway?" Zack starts after a few minutes of silence.

„What do you mean?" I ask - slightly irritated - shooting him an incredulous look.

„...between you and Sephiroth..." he tries cautiously - he knows he´s treading on thin ice here.

Somewhat taken aback at him bringing up this unexpected topic, I avoid my gaze instantly - unable to look him in the eye as I feel my cheeks blush.

 _Please not that._

I dearly hope my reaction has not given me away.

Pulling myselft together, I slowly look up to meet Zack´s inquiring sky blue eyes again.

„I don´t know what you mean... it´s nothing..." I start tentatively, but Zack interrupts me immediately and I instantly know I´m screwed.

„Oh don´t you dare... do you think I´m stupid or something?" he snaps, sounding offended. „I mean you two don´t even talk to each other anymore..." He sais - obviously disappointed at my futile attempts to evade the topic.

I choose not to answer. I don´t even know what to say.

Thinking about it, I don´t even know what had happened exactly back at New Year´s Eve. Actually nothing out of the ordinary had happened at all, had there?

„It´s kind of curious, you know... One second you two are inseperable...then you get back from that mission and you kind of ignore each other..." Zack observes.

„Don´t be stupid Zack - we were never anything close to inseperable. Actually we hardly got along since we met..." I retort. Now that the words had left my lips, I realise they´re actually true.

Sure there had been times when we had gotten along. But most times we hadn´t.

Why was he evading me anyway? It doesn´t make sense.

On the other hand, he had chosen to ignore me numerous times in the past - usually whenever I had done something that had offended him - which was easier than one would think - sometimes I had had the feeling the simple fact of my existance annoyed him to no end.

So pondering this, I conclude that actually he isn´t behaving out of the ordinary at all - but that it´s me who´s imagining things.

However, pondering these questions has to wait until later. Finding an answer that would satisfy Zack and not give away my secret feelings for the First Class General - I couldn´t deny I had anymore - had top priority now.

„So what happened...did you two fight or something?" Zack tries again - his voice kind and understanding.

„Hey Zack - there you are!" For the first time in my life I´m happy to see Aerith as she makes her way over to our table to throw herself at Zack and engage him in a passionate kiss - mercifully interrupting the uncomfortable interrogation.

 _Puh... Seems like I´m saved from answering that one,_ I think as - as fast as possible - I get up and - intend on not to disturb them - I squeeze past them, to escape Zack´s prying questions.

Better leave as long as he is distracted.

The location crammed with people now, I make my way through the crowd - looking for a sign of the others. Spotting none of them, I can´t help but notice that at least there aren´t any fangirls present today.

Feeling lost, I make my way over to the bar - getting in line - waiting for my turn to arrive so I could buy a drink - forcing myself not to look for the First Class General in the crowd - trying to divert my thoughts from revolving around him.

I needed to forget about this...

* * *

ANGEAL´S POV

I am on my way back from the toilet when - fighting my way through the crowd - I catch a glimpse of Genesis - persumably tipsy again - about to approach Light who is queued up infront of the bar.

He´s wearing that mischievious expression I know so well.

Crossing the room in only a few strides, I reach him - grabbing him at his shoulder in what is supposed to be a brotherly way - maybe a bit too hard.

„Hey, what do you think you are doing?" I confront him.

„Huh?" Genesis turns to stare at me - a quizzical look replacing that naughty grin of his. „I just thought about buying Lightning a drink..." he starts, morphing his features into what he doubtlessly thinks is an innocent expression.

„You know... start some conversation... maybe keep her some company..." he trails off - that mischieveous twinkle making it´s way back into his eyes now. I don´t like the direction his thoughts are taking.

„That girl´s gotta loosen up a bit..." he explains winking at me suggestively.

„I don´t think that´s the best idea right now, Bro!" I warn him. Risking a look over at Sephiroth, I see him leaning against the wall a few meters away, staring holes into Lightning´s back - his arms crossed infront of his chest - he´s obviously not to be messed with tonight.

„What...you think she´s going to cut my balls off?" Genesis jokes- looking at me incredulously.

„No but I think he might..." I inform him.

„Huh? What are you talking about?" he asks, furrowing his brow - obviously confused - then following the direction of my gaze.

„...NO WAY..." he manages, finally catching on.

I just nod in confirmation.

„...But?!" Genesis starts, sputtering once realisation hits him... his mouth opening and closing stupidly as apparently he is lost for words.

 _The great Genesis Rhapsodos rendered speechless... I consider that an achievement._

I won´t let Genesis interfere this time.

These two were made for each other. That was plainly obvious.

I sigh in frustration.

I wished they´d just admit that fact to themselves.


	47. Chapter 47

CHAPTER 47

LIGHTNING´S POV

It was a few days before Valentine´s day that Zack´s relentless assault startet.

„Please, Please you need to come...You have to!" he begs - puppy eyes searching my own.

I know I´m not going to make it out of it this time.

They had appearantly planned a trip to Costa del Sol - all of us together - the date they had chosen miraculously coinciding with Valentine´s day - knowing of their fondness for my least favourite day of the year, I hightly doubt that was a coincidence.

No matter how often I tried to explain how much I hated that damn day - It was no use. This time they wouldn´t take no for an answer.

„You´ve never even been to Costa del Sol! You´ve got to see it - please - everybody will be there... even some of the Turks are coming, you can´t stay behind..." he tries to convince me. „I don´t understand why you´re always against it - there will be a party - it will be fun!"

Yeah it will be fun.. for you. And Aerith. And Cloud and Tifa. But not for me.

For me it will just be a painful reminder of being lonely. That´s all it ever was.

I hadn´t been asked out on a date this year, as usual and I was fed up with watching those four make out right in front of my nose.

I sigh in defeat. In the end I would have to give in anyway. So rather do it now then endure this shit any longer.

„I know you´re not exactly fond of Valentine´s day... but... think about it as a holliday! Some days off from work! You´ll love the beach, I just know it." he keeps going.

„Okay...okay.. I´m in." I´m crushed in a tight hug the seconds the words leave my lips.

„Thank you. Thank you. THAAANK YOUU" Zack cries - obviously delighted at the fact that I would come along.

* * *

The ferry ride from Junon is no fun. It´s not that I suffer from seasickness or anything... but the enormous size of the oceans is scaring me - nothing but a thin layer of metal seperating me from the infinite dephts of the waters, filled to the hilt with tons of murderous creatures... _great._

We don´t seem to be the only one´s who have chosen to take a trip to Costa del Sol for the weekend however - as upon entering the ship, I immediately spy several members of the Turks, as well as some people from the Weapon Developement Department too. Seems more like some kind of company outing to me.

...What a jolly trip this is going to be...

Leaving the main deck as soon as I have the possibility to do so without anybody noticing, I find a small balcony next to the lifeboats, where - leaning against the railing - I can finally find some peace.

Feeling miserable, I let my gaze wander over the water´s surface - stretching out endlessly infront of me - nothing but water wherever I look - the shear vastness of the sea making me feel tiny and unimportant.

„It´s beautiful isn´t it?" a female voice from behind me suddenly rips me out of my musings.

Surprised, I turn to look into the kind dark eyes of Tifa.

„Actually I´m not very fond of it..." I deadpan.

„Oh... motion sickness?" she asks - her expression concerend, as she chooses to lean against the railing next to me.

„No... it´s just the huge amounts of water... filled with bloodthirsty beasts and no land in sight..." I reply somewhat grumpy. I wished she´d just leave or at least shut up.

„Don´t worry!" She tries to reassure me warm heartedly. „We will reach Costa del Sol soon! Nothing bad will happen I promise!" She says in attempt to cheer me up.

 _What a stupid promise to make_ , I think to myself. Nobody knows what will happen. Promising something that is not to be predicted... this was something only stupid people did. That girl must have gotten boobs instead of brains...

„Why don´t you come and join the party?!" she invites me to follow her up to the main deck. Doesn´t she get that that´s exactly the opposite of what I want now?

I know its well-meant, but I´m so not in the mood.

„Come on this trip is supposed to be fun!" she says, motioning for me to follow. „Can´t have you sulking around on your own all the time."

„Okay." Deciding to play nice, I give a long sight before I turn to go upstairs with her.

Up there the paty is in full swing - people getting tanked up already and some even dancing to the music - and it´s hardly 3 pm.

I can see Angeal raiding the buffet table at the far away end of the party area - Genesis accompanying him with a half empty drink clutched in his hands as usual.

Having nothing else to do I decide to join them - no harm done in checking out the buffet.

„Hey Light. Everything all right? You look a little pale..." Angeal says, popping a sake maki into his mouth. „Motion sickness?"

„No I´m okay" I lie, taking in the wide selection of dishes to choose from.

I pick out a tempura maki - hoping the taste of my favourite type of meat would cheer me up.

„Need a drink?" Genesis offers upon taking in my slightly depressed condition.

Catching myself scanning the crowd for Sephiroth again, I can´t help but decline.

Better keep a clear head today, lest I do something stupid again.


	48. Chapter 48

Chapter 48

LIGHTNING´S POV

 _Costa del Sol really is beautiful._ With its bright yellow straw thatched roofs, its inviting inns and romantic promenades it was the perfect destination for any holliday.

It was in the evening that we went down to the little bar at the beach - already stuffed with people - employee´s from Shin-Ra as well as their relatives or friends and also a bunch of local people.

The owners of that bar had obviously taken the motto of the day a bit too serious - every corner of the little shack covered in pinks or reds - hearts and flowers everywhere.

It couldn´t be any worse.

I had chosen to occupy a seat in the corner - distancing myself from the others as I nibble at my desert (which came on a heart-shaped plate) - I don´t seem to have much appetite, as I am forced to watch Aerith and Zack make out right next to me.

I don´t know why it is bothering me so much. I guess I wouldn´t even behave like that if I had a date. NO I definitely wouldn´t do something like this in public.

 _I just hope this night is going to pass fast._

„Oh come on Light... why so grumpy?" Cloud starts. He must be kidding me.

„Please just leave me in peace..." I start - shooting daggars at him with my eyes.

„I don´t get it. If you are sick of being alone, why don´t you hook up with someone?" he asks - looking at me expectantly.

I notice Zack break free from Aerith´s kisses for a moment to look up - no doubt interested in my reaction - probably looking forward to witness me teaching Cloud a lesson once again.

However i am not in the mood.

I can only snort at that ridiculous suggestion of his.

 _He has no idea._

„Take Reno for example! That bloke has been eying you since we arrived for the party..." Cloud points out - I catch Tifa sending him a warning look.

I deside I like Tifa after all.

Looking over at the red haired Turk leaning against the wall just a few meters away, I just shake my head.

 _Not in this life._

I can´t do something like that. That just isn´t me.

Besides I am not interested in Reno anyway...

„Being alone doesn´t meen you have to be all sullen on a day like this! There are plenty of people here who are single and are still enjoying themselves ... Look at Scarlet for example.." he says, indicating the red clad head of the Weapon developement department who is over at another table, obviousy having fun, messing around with some of the Turks.

„Or take Genesis, Angeal and Sephiroth... I didn´t see them bring any dates and do you see them sulking around? No." he continues. I can´t help but look for the three of them ordering drinks over at the bar.

 _Sephiroth_... As if I could ever be like him... nothing affects him and he doesn´t need anybody...

It doesn´t seem like he had feelings at all.

„Nobody will ask you out anyway if you keep sulking around in a corner - threatening to castrate whoever has the guts to talk to you..." Cloud teases.

I guess they´d never forget about that one...

It is the sight of Genesis, making his way back to our table that triggers me to get up from my seat. Upon seeing his mischievious facial expression and the glass of red wine in his hand - I know we´re in for a little poetry reading some time soon. I might as well leave as long as I´ve got the chance.

„You´re going to talk to Reno?!" Cloud blurts in disbelieve - his mouth slightly gaping - the other three staring at me too - surprise evident in their eyes.

I shake my head. „No... of course not! I´m going outside. I think I need a little bit of fresh air." I excuse myself - heading straight for the door.

Better a poetry reading from Genesis than one of Angeal´s lectures about pride an honour I think, as on my way out I spy Angeal who is talking to Sephiroth insistently, the latter seeming rather uneffected by his words, as his eyes are fixed on his drink.

I am relieved to be outside again - the sea breeze gently ruffling my hair - cleaning my lungs from the dirty air from inside the pub, heavy with cigar smoke, I close my eyes to inhale deeply - the taste of the salty air on my tongue strangely familiar - calming me.

I open my eyes to have them drawn to a couple right next to the entry - a young Third Class SOLDIER in his blue uniform, passionately snogging his date.

 _It seems I can´t escape this, no matter where I go._

It is when the two of them suddenly break apart, that I am caught staring. I´m about to excuse myself, when the young man gasps in shock - pushing his date away - he steps forward to salutate infront of me.

It takes me a second to realise that I´m wearing my First Class uniform - something that must be rather intimidating to him.

„I´m sorry - I ... I didn´t mean to neglect my duty, Sir! Uhh... I mean Ma´am!" he stutters - fishing for words.

I can´t help but feel amused - something I don´t let show, as I force my features into an emotionless mask - looking at the little coward in front of me expectantly.

„You were supposed to keep watch?" I demand - my voice deadly.

„I... I was just taking a break... I didn´t mean to... I´m sorry... please..." he stammers.

I can´t help but feel a twinge of sympathy for the poor bloke. I didn´t care what he did anyway.

Deciding I didn´t have anything better to do, I choose to help him out - this time.

„At ease SOLDIER Third Class." I command. „Go inside and have fun, I´ll take your shift form here." I tell him.

The look on his face is priceless.

I guess he had expected a punishment or at least a reprimand, but certainly not this.

I know, as SOLDIER First Class I´m not supposed to be lenient. But they are young. And they are in love...

„...Thank you... THANK YOU!" he cries - his eyes wide with surprise - the girls mouth gaping open in astonishment.

„You don´t know how much I appreciate this... I..."he babbles.

„Just get that ass of yours out of my sight!" I instruct him, making my way down the wooden steps to reach the sandy shore as they hurry into the bar.

Finally alone, I sit down to take off my combat boots - feeling the small grains of sand, still warm from the already setting sun against the sensitive skin of my feet.

Oh, how I used to love to walk the sandy beaches back home - barefoot - back when everything was still alright... when I felt lighthearted and carefree... back when I was still a child.

It seems aeons ago...

* * *

SEPHIROTH´S POV

I take a sip from my drink at the bar, watching Lightning, Zack and Cloud from the corners of my eyes as I contemplate what Angeal had told me earlier.

„Why don´t you just talk to her?" Angeal had said - I had my head propped up on my hands, my elbows resting on the wooden railing of the ferry´s main deck - the both of us gazing into the distance where the surface of the water seemed to melt into the blues of the sky.

„Huh?"

 _What is he talking about?_

„Yeah... you should just tell her." he said pensively, turning to look at me - I could sense him waiting for my reaction with interest.

„Tell her what?" I asked dryly, without looking up.

 _I think I know where this converation is leading and I certainly don´t approve of Angeal adressing this subject at all._

„Tell her about your feelings for her..." Angeal said carefully.

I slowly made to straighten up - then I turned to face him - just looking at him - rainsing one of my eyebrows in disbelieve.

Did he really just say that?

„Oh come on spare me this shit of yours... who are you trying to fool?! It´s written all over your face whenever you look at her..." he declared. „I´ve been watching this long enough - waiting for you to make a move of your own, but you are just too stubborn to admit it to yourself, are you?" I could feel him getting angry now - obviously annoyed by my ignorant behaviour.

I didn´t know what to say to this... was it really that obvious?

I felt myself blush slightly... something that rarely happened, as I averted my eyes again - wishing this ridiculous discussion to end. But I´m not going to fool Angeal am I?

„Come on it´s Valentine´s day...what better occasion than that to confess your feelings to her?" he suggested, his eyes boring into the side of my head.

„She hates Valentine´s day..." I told him flat out.

„Yeah... You know... cause she is always lonely." he informed me, his voice sincere.

„Being lonely is one thing... but being lonely althought there is somebody close to you who clearly has feelings for you, just because nobody´s got the balls to make the first move... that´s something else entirely." he said. It certainly felt like I was being lectured by him again - but this time his words stung. Because I knew they were true.

I just shook my head. _I can´t do this. Impossible._

I felt confused und wary about my feelings towards her.

I didn´t remember when she had become so important - so close to me - in the first place.. Somehow she´d gotton under my skin.

This wasn´t something I should have ever let happen.

The funny thing was just that the more I tried to deny my feelings, the harder it seemed to ignore them.

This was preposterous.

„Well, I guess I can´t force you..." Angeal said, sounding somewhat resigned. „However man... I know you´re going to make the right decision" he told me - patting my shoulder in a brotherly way to then leave me alone with my disconcerting thoughts.


	49. Chapter 49

Chapter 49

LIGHTNING´S POV

From my path on the beach, the sunset looked magnificient. Blurs of purples, pinks and oranges...

Taking a walk along the shore - listening to the sound of the waves - gently calming me, I can´t help but be reminded of Bodhum... of home - It´s white sandy beaches and clear turquoise waters almost exactly like these.

I feel my chest constrict painfully at the sudden but intense surge of homesickness... a feeling I hadn´t felt in quite some time now.

I can´t prevent my thoughts from drifting back to Serah... to my family... trying to imagine what she´s probably doing right now... maybe she´s on a date herself. She´s nearly 18 now after all.

 _She´s nearly 18..._

I feel tears stinging my eyes as I let that fact sink in. I hadn´t seen my little sister in almost 3 years... She´d grown to be a young woman now... a woman I don´t know at all... I might not even recognize her...

Where have I been all this time? How could I not have found the time to visit even once?

 _I´ll ask for a few days off first thing when I´m back to HQ,_ I make up my mind.

I can´t miss Serah´s 18th birthday. Now the war is over they don´t need me anyway - slaying Monsters was all I did these days - I guess they could find somebody else for the job...

* * *

SEPHIROTH´S POV

Pondering Angeal´s words - he had insisted on giving me a talk again back in there the second Genesis had left for our table - I step out into the warm evening breeze.

I had seen her exit the bar about quarter an hour ago - she must be around somewhere.

I study my sourroundings - wondering in which direction she had taken off.

I half wish not to find her. I don´t know what to say anyway.

I realise I feel nervous and insecure. Something I´m certainly not used to feeling.

Playing with the thought of just going back inside - I am about to turn around - when suddenly, I hear the unmistakeable sound of gunshots, followed by a blood-curdling scream.

What the fuck?

 _Lightning..._

Not wasting a second - breaking into a run - I hurry in the direction the noise had come from.

* * *

LIGHTNING´S POV

I´m lost in my thoughts when there is the sudden loud noise of a gun going off close to me, cutting the silence - taking me off guard. I don´t even realise what is happening as a sharp pain in my shoulder makes me grunt out - barely registering what is going on, I ty to turn around - completely taken by surprise - when the second and the third shot hit me square in the chest.

The burning pain in my chest and shoulder indicating that I had been shot - my brain doesn´t seem to be able to process what has happened.

My nerve ends screaming at me in agony - the excrutiating pain blinding me - the horrifying feeling of hot blood, pouring out of my body... I don´t even register the fourth and fifth bullet, forcing their way into my flesh.

My knees give in as I collapse to the ground - feeling like my guts had been ripped apart and pulled out of my body - my hands jolting to check on my belly and sides - they come up bloody - paralyzed by the agony, it takes me a few seconds to realise I had been hit there as well.

Starting to feel dizzy and faint, I panickingly search for the healing materia inside the pocket of my trousers - my blood making it´s way out of my body at alarming speed - my fingers shaking terrible and starting to go numb - I struggle to get it out.

I finally manage to get a hold on it - bringing it up to use it - it is violently knocked out of my hand instantly - coming to a rest about a meter away. I don´t have time to retrieve it, as barely a second later I am kicked face first to the ground - hard - I feel my cheek cut open on the sharp edge of a Stone - the green sphere resting only a few millimeters from my outstretched hand.

 _I might be able to reach it. Just a little bit..._

My fingertips slipping on its smooth surface - leaving red smudgy marks - I feel the excrutiating pain from having all the bones of my hand broken at once, as I watch my hand being mercilessly crushed under the boot of my attacker, the sickening crack stifled by my tortured scream.

My injured body barely able to move, I know I´m done.

I can only watch the boot stomp down again - breaking the softly glimmering healing materia - my only hope - it´s surface splintering into a thousand pieces - shattering like glass - a mako green liquid oozing out of its remains and seeping into the sand - its glow fading away now, just like my life.

I just stare at it. Its once shiny surface now dull and meaningless.

 _When I die now will I return to the lifestream? Will my soul will be born again - somewhere - in a better place?_

I feel the steel cap of my enemy´s boot connect with my side hard - and I can only whimper in pain - my body too weak to scream. Then I am brutally pulled up by my hair and turned around violently, so I can face my opponent for the very first time.

I can only notice the wutain crest on his shiny armour - as I´m starting to feel light headed - my vision blurry - my head lolling to the side - I know this is the end.

The agonizing pain now fading to a dull throb - I feel all my memories, my wishes, my fears, my dreams - who I am - draining out of a hole in my body I couldn´t plug.

I fight hard to stay conscious - trying to focus on the beautiful scenery in front of me - the last rays of the dying sun - reflected on the waves - painting the horizon in soothing reds and oranges.

I can´t help but think that Costa del Sol really is beautiful.

I´m not granted the view much longer though, as my head is forced to look up again - my eyes are open when the muzzle of the gun is pointed at my forehead.

„For Wutai." a male voice cries out triumphantly. I can´t even see his face through his helmet.

I wait for the final blow - for him to finally end my torment - in my state, not able to defend myself or do anything at all, my vision strangely blurred - I just wish he´d hurry up or otherwise, I fear I´m not even going to live long enough for that bullet to kill me.

I feel myself slip away - waiting for that piece of lead to put me to peace - seconds seeming to stretch into hours as I draw my last breaths - I wonder if I will even feel the pain, if I will even register it - or will there just be nothing? - when suddenly my attacker is cut in half by a ridiculously long sword - Masamune.

* * *

SEPHIROTH´S POV

It is when I round another bend that I find her - lying on the ground - broken - in a pool of her own blood - the attacker, unmistakeably wutai - above her - I can tell he´s about to take her out.

I have Masamune out in no time in order to prevent the irreversible from happening - cutting the wutai fighter down with only one swift motion of my weapon´s deadly blade - or rather prolong it, I figure, as I take in her condition - the alarming amounts of blood she had lost frightening me, as I hurry to her side.

„I´ve always hated Valentine´s day..." she manages to choke out. „...but this one is definitely my worst..." she chuckles slightly at the last part - her voice weak and raspy.

„Shhh... don´t talk." I instruct as I take out my phone to call for help as fast as I can. Letting them use the chip inside it to track our position, they assure me to come to our aid as fast as possible.

While talking I catch a glimpse of the maxed out healing materia I had given to her as a present for becoming First Class - crushed on the floor only a few feet away - useless now.

 _Shit..._

She must have tried to use it. He´d left her no chance to defend herself.

Taking in her trembling form, I kneel down next to her, my knees sinking a few centimeters into the soft sand.

I don´t need to examine her wounds to assess the extend of the injuries - there is blood everywhere - too much blood.

I can tell she is slipping away already... her pupils slightly dilated as she is staring at me... or rather through me - I can´t tell. Having fought in a war, I had seen this exact expression on countless faces before...

But having no such powers as Angeal´s there is nothing I can do but watch.

The healing materia´s magic, not able to heal my Jenova cell tranfused body - I hadn´t bothered to equip one - ever. I was able to mend my injuries on my own anyway.

I had given her this materia in order for her to save herself whenever the need would arise - I had never pictured a scenario such as this.

„Sephiroth..." she calls for me - weakly - her voice barely a whisper - breaking at the last syllable of my name.

I know this tone of voice so well... it was the one you had when you where about to dye.

I don´t know what to do, or to say, or to feel... her icy blue eyes boring into my own - her lower lip trembling - her body shaking helplessly.

Reaching forward I carefully try to pick her up. Maybe I could just carry her back to the main street? So they could reach us earlier?

But a soft cry of pain, followed by a sharp intake of breath - her reaction to my attempts - tells me it´s no use.

I decide to just stay here with her then, as carefully I lift her upper body to hold her close to mine in a tight embrace - her cheek resting against my chest - I just hold her while her life is slipping away from her - gently caressing her shoulder and upper arm - I continue to do so even after her eyelids flutter shut.

I´m not going to lie to her and tell her that she´s going to make it. We both know she had lost too much blood - as I listen to her drawing in ragged breaths - as I feel her pulse weaken under my touch.

It takes me a few seconds to realise she had just stopped breathing - when her pulse suddenly fades, to then vanish completely - my chest constricting painfully - it suddenly feels hard for me to breathe.

I don´t even realise people arriving - a small crowd forming around us - SOLDIERs and infintrymen coming to secure the vicinity and the medics - trying to take her away from me as I refuse to let go of her body, limb in my arms now - taking in the blood and checking her pulse and eye reflexes... they just shake their heads. There is nothing they can do.

I do not even register my comrades gathering behind me, watching in horror - I hear Zack scream out her name as if from far away. I don´t even have the energy to push Genesis and Angeal away when they make me let go of her body - lifeless now.

I stay there in my spot on the ground - it is starting to get dark now - paralyzed.

I feel Angeal´s hand rest on my sholder, trying to comfort me, but I just want to push it away - I realise I just want them to leave... I just wanted to be left alone.

 _Alone..._ that was what I had felt like all my life - no matter how many people present.

Looking down into my now empty hands, they are covered in blood - her blood... it seems to be everywhere.

 _If I had just gone outside to look for her... If I had found the courage to talk to her earlier... than all of this... then she would still be..._

I start to feel light headed.

Unable to move or to do anything at all, I can only watch as they put her lifeless body onto a stretcher - covering her under a white linen, they heave her into their car - it´s red emergency lights had been switched off some time ago now - when suddenly, I see the familiar face of Hojo lurking next to a tree - catching my eyes with his own bespectacled ones.

What is he doing here?

 _I wonder..._

The creepy old fool looking over at me expectantly - I can tell he is silently asking for my permission...

I know exactly what he has in mind...

Thinking fast - contemplating my options, I decide to give him a tight nod. A smirk making it´s way onto his ugly gaunt face immediately.

 _I can´t let her go... not like this..._

I can see him talk to some of the paramedics and motioning for some people in lab coats - obviously Shin-Ra scientist - to come over and climb into the back of the ambulance truck.

 _I know it´s wrong but... what am I supposed to do..._

Hojo, making his way to enter on the passenger´s side - he turns around to look at me once again - our eyes meeting for a brief moment. I can see a wicked grin forming on the crazy old bastard´s face.

I know he had been waiting for an opportunity like this for years...

Having Hojo smile like that... it was never a good sign...

* * *

 _Author´s note: In case anybody cares: I listened to Crisis Core OST - Sky Blue Eyes extended version while writing this._


	50. Chapter 50

Chapter 50

SEPHIROTH´S POV

We arrived back at HQ late in the night the day after the tragic incident on the beach - I had kept to myself for the entire journey - ignoring Angeal´s attempts to talk to me. I didn´t care.

The others went down to the hospital immediately after our return to look after Lightning - rumour had it she had been brought back to Midgar by aircraft and transferred to the intensive care unit shortly after the attack.

But I had watched her die in my arms. I knew better than that.

Waiting until after they had left, I made my way to the elevators and - putting my ID-card into it´s slot - I´m about to press the button with the number 67 on it - when suddenly I pause to reconsider. No. He can´t keep her up there in the science department where somebody is bound to notice...

No Hojo might be many things.. but he certainly isn´t stupid.

There was only one place he could have brought her...

Rumaging inside my coat´s hidden inside pockets, I produce a little silver key - it´s teeth worn from use - and force it into the tiny lock right underneath the buttons. There´s a soft clicking noise and a little touchscreen keyboard emerges. Checking behind my back to make sure nobody is there to watch, I enter the 12 digit code I remembered so well - to then proceed by bending down to bring my eye near to the tiny lens concealed behind the emergency button to get my retina scanned.

„Access granted." a mechanical female voice sais and - the doors closing - the elevator gives a jolt, indicating that it had started it´s descent, as vibrating slightly, it moves downwards.

 _Oh how much I hated going down there..._

I hadn´t been down there in years.

It takes an eternity, but finally the elevator doors slide open and I hesitantly step out into the chilly air. I can see my breath misting in front of me - dark, high stone walls greeting me - a shiver running down my spine, as I move forward to enter another 15 digit code - to then watch the three heavy security doors open for me once again - a blinding white light greeting me from inside.

Deepground...

* * *

 **Reviews please.**


	51. Chapter 51

CHAPTER 51

SEPHIROTH´s POV

As soon as the doors had opened, I stepped into the foyer of one of the planets most closely guarded secrets. Shin-Ra´s once well frequented, shining medical division for wounded SOLDIER operatives, powered by the secret Mako Reactor Zero - far below the city of Midgar - now run-down... broken... and deserted - the once immaculate, white surface of the reception desk now dusty and unwelcoming... abandoned.

I wonder how long it´s been since people have been down here... It must have been years...

As silently as possible - barely daring to breathe - I make my way through the endless maze of identical looking corridors - along white blank walls with hundreds of white doors in them - easily finding my way, as I knew the structure of the entire facility inside out.

 _How could I not..._ the white tiles of these corridors were what had formed the memories of my childhood after all.

I hadn´t seen much of the earth´s surface until they made me join SOLDIER.

I passed door after door trying hard to fight off the old memorys, threatening to resurface. I can´t help but stop at that door though. That particular door - looking exactly the same as all the others, but to me it wasn´t. It had been my door... the door to my own room... for so many years...

I cautiously move foreward to touch the doorknob - hesitating, before giving it a try - and it opens with a creak - the eerie sound echoing through the empty corridors, piercing the silence like a tortured scream - revealing a small room with nothing but a bunk and a small locker to furnish it.

It is dark in there - the lights must have gone out years ago - there where no windows below the surface - down here in Deepground.

I just stare at it... unable to fend off the painful memories that invade my mind.

How much I felt relieved whenever I was locked into this room... able to sleep in that bed - it meant that I was not in one of the operating rooms or in one of the laboratories... ready to be experimented on...

Tearing myself away from the upsetting pictures my mind conjures for my inner eyes to see, I continue down the corridor - past examination and operation rooms - looking throught the grimy glass panes serving as walls, I can see all the instruments still in there - covered in spiderwebs and dust - waiting to be used.

I can feel the onslaught of another particulary painful memory, forcing it´s way to the surface - but I push it away...

 _I´m here for a reason..._

I descend another flight of stairs and finally I am down to the labs.

It is particulary dark down here - most of the lights not working anymore - I hear the tapping sound of water leaking somewhere out of the old pipes - the only sound in this godforsaken place.

I feel a shiver running down my spine.

I choose to enter through the main lab - the scent of desinfectant greeting my nose - the lights in here barely flickering - making my way past tables of test tubes and instruments I would hopefully never find out the use of - slowly nearing the door at the other end, reaching it earlier than I would have preferred.

 _Hadn´t I promised to myself that I would never ever have to come down here again?_

I carefully open the door to what I know used to be Hojo´s private laboratory - bracing myself for what I am going to see inside.

The main lights are out and I find the room tinged in an eerie mako glow - as I slowly approach the recuperation tank positioned in the middle of the room.

I can see Lightning inside - completely naked - her small form floating in the greenish liquid - numerous tubes going into her body - the injuries she had received, gaping holes inside her fragile looking body.

I reach the tank - bringing my left hand against the cold smooth surface of the glass pane.

 _Lightning..._

I wish I could just reach out and touch her hand... cup her lifeless pale cheek...her features blank... peaceful now.

 _I wonder whether I had done the right thing... giving Hojo a free hand in this... maybe that had been a grave mistake..._

„Interesting... how very interesting..." I suddenly hear that creepy, high-pitched voice of his from behind me - all the hairs on my neck standing on end - I can´t help but close my eyes - wishing he´d just vanish once I opened them again.

 _Why can´t he just leave me alone..._

I suddenly feel like the helpless child I used to be... letting him use me... abusing me... experimenting on me...

„I don´t understand how you´ve managed to develope feelings for that little bitch in there..." he continues, his voice - a malicious undertone to it.

I try to calm myself. I can´t afford to kill him now he had her in his power... there was nobody else who could possibly save her.

I was dependend on him and he knew that.

 _Ohw how he must enjoy this..._

Killing two birds with one stone... This way he was able to control me - a plus to the opportunity to be able to do what he did best - unrestricted experimenting on people - his thirst for knowledge insatiable.

„I wouldn´t have thought you capable of something as human as this..." he teases. His words hurt. I don´t know why. I hadn´t imagined myself capable of it myself. Until I met her that was.

„It shouldn´t be possible for you to feel like this..." Hojo observes, seemingly amazed. „You were actually designed to be a weapon... the ultimate SOLDIER... not to have feelings..." his bloodcurdling voice - sending shivers down my spine.

„Maybe I don´t want to be your weapon anymore..." I retort dryly, my eyes never leaving Lightning´s expressionless face, as I study her features - trying to calm my rising temper.

„You were created to be a weapon... your only purpose is to fight and kill... there is nothing else you can do..." he explains - as if talking to a 2 year old.

„What are you going to do to her?" I ask - my voice barely a whisper as I wish she would just open her eyes so I could loose myself in the depths of those icy blue orbs again.

„I will bring her back..." he says - an unsettling note of amusement creeping into his voice now. „That is what you want me to do... Isn´t it?"

I turn to look at him for the very first time. His ugly features distorted in a spine-chilling grin.

Thinking of that girl in the tank - the girl I loved - I nod at him - then turn to leave - his insane cackles the only sound in this oversized tomb - following me all the way back to the elevators.

* * *

HOJO´S POV

 _And bring her back I will_ , I think to myself as my precious experiment makes his way out of my lab again.

I´m hardly able to contain my joy - as ripples of laughter shake my body.

 _Ahh.. it felt so good to be down here again_... I had missed Deepground. I really had.

The disturbing direction the thoughts of my special creation were taking... I admit it is kind of unnerving.

I definitely needed to do some check ups. Concidering this obvious malfunction of his... maybe his creation wasn´t such a sucsess after all...

Figuring my musings about the unexplored origins of that malfunction in the nerval cords of his brain can wait until later, I turn to look at my new acquisition again.

My precious female specimen... It was so refreshing to have a real challenge again... An oppertunity to do some real experimenting once again.

I move over to the laminar flow work station where I had already startet to prepare a sample of the shock-frozen Jenova stem cells I was going to use - I was going to insert into her body. I wished I had the real thing here... Jenova´s body... I don´t even dare to think what they have done to it after the Jenova project had been canceled - after they had finally realised what the thing they had excavated really was ...taking it away from me like that... bringing it to a safe place... Puh! They had most likely destroyed it.

I sigh in regret...

They didn´t care back when I offered to create an army of super soldiers for them...

No matter now... I still had these samples here I had managed to secure back when there was still the chance.

I would normally take a sample of that specimen´s DNA and check whether her cells would react properly with the secured Jenova material, but as she was already dead and the degradation process was not to be delayed forever, there was no time for caution.

Given the fact that my new specimen was already an aduld - it´s cells differentiation completed, my options were limited... I unfortunately didn´t have the same possibilitys as last time ... as with him. Sadly. Working with embryo stem cells was so much more effective and there were so many things to do...

I don´t know why they had discontinued the Jenova project anyway... budget cutback probably... that was what had led to the shut down of this whole complex.

A shame really... all of this... going to waste.

It was not fair. My creation had been a full succsess after all - the perfect warrior - unscrupulous...obedient... will-less... Until now that was...

I wish I could do some more research on these neurodegenerative symptons he exhibited these days...

But well, this has to wait until later...

I can´t help but feel overwhelmed by the possibilities working with a female specimen would entail...

Yes. That was what real science was about. Trial and error. Real experiments - gathering true empirical data... not that childish mixing of coloured liquids or pathetic computer simulations and calculations.

HAHAHAHAAHAAA.

 _No this is the real thing_ , I think as I draw the cell suspension up into a syringe.

After waiting for so long... finally my time has come.

HAHHAHHAHHAA.


	52. Chapter 52

Chapter 52

ZACK´S POV

„Any news from Light?" Angeal asks tentatively. I just shake my head. He had just returned from a mission with Genesis and Sephiroth - he looked tired and worn. I don´t even dare to ask him how it went.

Since the attack on Lightning over a month ago, it was clear that the Wutai war was far from over. They had merely kept a low profile, lulling us into a false sense of security, while actually they were gathering their forces in secret, to then perfectly time their attack - catching us off guard.

Ever since then there had been a lot of incidents in Mako reactors all over Gaia - they were trying to sabotage Shin-Ra every way possible and they were doing a good job so far.

As high-ranking members of SOLDIER it was our duty to deal with them. To keep things short, let´s just say they kept us busy. Especially since we were one First Class short now...

 _Lightning..._

People at the hospital hadn´t let slip any information about her current medical condition at all and as she was still in the intensive care unit it was strictly forbidden to visit her.

I had been down to the hospital almost every waking second of my freetime - hoping they would disclose some information about her condition but they were eager to usher me away - the lady at the desk promising to call as soon as there was any change of circumstances.

She had been in coma for over a month now and nobody knew when she would wake up... or whether she would wake up at all. I wished I could just go inside and see her though. To talk to her. To tell her how sorry I was and to have a proof that she still existed.. that she was still „alive".

I still couldn´t believe what had happened back at Cost del Sol.

HQ just felt empty without her... it just felt wrong.

I felt so bad - I had been the one who had convinced her to come along after all - she didn´t even want to join us on that trip. I should have let her stay...

Although I knew technically it wasn´t my fault, I just wanted to kick myself for it.

She had nearly died - being in the intensive care unit, she was probably still on the verge of death.

Actually, when I think about it, it was a miracle she hadn´t died right there. When we had arrived at the scene, I would have sworn she was dead already from the looks of it.

„Don´t keep blaming yourself." Angeal says - his voice kind as always.

„Thanks Angeal... but I´m afraid I can´t" I reply disheartedly - averting my eyes from his, I look out of the window instead.

 _How could I?_


	53. Chapter 53

CHAPTER 53

SEPHIROTH´S POV

It is about 6 weeks later, when I make my way down to the secret laboratories to visit Lightning again. I had been stopping by almost every day to check on her, but I hadn´t visited in a week, because I had been on an assignment with Genesis and Angeal. With the Wutai resuming their rebellion - Shin-Ra finally had some use for us again...

Some people were already calling it the beginning of the second Wutai war... I just called it the death-rattle of the first.

I hurry down to the depths of Deepground first thing after my arrival - I needed to check on her - assure myself that she was okay - before I could continue with my own buisness.

I make my way into Hojo´s lab, just to find the tank in the middle of the room empty.

 _What?_

 _No..._

 _She can´t have..._

I´m devastated to find her gone... just like that. Taking a few steps backwards, I collide with the table behind me - grabbing the edge of the desktop for support, I try to calm myself, as I feel the world closing in on me.

„No need to be scared..." I suddenly hear Hojo´s voice from the doorway, followed by his high pitched giggle.

 _What has he done to her..._ I think, as turning around I take out Masamune - ready to cut that crazy motherfucker into pieces.

„Don´t worry tough boy... I have her right over there" he says - barely rising a brow at my threats - as he turns to limp away.

I follow him over to the adjoining operation room, just to find her lying on one of the operation tables - unconscious. Covered in nothing more than a thin white hospital gown - without her SOLDIER uniform, she suddenly looked weak and fragile. IV´s put in her arms - her skin pale - she doesn´t look any more alive than inside that container. But upon taking a closer look, I can see the faint pulse at her carotid artery - irregular and week - barely there - but there nonetheless.

I can tell Hojo is ecstatic.

„It will take a while for her body to regenerate - but I am confient that she will regain consciousness some time soon." he says - a selfsatisfactory smile on his face.

„What did you do to her..." I ask him - already dreading the answer.

He only chuckles. I turn to look at him - my attempts to intimidate him failing as usual.

„Jenova cells..." he discloses - an evil smirk now playing on his lips. „Blessed with the cells from the saviour that came from the sky... she will be a perfect weapon... a mutation... just like you..."

„HAHAAAHAAAAA" he cackles evilly - like the madman he probably is.

„No..." I say - my voice is soft - shaky.

 _It can´t be._

„It was the only option..." he explains. I have a feeling that even if there were a thousand other possibilities, he wouldn´t have bothered to pursue any of them. He had been obsessed with the idea of infecting people with Jenova cells to create some kind of superior being from the beginning.

„How?" I ask. I knew that they had gotten rid of my alien mother´s physical remains - once they had gotton wind of the body´s true origins - hiding her God knows where. They might even have destroyed them.

„Based on the empirical information I had collected from my prioir experiements such as yourself and your dear mother, I created a DNA virus to use as a vector to carry some of Jenova´s genetic information I had managed to secure years ago and incorporate them into Miss Farron´s own genome." he starts off into one of his scientific explanations.

„The transfection is almost complete now... and look... her body is regenerating aleady..." he continues excitedly, „It took only a few hours for her heart to start beating again..."

I can only gasp in horror.

„Yes I know it´s a strike of genious isn´t it?" He praises himself - oblivious to the impact his words are having on me.

„The DNA hasn´t completely mingled with her body´s yet - the degeneration will take it´s time in order to be completed." he informs me - his voice buisness like.

„Until then we can only sit back and enjoy...HAHAHHA" he says more to himself than to me.

I can´t help but feel repulsed.

 _What have I done?_

I had let her become a monster... an abomination. Just like me...

But what should I have done? Let her die?

 _No... I couldn´t..._

Why?

 _Because I loved her?_

Or maybe because I had been selfish... Maybe I wasn´t capable of real love after all... maybe somebody who really loved her would have spared her this torture... Maybe somebody who really loved her would have let her dye in piece... as a human being.

 _I knew it was wrong... from the beginning..._

 _I knew I shouldn´t have..._

I realise I hate myself for leaving her to Hojo like that... I realise I hate myself for letting her become what she was now... I should have protected her... and instead I let her become an aberration...

Her body infused with alien cells - collected from an extraterrestial life form - Jenova - the calamity that fell from the sky ages ago. Gaia´s worst enemy, that came to destroy the planet.

I wonder what it must feel like to live with he knowledge of that thing having saved your life... carrying it as a part of your body...making you what exactly?!

I look at the unconscious pink haired girl in front of me again.

No... someody who loved her would have never let something like this happen to her...

I guess she would have rather died in honor than become a weapon.. a monster... an experiment.

I feel like I had betrayed her trust.

 _It was my fault... I should have never left her side... I should have never left her with Hojo..._

I knew she´d most likely hate me for this.

 _How could she ever forgive me..._

I don´t blame her... I couldn´t even forgive myself...

It is then that I swear to myself, that if she made it, I would never - under any circumstances - let her find out...

 _Never..._

She´s better off not knowing...


	54. Chapter 54

Chapter 54

SEPHIROTH´S POV

I spent most of the following days down there - refusing to take on any assignments - sitting by here side, watching her... waiting for her to wake up. But besides the occassional flutter of eyelids or twitching of fingers, nothing happened.

Somehow I also dreaded her waking up... What was I to tell her?

Was she still going to be the same after what Hojo had done to her?

And then there were the seizures. They were coming at longer intervals now, but they were painful even to watch. It looked as though every cell of her body was in agony - her body convulsing uncontrollably - her muscles contracting spasmodically - her facial expression tortured - as caught in limbo - she thankfully isn´t able to scream - I guess I couldn´t have beared it...

Hojo had explained that it was caused by her body trying to fight the Jenova cells.

 _Maybe I should have just put her out of her misery..._

* * *

 _I wish I could somehow ease her pain_ , I think - sitting next to her, as I watch her having one of her seizures again.

I don´t know what makes me do it, as - following my intuition - I just reach out to touch her hand - to gently hold it between the palms of my own ones.

It is the moment my skin comes into contact with her´s, that instantly I feel a strange current tingling at the tips of my fingers - running through my arms and down my spine. It takes me a moment to understand that it´s the Jenova cells inside her body - reaching out for my own - craving their reunion it seems.

 _Interesting..._

I remember reading about these alien cells seeking to reunite once they have been seperated, in one of Professor Gast´s research papers.

 _I wonder..._

Holding on to her hand, I Focus on channelling my powers and - concentrating hard on soothing her pain - I force my cells to connect with her´s - to control them - to somehow appease them. Just like I was able to direct my own. Feeling her degenerated cells respond to mine - I sense her body calming down - her tormented muscles slowly relaxing - her features morphing back to that impassive expression, she had been wearing for so long now - making her look as if she were asleep.

I can feel a link forming between the two of us then - reaching deeper than anything I could ever even begin to understand - the two of us probably the only human beings on this panet to have this degeneration...

 _If Hojo only knew..._

 _He wouldn´t let us see the light of day ever again._

* * *

It was one Monday night that I sat there with her - her hand limp in my own - it had become a habit for me to hold her hand whenever I was there to visit. It felt good to feel her skin on mine - to feel the pulse of her heartbeat on her wrist - to know she was still there...

Also I hoped it would help her to get better - she hadn´t had any seizures anymore since I had first established the connection between our Jenova degenerated cell´s.

I was lost in my thouhgts again, when the sudden feeling of her fingers twitching in my hand again causes me to look up into her face. Her eyelids fluttering, I catch a soft moan escaping her lips. I can´t help but gently squeeze her hand. Maybe she was going to come around at last...

„Lightning?..." I try. I wish she´d just open her eyes and wake up. She´d been asleep for so long. But I guess that was just too much to hope for.

I can feel her fingers move in my hand, as she is weakly trying to hold on to me. I just hold them tight - caressing the back or her hand with my thumb...

„Light?" I try again... as I get up to inch closer.

„S... Serah?.." her voice is soft - barely a whisper. My heart stopping a beat - I am startled at her sudden speech. Her eyelids fluttering - she attempts to open them - squinting against the blinding light coming from the ceiling - illuminating the operation room. I can´t tell wether she can actually see me, or see anything at all.

„No... it´s just me..." I tell her. I don´t know what to do as I wait for her to come around, but she just drifts off again... I squeeze her hand hard - but her fingers have gone limp again.

I just stare at her, waiting for her to move or do anything, but she remains motionles.

I just sit there studying her features...

I wish there was something I could do.

It comes quickly and unexpected - a sharp stinging pain in my backside - and it takes me a second to realise what it is, as - my hand darting to the puncture site - I turn around to face Hojo - a triumphant smile on his face - a syringe in his right hand - empty now.

„What did you do..." I start, my voice deadly - my fist lashing out to connect with his jaw as, unable to contain my temper, I send his body crashing into the wall on the other side of the room. Coming to a rest in a heap on the floor, he just looks up at me - seemingly unfazed - giving me a knowing smile.

His crazy cackle echoing off the high walls of the laboratory as, stumbling backwards, I notice a warning tingling sensation making its way all over my body - my vision getting blurry as I start to feel light headed...

 _Shit... What´s going on?_

I know I need to get out of there - I know I need to get away from him! Panick rising inside of me, I hurry out of the room. Stumbling down the corridor as fast as I can - slipping and staggering, I tumble hitting the walls, as the floor swaying under my feed - the world around me zooming in and out of focus, my vision distorted crazily- gives way under my feet.

 _I needed to reach the elevator... I needed..._

My legs suddenly collapsing I fall to the ground - my knees weak and huge black dots clouding my vision - I try to flee on my hands and knees, but it´s no use. My limbs like lead - refusing to respond to my commands - I hear his footsteps behind me - as he is closing the distance. I hear his evil voice followed by his manic laughter - catching up with me. „You can´t escape me...HAHHHHAAAAAAHAAAHAHA"

His voice echoing inside my head crazily.

„You can´t do this with me.. I´m not a child anymore!", I manage to choke out - panic tinging my words - trying to fend him off as soon as he reaches me - but my arms won´t obey...Hojo just laughts... gripping both of my wrists in one hand and pinning me to the floor - I feel a needle pierce the skin on my right upper arm as another injection is forced inside my body.

I feel his spidery fingers check my pulse as the world is spinning around me. Panting heavily, I force myself to fight the darkness that is threatening to consume me.

 _I mustn´t loose consciousness..._

I sense him close to my face. On the verge of fainting, I hear him whisper into my ear... his voice sending shivers down my spine.

„I can do whatever I want with you... I created you... I can destroy you just as easily... I can do as I please..."

It feels hard to breathe - I try and fight him - forcing my body to move, but I´m pinned down by his small frame easily - unable to summon the strength to push him away. I can feel his breath on the sensitive skin of my neck as in a malicious voice he continuous:

„Down here I can do whatever I want... You have entered MY realm... Down here we play by my rules... Down here I am GOD..."

His insane cackle the last thing I perceive, before finally I pass out.


	55. Chapter 55

CHAPTER 55

HOJO´S POV

Distracted by the girl, overwhelming him had been easier then I had allowed myself to dream. She really did make him weak...

After I had managed to sedate him, I was confronted with the challenge of heaving his body back to my laboratory, which had prooved hard enough - _that thing weighs a ton_.

Trying to flee like that - _HAHAHHAAAA_ \- he had hardly made 20 meters. No, I wouldn´t let him get away like that - he should know better - I had given him enough sedative to knock him out for days. He couldn´t leave now. There were still so many things I had in store for him...

 _OOhh the options... the agony of choice..._

How much I missed the times back when he was still a child... When I still had the chance to monitor him at all times and to experiment on him as I pleased. Back when he was unable to defend himself.

I´m about to take a few DNA samples when he comes aroud. I had foresightedly secured him to the operation table, just in case...

 _...just like old times..._

 _HAHAHHAAAA._

No, No, No... No reason to get nostalgic now...

I patiently wait as he slowly opens his eyes - still seeming somewhat dazed. His pupils - cat-like slits - constricting in response to the great intensty of light, illuminating the operation room. It takes some time for them to adjust - for the room to come into focus.

I watch his gaze dart around the room - taking in his sourroundings.

It takes some time for him to realise where he is - to then struggle against his restraints immediately, as I see recognition in his eyes - a futile attempt to free himself. He should know better - these chains were made especially for him years ago. I should think he remembered them well...

„Don´t move you fool, or I might miss my target" I instruct him - as I try to hit one of his veins with the cannula.

„Where is she?" he blurts - trying to fight me off - refusing to stay still - making use of the little space for movement he had left. His breaths coming heavy and irregular - I can almomst feel the adrenaline coursing through his veins.

Hmpf...he can be annoying sometimes.

„Don´t worry... your little grilfriend has been transferred to the hospital a few nights ago." I inform him. It was true. I had pulled a few strings to have her moved there in some kind of a hush-hush operation - they had spread the story that she had been in intensive care... nobody would suspect a thing...

There was nothing left for me to do anyway but wait now - and see how she was going to turn out.

An outstanding specimen she is - very tough to survive all of that. But she´s nothing compared to him. He was still my most priced creation... yes he was. My biggest achievement.

„Everything proceeded as planned..." I murmur, checking on his restraints once more, as he is trying to move again. We can´t risk anything funny to happen now... do we? They seem to do their job.

 _Everything proceeded as planned indeed..._

My words seem to have appeased him somewhat, as I feel him relax slightly under his chains - allowing me to continue to take samples. There´s not much he can do to fight me anyway.

„I have done everything you asked me for... now it is time for you to return the favour..." I tell him. It´s only fair.

I look down at those perfectly carved features I had created - I definitely had done a good job on him - staring at me in spite now... huch... why is it he always has to be so ungrateful - defying me - the one who created him... It was irksome at times... Then on second thought... maybe that´s exactly what I love about this specimen so much... My precious experiment... Always so strong, so defiant... such fighting spirit... HAHAHAA... It will be no use to him in here.

„What are you planning to do to me this time...?" his voice is shaky and insecure. The anxiety evident in his words... in his features... in his eyes.

I revel in the feeling of having such a powerful creature like him shudder with fear in front of me... under my control... just like some stupid wild beast in a ciscus - broken - controlled by it´s tamer...It was a powerful feeling...

„I´m just taking a few blood samples..." I start, unable to contain a giggle - he looks at me sceptically - waiting for me to continue I guess.

„I need some reference material from before the transformation to compare the results to later, in order to validate the extend of the treatement´s effects..." I explain. I needed some solid data - evidence - to support my findings with after all...

HAHAHA! What a strike of genius.

„Transformation...?" he asks. His voice barely a whisper - as realisation dawns on him.

„It is finally time you were undertaken some modifications..." I announce. It´s been years since I´ve had the chance to experiment on my favourite subect. „... time for you to make some contribution to science again..."

Given the disconcerting display of emotions he had shown in the past few weeks, a few adjustments seemed to be long due anyway.

I had neglected him... and that was showing now... It was my fault that he turned out all weak and touchy-feely...

 _Nothing a good mako shot won´t cure, I figure!_ HAHHAH, I think as I move over to one of the fume cupboards, where I had prepared a special shot for him. I had been longing to use one of these on study subjects for ages. A perfect Mako cocktail - one of the kind they would never let me use on a human being up there ... well he wasn´t exactly a human being anyway... so technically...

I drink in the panic displayed on his face now... I hadn´t seen his pokerface slip in years.

„I guess it will be rather painfull... but don´t worry... you can scream as much as you like" I assure him - getting the injection ready in my rubber-gloved hand, I move over to find a suitable vein at the crook of his arm - his pulse racing under the touch of my fingertips.

„Down here there´s nobody to hear you scream..." I lean down close to his face to whisper into his ear.

We both know nobody is aware of the fact that he´s down here. There´s barely a soul out there who knows about this place anyway... and those who do are eager to forget...I´m sure.

He doesn´t even fight me when I inject him with my latest invention - my eyes trained on his Mako green ones - helpless - full of fear... of terror. He was so easy to break... almost too easy... but always too proud to beg... _what a pity_... I guess i´d love that... just like old times...


	56. Chapter 56

CHAPTER 56

LIGHTNING´S POV

„Claire! Look what I´ve found!" I hear a female voice, as if from far away.

I am inside our old house in Bodhum - standing in the living room - the windows wide open to let in the fresh seabreeze and the bright sunlight - flooding the whole room with a blinding white light.

I feel like floating...

 _Serah?_

„Mum?! Claire?!" I hear that voice again - closer now - it´s definitely Serah´s.

„Serah?!" I blurt. Feeling slightly disorientated in my parent´s house, I walk into the direction the sound had come from - just to exit through the huge glass doors, leading out onto the cozy porch overlooking the beach.

I take a deep breath of fresh air - savouring the sea breeze´s salty taste on the back of my tongue - the taste of home - as I listen to the sound of the waves.

My vision slightly blurry, I can make out the small form of my sister - proabably 5 years old - playing in the sand down by the shore - our mother approaching her from our little vegetable garden.

„Mum?!" I gasp, as - as fast I can - I make my way down to the beach. Reaching the two of them, I fling my arms around them - to hug them tight - as if never planning to let go again. Feeling their arms around me, I can´t help but start to cry. I let the tears run down my face freely - tears I feel I´d been holding back for a very long time now.

„Claire! Why are you crying?!" Comes Serah´s voice - she doesn´t understand. Freeing herself from my embrace, she bends down to pick something up from the ground. „Look what I´ve found!" She sais again, as - trying to catch my attention - she holds up a green glowing, maxed out healing materia.

It´s strangely familiar.

„Oh that´s a beautiful toy now, isn´t it!" Mum sais - looking down at the two of us with love shining in her eyes. It is only then that I realise I´m only about 120 cm tall - my forehead barely reaching up to my mother´s chest.

„It must have gotten washed up by the tide!"

I can´t help but feel slightly lost.

 _How did I get here?_

It somehow felt as if I didn´t belong here.

„Come on Claire!" Serah calls - tugging at the hem of the yellow flower-patterned dress I´m wearing.

„Maybe there´s more of them! Let´s go and have a look!" She pleads, leading me further down the beach - our mother looking after us - her eyes loving and caring.

„Look! What´s that!?" Serah suddenly sais - coming to a halt and pointing at something longish and shiny, half burried in the sand a few meters away.

I can´t make out what it is - the edges of my vision strangely blurred - I can´t discern the outlines of that strange object. So I follow her to take a closer look.

Reaching the mysteriously gleaming thing, I realise it´s a weapon - the shape of a familiar looking gunblade coming into focus.

„Blaze Edge?!" The words leave my mouth without me even realising - words that carry no meaning to me anymore.

„What is a Blaise Ache?" Serah asks. I just choose to ignore her as - a funny feeling building in the pit of my stomach - I carefully extend a hand to touch it - letting my fingers glide over it´s shiny surface.

Something about this was strange. I knew there was something I had forgotten - something important...

Grabbing it´s hilt with both my hands, I try to lift it - but it´s no use.

„Hahahah! You are too weak!" Serah giggles playfully.

I am about to turn around to look at her, when suddenly I feel a surge of pain - like a shock caused by an electric current - coming from the weapon lying at my feet - burning my fingers - as gasping in pain - startled - I take a few steps backwards.

I just stare at it - not understanding - I can´t seem to grasp the meaning of all of this.

Then suddenly there is more pain - a searing pain starting in my right arm and then spreading over my entire body. Just a few moments later I am down on the ground writhing in agony...

A cold white light blinding me...

A creepy high pitched cackle in the background...

Turning to look, I realise Serah is gone... and so is the beach.

Instead of warm soft sand, I feel the cold hard surface of metal press against my back.

Trying hard to fucus on my surroundings, I can´t seem to understand what´s going on.

I don´t know what happened, or how I got here, or even who I am... the only thing I know is that everything hurts terribly...

The pain intensifying - to a point I cannot bear it anymore. And then... nothing.

* * *

„Lightning?"

 _Huh?_

„Light?"

I feel the soothing contact of skin... of a warm hand... gently resting on top of my own... _Serah?_

„S - Serah?"...

„No it´s just me..." A gentle male voice - as if from far away... it sounds strangely familiar...

Then there´s that pain again.

The pain is everywhere.

Blinding me.

Consuming me.

And then... there´s nothing.

An emptiness... Swallowing me whole.

I feel like falling.

Falling endlessly.

Falling through a bottomless pit.

A wormhole - connecting this strange place to reality.

Until finally I wake up to more pain... pain and light. And eyes... kind, skyblue puppy-like eyes - wide with concern.

„Z-Zack?"


	57. Chapter 57

CHAPTER 57

LIGHTNING´S POV

It is about 10 weeks after the incident at the beach of Costa del Sol, that I wake up to the yellow painted walls of my hospital room - my left hand nearly crushed under Zack´s grip - the frist thing I see: his beautiful sky blue eyes. He doesn´t care for the various IV´s going into my body as he tackles me in a tight hug the second his name leaves my lips - Angeal, Genesis and Cloud gathered around my bed. There were tears running down Zack´s cheeks. They were tears of relief.

I don´t immediately understand the meaning of all of this.

It is hard for me to grasp the fact that I had been in coma for months - that I had in fact nearly died - the last thing I remembered was eating Maki on that damn boat shipping us from Junon.

Everybody is so happy to see me come around - relief etched all over their faces - it feels good to have them here. It doesn´t take me long to realise that one face is missing though... Sephiroth is missing.

Although that fact pains me, it´s not exactly a surprise... for all I knew he couldn´t care less.

He probably had more important stuff to tend to...

Little did I know that he was standing outside that room - witnessing the scene through the little glass insert of the door - his gaze resting on the back of Zack´s hand - that hand that never leaves my own.

* * *

SEPHIROTH´S POV

I don´t know what that bastard had done to me and I don´t know how I made it out of there alive this time. But whatever it had been, it was worse than anything I had ever received before.

I don´t know how long I had been down there in Hojo´s power this time. My memories are hazy. I don´t know how long I´ve been out. The only thing I remember is that eventually I woke up, shivering against the stainless steeled surface of the operation table under my exposed torso - the room empty - my arms released - Hojo was gone.

I was alone.

I felt weak and worn - ready to faint again - my body barely able to move, but I knew I had to get out of there... this might be my only chance to escape.

 _Better not waste it._

So forcing myself into a sitting position, I made to get up - just to tumble to the floor again... my legs too weak to carry my weight.

Every muscle in body complaining painfully, I made my way over to the door on hands and knees then - grabbing my coat that lay neatly folded on a chair - on my way out. I managed to put in on with difficulty - to shelter my body from the chilly air.

I don´t know how I did it nor how long it took me, but somehow I made it back to the elevators and up to the SOLDIER floor.

It must have been late in the night for I didn´t meet anybody on the way up to my appartment. I somehow heaved my body to the safety of my private quarters, just to collapse and pass out halfway into the living room, unable to get up again.

I remember hoping that maybe somebody would notice my absence - that somebody would eventually check on me and find me in here... to actually save me... to help me... but nobody came.

* * *

I don´t know how long it took me to regain consciousness this time, but it was a bright sunny morning when I woke up on the hard linuleum floor of my living room - every muscle in my body burning like hell - I felt ready to faint once more - my throat sore - my head hurting as though it was going to split in two any second soon - I knew I needed something to eat... or at least some water...

It took me ages to make it over to the kitchen - the first glass of water I poured from the sink shattering on the floor as it slipped out of my hands just like that - I made it at the second attempt though.

I waited at the kitchen floor for my body to somewhat recover - my Jenova cells only reluctantly helping me out this time - the cold water soothing my pounding headache.

 _Damn Hojo..._

It took me some more time to make my way over to the fridge and find someting to eat, then I made my way into the bathroom and under the shower. I don´t know how long I stayed in there.

I sat in the corner with my back against the wall. Hugging my knees to my chest, I let the hot water soothe my pain - my physical as well as the other one... the one in my mind - the one threatening to consume me - to overwhelm me - ever since I set foot into that underground nightmare again.

All the suppressed memories of my youth, all these horrible experiences, images... those secrets I had somehow managed to lock away deep inside of me for the past years - threatening to resurface - haunting me - making me feel like the helpless child I used to be - just a defenseless child - entirely at Hojo´s mercy...

 _I feel like suddenly I can´t handle them anymore._

I let the currents of hot water running over my body take them - wash them away and flush them down the drain.

* * *

It is late afternoon when finally I manage to get myself together and make my way down to the hospital. I needed to check on Light.

I am about to enter the room the nurse had pointed out to me, when I see her there in her bed - well and awake - through the tiny window in the door - the others gathered around her - talking cheerfully.

My fingers resting on the doorknob, I pause in my actions - her unexpected awakening taking me by surprise.

On one hand I feel relieved to finally see her awake - to know that she is alright - but on the other side I had gotton used to sitting next to her - to be close to her - to hold her hand...

My eyes fall onto Zack who´s sitting on the edge of her matrass, leaning in to remove a few strands of pinkish hair that had fallen into her face and tugging them behind her ear... My gaze following his actions, I catch a glimpse of his other hand gently holding hers, their fingers intertwined, Lightning smiling at him appreciatively.

I feel my chest constrict painfully.

Wasn´t I supposed to be the one to hold her hand in there?

 _Not Zack..._

I had been holding her hand down there for months...

 _Not Zack..._

I had nearly given my life down there in exchange for her safety...

Still it is Zack´s hand she´s holding... not mine... _never mine_.

Startled I take a few steps backwards - not knowing what to do, I decide to leave.

 _She seemed to be happy in there..._

I don´t want to interfere.

* * *

It is after midnight that finally I return to enter her hospital room. Crossing the room without a sound, I take a seat in the chair next to her bed - to study her relaxed features - to watch her stir in her sleep. But I resist the urge to touch her hand... I don´t want to wake her.

Funny how just a few days ago I would have given anything, just to be able to see her come around - afraid she wouldn´t ever wake up again - and now... now that I knew I could wake her with just a touch of my hand, I suddenly didn´t want her to anymore...


	58. Chapter 58

Chapter 58

LIGHTNING´S POV

Nobody wanted to talk about what had really happened back when I had gotten injured and I didn´t exactly remember much - a big junk of my memory missing - a gaping hole where that incident should have been... somehow I wasn´t sorry, as I had heard that it had looked pretty horrible... I was thankful I was spared the mental pictures from hunting my dreams all night.

It was for monitoring my recovery that I needed to stay in hospital a few weeks longer - causing me to spend my birthday in there as well - an opportunity the others didn´t let pass.

Zack had apparently gotton wind of it from the hospital wrist tag on my arm - I hadn´t given it a thought. So I was surprised with a little birthday party in the hospital´s recreation room on the sunny afternoon of the 13th of May.

* * *

„How are you feeling today?" Zack asks, helping me up from my bed and into my dressing gown, I wanted to put on to cover the nightshirt I had been provided with by the hospital. I can´t miss how he seems especially joyfull today - barely able to prevent himself from blurting out the secret.

„I´m a lot better, I think." I assure him. I can´t help but notice how Zack seemed to care for me a lot recently... maybe a bit too much.

„Where is it that you are taking me - exactly?" I can´t help but feel suspicious already as he supports me on my way out of the room and over to the visitor´s room.

„Just the recreation room..." He answers nonchalantly.

„Why are we going there?" I stop dead in my tracks - that sense of foreboding rising in my chest - I feel the urge to go back and hide inside my room. „No...please lets go back... I don´t want to..." I beg.

„Oh come on!" he says playfully - grabbing my wrist to tug me towards the doors of that damn room, once I turn to try and leave. „You really should go inside and check it out!" - Mischief written all over his face.

I hardly dare to open the door, pushing it open only tentatively - to be greeted by a small crowd of familiar faces - wearing party heads and yelling „HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" into my face at the top of their lungs. I´m glad Zack´s right behind me to keep me from stumbling backwards, as - in surprise - my heart skips a beat. I can´t restrain a blush from creeping onto my cheeks.

They had spared no effort to decorate and transform the recreation room into a party tent. Multicoloured paper party garlands dangling from the ceilings and tons of glittering confetti littering the floor and covering every surface obtainable.

With Zack pushing me into the room, everybody gathered around me to greet me - to wish me a happy birthday - Cloud putting a pink party hat on top of my head.

I am lost for words.

Angeal had apparantly outdone himself - an enormously sized, mouthwatering chocolate cake resting on a big round table placed in the middle of the room - and Tifa seemed to kindly have supllied the party with drinks.

I even receive presents - a book from Genesis (a selection of this century´s best poems) and a handy double bladed throwing knife from Zack and Cloud.

I can´t believe it. I hadn´t received a birthday present since my mother had died.

Everybody seems to be here to celebrate my special day... Everybody but Sephiroth.

I hadn´t seen him since I had come around. He hadn´t visited even once...

I realise I feel a little sad about the fact that he didn´t seem to care at all - but I brush the thought away. What had I expected?

 _We are talking about Sephiroth after all._

Coming to think of it, I realise somebody else is missing as well.

„Where is Aerith?!" I ask - scanning the crowd for her pink dress once more as I wait for somebody to answer.

I´m not exactly sorry for her absence - but still - it was very unusual for her to miss a party.

My eyes are searching for Zack´s as nobody volunteers to answer - an awkward silence seems to have befallen the people standing next to me.

„Oh... uhm nobody told you? " Zack starts tentatively. „We aren´t exactly together anymore..." - his eyes fixed on something outside the window.

„What! Why?!" I blurt - looking over at Cloud and Tifa, then back at Zack again - waiting for some kind of an explanation.

„What happened?" I press on when nobody seems eager to reply.

„Well she kind of caught me... fooling around with Cissnei..." Zack says - sneaking a careful sidewards glance at me to check on my reaction - then averting his eyes again - I see his cheeks blush.

„Cissnei from the Turks?" I ask - surprise evident in my voice. I knew Zack liked to be flirty with women but this... I thought he an Aerith were in love...

How long had I been gone?

„Yeah... Her..." he says - bringing up his hand to scratch the back of his head in embarrassment.

„But isn´t she with Tseng?" I ask incredulously.

„Yeah..." Cloud is eager to answer for him, unable to contain a giggle. „Can´t wait till he finds out!"

* * *

It is when I make my way back to my room, exhausted from the eventful afternoon - exhausted but happy - that I find it resting on my bed side table: A single beautiful red rose - it´s lush crimson petals like silk under the touch of my curious fingertips.

Caught by surprise, I tentatively pick it up to look at it - taking in it´s lovely fragrance - I can´t help but admire it´s beauty. I hadn´t seen anything like it in Midgar before. Come to think about it, I hadn´t seen any flowers in this place at all.

Serching for a message or any kind of hint at the sender - I come away empty handed. Wondering who could have placed it there, I deside to put it into a glass of water.

 _Red roses meant..._

I hardly notice Zack enter the room.

„Hey Zack... did you put that flower onto my nightstand?" I ask - eyeing him suspiciously.

„Uhh...No...!?" he answers carefully, scrutinizing the tiny plant on my bedside table. I furrow my brow at him in disbelieve.

„Seems like you have a secret admirer out there..." Zack sais teasingly.

„If that´s supposed to be one of Cloud and your joke´s it´s not funny..." I start - getting ready for a rant.

„No! Are you crazy? It wasn´t me...I swear..." He sais putting his hands up in the air defiantly. „I wouldn´t even know where to get something like this here in Midgar - It must have cost a fortune!"

Pondering his words, I figure he´s probably right.

„How could I have put it in here anyway? I was with you there in the recreation room all the time!" He reasons. „We all were!"

Well... he´s got a point there.

 _I wonder..._

„Well actually I came back inside to hand you that letter..." he starts again, sounding a little bit hurt - pulling a dirty creased envelope out of his trousers and handing it to me - I can make out Serah´s quirky handwriting on it´s front.

„It arrived for you some days ago." he says.

 _Serah..._

Being in coma and everything, I hadn´t been able to even write to her for her birthday...

 _Shit._

Hesitantly I accept my mail - dropping it into my lap - staring at it as though afraid it might burst into flames any second.

„I´ll leave you to it then..." Zack whispers into my ear... his hand resting on my shoulder, I can feel his thumb trace soothing patterns throught the fabirc of my hospital gown. I don´t know when we had become that close.

„Call me whenever you need anything..." he says, then leaves the room.

I don´t even think to thank him, as I continue to stare at the envelope in front of me.

I hadn´t received a letter from Serah before.

Having nothing else to do, I choose to open it - tears streaming down my face as I read the familiar handwriting.

 _My beloved Sister,_

 _I haven´t heard from you in months, and at this point I can only hope that you are alright. I don´t know why I haven´t written to you earlier... I think I was just too angry at you for leaving me here._

 _Please forgive me - I was only a child. I didn´t understand._

 _I know you are very busy - and I appreciate everything you have done for me. Still I miss you. And I would love to see you again soon. especially as I am writing to inform you that I am have met somebody. His name is Snow Villiers and we are planning to get married soon._

 _I´m sure you´d actually like him. He is leader of the neighborhood watch group here in Bodhum._

 _I really, really wish you could visit - at least for my wedding. It would mean so much to me._

 _Please reply._

 _I hope you are alright!_

 _Please know that I love you!_

 _Kisses, Serah_

I reread the letter again and again - waiting for the words to sink in.

I can´t belive what it says.

My little sister... going to marry? She is only a child!

 _No she´s not... She´s 18 years already... I just hadn´t been there to see her grow up..._

 _Where have I been all these years?_

She´s a woman now. She is well and happy... She is in love. She even wants to marry - she´s possibly going to have kids herself soon.

Isn´t that what I wanted? For Serah to be happy?

It was.

But the joy - the happiness - I had expected to feel at seeing that everything I had sacrificed had been given up for a reason - that I had accomplished this mission - fails to arise.

Somehow left without a purpose now, I suddenly don´t know what to do anymore.

I had no goals left in life - no dreams. I had relinquished them in order to provide a decent life for her. For Serah.

 _Maybe I should just go home?_

Serah wants me to go home...

 _And what? Leave all your friends behind? Your duties? You´re in SOLDIER now..._

I can´t just go back home and pretend. Pretend I´m still the same - carefree and unscathed like she is.

Life had changed me. SOLDIER had changed me.

This is where I belong. _This is my destiny._


	59. Chapter 59

CHAPTER 59

LIGHTNING´S POV

It was the week after my birthday that I was finally allowed to leave the hospital and return to Shin-Ra HQ. It was a strange feeling - returning with the knowledge that I had been absent for months... To me it felt like only days.

I definitely felt better now. A lot. I couldn´t believe I had recovered so fast. Unnaturally fast...

It was only about a week after my discharge from hospital, that I felt almost back to normal. I had been training with Cloud and Zack every day and I also spent a lot of time in the gym - I wanted to get back in shape as soon as possible. I was in SOLDIER after all.

I still had my setbacks. Those sudden moments of weakness - usually at the end of a training session or whenever I had been overexerting myself - I would sometimes feel dizzy or feeble - even lightheaded as if I was going to pass out... I guessed that sometimes I was pushing myself too far. I hadn´t fully recovered after all.

I figured it would still take some time for my body to heal completely.

But besides that, all my efforts seemed to pay off - I managed to regain my former strenght in no time. I don´t know what they had done to me in the ICU exactly, but sometimes I had the feeling I was even stronger than before. There were those days when I bested Zack easily - something that had certainly never been an easy accomplishment - if I recalled correctly my skills had always been level with his at best.

So either my abilities had improved dramatically or he was going easy on me. I couldn´t be sure

However there was more.

It took me a few days until I realised the other changes. Subtle changes, I thought at first - or were they?

I was standing in the kitchen of my First Class appartment, warming up the remains of the chicken stir fry Angeal had coocked for me as a welcome home present. Ready to take my dinner leaning against the kitchen counter I couldn´t help but marvel at his cooking abilities... compared to the food served in the dining hall or in the hospital, this was heaven.

I hadn´t even finished half of it, when suddenly I hear voices - female voices - convercing loud enough to actually stand in my bedroom.

 _What the fuck?_

Abandoning my dinner on the countertop I hurry over to check inside the adjoining room, but of course there´s nobody there.

I can hear their voices though - loud and clear as if they were standing right next to me - coming from the other side of the wall.

„No you leave! I arrived here first!" the first voice sais - sounding upset.

„I don´t care who came here first! He invited ME! He even sent me a text message!" the other replied. „So better fuck off, bitch! He´s mine!"

„What!? No you liar! I received a text message as well! He wanted ME to meet him here!" the first one yelled.

Furrowing my brow in confusion, I can´t help but wonder what is going on. I had never heard voices from any of the rooms neighbouring my own - the walls here were thick concrete - usually ensuring a lot of privacy

„Please Ladies... no reason to argue!" There suddenly comes Genesis´s voice - I can tell he´s drunk again by the way he pronounces the „S´s".

„There´s enough of First Class Rhapsodos there for the two of you!" he adds suggestively.

 _Ughh..._

 _Please...I just had dinner..._

Disgusted, I take a few steps backwards - retreating from the room as fast as possible. But it´s no use - their voices still carrying over for me to involuntarily listen in.

 _What have I done to be deserve this?_

The two girls don´t seem to have taken his last suggestion too well thoug, as I hear them yell and argue - then the sound of something heavy hitting the floor - glass shattering...

 _Okay... That´s enough._

Irritated, I hurry to the door and out onto the corridor - intent on giving Genesis a piece of my mind - hopefully ending this bullshit - just to find Sephiroth already there. He had apparently beaten me to Genesis´s door, as he is about to knock - his face set in a scowl. I can tell he´s furious - they had probably interrupted one of his paper work sessions - he always semmed especially annoyed, when interrupted during one of these.

 _I definately don´t want to be in Genesis´s place_ , I think as the First Class General extends his arm to knock - just to have the door thrown into his face - the two fangirls pushing him out of the way, as they hurry out of Genesis´s apparment.

„Back off you pervert!" one of them screams, hitting Genesis - who appears to be completely nacked - over the head with her tiny black hand bag.

„No wait... I didn´t mean to..." he tries - covering his head with his hands to block her blows.

„Fuck you!" she yells, then follows the other girl who has taken off into the direction of the elevators - hurling his copy of Loveless she had apparently been holding in her free hand at his feet.

„You´ve got it all wrong!" Genesis cries after them - raising his hands in defeat, as he watches their retreating backs.

„Stupid bitches." he curses under his breath, bending down to pick up the book from the floor - then turning around to realise us watching.

„What are you two staring at!?" he cries - quickly covering his private parts with the copy of his beloved book. I can feel one of his tantrums coming up.

„I just came to investigate what causes the commotion to see your fangirls burst out of your room..." I explain when I realise Sephiroth isn´t going to answer.

„What commotion?!" Genesis sais - obviously confused.

„I heard your bitches fight in there..." I say - his beheaviour annoying me.

„Huh... how could you possibly have heard? Those walls are as thick as a fortress´s!" Genesis sais - staring at me as thought I had sprouted extra arms. Then, looking over at Sephiroth, he just shakes his head and returns to his room - shutting the door behind him with a deafening bang.

Being left there in the corridor with Sephiroth - it felt kind of awkward. We hadn´t met since my „accident". We hadn´t gotton along well before that incident either. He had seemed wary and annoyed at our last few encounters too. I can´t remember what I had done to piss him off like that.

He finally turns to look at me - intently studying my face - a funny glint of curiosity in his eyes. I don´t let my features betray me, as I force them into an emotionless mask again.

„Farron." He greets me. The sound of my surname - spoken with complete lack of emotion, sending shivers down my spine. It feels lika an order. I can´t remember when things had become this formal between us. He hadn´t treated me like this since I was a Third Class.

I don´t know what to say. The use of my surname - sounding like a command - had usettled me. I don´t know how he was always able to make people feel this way - have them squirm with just saying their name... then again coming from his lips everything sounded like a threat anyway. I guess it was a gift essential to have for someone in his rank.

Raising one of his eyebrows, he just gives me a tight nod, then brushes past me to head back into his appartment.

* * *

From then on I was blessed with the ability of hearing what was going on in Genesis´s appartment as well as in Zack´s next to my own - which meant I had a TV to listen to whenever he was at home. It definitely would take me some time to get used to this one - the sound of nearby movement making me bolt up from sleep more then once, before my subconscious would learn that it was actually just Genesis getting up to go to the toilet on the other side of the my bedroom wall.

It was a few days later, when I went to Shin-Ra´s indoor gun range to shoot some bullets - not needing to use the rifle scope to hit my target on the 100 m range - that I found my eyesight improoved as well.

I wasn´t stupid.

I knew this kind of feeling... the feeling of having my abilities enhanced... I had experienced something similiar after my first Mako shot. I figured they might have used some kind of Mako treatment on me in order to heal my wounds.

Whatever it was. It made me feel stronger and more self-confident than I had ever felt before... before I had been attacked... and nearly killed... and in coma...

I guess the saying is true then. What doesn´t kill you seems to make you stronger indeed.


	60. Chapter 60

Chapter 60

LIGHTNING´S POV

It was just about two weeks after I had been released from hospital that I was assigned a mission again.

I knew I hadn´t recovered completely yet - although they had gotten less frequent, I still had those problems whenever overexerting myself - but shit I was in SOLDIER.

 _Whatever you got, life, bring it on!_

 _Nothing can faze me._

I would fulfil my duty. I had been on standby for far too long anyway.

I even found myself looking foreward to going on a job again. I had started to feel useless already, lurking around HQ all day.

That mission wasn´t going to be much of a challenge anyway. I was merely sent to investigate some malfunction in one of Shin-Ra´s Mako reactors - assumedly another one of the Wutai rebel´s acts of sabotage. Unfortunately that reactor was located at the top of Mt. Corel. Traveling to Corel would lead me oversea again - this time by airship though - bringing me close to Costa del Sol once more. The thought of going there again stirred an uneasy feeling at the pit of my stomach.

However. Looking at some Mako reactor didn´t seem a very risky task after all.

 _Piece of cake._

* * *

LAZARD´S POV

I am sitting in the office chair behind my desk, busy with paperwork, when suddenly the door is thrown open, nearly ripped off it´s hinges in the process - a very irritated looking silver haired First Class General rushing inside.

„You send her to Corel?" he barks at me - I´m not exactly surprised to see him here. He had acted protective of Farron before. I had actually expected to receive a lecture from him much earlier.

„Yes I´m sending one of my best SOLDIER operatives to Corel - to investigate another problem with one of our reactors..." I answer nonchalantly, not even looking up into his no doubt angry features. I know what SOLDIERs were like. Especially him. I´m not one to be intimitated by his antics.

„She´s barely out of hospital...!" Bringing both of his hands onto my desktop to rest them on top of my files - forcing me to look up - he leans in close in an attempt to stare me down - looking up into his cat-like killer eyes, I resist his deadly stare. I´m not impressed in the slightest.

„I don´t care... Either she does her job like the rest of you guys, or I´m afraid there is no place for her in SOLDIER any longer..." I retort. There won´t be any kind of special treatment for Farron. Not as long as I´m in charge.

„Then what? You´re planning to get her killed again?!" he snaps at me - his eyes narrowing dangerously.

„No of course not!" I try to appease him. He just raises his eyebrow at me - disbelievingly.

I don´t even attempt to hide the smirk forming on my lips as I chose my next words.

„With the Wutai War in full swing again, Shin-Ra cannot afford to loose somebody as... `gifted´ ... as her." I tell him - slightly inclining my head as I raise my eyebrows suggestively in return.

I have a hard time stifling a laugh watching his guarded features as he comes to understand the full extend of what my words where meant to imply. I can see the surprise in his eyes.

 _Yes I am well aware of what has been done to her._

He probably thinks I´m oblivious to Hojo´s unauthorized experiments on one of my Firsts. _Hah._ Preposterous. It is my job to know after all. I´m well informed about everything going on around this place...

 _That First Class General bastard would be surprised..._

„That´s why you´re going too." I inform him - ending the conversation, as casually I turn back to my computer.


	61. Chapter 61

Chapter 61

LIGHTNING´S POV

Leaving for the mission in the early hours of the morning, I was not surprised to find Sephiroth being sent to accompany me. I had already foreseen something like this to happen. Somehow they could never just send me along with Zack or Angeal, could they?

I hadn´t talked to Sephiroth since my return from hospital and I wasn´t eager to do so now. Come to think of it, I had barely seen him since I got back to HQ. He had made himself scarce - probably avoiding me. I had only been face to face with him on the day Genesis had exposed himself in front of us in the corridor of the SOLDIER floor. And that had been a coincidence.

I did´t know how things had ended up so complicated between the two of us. But I didn´t care anyway.

 _Screw him_.

We did´t talk much on our transfer to Corel. I started reading that book Genesis had given to me for my birthday. I was so happy to have it with me. Reading it was a great excuse not to talk to him - as scanning the pages, I forced myself to focus on the text - intent on not paying General Asshole in front of me any attention, I left him to spend his time by looking out of the window.

„So... you got infected with Genesis´ addiction for books too, huh?" He tried at one point - a feeble attempt at starting a conversation, I thought. I just gave him a venomous glare - receiving a resigned sigh from him in return - then decided to ignore him for the rest of the journey.

* * *

Upon arrival at the village of Corel which is kept under Shin-Ra´s control - Infintrymen positioned all around the place - I immediately realised this mission wasn´t going to be as easy as I had thought.

Heavily armed guards everywhere - we had been sent to the middle of a war - a war that seemed far away from Midgar, but here was very real. Looking up at the tops of Mt. Corel looming high above us, I know it was going to be a long ascent before we reachded the reactor.

Staying at the local Inn to spend the night - the shadows already growing longer we decided to head to the reactor first thing in the morning. It would be foolish to venture out into unfamiliar territory like that, possibly invaded by enemys - waiting on the night to fall.

Shin-Ra had supplied us with only one room as usual... I was so not eager to spend the night with him next to me. Going to bed early, I planned on just sleeping the evening away, hoping not to wake up until the next morning in order to escape the awkwardness of having to fall asleep next to him.

I was spared his company though. I didn´t realise his absence until I woke up in the middle of the night to realise the other side of the bed empty. Empty and still made. He hadn´t even sat there.

Telling myself not to worry about him - he was a renowed war hero after all - I turned around - sleep only reluctantly taking me this time.

It is upon meeting him down at breakfast the next morning, that I can immediately tell he hadn´t slept all night. My assumptions are confirmed, when he fills me in on all the informations he had gathered on his midnight stroll - according to him the sourrounding mountains are stuffed with enemies - hiding - maybe waiting for us to take the bait - biding their time until we would be trapped inside the reactor to ambush us.

I guess he had been expecting something like that already... Sending the two of us here only to investigate some reactor... I knew Lazard had anticipated something like this to happen too.

„Maybe we should abort mission and ask for reinforcements?" he suggests, looking at me for advice. His forhead is in set in a frown - I can tell something is bothering him.

I wonder what he´s concerend about? Sephiroth asking for reinforcements because of a few meager Wutai spies? I never tought I´d live to see him back off from a challenge like that.

„I hardly think that will be necessary..." I start - staring him down. His mako eyes looking back at me in disbelieve - I can tell he doubts my judgement.

„What? Afraid you can´t handle them?" I challenge. He just averts his gaze.

„I wasn´t thinking about me..." he says - his voice soft now, sounding slightly hurt.

What, is he pushing this on me now? Pretending to suddenly be all protective of me - using me as an excuse so he could get out of this?

 _Insufferable jerk..._

I get up from the table immediately - grabbing my things from their place next to the wall, I exit the Inn and start my way up to Mt. Corel with him trailing a few meters behind me.

* * *

Making our way up to the reactor, I can´t shake of the uneasy feeling that maybe he was right. Due to my enhanced eyesight I can make out some Wutai spies hidden behind bushes, monitoring our every move from the cliffs above. I wonder if Sephiroth has assumed correctly - are they going to attack once we reach the reactor?

I feel wary and on edge - I knew this was getting a whole lot more dangerous than I had expected - but I wasn´t going to act like a pussy. If he wanted to play the coward and run back to Lazard he can do so on his own. I wont stop him.

 _I don´t need him anyway._

It is early afternoon when we reach the reactor - to my surprise and relief there´s no trace of the enemy in sight.

 _Strange..._

Never having been inside a reactor before I wait for Sephiroth to take the lead.

„Stay close." He warns, leading the way inside and through the corridors, until we reach the main control room. I can´t do anything but look around in amazement while he moves over to study some of the gauges and monitors.

Fascinated by the eerie Mako glow on the other side - I feel myself drawn to the huge glass fronts, providing the occupants of the control room with the view of the Mako reactor´s heart. My gaze following the numerous pipes leading down into the dephts of green - barely able to make out the bubbling surface of extracted lifestream below - I can´t help but wonder.

„Sephiroth... How does it work exactly... the Mako plant?" I ask - unable to look away.

„Shin-Ra appearently found a way to forcibly extract the lifestream from the planet and process it into Mako energy..." He sais - occupied with studying the gauges attached to some of the pipes on the walls.

„How...?" I promt.

„I´m not a scientist..." comes his voice - I can tell my questions are starting to annoy him.

„So we are practically sucking the life out of the planet so we can watch talk shows on our flatscreens 24/7, huh?" I ask disbelievingly - the thought of it making my stomach turn.

He just shrugs his shoulders.

Assuming that this conversation is over, I turn my attention back to the window again. There is silence for a few minutes.

„They have appearently closed some of the valves." he says pensively. „We´ll have to go inside in order to open them again..."

„Inside?" I turn to face him - not quite sure I had understood correctly.

„Into the main reactor unit." he says, motioning at the vast cavernous room in front of me - Mako green fumes hanging in the air.

„Isn´t it dangerous?" I ask warily - the idea of going in there not appealing to me at all. I feel like he´s about to say something, but then seems to think better of it...

„Not to us. Our bodies are already used to higher levels of Mako exposure than the average human´s is. As long as we don´t stay in there for too long..." He sais instead, trailing off at the last bit, then looking me dead in the eye, he adds: „It´s not the Mako fumes that bother me..." His voice suddenly even more serious than before.

Not understanding what he is implying I stare back at him - questioningly - my features encouraging him to elaborate.

„I think we´ve got company..." he clarifies, slightly inclining his head - I can see that glint in his eyes again - that predatory glint, that somehow always manages to send a shiver down my spine.

* * *

He was right. Once we entered the main reactor unit, the heavy door we´ve come in through closed - locking itself immediately - we were trapped inside and instantly attacked.

And there were loads of them.

Coming at us from every direction - their numbers intimidating - I don´t know where they had managed to gather so many people.

It took us hours to reach the lower levels where the valves were located.

I hadn´t been prepared fore something like that. I wasn´t ready. And it was one level away from our target, that finally the fact that I hadn´t probably recovered yet was taking a toll on me.

Feeling exhausted and weak, I have to lean against the railing for support. I have been pushing my limits too far again.

„Lightning, what´s wrong?!" I hear his voice - full of concern - as if from far away.

Black dots dancing in front of my vision - shaking like mad, I feel my heart race under my ribcage. Struggling not to headfirst fall into the lifestream below - clasping the metal rails tightly - I feel the First Class General´s hand on my shoulder, preventing me from tumbling to my death - the lifestream´s surface dangerously close down here.

I wish could just lay down and curl into a ball on the floor to wait for this to pass, but I can´t afford to show weakness now. Not infront of him. Not in here. Not with hundreds of enemies waiting to attack any second again. I push him away roughly.

Panting heavily, I try to compose myself.

„It´s nothing!" I manage to choke out - glaring at him - I force my upper body to straighten up again.

„Just stay here, I´ll check out the lower levels." he offers - his voice is gentle. I can tell he´s worrying about my current condition.

It doesn´t suit him.

„No way..." I protest - carefully taking a few steps forward - he offers me his hand for support but I just push him away again angrily.

 _What, does he think I can´t walk on my own?_

„I´m alright!" I assure him. Taking a few deep breaths, I continue down our path - just to clutch the railing again to prevent myself from collapsing only after a few meters.

„Are you sure you are okay?" He asks again, giving me a worried glance.

It´s a stupid thing to ask. We both know that I´m not.

Standing next to me - I catch him reaching forward to touch me again, then - thinking better of it - he pauses mid-action to let his arm drop his side.

 _Good._

I wouldn´t accept his help anyway.

Finally managing to get myself together - forcing my body to respond, I push myself to carry on.

* * *

Reaching the bottom to see that the Wutai had destroyed the valves beyond repair - we found ourself attacked again - the enemy intent on finishing us off this time.

I don´t know how we managed to get all the way up and out of there again alive - there was no time for another one of my recent breakdowns. Once out of the reactor, we had to fight our way through an army of Wutai troopers in order to make it back to Corel.

By the time we reach the safety of the well guarded village - I feel like dying. Ready to collapse any second, I urge myself to move forward.

Exhausted and worn, I instruct my feet to move. Making it to the Inn - I can´t wait to fall into my bed - not caring with whome I´d have to share it with.

Concentrating hard on making my way up the stairs - every step feels like conquering a mountain.

 _I´m nearly there... Just up these stairs..._ I keep telling myself - forcing myself to lift one foot after the other as - clutching the handrail as if my life depended on it - I anscend the staircase.

 _I just have to make it up to our room..._ I think, when suddenly my legs give way and I collapse - my mind bracing itself for the impact that never comes, I barely register strong arms catching me from behind before I pass out.

* * *

SEPHIROTH´S POV

I had been watching her all mission and I knew she was on the verge of breaking.

It was when we finally made our way up to our room again - watching her stagger up the stairs - I stayed close behind in order to be there and ready when the inevitable was going to happen.

I knew better than to try and support her – I had offered earlier and she had angrily pushed me away.

I had no intention of annoying her further.

She didn´t want me to help her... Well I guess that wasn´t about me. She probably wouldn´t let anybody help her. Somehow I could understand. I was exactly the same after all.

So I am ready to catch her, when suddenly she tumbles to the ground. Without further ado I pick her up in my arms and carry her unconscious body to the room the company had provided us with.

Sitting down on the bed I let her body rest on my lap - her head leaning on my shoulder, I can feel puffs of weak, irregular breath against my neck. Burrying my face in her hair - I hold her body close to mine.

The situation resembling so much that incident on the beach... I feel overwhelmed with emotions.

Soft pained moans escaping her throat, I can feel her body shivering in my arms.

I wish I could somehow make her feel better...

Unable to help her once again, I feel useless and pathetic.

Her body still fighting the Jenova cells, the degeneration not 100% complete - there is nothing I can do to help her. Thinking about it, I realise I am the reason she is suffering like this in the first place...

Sighing I pick her up again to place her on the bed next to me.

Assuring myself that she is okay and just in need of some rest, I check her pulse and breathing - then move to take off her combat boots. Rearranging her position on the bed in what I hope is a comfortable way, I cover her with the thick white blanket.

Taking a seat on the bed next to her, I move forward to remove a strand of hair from her forehead just to realise how cold she is.

 _Damn Lazard._

I knew she hadn´t been ready.

Acting on instinct I lie down next to her - crawling under the blanket behind her, I put my arm around her unconscious form from behind - in an attempt to keep her warm. Taking her hand into my own - I caress the back of her hand in a soothing way. I bury my face in her hair again to take in her scent.

I wish I could be that close to her when she is awake... I wish she´d want me to... But I guess I´m not that lucky...

The fact that she was implanted with Jenova cells too, doing nothing to dissuade my feelings - making it only harder for me to ignore them. The knowledge that she was just as messed up as I was... that we were the same... making me feel drawn to her even more.

Holding her close to me, I wait for her breathing to even and her shivers to subside. Figuring I´d rather not stay like this for much longer - afraid she might wake up and find herself in my arms - I push myself up into a sitting position.

 _She´d probably kill me if she ever found out._

Pushing my thoughts away I get up. I still have some work to do after all.


	62. Chapter 62

Chapter 62

LIGHTNING´S POV

I was shaken awake at the dawn of the next day, by a slightly dissheveled looking silver haired First Class General. He looked even paler than usual - dark circles under his eyes telling me that he hadn´t slept for the second night in a row.

„Hurry, we need to get out of here!" he says - his voice calm and commanding as always.

Trying my best to get up - squinting against the first rays of the sunlight - I find my limbs heavy and weak. I wished I could just stay under the warm blanket and go back to sleep for another four or five hours. It felt like only seconds had passed since I...

 _Wait!_

How did I get in here?

„Come on now - we´ve only got 2 minutes left!" Sephiroth´s voice cuts through my musings. He is picking up our stuff and double checking every corner of the room and under the bed.

 _Two minutes?_

I barely have time to probably tie my combat boots, when he yanks me up by my arm, dragging me out of the room.

„Go!" he urges. „We have to reach the helicopter, south of the village! 1:30!"

It is then that realisation hits me and I break into a run. Adrenaline kicking in, I race down the stairs and push throught he Inn´s entrance hall to make it out into the open - hurrying down the main street toward where the heli is waiting for us - the noise of approaching aircraft announcing the upcoming inferno that Shin-Ra is going to release upon this place merely seconds from now.

 _Why do they always have to bomb the hell out of everywhere?_

We make it there the moment the first bombs fall - the blast nearly making our heli crash into the nearby trees - but thanks to Rude being an excellent pilot, we manage to escape.

„What about the people who live here?" I ask Sephiroth while fastening my seatbelt.

„No time for evacuation..." he murmurs.

Lost for words, I can´t help but stare into those emotionless mako green eyes - he seemes completely unaffected by the cruel fate of all those civilians - the cold calculating eyes of a killer. I guess he doesn´t care at all.

Pondering his lack of compassion, I realise I do not care either.


	63. Chapter 63

Chapter 63

LIGHTNING´S POV

„Shit, Lightning! You´re going to kill me!" Zack grunts out. He has his back pressed against the wall of the SOLDIER training room - both his arms brought up to shield his face - our swords lying forgotten on the ground a few meters away.

There is blood trickling from a cut on his forehead and freely flowing from his nose, where I had hit him hard just seconds ago. My knuckles sore from my previous attacks already, I choose to hit the wall next to his head instead of his face again, sparing him my next blow.

„Yeah, you´re beating the crap out of him..." Cloud confirms, his mouth slightly gaping in awe.

Panting heavily, Zack hesitantly lets his arms drop to his sides - looking at me warily - he brings them up again to touch his injured nose.

„Ahhh...fuck!" he curses. He has all the right to do so - it seems I´ve accidentally broken it - again.

„I... I´m sorry..." I manage - barely able to restrain myself from attacking again, now that he had let his guard drop - the urge to just hit him again and again until his face would be an unrecognizeable bloody mess, suddenly nearly irresistible.

 _Now, where did that come from?_

Contrary to Zack´s, my breathing is calm and even - our little training session not affecting me in the slightest.

Getting a grip on me, I move close to his face to comradely inspect his injuries - no lasting harm done - I guess.

„Hospital. Now." I order. I´m sure that cut needed stitches. As for his nose... Well I guess they had patched up worse.

Hanging his head, he unsteadily makes his way towards the exit - offering my shoulder for support, I help him outside and into the corridor - Cloud trailing a few meters behind us, as we make our way to the elevators.

„What was that, huh?" Zack asks once we are out of earshot.

„What was what?" I deadpan.

„That look you gave me in there..." He says - looking up to meet my gaze as though to check whether I was still there.

„Huh?" I don´t even care to listen properly.

„You looked at me as though you were about to rip me to pieces or something... It was kind of scary..." he mumbles.

Just for a second in there, Zack had seen the probing merciless eyes of a killer - of the monster really - that now unbeknowest to me was slumbering burried somewhere deep inside of me - stirring - threatening to awake.

* * *

Cloud and me spent the rest of the evening waiting for Zack in the hospital´s waiting room. It took ages for him to emerge from the white double doors - the cut on his forehead stitched - his nose swollen and purple, but straight - there were dark circles forming under his eyes already - he looked tired and worn out.

„I hate you Light..." he mumbles as we get up from our seats to meet him.

„Zack, you look like shit." Cloud observes - chuckling slightly.

„And I certainly feel like it..." Zack answers weakly, giving me an accusing sideways glance.

„What´s funny about that anyway?" he adds acidly, turning to glare at Cloud, who´s trying hard to stifle a laugh.

„Nothing... it´s just... you got beaten up by a girl..." the cheeky blonde manages between giggles.

„Next time we´ll let you have a go against her, then we´ll see who´s laughing... She´s all yours..." Zack teases.

„Stop bickering guys... we should go and find Angeal... you look like you really could use one of his healing spells." I suggest upon studying Zack´s face again.

* * *

We enter the SOLDIER common room to immediately spy our fellow First Class´s lounging on the couch, appearently watching the news on the small TV.

„Hey Guys!" Angeal greets us. „Wha-at? Zack?! What´s wrong? You got hit by a train or something?" he adds disbelievingly, once he notices the state of his puppy´s face - getting up immediately to inspect his injuries - Genesis and Sephiroth getting up as well.

„No... he got hit by Lightning..." Cloud explains - all the First Class´s heads turning to look at me - Angeal and Genesis shooting me disapproving glares. I can feel one of Angeal´s lectures about SOLDIER honor awaiting me, once he´s done tending to Zack.

I catch Sephiroth narrowing his eyes at me curiously - I feel his gaze burn into the side of my head even after I turn to watch Angeal mending Zack´s pain. It had usually been me who had emerged from the SOLDIER training room like this - battered and bleeding - the news that I had managed to beat Zack up like that, probably exceeding the limits of my former mentor´s imagination.

„We were... sparring..." I explain, the others just staring at me incredulously.

I can´t help but feel awkward - embarassed really - as coming down from my high from the fight, I begin to realise what I had actually done. I had treated Zack like shit - I had severely injured a comrade, because I had lost control during training - and I hadn´t even been about to stop after breaking his nose. I had even had a hard time restraining myself from hitting again after our „sparring" had obviously ended - when it was clear he had had enough. Feeling ashamed of myself, I fix my gaze on the floor - unable to look the others in the eyes.

„Did you have your hands bound behind your back or something?!" Angeal asks - shaking his head in disbelieve. He probably can´t imagine me being able to overpower Zack like that - last time he had seen me fight, my powers had been equal to Zack´s at most. I can´t blame him. My newfound strenght surprised me myself.

Zack only averts his gaze.

I somehow feel bad for making him look like a pussy. It wasn´t his fault - they had tempered with my physical abilities again - with my recently enhanced skills, he didn´t have a chance - he was no match for me anymore.


	64. Chapter 64

CHAPTER 64

LIGHTNING´S POV

Back to HQ, I had been informed that I woudn´t be assigned another mission until I had fully recovered.

So having nothing else to do, I had spent most of my days in the gym and the simulation training room - eager to pratice my constantly improving abilities. Yes, it was amazing - I could feel myself getting stronger and faster every day - I could overwhelm Cloud and Zack easily these days, even if they attacked simultaneously. Fighting them had actually become boring and also dangerous - for the others that was. The fear of seriously injuring them in one of our training sessions - I wanted Zack´s nose the last bone to be broken by my hands in this room - making me seek out the simulation training room more often now, in search of a challenge.

I couldn´t help but think that that´s how Sephiroth must feel when fighting Angeal and Genesis.

Not that I ever intended on fighting any of those three - they were in a completely different league - or so I thought.

Seeing my progress, it made me happy. Happy, self-confident and proud, but it also made me worried - worried about my sanity.

More often than not I had the feeling that I was loosing it. I had realised that I had grown cold and calculating - the fates of all those innocent people dying in Corel leaving me completely unfazed - the fact that I had injured Zack in training had at that moment felt exhilerating - I hadn´t even wanted to stop there.

Things that would have gone against my morals - that would have inflicted a bad conscience inside of me, not touching me at all. It felt like all of my moral principles - my ethical values - were sucked out of my mind - an unprecedented aggresiveness taking their place. The inhuman urge to kill and rip and tear something - somebody really - threatening to overwhelm me any second these days - driving me to lock myself inside the simulation training room - sometimes late at night - to take my aggression out on my virtual victims - where nobody could see - where I wouldn´t endanger anybody.

I felt as if I could kill just any person - no matter if friend or foe - without even batting an eyelid.

Although it made my job so much easier, it also scared me. It scared me a lot.

Watching my reflection in my bathroom mirror - I didn´t recognize myself anymore. That girl that had left her hometown Bodhum all those years ago - there was nothing left of her anymore. That girl didn´t exist anymore.

I didn´t understand how a person could change like that - and in such a short amount of time.

Also I felt restless. I couldn´t sleep much - causing me to wander the building at night - roaming the SOLDIER floor and sometimes the rest of HQ.

It was one of these nighttime strolls, my insomnia paired with the confusion inside my head drinving me to the top of the Shin-Ra building - hoping for the cool night breeze to clear my thoughts.

Stepping out into the fresh air, I realise it is a beautiful cloudness night - the moon casting a pale white light onto the heli-deck.

I make my way to the edge - leaning over the balustrade to let my gaze glide over the rooftops of the slums below again and then over to the constantly working mako reactors, immersing the city below in their toxic fumes.

I remember when I had been inside one of those... when I had realised that Shin-Ra was sucking the lifestream from the planet - slowly but surely letting it bleed to death. I wonder if its the right thing... maybe it´s not our place to conduct something like that - to decide to actually kill this planet - it isn´exactly our´s is it?

Looking up to the stars above, I can´t help but realise how small and insignificant I am - we all are. The infinite dephts of the universe - intimidating, overwhelming in it´s size - but somehow also familiar - something inside of me reaching out for it.

I give a start when the sudden unexpected sound of somebody clearing their throat, announces the presence of another person right behind me.

Whirling around, I find myself face to face with Sephiroth - the light of the moon reflecting off his silver strands - tinting his features a pale unearthly blue, his mako eyes - alluring green orbs - slightly glowing in the dark.

„I could have easily killed you there..." he states - his voice has a dangerous undertone to it. Looking up into his eyes, I can´t help but feel like prey again. Prey about to be ripped to pieces. Being here with him all alone... it creeps me out.

„I guess you could..." I reply warily - my eyes never leaving his.

„Didn´t I teach you the importance of constant vigilance?" he asks - one of his adorable half smiles forming on his lips - making the fear his sudden appearance had caused to rise inside of me, dissipate into thin air. He is teasing me again...

I don´t know what to say. He´s right - I have beeen inattentive lately. I must have been really preoccupied for him to be able to sneak up on me like that. With my enhanced hearing, stalking me wasn´t an easy task anymore. Or maybe it was just him. Concerning our skills, he always seemed to be a few steps ahead of me.

„What are you doing up here all on your own - late - in the middle of the night anyway?" he asks - that disarming smile of his still in place - his eyes mysteriously twinkling in the moonlight - I feel the inexplicable urge to close the distance between our bodies.

„Could ask you the same..." I reply nonchalantly, my demeanor not revealing a trace of the emotional turmoil his presence inflicts inside of me.

 _Why does he always have to have such effects on me?!_

Feeling foolish I just avert my eyes. This is getting more and more uncomfortable by the second.

„Care to sparr?" Sephiroth suddenly says - my eyes darting back to his face, I catch him raising one of his eyebrows at me challengingly. „I know, it´s been a while..."

„I don´t know..." I mumble - unable to think of an excuse. I certainly have no desire to fight against him ever again - my last encounter with Masamune still etched into my memory - but then again... I feel like showing off my now acquired skills to him. Although I´m sure they wouldn´t make much of a difference against him, he´d probably be surprised.

„Okay. If you insist..." I give in - accepting his invitation - I can see that trademark smug expression form on his face.

 _I must be crazy to take part in this voluntarily..._

Watching him take a few steps away and conjure Masamune with a swift motion of his left hand, I decide to mirror his actions. Taking out Blaze Edge and getting into fighting stance, I feel my recently omnipresent belligerence kick in full force again.

Contrary to our previous encounters, I feel concentrated and at ease this time - a deadly calm replacing my usual anxieties - allowing me to properly asses my opportunities as well as calculate his next moves.

Knowing his strategies in and out already - I decide to hold back in the beginning - luring him into a false sense of security. I would save my new aquired strenght to surprise him later - when he would start his offence for real. I would be ready. I knew he liked to play with his opponents for a bit, until he´d get tired of it and inevitable flatten the other - those fights wouldn´t last a minute otherwise.

I can´t help but notice that he is going extremely easy on me this time. I´m however not going to take the bait.

I know I am no match for him, but I´d just love to hit at least one blow - the moment of surprise my only chance.

I have a hard time keeping my abilities hidden from him - I manage to block every single one of his blows without giving myself away - even half heartedly attacking him a few times - blows he deflects easily - that complacent smirk never leaving his face - I´m biding my time - knowing that I would wipe it off soon enough.

It is after a few minutes of amicable sword clashing that he changes his strategy. I can see it in his eyes - the moment he decides to attack for real - it is the moment I choose to strike with all my force - instead of dodging his assault as he must have anticipated, I bring up Blaze Edge to block his insanely long katana mid-blow - throwing myself against it with all my strenght, I manage to push him away. Then I charge foreward as fast as I can - taken by surprise he hasn´t got the time to bring up his own sword - the sharp edge of my gunblade grazing his right cheek - carving a small superficial cut into his pale skin.

His eyes huge - staring at me in disbelieve, he brings his free hand up to touch the wound. He certainly isn´t used to having his attacks countered like that - even worse: for his opponent´s blows to hit their target.

I can´t believe my luck, as charging to attack again, I barely leave him time to block me - the power of my onslaught, forcing him to retreat a few steps.

It only takes a few seconds for him to recover thought - I can tell he´s getting angry - attacking with new force again - it doesn´t take long until - taking another step backwards - I feel the cold hard stone of the balustrade press into the small of my back. Trapped - with nearly a hundred storeys of thin air between me and the ground the only route of escape I´m left with - it is only a moment later that I feel the cold blade of Masamune caress the side of my neck again.

Not daring to move whatsoever, I just close my eyes in defeat. I don´t want to see the triumphant gleam in his eyes again - the one that told you how pathetic and weak you were - not even worth to be crushed by him. That look of his that I knew so well...

However when I finally open my eyes to meet his, there is only curiousity. Curiousity and amazement.

„You´ve become much stronger..." he states - his voice serious now. Studying the small cut my attack had left on his cheek - I knew it wasn´t exactly much, but it was definitely enough to unsettle him - to hurt his ego. Althought I had obviously lost this battle, I can´t help but feel victorious. Sill I can´t shake off the feeling that somehow he doesn´t seem surprised at all.

Painfully aware of the lack of distance between our bodies, as we are standing only centimeters apart - I feel my gaze drawn to his lips, pale in the moonlight - the pull towards him almost irrisistable this time. My emotions getting the best of me, I subconsciously make to lean foreward - just to feel the sharp edge of Masamune´s blade press against the soft skin of my neck - threatening to cut throught the thin layer of tissue and straight into my carotid artery - holding me in place.

My eyes darting back to his questioningly, our gazes lock again. Drawning in those mesmerizing pools of Mako - I feel my heart beat against my ribcage hard - I don´t know why - I just wished he´d lean down so I could feel his lips against my own. His eyes - guarded - not giving away even the tyniest hint of what might be going on behind them... If a person´s eyes really were the window to their soul - I wonder what I might find there - inside of him. Caught up in the moment - I sense him lowering his sword - slowly - hesitantly - the cold blade of Masamune finally removed from my body, allowing me to close the distance between us and -

„Oh please, get a room you two!" Genesis´ voice cuts through the silence, making me jump slightly - I catch Sephiroth staring at me for a moment longer before closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, he turns around to face our fellow First Class.

„Genesis?!" I manage, feeling my cheeks blush instantly. „Wha.. What are you doing here?"

„Oh... nothing..." the annoying redhead says - presenting us with a sly smile. „I just thought it was a beautiful night for some outdoor poetry reading..."


	65. Chapter 65

Chapter 65

LIGHTNING´S POV

I was sent to mission a few days after my encounter with Sephiroth on the top of HQ - Shin-Ra had appearently decided that I had fully recovered.

Thinking about what had happened that night on the heli pad - I don´t know what had driven me to act like I had. In retrospect, Genesis´s sudden interference with whatever it was that had been going on between my former mentor and myself, had saved my neck - I owed him. I can only fathom what would have happened if he hadn´t interrupted our private „sparring". It was undoubtedly something I would regret by now.

Allowing my self control to slip away like that... my beheaviour had been unacceptable. I would make sure something like that never happened again.

Still... My thoughts kept wandering back to it - back to him. I couldn´t help it.

I knew I needed it to stop - this stupid infatuation - or whatever it was. I knew I needed to forget about him.

But it was no use.

I fortunately hadn´t had to spend time with the silver haired General alone since then - I was already dreading our next encounter - it was bound to be awkward - so, I was happy to leave Midgar with Zack and Tseng this time, the perfect opportunity to avoid him.

We were savely seated inside the heli bringing us near Modeoheim - where Wutai rebels had assumedly converted an abandoned mako reactor test station into a hideout. It was our job to investigate whether these rumours were true - then infiltrate and annihilate the opposing forces. It wasn´t going to be an easy task. Since my former experiences with the Wutai hadn´t been something to laugh about, I wasn´t goign to underestimate them again.

Our destination nearly reached - I knew the heli would drop us off somewhere in the wastelands between Modeoheim and Icicle Inn - somewhere north of the test reactor - we would have to make the remaining distance by foot, we couldn´t risk being detected.

I can´t help but marvel at the view. Getting up from my seat, I move over to the open door - the chilly air biting my face, as I take in the scenery: White plain fields stretching endlessly in every direction - the setting sun painting the sky in beautiful oranges and pinks and purples - colours reflected by the snowy surface of the surrounding lands - the mountains towering in the distance, like icebergs.

Those colours albeit beautiful, suddenly stirring uncomfortable feelings inside of me - an unpleasent sensation - like I had seen those before - my mind associating them with something terrrible... something dreadful... horribly painful...

I somehow fail to get the link.

Pushing the tought away, I think it is the calmest place I´ve ever been at. Probably the most appeasing landscape that exists.

I lean forward - taking it all in. The colours, the air, the... when suddenly there´s a high hissing noise, followed by a deafening bang - the heli gives a jolt, causing me to loose my footing.

White. Orange. Pink. Purple. And then... Darkness.

* * *

When I wake up everything hurts. My brain momentarily unable to form a coherent thought, the only thing I perceive is pain.

 _Fuck... Where am I?_

It takes a few minutes for me to realise where I am - to understand that I had been assigned a mission near Modeoheim. The last thing I remembered being standing in the door of the heli - I figure I must have fallen out or something. But where is the heli? Where is Zack? Where is Tseng?

 _What happened?_

My sourroundings slowly swimming into focus, I try to get into a sitting position - but at first try my body wont comply. It is hard work. Deciding that I needed to get myself together - I make it into a standing position - it is not exactly an easy task. The corners of my vision darkening - I threaten to fall - but I miraculously manage to stay on my feet - my vision finally clearing - I take in my surroundings. Nothing but snow and ice everywhere.

 _Great._

I slowly climb a small hill to try and localise my position but it´s no use. There´s nothing but snow wherever I look - the mountains in the distance my only means of orientation. There´s no sign of a crash or a fight or the others. I knew they wouldn´t have left me here like this - something terrible must have happened.

I take out my phone to read „no service". It´s kind of funny... How I actually never used it and now that I wanted to, it didn´t work.

 _It´s getting better and better..._

An icy wind brushes my cheek and I realise it is freezing cold. And getting dark. Fast.

 _I need to find shelter_.

It´s the first thing that comes to my mind. My instincts taking over, I drag myself what I figure must be south... judging from the position of the sun - or rather the last sunrays. I remember our drop off being somewhere north from our target destination. Not having anywhere else to go, I figure I might as well continue the mission.

Setting off with the last blink of light vanishing from the horizon, I start my hike.

But with the darkness comes the cold. Feeling the temperature around me drop rapidly - the nights out here appearently even colder than the days - my breath misting out in front of me and the cold air stinging my lungs - I feel the palms of my hands getting chilly - my fingers and toes slightly numb already - I know I need to find some place to rest for the night soon or I´m so done for.

So I go. And I keep going and going and going. Around me the vast emptyness of the ice desert stretching endlessly - my hands and feet aching with cold - ignoring the pain, I continue on. It takes me some time before I realise I´m not going anywhere.

Exhausted and weary - my body refusing to work under that low temperatures - my muscles protesting painfully, I let myself sink to the ground. My back to the slope of another snowy dune, I lie curled up into a ball - shivering - my every cell freezing - my body hurting so much I can hardly bear it. I tell myself that they are probably searching for me. That they will find me. Eventually.

Trembling violently, I try to think of something... anything... to keep my mind busy... forcing myself to stay awake because, I know... I just know: once I fall asleep I´m going to die.

However no comforting thought comes to my mind.

I don´t know how long I lie there, still - the dead silence broken only by the pumping of blood in my ears - pressing in on me - while breathing becomes more and more difficult - more of a bother than a vital body function.

I always knew I would die on a SOLDIER mission. But in fight... as a hero... and not like this...

Anyway... I hope Zack and Tseng are okay... I really do.

The overall pain of my tormented cells morphing into a throbbing numbness... soothing me... a stray thought tells me I should start being scared by now, but fear seems to have become a concept floating somewhere beyond my immediate reach.

I wonder if somebody will find me in time...

Maybe nobody is looking for me at all...

Maybe nobody cares...

 _I can´t blame them._

The remainder´s of my body heat leaching out into the surrounding snow - my body had stopped shivering some time ago now. Sephiroth´s words echoing in my head, I can´t help but notice how pathetic I am - simply a delicate, tropical organism whose range is restricted to a narrow sunlit band that girds the earth at the equator - it´s physical shell unsuited for an harsh environment like this - doomed without the comforts modern technologies offered.

Unable to consciously move a muscle anymore, I feel my mind slip away...

I try to fight it, but it´s no use...

In the end the fatigue wins anyway.

* * *

SEPHIROTH´S POV

„Let´s just leave, it´s no use." Genesis tries to reason with us. „We don´t even know where she landed. We´ve been searching for hours now and haven´t found a trace of her!"

„I don´t understand..." Zack mumbles, sounding crestfallen. He´s wrapped in a thermal blanket - warming his hands on a steaming cup of tee.

„She was there with us in the heli. I don´t know what happened. Everything went that fast... At the time I came around she was just gone..." I can hear his voice break at the last part - indicating that he was about to cry - he could be such a pussy sometimes. I guess Angeal approves of him displaying his emotions like this instead of bottling them up inside - I just think he´s a pussy. I mean we are SOLDIER after all.

„She must have fallen out before we crashed. I remember she was standing in the door." Tseng clarifies - shaking his head discouragingly.

"We´ll find her." Angeal assures the crybaby, resting his hand on Zack´s shoulder reassuringly, before putting on a thick fur coat on top of his uniform he turns to exit - hopping off the military supply truck which´s cargo area had been transformed to resemble a small common room, Shin-Ra had provided us with.

„I´ll send the Turks out for her too." Tseng decides - signalling Reno and Rude to look for her again - using the helicopter we had arrived in.

„I wonder what caused our heli to crash like that..." I say - my voice dry - I already have a pretty good idea and I know all the others are thinking along the same line. That was the reason we had been sent here anyway - to investigate and destroy the cause of this "accident" - not to search for a lost comrade.

I catch Zack looking up at me from the corner of my eyes.

„I don´t remember what happened... everything went so fast..." he says again - I hated it when people repeated themselves over and over. Does he think I´m incapable of remembering things he had said only seconds ago? I realise I feel edgy and irritated. We are not closer to finding Light than 5 hours ago - and although I knew there was practically nothing that could pose a threat to her out there with her Jenova enhanced body... the lack of any kind of live sign from her made me feel uneasy.

„We were struck by anti-aircraft fire..." Tseng suddenly says - nursing a cut on his forhead.

„I´m sure of it." the Turk adds - all the others turning to give him incredulous looks - I had already expected something like that. The debris at the crash site hadn´t exactly pointed toward an accident.

„It apppears to have come from the direction of the reactor..." Tseng says carefully. „The Wutai have appearatly been waiting for us."

„No way!" Genesis throws in. „Where would the Wutai acquire weapons such as this?"

Genesis has got an interesting point there.

How did they get access to arms like that. Until now they had been fighting us with guns and lances - sometimes monsters. But they hadn´t had modern weapons like this.

The fact that they suddenly had, was very disconcerting. Until now their outmatching numbers hadn´t really posed a threat to us. Technologically superiour - Shin-Ra had been able to deal with them. There wasn´t much you could do to harm a megacorporation like Shin-Ra if you were armed with sticks and stones... but if they had somehow managed to obtain modern weapon technology...

„Let´s just go back to the crash site, maybe we will find some clues there." I say - getting up from my seat and out into the cold night.

* * *

We search for Lightning all night - until the weather turns against us.

Returning to the safety of the truck, we meet to rediscuss the situation.

„We should stay here, until the conditions get a bit better..." Genesis decides.

Zack giving an audible sigh of frustration - I watch Genesis look him dead in the eye.

„There´s no use in searching for her in that blizzard out there! We´d probably get ourselves killed as well!" the readhead reasons.

„What do you mean `as well´?!" Zack thunders - getting up from his seat.

„You don´t think she´s..." he chokes out.

Genesis not eager to answer whatsoever, Zack - in search for support - looks over at Angeal - the latter just avoiding his gaze.

„But..." the puppy stutters - his lower lip trembling slightly - his brain seeming unable to process the information it had just received - he hesitantly turns to look at me. I can see the tears in his eyes - as pleadingly he searches my face - probably waiting for some Kind of confirmation. I don´t know why he´s looking at me anyway. I just shake my head.

„No I don´t think so, Zack." I say encouragingly.

„I think it takes a lot more than a snow storm to kill a First Class like Lightning." I add, watching Zack´s eyes widen in surprise - he probably hadn´t expected me to be somebody to have much optimism to share (which is a good thing, cause I´m not) - the others shooting me reproachful glares. I don´t care. They were clueless anyway.

* * *

It is in the morning of the next day that we find the place where her body must have hit the ground - there are traces of blood in the snow as well as tracks leading away from it.

„She must have been here..." I say more to myself than to anyone in particular, as I crouch down to investigate the spot where Lightning´s blood had tinged the snow crimson. My eyes following the direction of her tracks I figure she must have taken south. Stupid girl - she had probably intented to carry out this mission alone.

Heavy footsteps approaching from behind, I sense Angeal´s presence next to me.

„Sephiroth... Maybe it is time to abort this search..." he says - not looking up to meet his gaze, I continue to stare into the distance. I know he has a hard time finding the words to express what he has to say. I wish he´d just skip it. I know what he´s about to say anyway.

„I just don´t think there is any chance that somebody could survive a night out there..." he starts carefully.

„It´s less than - 10 degrees or something... If she´s still out there then she´s probably... She very likely hasn´t made it, Sephiroth." he continues - his voice serious - as he is trying to make me accept what he thinks is the truth.

„No. She´s not dead..." I tell him determined, my eyes still fixed on the horizon. I can tell he´s got a hard time telling me all this. He must think I´m crazy letting the others search for her like this.

„It´s freezing cold... There aren´t exactly many places to hide out here." He insists - trying to talk some sense into me. I detect pity in his voice - his eyes monitoring me carefully - waiting for my reaction. I know he wanted me to accept that there was no use in continuing our search. I just shake my head in denial. I knew she was still out there somewhere and I certainly wouldn´t leave this place without her.

„There is no way she could have survived..." he persists.

I slowly shake my head again. He doesn´t understand. Contemplating whether to fill him in or not - I finally turn to face him - sighting in defeat, once I come to look into his kind blue eyes. Poor Angeal... he certainly won´t take the news easy.

„What if I told you there is...?!" I say - my voice low as I consider my next words carefully. Looking at me questioningly - his eyebrows rising up - as I explain to him what had really happened that night. The night Lightning had died - in my arms. The night I let Hojo get his way. The night Lightning was implanted with Jenova cells.

I watch his facial expression change from surprise to confusion and then to horror, as he begins to understand - his complexion slightly paling as he patiently listens to everything I´ve got to tell him without interrution.

I really hope he isn´t going to give me one of his lectures, because I am so not in the mood to take his bullshit right now.

„Does she know?" Angeal asks after a few minutes of silence - I had given him the time to let all the information I had provided him with sink in. His eyes boring into my own - looking at me in what I can only describe as a stern way - I know he is already guessing my answer.

„No..." I reply - averting my eyes - my voice barely a wisper.

And I am so not intent on letting her find out. _Ever._


	66. Chapter 66

CHAPTER 66

LIGHTNING´S POV

I couldn´t believe my eyes when waking up from the probably most uncomfortable night of my life - I opened them to see the most beautiful sunrise ever - the snow around me reflecting the first rays of the sunlight, making the dunes sparkle like diamonds.

 _I am still alive?! How could that be?_

Trying to move my numb muscles - my body only reluctantly responding to my brain´s commands, it takes me some time to get into gear. Once I manage to get up, I make my way up another snowy dune to check up on the vicinity. I can make out the outlines of a valley carved into the rock of the towering mountains a few km away - the monstrous steely walls of what must be the reactor test station rising from it´s dephts.

* * *

It was me who discovered the lair of the enemy - the Wutai - first. They had transformed our test reactor into a military base and there where thousands of them. There was no way we could wipe them out just like that - the Wutai forces had been growing - proliferating like a tumor - their numbers had multiplied by hundreds.

And they were preparing - mobilizing - for their last battle.

Spying on them for some time, I watched them load containers - containers filled with weapons - containers bearing the Shin-Ra emblem. They were equipped with the latest creations of modern warfare. I wondered where they had gotten them in the first place - and in such quanteties - it looked as though they had taken control of one of our weapon production sites.

Deciding that there was nothing I could do there, I sneaked away - eager to bring as much distance between me and that deathtrap as fast as possible. I knew once they found me I was as good as dead.

Having lost orientation, I found myself near the small village of Modeoheim some time later, the once vacated place now transformed into a Wutai military base as well - people busy moving around like ants - I felt like being trapped in a night mare.

 _We are screwed. If they are going to attack us we are screwed!_

Shin-Ra won´t be pleased with my revelations. That much was for sure - and I wasn´t either.

Having seen enough, I decided I needed to get out of there as long as I still had the chance to - I needed to get away from that army of cohorts - now - before they would get wind of my presence. I needed to make it back to Midgar to report to Lazard about this. I was the only one who knew after all. Adrenaline kicking in, I stumbled through the snow - it took me miles before I finally heard the familiar noise of heli rotors - Rude and Reno seemed relieved to spot me - it appeared Lazard had organized a search party to retrieve me. I instantly told them to turn and leave this place - if the Wutai found us we were all dead.

I was surprised to find a little basecamp set up only overnight and I was even more surprised to learn that it was set up to find me. Zack - pale as a sheet - racing towards me and tackling me with a tight hug the second I entered - the others just staring at me in disbelief - Angeal monitoring my every move suspiciously. It took some time for me to understand that they had thought I was dead.

Well at least most of them. Sephiroth didn´t seem surprised at all.


	67. Chapter 67

CHAPTER 67

LIGHTNING´S POV

Back to HQ, the situation was tense. We were preparing for what later would be called the final battle of the Wutai war. All of our missions were cancelled. Nobody knew when the Wutai would choose to attack or where - they wanted us available at all times so we´d be ready the second they striked - only one thing was for sure - attack they would.

Upon my reportings, further investigations had led to the conclusion that the Wutai had indeed taken over one of Shin-Ra´s weapon factories - they had appearently threatened employees into sending false reports to HQ, so nobody would get wind of it. That way Shin-Ra had supplied the Wutai forces with weapons for weeks - the damage was already done.

There wasn´t much left to do for us but wait. I was sitting in the common room of the SOLDIER floor - just staring out of the glass fronts looking over Midgar - waiting - Zack doing squats behind me to keep himself busy.

We both give a start when suddenly my phone rings - every call could be „the one" these days. Looking up at Zack - his phone motionless in his Palm - we exchange curious glances - they would have informed both of us if the Wutai had attacked yet. Picking up my communication device, I read the received text message:

„Briefing room. Now." It is a message from Lazard.

I get up immediately and hurry over in the direction of the briefing room - Zack´s voice trailing behind me: „Hey. What is it about?!"

I don´t take the time to answer.

* * *

Entering the room, I am surprised to see some of the Turks as well as Sephiroth already gathered inside. Reno is winking me over to take a seat to his right - I just greet him with a glare - knowing the redhead had a thing for me, I walk over to sit next to Sephiroth instead. Sitting down to his left, we exchange puzzled glances - he doesn´t know why we have been summoned either.

It´s just a second later that Lazard enters, I can´t help but notice how he seems stressed and tired - the knot of his blue tie slightly askew.

„So now that we´re all gathered... let´s move on to buisness." he starts.

„As I´m sure you are all aware of, we are in the middle of a war against Wutai - the deciding battle up ahead - and as I am sure most of you realised by now - it doesn´t look good for us." Lazard´s words echoe from the walls of the briefing room - there is not the tiniest sound to be heard - as he pauses to let his words sink in.

I´m not surprised. I had known all along.

„So..." he continues. „In cooperation with the weapon developement department, the department for public safety maintenance has come up with a plan, a strategy, that will hopefully turn the tide."

All the gathered people´s attention focused on the bespectacled man in front of them, the Director goes on:

„This strategy relies on the use of a completely new generation of weapons - with those weapons we will exterminate the Wutai for once and forever. This will mark the beginning of a new era of weapon developement!"

Listening to his speech, I can´t help but wonder where we would actually come into this - weapon developement wasn´t exactly SOLDIER buisness. We didn´t even use any of Shin-Ra´s huge palette of arms to choose from.

It doesn´t take long for Lazard to reveal, that in order for them to create said weapons they needed something. An object. A mysterious object that - under utmost secrecy - we needed to obtain.

And we needed to obtain it fast, as time was running short anyway. The Wutai could attack any day now.

So we leave within the next hour - not much time to prepare for a top priority mission, but hey - if we didn´t succeed Wutai would probably flatten us anyway.

* * *

I couldn´t fathom why they had sent ME along with Sephiroth and the Turks. Given the importance of this mission, they had chosen to send their best operatives - I didn´t understand why they had picked me instead of Angeal or Genesis.

Not beeing provided with any details about our mission - the only thing I knew was that Sephiroth and my job was to make sure that damn thing would get home save - I needed to let the Turks take the lead. Looking out of the window of the airship that would transport us to wherever it was we needed to got, I couldn´t help but feel uneasy. I hated the fact that I didn´t know anything. Where we were going, what we were supposed to retrieve, what was awaitening us there...

It wasn´t a nice job. All of us were stressed and tense - we knew we needed to succeed and fast.

It is late in the evening already when we reach our destination. Getting out, I realise we are in the middle of a jungle, a huge pyramid-shaped structure rising out of the thicket a few hundred meters away. Making our way through the bushes towards it - it doesn´t take long until emerging from the treeline we are presented with the full view of that building - completely made of stone - steps receding from the ground leading up to what looked like a temple on top.

„What is this...?" I wonder aloud. I´ve never seen anything like it before.

„The Temple of the Ancients..." Sephiroth anwers next to me - his voice barely a whisper. Turning to look at him - I wait for him to elaborate, but he doesn´t. He just continues to stare at it - his eyes fixed on it´s top - where the temple thing´s entry is.

„I thought it was only a legend..." he says after some moments of silence.

„Temple of Ancients, yo?" Reno says in astonishment. „What are you waitin´ for?! Lets have a blast!" he adds laddishly - taking off over the plank bridge - I catch Rude giving a frustrated sigh before he follows - Tseng close behind.

I stay behind a little longer - looking up at Sephiroth I can´t help but wonder:

„What is the Temple of Ancients?" I ask him - keeping my voice low.

„The Temple of Ancients was built by the Cetra a thousands of years ago." he starts, looking down at me with a frown. „Or so the legends say..."

„The Cetra..." I murmur. I feel more questions froming in my brain, but I don´t get the chance to ask them, as without sparing me another glance he brushes past me to keep up with the others.

After crossing that bridge and mounting a rediculous amount of stairs we finally reach the heavy stone doors on top, which Tseng opens with the help of a materia he refers to as „the key stone".

They reveal a path leading into a large cavernous room - a maze of staircases - full of traps and dangers lying ahead of us - some of them we barely manage to avoid. Rude nearly gets himself crushed by one of the boulders falling from the ceiling. It is then that suddenly I understand why they had sent so many of us - we were just spares incase somebody got killed.

I don´t know how long we are trapped inside this labyrinth - it seems like ages until we reach the temple´s heart - the air musty - strange murals decorating the walls - drawings of People looking up to the sky - illuminated by the flickering lights of our torches - they make me feel uneasy. Why did they always have to send us underground? I hated the feeling of being trapped - the walls pressing in on me - I feel sligtly claustrophobic.

Staying close to the walls we venture further.

„We must be nearly there." Tseng says. „It must be here somewhere."

„It is..." Sephiroth confirms. „I can feel it..."

Now that he´d said it - I realise I can feel it too - a lingering presence - luring me deeper into the cave - pulling me towards it. Whatever `it´was...

The strange feeling intesifying, I can make out a pedestral somewhere ahead - a faint purple glow coming from it - drawing me in. This seemed slightly familiar. I remember retrieving a materia from that old military bunker... And I also remember it guarded by a freaking bloodthirsty robot - trying to rip us to pieces and causing the whole ceiling to drop on us, once we had gotten hold of that damn thing.

 _Great..._

Nobody dares to speak as cauteously we approach it - a small dark glistening orb sitting on top of the pedestral - just large enough to fill it´s holder´s palm. It seems to be getting darker and darker the nearer we get, the light from our torches somehow sucked away towards that thing - it seems to absorb the light itself.

 _And it wanted more._

„What is this...?" I start, staring transfixed at the strange sphere in front of me. It looked like materia. But unlike the materia I had seen before, this one was black in colour - a mysterious purple glow to it. Looking at it, I can feel something inside me stir - something inside of me I hadn´t realised was there before - something inside me reaching out for it...

 _A scary feeling - as if something... somebody really... was invading my mind... trying to take control over my body... somebody who somehow was already there... inside... for quite some time now..._

It doesn´t make sense.

That thing inside me drinking in the sight of the black sphere - innocently sitting in it´s socket - I have a hard time tearing myself away from it. Looking up at Sephiroth I can tell he can feel it too. He seems tense, as he too is staring at it mesmerized.

„So the legends are true then..." he whispers - the purple glow reflecting strangely off his Mako eyes.

Turning back to it, I can feel that presence inside me, threatening to take over again - pushing me to extend my hand - to just take it - _to keep it for myself_ \- or rather for that thing to take me...

What is this? Is this the materia´s doing?

It´s hard to resist.

„This my friends is what they call the black materia." Tseng explains - his voice sounding strangely muffled to me. „It is a mysterious and incredibly powerful materia... It is believed to summon what in ancient recordings they call the Ultimate Destructive Magic." I wonder how Tseng seems to be completely uneffected by the thing´s influence. „Shin-Ra appeareantly plans to use it as a weapon against Wutai."

"Huh?" They were planning to use this thing?

„Only few know of it´s existance, let alone how to use it." Tseng concludes.

„What does it do?" I ask, all my attention is fixed on that tiny ball in front of me - my eyes glued to it´s light absorbing surface.

„I have absolutely no idea..." the Turk admits.

„So what are we waitin´ for?!" Reno suddenly cuts in. „Let´s just take it and get it done with, yo!" Before anyone has time to realise what he´s doing he extends his arm to grab the materia and wrench it out of it´s socket.

„NO!" Tseng and Sephiroth yell in unision.

I just watch in sick fascination as Reno´s eyes widen in shock and gasping he lets the orb drop to the ground - nursing his electroshocked fingers - „Fuck - Wha -!" he doesn´t have time to end his cursing as a deep rumble from inside the ground announces what is to come next. The floor starting to shake - the ceiling starts to cave in - the whole structure threatening to colapse.

I only marginally perceive it all. No. What seems far more interesting to me is the materia. _Yes. The materia._ Sitting there on the shaking ground - emitting raw power... A power somebody like Reno couldn´t possibly handle. _No he was week..._ The orb didn´t even allow him to hold it... _But I... with all my powers... I was superiour._.. Maybe the black materia would choose me... _Yes... I can feel it... I should be it´s rightful owner... I should be the one to have it´s powers at my disposal... Nobody else..._

My body acting on its own, I crouch down to pick up the orb. It doesn´t hurt me.

„Shit, we need to get out of here!" comes Reno´s voice again - the others hurrying out of the room.

I don´t really hear it, as absorbed in the depths of that thing - my body rooted to the spot - somehow _posessed_ \- I seem unable to move. I hardly realise Sephiroth grabbing my arm and dragging me out of there - the way back passing by in a blur - I don´t really remember any of it - until tumbling down the stairs outside - the temple behind us collapsing into nothingness - I land in the vegetation face first. Multiple arms grabbing me instantly - I feel my body pinned to the ground - my arm bent into an unnatural angle painfully - I feel the materia being forced from my hand - I refuse to let it got.

 _NO! It´s mine!_

„Hand it over now!" I hear Tseng´s voice - my arm being twisted in an agonizing way - I give a soft cry of pain. Looking up I can see his face - Reno and Rude having me pinned to the ground, the latter unmercifully applying pressure to my tormented limb.

Somehow I can´t comply - my body still acting on it´s own - I have no control over it - my hand clutching the orb tightly - Tseng trying to pry it from my fingers with both of his hands - I can´t help it.

„Hand it over, now!" Rude shouts - twisting my arm all the way - tears forming in my eyes from the pain. I don´t know what´s going on - what happened - _who I am_.

I suddenly feel Sephiroth´s presence next to me - strangely calming to me - looking into his Mako green eyes - I can see curiousity and concern there.

„Lightning let go..." he says gently - his gloved fingers forcing the materia out of my hand - I was easily stronger than any of the Turks - but I was no match for Sephiroth.

A relieved sight escaping my throat the second Rude releases my arm - they all turn to look at Sephiroth now - I can see that glint in his eyes - a powerhungry, dangerous glint - mirroring how I had felt just seconds ago - I see a muscle twitch in his jaw. For a second I think he´s going to loose it, like I had, but the next moment it is gone and he hands it over to Tseng nontheless.

Reno helping me up from the ground - breathing heavily, I realise I feel shaky and unstable on my feet - that orb - it had been draining me of my energy.

„Hate to hurt you - sweetheard." Reno says - looking at me apologetically. „What was that about, anyway?"

I can´t answer. I don´t know myself.


	68. Chapter 68

CHAPTER 68

LIGHTNING´S POV

Whatever Heidegger and Scarlet had planned, it didn´t seem to work. They had conducted various tests to analyse the powers of the black materia somewhere near north crater, but all their efforts had been fruitless - so in the end it was on us to win that battle for Shin-Ra.

We were seated in the helicopter heading for the plains outside Midgar were it finally would take place. Our final battle against Wutai - which seemed to have gathered all it´s remaining forces – marking this day the climax of the Wutai war - there wasn´t much left for us to hope for.

As the Wutai had placed their best armed warriors in the front rows - using most of their new aquired weapons to attempt and destroy the Mako reactors surrounding the city - Shin-Ra had sent us us to attack from the rear - a tactical step offering us the opportunity to decimate their numbers without their leaders even noticing - it was our job to get rid of most of them, to pave the way for the infantrymen.

As flagship of the Shin-Ra army – they had sent us to end this for once and forever.

I can´t say I´m very confident - I am indeed already nervous – but when I look out of the heli´s window to assess the situation, my heart skips a beat – the vast amount of fighters that have gathered there waiting for us, scaring the shit out of me. We are not only outnumbered - we are doomed.

My heart beating against my rigcage like mad - I can´t help but feel initmidated by their raw numbers.

 _We can never make it out of this alive._

 _Shin-Ra will fall._

Feeling slightly nauseous, I look over at Zack. I can tell he´s thinking along the same line. I see concern and fear etched onto his features – it is a miracle Cloud hasn´t passed out from fear already. I don´t know who had brought him along anyway.

It is when the helicopter makes contact with the floor that I risk a sidway glance at Sephiroth, just to catch him staring at me. I watch his lips curve upwards into a genuine smile. I realise I had never seen him smile like this before - like he truly enjoyed himself.

Turning his head to look over the gathered enemy, I hear the general emit a low chuckle. I can´t shake off the feeling that somehow he seems elated – in anticipation of what is to come.

 _Like he can´t wait to die._

Turning back to face me, our gazes lock for another moment - his Mako green eyes glowing in the semi-darkness of the helicopter´s cargo area - before he gets up to take off his coat, exposing his impressive upper body. I can´t help but stare at his muscular back - surprisingly without a single scar - a tiny blush making it´s way to my cheeks.

He must have gone crazy – leaving his body unprotected like this in a battle – I am totally flabbergasted - while Genesis and Angeal don´t even look twice. Having fought with him in various battles before, they already knew he would do this. It isn´t until I actually see him fight, that I understand he had shed his coat in order to not get restricted by his clothes.

Half naked, he turns to the heli´s door - looking over the army of cohorts - his self-confidence and enthusiasm infectious - I make to get up as well. As long as he´s going to lead us, we´re going to be alright. If he is going to lead us into that hell of a battlefield, I´ll follow.

 _I guess I´d follow him anywhere._

„It´s an honour to fight beside you guys..." Zack starts - his voice shaky - all the others just staring, Cloud´s mouth opening and closing without emitting a sound. Everbody is thinking the same thing: We are going to die tonight.

Sephiroth turns around to look straight into his eyes.

„The honour is mine." he says - giving him an encouraging nod - that trademark smirk forming on his lips again.

„Either way... this war is going to end tonight." he announces - his voice calm and determined - the complete opposite to how I feel inside.

I sense Lazard getting up from his seat in the corner as well - obviously planning on giving a pep talk or something - or rather to say some last words - I´m actually impressed he has the guts to come with us in the first place. He probably wanted to witness our deaths from a seat in the front row or something. Or maybe he was just eager to find an excuse to leave Midgar. Right now it wasn´t exactly the safest place on Gaia.

„We are counting on you - SOLDIERs!" he says - looking at everyone of us one after the other - maybe trying to remember our faces as he´s probably not going to ever see them again.

„We wish you all the best." With these words he dismisses us - to our almost certain deaths. Stopping at Sephiroth - who next to the Exit comes last in the row - giving him a small nod, the Director sighs - „Indulge yourself."

That smirk on Sephiroth´s face intensifying - he slightly inclines his head - our eyes locking for a brief moment before - without hesitation - he turns to exit.

It is then that I get to see the real Sephiroth for the very first time. The Sephiroth that isn´t holding back. And suddenly I know that whatever I had thought of his strengh or power was not true. No. They were far beyond what I had assumed.

Seeing Sephiroth in the battlefield was beyond words.

The battleground the only place he didn´t have to hold back - like a dangerous locked away beast contained in a cage, finally freed - he strides onto the battlefield like a god created for the sole purpose of destruction. I can see the fear and terror in the Wutai fighter´s faces when they realise it´s him. They´ve heard of him of course - this guy was a legend after all - they had heard the storys and they knew they were dead – as with long determined steps he closes the distance seperating them from their fate – taking out Masamune along the way.

He cuts through the enemy effortlessly and at incredible speed. Watching him fight - it looks like a fast - forewarded ballet - crimson everywhere - several opponents falling from one blow of his ridiculously long katana. Maybe opponents wasn´t the correct word to use in this case - as he works his way through the crowd like a reaper - chopping the Wutai´s heads off as if they were weeds - carving a wide swath into their rows.

Following after him, the rest of us go to battle too – the Wutai fighters already intimitated - easy pray. I start to create my own little path of destruction - making sure to stay out of Sephiroth´s range all the taime - I knew getting too close to his radius of action would be fatal now - the risk to get killed by Masamune right now probably 10 times highter than by a Wutai fighter.

Approaching the enemy I can feel my fighting spirit kick in again - full force this time - a powerful emotion - savage and purely primal. I let my agressions overwhelm me - take control of me - let my instincts guide me, take over and consume me - leaving very little of the actual me, the mind that controlled that body, I called my own - pushed somewhere to the back of my head - and unleashing the beast I sensed locked away somewhere inside of me - a side I had tried to hide for some time now - the intensity of those impulses overwhelming - I give myself over to them completely as for what seems the first time in my life, I allow my body to serve it´s purpose.


	69. Chapter 69

SEPHIROTH´S POV

Being back to the battlefront - it feels refreshing - liberating.

Finally able to let my self-control drop - there is no need to restrain my powers here - there is nobody here I need to protect - from myself.

Cutting my way throught my enemies, I can finally let my mind relax and rely on my instincts to guide me - no thoughts bothering me - the fate of the rest of the world leaving me completely unfazed in those moments - the battlefield the only place I belong - the only place I can be myself.

Unleashing my powers, I revel in the exhilerating feeling of having the opportunity to do what I was created to do: Fighting and killing - the only thing I truly enjoyed. The ony thing I was good at. The thing I was made for - after all.

* * *

LIGHTNING´S POV

Things didn´t even go as terrible as I had pictured them. With Sephiroth doing most of the work - the dispirited crowd scattering - all that was really left for us to do was slaughter those wo tried to escape their fate.

Finally having the possibility to give free rein to my recently developed aggressions - I realised I even enjoyed myself.

I didn´t know how long we had been fighting already - I had lost track of time, I could only hope the others were doing alright - I hadn´t seen any of them in quite some time now. I was particulary concerned for Cloud.

It was already getting dark when I heard the sound of approaching aircraft - Shin-Ra had appearently desided that it was time to send reinforcements.

 _Good._

Over time the battle had relocated - away from the wastelands into the close-by canyons and the adjoining woods, as the Wutai cowards tried to retreat - to escape really.

There won´t be any fugitives this time. No captives. No survivors.

We´d make sure of that.

However the Wutai fighter´s despair didn´t seem to weaken them - in the contrary - upon finding their route of escape blocked - their panic and distress made them fight even more relentless - hords of them attacking me at once - I had a hard time fending them off.

* * *

The unceasing onslaught of hostile fighters finally taking a toll on me, I reach a part of the crowd were they seem especially fierce - 10 or so guys attacking me simultaniously. With Blaze Edge´s range not in the slightest compareable to the one Masamune provided Sephiroth with - their numbers were starting to overwhelm me. Spotting my favourite first class general engaged in a fight himself only a few meters away, I can tell the constant battling is draining him too - I can only fathom how the others are doing.

 _I hope they are still alive._

My toughts preoccupied with the other´s wellbeing only for a second too long - I am surprised by the sudden sound of a gun going off behind me - trying to dodge the bullet, I am only a little bit too slow - as - turning around - I feel my gunblade shot out of my hand.

 _Shit._

Not giving my opponent the chance to finish his job - I charge at him at full speed. Ripping the weapon from his hands, I use it to kill him and several other Wutai - repeatedly pulling the trigger until the magazin´s empty - then - trying to locate Blaze Edge - I use it as a club to smash in some faces - before diving to reach my sword - I throw the useless gun at the next guy approaching me - aiming straight at his forehead.

I see him tumble to the ground from the corner of my eyes.

My fingers only inches from reaching my sword - I don´t have time to retrieve it before I am attacked again.

Getting back on my feet as fast as I can, I fight my enemies off with my bare hands - aiming for their eyes and noses - now that I had lost the advantage of having a weapon I actually knew how to wield - it doesn´t take long for me to find myself cornered - my face and arms bruised and cut in several places already, an especially heavy built guy approaches me - dual wielding a pair of blades - stumbling backwards, I try to dodge him - but -with my back to a rock - there is nowhere for me to go.

In the end there is nothing I can do but bring up both of my arms to shield my face from his attack. I feel the sharp blades of his knifes slice the skin of both my forearms effortlessly and I can only cry out in shock as I feel the cold metal cut deep into my flesh - slashing the arteries in both of my arms in the process - the feeling of hot blood gushing out of my body - more and more hauled out with every beat of my heart - somehow strangely familiar.

 _It´s too much... too much blood! -_ a voice inside my head screams at me.

I don´t care.

Reaching forward to defend myself, I clutch that man´s helmet and - giving a violent jolt - I simply break his neck.

 _At least I´ll take him with me._

The guy crumbling to a heap on the floor in front of me - I let myself drop to my knees as well.

My veins cut open - bleeding to death - I sit there - just stairing at my blood forcing it´s way out of my slitted wrists - everything around me slowing down into slow motion - I hear my heartbeat hammer in my ears.

 _This is it - this is how I´m going to die._

The battle around me continuing - indifferently... Continuing without me.

 _Just like that._


	70. Chapter 70

**Special thanks to tilly2016 - whose private message encouraged me to write this chapter + publish it today. It´s people like you that keep me going. I hope you enjoy this chap. It IS an important one;)**

* * *

LIGHTNING´S POV

Suddenly Sephiroth is there, right in front of me. His Mako green eyes boring into my own - his handsome face swimming in and out of focus - I panickingly realise, I already feel faint - lightheaded. Crouching down, he grabs both my arms - tightly holding on to my shaking wrists, he inspects the damage.

I don´t know what he´s looking at anyway - it´s obvious what had happened, isn´t it?

„Where´s Angeal?!" I cry - my voice high-pitched - I feel my self-control slip - panic taking over. Maybe, just maybe - if I´m really lucky - Angeal would be somewhere nearby. Maybe... if he could reach me in time...

But the silver haired first class in front of me doesn´t react - he just continues to stare at me - studying my features.

Hadn´t he heard? Is my voice that weak already?

„Please, get Angeal..." I plead with him - feeling myself get weaker and weaker by the second - the life draining out of my body with every drop of my blood.

He doesn´t move.

 _Can´t he see that I´m dying!? What is he playing at?!_

Tears forming in my eyes, I helplessly look up into his pair of Mako green ones - I can´t find a trace of emotion there - my own eyes desperately imploring him to help me...

 _Please... just save me..._

Continuing to look into his eyes, it feels as if he is deep in thought about something, as if he is considering his options - I cannot fathom what´s there to ponder about. JUST GET ANGEAL!

A stray thought crosses my mind:

 _Maybe he doesn´t want to help me... Maybe he prefers to watch me die..._

Why should he do that?!

 _Why should he care..._

He is going to let me die. I know it.

„Sephiroth..." I try again - pleadingly - my voice weak and tinged with fear.

I watch as suddenly he snaps out of it - his killer eyes soften - his impassive expression switches to one of concern and - was it regret?

Shaking his head, he starts to take off his gloves. I don´t understand what he´s doing that for. What´s going on?

„Angeal can´t help you." he says hesitantly - his expression serious - I don´t get what that´s supposed to mean.

 _Huh?!_

Perplexed, I just continue to watch his face - his handsome pale face - knowing I will probably slip away any second now, when suddenly - his eyes never leaving mine - I feel his thumbs press down on my gaping wounds hard. Grunting in agony, I try to wrech them free - but it´s no use - he won´t let go. Gritting my teeth, I have no choice but to let him continue with whatever he is doing. About to pass out from the intensity of the pain - I´m barely able to keep myself from screaming, as I feel the tips of his fingers trace down along the cuts - leaving a searing pain behind.

I can´t remember having experienced something that hurt like this - ever.

 _Why?_

Then suddenly he lets go of me and it´s gone.

Breathing heavily - tears running down my cheeks - I look down to my tortured arms to see my wounds gone... Where just moments ago there had been gaping gashes - there is smooth pale skin. My arms still covered in blood - the cuts had been sealed - without even leaving a scar.

 _What? How?_

I don´t understand. Astonished at what I had just witnessed, I let my eyes dart upwards to meet his gaze again - staring at him questioningly - expectantly - a tingling sensation lingering where he had touched my skin.

 _What had just happened? How had he done that?_

„What..." I start but trail off - my eyes huge, as I look up at him in awe - my mouth hanging slightly open - I´m unable to hide my amazement.

The second that word left my lips - I can feel him tense - his eyes giving away his inner turmoil - he looks as though he had just realised he had made a terrible mistake - as though he _regretted_ what he had just done.

For a brief moment I can see pain and fear there in his eyes - in his features - but the next second it´s gone.

„I´m sorry." he whispers - making to get up. Realising what he´s about to do - I reach forward to grab his arm and stop him, but I am too slow. In the blink of an eye he´s on his feet and - turning around - he bolts for the forrest.

 _Fuck._

Not wasting any time - I get up on my shaky feet and - pausing only for a second to pick up Blaze Edge - I hurry after him.

* * *

I follow him into the woods - he is fast but somehow I manage to keep up with him. I won´t let him get away without an explanation this time. No. I needed to understand what had just happened - I needed to understand what´s going on with _him._

I didn´t like that look he had given me - he had let his emotionless mask slip for a second there - and what I had seen beneath it - it made an uneasy feeling stir somewhere deep inside me.

Sephiroth letting drop his guard like that - it wasn´t something he´d normally do - like ever. The first class genereal behaving so out of character... I had a sense of foreboding.

I knew what I had just witnessed. And it was a freaking miracle. I needed to find out how he had done this. There was definitely more to his powers than he let on.

And there was something else. Something he didn´t want to tell me. Something important - I could feel it - he was keeping from me.

I don´t know how long I chased after him. It is at the edge of a small clearing - the noise of a small creek nearby - that I see him standing by the waterside, his back to me. I stop in my tracks - then slowly approach him - careful to keep my safety distance.

„Running away from me?" I ask - fighting to keep my voice smooth - devoid of emotion - like he´d tought me to on countless occassions. I realise I´m not even panting after running this far. Strange.

We are kilometers into the woods - the noise of the battle far away - the rattle of machine gun fire in the distance - a nice tune to play in the background of an intimate conversation like ours.

A low chuckle comes from him and he shakes his head. Still he´s not turning to look at me.

„No, huh?" I prompt. „What then?" His silence is irritating me. I don´t like it. Why could he never just talk about things...

„...Running away from myself, I guess..." comes his response, his voice barely a whisper - heavy with something I guess I´ve never heard there before... What is it? Regret? Guilt? Sadness?

I can´t be sure. He´s so hard to read sometimes.

I don´t know what to say. I don´t even know what it is he is talking about in the first place.

„What are you talking about?" I ask - cautiously - the anger leaving my voice - I don´t manage to completely ban my curiousity from tinging my words though.

I can sense his apprehension. I can´t remember ever having seen him so insecure, so volnurable?

I know something is wrong - terribly wrong.

It is then that slowly he turns around - his features guarded - but I can tell he is concentrating hard on what to say - choosing his words carefully. I get a bad feeling at him behaving so out of character. It is unnerving to see him like this. Like unstable... like not in control... I knew further upsetting him now was dangerous.

„Lightning... I am a monster..." he starts - stretching out his arms - he looks down at himself self-loathingly.

I can´t help but stare at him in disbelieve. He´s got to be kidding me.

 _Whats wrong with him? PTSD finally kicking in?_

He had probably slaughtered hundreds - no thousands - of people during his career - wasn´t it a bit late for his consciense to kick in? I hadn´t pictured him being one with much conscience anyway...

„No you´re not... you´re just doing your job..." I start - trying to comfort him, as carefully I take a step into his direction.

„That´s not what I meant..." he says, sounding disheartened, he averts his eyes.

Why did I always seem to choose the wrong words to say?

Well I had never been good at comforting people in the first place...

„Than what do you mean?" I ask. As I seem to fail to comfort him anyway - I might as well ask straight away - I figure.

I have the uneasy feeling that I´m not going to like what he´s got to tell me though.

It is then that Sephiroth tells me everything. How he was born as a result from some crazy experiment. That he was transfected with genetic information from a 2000 years old extra terrestial live form called Jenova, excavated from some rock by Shin-Ra scientist, when he was only an embryo inside his mother´s whomb. That his Jenova cells gave him superhuman abilities explaining his strenght, speed, stamina, healing abilities - everything.

I listen to him all the while not daring to interrupt his speech as I let the information sink in. I admit I had expected something like this all along. I knew something about him was different, special. I always figured they had experimented on him - they had experimented a bit on all of us - but this. This was beyond what I coud have imagined. Swallowing hard, I just continue to stare at him - I just don´t know what to say.

There wasn´t much I could say anyway.

„You see, I _am_ a monster..." sounding resentful, he finishes - his gaze trained on the ground.

I can´t object. He is probably right. Still he isn´t any different then before. He had lived with the knowledge of being a monster all his life. He was still the same. Revealing this bit of information to me... I didn´t understand what was his problem. He´d known all along.

Intending to distract him from his bitter thoughts, I try to stear the conversation back to what I found most curious - what I had followed him into this woods for to understand. His outstanding healing abilities. They seemed to at least rival Angeal´s. I had never seen him use them on anybody else but himself. I had gotten the impression that he actually _couldn´t_ use them on anybody else. Why hadn´t he ever used them before? He could have used them on me when I had nearly died back on our Wutai mission. Why did he wait for Angeal to do it back then? I could have died in the meanwhile.

„Then what about your healing abilities... Is it usual for monsters to have powers such as this...?" I ask, holding up my hands to present my blood smeared but perfectly healed arms for him to see - I give him a small smile in an attempt to cheer him up. Maybe it would help for him to see that he wasn´t only built to distroy... That he could use his powers to do good things too.

My gesture seems to provoke the opposite though, as giving a frustrated sight he turns to show his back to me again.

This is getting boring. His antics are starting to annoy me. What am I to say or do? I´m a warrior, not a shrink.

Besides, this isn´t exactly the best place nor the time for him to have a mental breakdown.

„It is the Jenova cells..." He suddenly says. „I can make them do what I want - control them to some extend..."

„Huh?!" I don´t get what he´s implying.

„I can only heal people transfected with Jenova cells..." he says, his voice is shaky.

„But you used it to safe me... just a few minutes ago..." I try to reason with him. He must have gotten something wrong. Maybe he just hadn´t tried healing somebody else...

He turns around to face me again and then, he tells me everything. The whole story. The truth about what had happened to me after the incident in Costa del Sol. How my body had been retrieved by Hojo and brought back to HQ, where instead of staying at the ICU, I was actually experimented on by the head of the Shin-Ra science departmet himself - where I had been implanted with Jenova cells as well - where I had become a monster - just like Sephiroth...

I can´t believe his words.

He must be lying.

How he had manipulated the Jenova cellls in my arms to close the wound.

 _He can only do this because of the Jenova cells..._

Only heal himself... and me... nobody else...

„If I have those cells implanted in my body, then why can´t I do it myself?!" I ask, frantically searching for holes in his explanation. Desperate, I rummage through the pockets of my uniform to produce the knife Zack and Cloud had given to me for my birthday - I had completely forgotten I had brought it with me - this would have helped a lot in the battle.

Not hesitating for a second, I bring it up to cut my wrist again. Ignoring the pain - I try and concentrate for my body to close the wound - but to no avail. It doesnt work.

„See!? I can´t!" I cry - my arm shaking - blood running down my dirty forearm.

He is there by my side in the blink of an eye - grabing my hand again, he makes to heal my wound once more - my eyes huge - as he shakes his head at my behaviour.

„Please don´t do that..." he says - his voice soft.

„I can only do it because I had ages to learn to control them... it took me decades to learn how to do it." he explains.

I don´t want to believe him.. I can´t.

„You are lying!" Enraged - I shout into his face: „Liar!"

„It can´t be...I can´t be..." I stammer - my mind unable to process what he is trying to tell me - rejecting that new piece of information.

„Didn´t you notice an enhancement of your abilities...!?" he suddenly asks - raising one of his eyebrows at me challengingly.

„What?!" My voice dead, I just scowl at him.

 _Shit I had._

„Out on the corridor with Genesis because you suddenly hear people´s voices through the walls!? Dispatching of your riflescope at the 100 meter range because it´s nothing but a nuisance to you anymore?!" he yells at me. There´s an exasperated undertone to his voice.

„What, you have been stalking me!?" I shout angrily.

 _I can´t believe it._

„I needed to check on you!" he retorts - sounding slightly hurt.

„No it can´t be!?" I cry. Looking down at my hands, I know every word he said is true...

I hadn´t been getting better and better just because of hard training... I had known that.

Raising my arms to clutch the sides of my head tightly, feeling the need to hold it together - I feel like the world is crumbling beneath my feet.

„No..." I cry - vigurously shaking my head - trying hard to deny the fact that everything he had said fitted perfectly.

„I... I saw you die in my arms that day..." he whispers - bringing both of his hands up to rest on my shoulders - probably an attempt to calm me - or maybe to keep me on my feet - I don´t know - maybe I´m staggering backwards - threatening to fall - the trees around me slightly spinning - the world around me - closing in on me.

It is then that suddenly the surpressed memories of that dreadful night come flooding back to me - the beautiful sunset colouring the horizon multiple shades of reds glistening on the waves...

The noise of gun shots...

The pain of bullets tearing my insides...

The scary feeling of blood gushing out of my body...

A gun pointed to my head...

Sephiroth´s arms around me...

Darkness...

Blinding white lights...

High pitched laughter...

And pain... so much pain...

Then nothing...

Nothing for a long time.

„How could you do this to me..." I say accusingly, wrenching free from his grip.

„I´m so sorry... I didn´t know what to do... I didn´t plan for you to ever find out..." he is struggling for words - I know - he isn´t exactly one to apologize easily - I don´t care.

There´s silence for a bit. I try to calm down - to keep myself together.

„Lazard knows, right?!" I ask - my voice sounding surprisingly even - I´m still shocked I guess - I realise I don´t feel anything - I know it is the calm before the storm.

Studying my face carefully - proabably dreading my reaction - he just nods, confirming my presumption.

 _Yes, it definitely fitted._

„Who else knows about this?" I inquire - this was important to me - I needed to know.

„...Angeal..." he says - bringing up a hand to remove his bangs from his face - an act of uneasiness, I guess.

„ANGEAL?!" Why the fuck did he have to tell Angeal?!

He just shrugs.

„The others?"

He shakes his head. No.

I sigh in relieve.

 _Good._

At least Zack hadn´t found out yet - I needed to make sure things stayed this way, or I might as well paint the news on my forehead.

„Lightning... I -" he starts again, his eyes searching mine - pleading for me to forgive him - but how could I - instead of pity I feel anger rise inside of me again. My breathing quickening, I feel the sudden urge to strangle him, or cut his throat - rip out his guts and ...

I try to take deep calming breaths, but its no use - my temper is taking the best of me.

How dared he make decisions concerning my life like that?!

„If living with that knowledge is such a burden to you, then why did you have to push it on to me as well?! You fucking bastard!" I shout at him - tears of uncontrollable anger running down my cheeks - I watch his eyes widen at my sudden outburst.

„Why couldn´t you just let me DIE?!" I yell - my features distorted with rage and furry - he doesn´t answer - choosing to avert his gaze instead.

„Please forgive me... I -" he tries, looking up at me warily - he tentatively extends his left hand to touch my forearm - probaby an attempt to appease me - to calm me down or something - I don´t know. I don´t care - I just push him away aggressively.

„Why couldn´t you just let me die!" I ask again - my voice trembling now - breaking at the last words - he doesn´t answer. I am so angry ... rushing forward I violently push him out of the way. Tears streaming down my face, I push past him and let myself fall down to my knees, the Little creek directly infront of me, I sob uncontrollably.

Examining my face reflected by the the surface of the clear dark water - I realise my pupils aren´t round as they should be, they are slightly oval - not as catlike as his, but slightly slitted all the same. I guess I had noticed that tiny change some time ago - I had been watching myself in the mirror of my bathroom countless times since Valentine´s day, but I had just brushed it off as nothing...

Looking down at my reflection, I see the silhuette of a monster...

Yes...

I had become a monster indeed.

„We are monsters Sephiroth... I don´t want to be a monster..."

* * *

 **Oh come on guys - Nearly 3000 views last month but no reviews?! I´d love to receive some feedback! Pleeeeeeeaaase;)**


	71. Chapter 71

CHAPTER 71

LIGHTNING´S POV

After Sephiroth had revealed the truth about what had happened to me - about which beast lent me it´s superhuman powers as well as my inhuman behaviour, I felt like shit.

Now that I understood what had triggered the strange character changes I had observed over the past few weeks, I feared the monster inside of me to take over any second these days.

After what he had gotton me into, I felt like I couldn´t talk to my former mentor anymore - shit, I couldn´t even look at him anymore. I asked myself whether those feelings I had developed for him before, were coming from Jenova as well - an evil extra terrestrial live form pulling the strings inside my body - I wasn´t able to distinguish where the `me´ ended and Jenova began anymore - I felt our entities fuse inside of me - felt myself merging with the spirit of a cold blooded alien monster - that came to wipe out the planet and all the life on it thousands of years ago.

It wasn´t exactly a comforting thought.

Once the Wutai war had ended - which all of us (even Cloud) had miraculously managed to survive - Shin-Ra had sent us on vacation - everything at the companies expense of course - to Costa del Sol - to my great dismay. After only shortly having found out about what had happened to me, I wasn´t eager to return to the place where all of this had actually started.

Still - Shin-Ra insisted on us to take some time off from trying to get ourselves killed. They made it look like a break for recreation, or like a reward or something - but I could see straight through their bullshit. I could see what it really was about. Now they didn´t need us anymore, they wanted us out of the way.

They had created dangerous bloodthirsty beasts - and now that they couldn´t feed us anymore - as in provide us with suitable opponents or tasks - they were afraid we might turn against them.

At least that was what I thought.

Anyway I wasn´t sure I would return to HQ again once they´d ask us to return. No. I wasn´t sure at all. I had learned something in this last battle - or rather in the hours that followed afterwards. When I had my private talk with Sephiroth. When finally I returned to the battlefield - or rather what was left of it - a cemetery. When I saw them lying there, all those people - dead people. I had killed some of them with my bare hands - victims of a war we´ve emerged from victorious - we meaning Shin-Ra. And it was then that I realised something. Something important.

 _Our enemies were only people then... People who wanted different things..._

Maybe the things I wanted didn´t correlate with Shin-Ra´s goals anymore either.

I don´t know where all these thoughts were coming from.

I couldn´t remember since when there suddenly were things I wanted, where they had come from or what they were exactly. But I knew one thing for sure. They weren´t the goals of Shin-Ra.

Not anymore.

That company sucking the lifestream out of the planet - draining it of the source of all living things - it didn´t take a genious to understand that this was the wrong thing to do.

I might have blamed Shin-Ra for becoming a monster - or Hojo - or even Sephiroth... But no... Fighting in a war against those who actually stood up to stand in the companie´s way - to put an end to those who were actually killing our planet... by choosing to stand on Shin-Ra´s side - I had branded me a monster myself. With or without Jenova - I might have been implanted with those alien cells against my will at some point - but I guess I had become a monster a long time before that.

Now that finally I understood, I wanted nothing more than to abandon Shin-Ra. I wanted to leave. But where to?

There was no place for me to go.

Of course I had been thinking about returning to Bodhum. To visit Serah. But then again... she seemed to get along well without me didn´t she?

She didn´t need me anymore.

She had found somebody else to care for her. That Snow guy. Or whatever his name was.

I didn´t feel welcome there anymore - _I didn´t belong there anymore._

No.

I would stay here. Stay with Shin-Ra - and willingly accept my fate. The fate of a monster. Whatever that was going to be.

* * *

Spending most of my time indoors - brooding - avoiding to go down to the beach at all costs - I had wasted another day of that awesome holiday in my room in the inn.

It was already dinner time when I ventured down the stairs to find some of the others gathered around a table - where Zack and Angeal where appearently arm wrestling. I´m relieved to notice that Sephiroth is not among them.

Only mildly interested, I approach them to watch Angeal nearly break Zack´s arm. Zack would do good to visit the gym more frequently - then again Angeal isn´t exactly weak.

„Yeah! Hey Cloud you owe me 100 Gil!" comes Genesis voice - he´s holding out his hand for Cloud to pay his betting depts.

„Hmpf... there you go..." Blondy replies disappointedly - only reluctantly handing over the coins.

„What´s wrong with you Zack?! I counted on you!" he accusingly turns to the puppy - who - ignoring his comrade - is busy nursing his arm.

„Hey Light! Wanna try your luck against me?" Cloud asks, waving me over.

I just give a snort.

 _Hilarious._

I could probably defeat him with only my pinky.

„For your own safety - I must decline." I say - earning giggles from the others - I catch Angeal scwoling at me.

Oh yeah... of course... _he knew._

„Oh come on Light! You´re only scared!" Cloud challenges - looking over at me expectantly - I just roll my eyes at him and make my way over to the kitchens to find something to eat.

Emerging from the kitchendoor with a bowl of soup and a piece of bread, I make to sit on one of the tables alone to take my dinner. I´m not left to myself for long though - my two favourite comrades placing themselves into chairs next to me as soon as I start to eat.

„What´s up Light? You´ve been sulking around ever since we got here. This´s gotta stop now." Cloud starts - I can see where this is supposed to lead to and I´m already tired of it. Those two had of course caught up on my bad mood - everybody had - and their attempts to cheer me up did nothing but make me angry. They couldn´t understand. I couldn´t tell them. I´d rather die than let them find out. Then let anybody find out really. It was bad enough that Angeal knew.

Also talking about it would hardly change anything, right?

I did´t want to talk anyway. I just wanted to be left alone. I just wanted to have time to myself. Time to think.

„Hey if it´s because of what happened to you here back then... Don´t worry! Zack and me are going to protect you! We won´t leave you´re side - promise!" Cloud assures me.

Looking over at Zack, I catch his puppy eyes study my features - I can tell he´s already guessing that this isn´t about the attack on the shore, but something else entirely - something far more important. It was preposterous anyway. I had fought in a war against hords of Wutai fighters - does Cloud really think that the memory from the beach could scare me into hiding inside my room all day?

Yes. Zack already suspects something´s off. I can see it in his eyes. At least he´s decent enough, not to voice his suspicions in front of the others.

 _Thanks, Zack._

„You know, you really shouldn´t hide in your room all day - you´re going to sleep all of your holiday away!" Cloud advices. „Come on, you could at least join us for the fight tonight!" He coaxes.

 _Fight?_

„Just leave it Cloud, let´s not bother her..." Zack starts getting up from his chair again, my eyes searching his - I can tell he´s trying to save me from Cloud´s persuation skills - he of all people knew best how much I hated to be persuaded to do something.

But I stop him.

„No wait - what fight?" I ask - the notion of a fight had piqued my curiosity.

„There´s a fight at that club tonight." Zack explains.

„Yes... at the fight club! You really should come - it will be great - rumour has it Genesis is planning on challenging Sephiroth again!" Cloud babbles excitedly.

 _Sephiroth._

I feel a surge of anger at the mention of his name. I still couldn´t forgive him. I wasn´t sure I ever would.

„A fight club?" I ask - feigning intrest in the location - hoping my facial expression hadn´t given anything away.

„Yeah it´s called Club Duel..." Cloud explains. There is a fight club in Costa del Sol? I really hadn´t come around much.

„A very creative name for a fight club..." I deadpan.

„Oh come on - that duel between Genesis and Sephiroth - it will be legendary - you can´t miss it." Cloud pouts.

Maybe he was right. In fact I had spent most of my days locked away in my room - sulking around while the others were relaxing at the beach. Mixing with people again might do me some good after all.

But somehow I didn´t want to come along. I somehow felt out of place.

 _I felt out of place a lot recently..._


	72. Chapter 72

CHAPTER 72

LIGHTNING´S POV

It was shortly after dinner when I joined the others at the fight club - I sure needed some entertainment. What better place for that, than Club Duel.

I was sitting on a stool at the bar between Cloud and Zack - only half heartedly watching Sephiroth beat some local guy - some legend called `the king´ - I was only mildly interested. Those people where no match for him... of course. It was like watching a human fight an ant. It wasn´t fair - he wasn´t even human after all. Swallowing hard I bitterly remembered myself that I wasn´t either.

Once the fight is over I can see that stupid triumphant smirk on his face again - I want nothing more then to wipe it away with one of my fists. Earning applause from the crowd - I watch him roll his neck in order to relax the muscles in his neck and shoulders, while some guys carry the former „king" out of the ring and throught he back door.

The commentator - a fat balding man - turns to the gathered people:

„Ladys and gentlemen it seems we have a new king among us this evening - is there anobody out there who dares to challenge this guy?!"

For a moment there is silence and I wonder if there would be anybody foolish enought to take him on after they had just witnessed him flattening the local champion. Now, who would be stupid enought to do that?

„You can bet on that!" comes Genesis voice - right - I had underestimated Genesis´s recklessness. Cloud was right after all - the redhead was indeed having a death wish again. I just mentally facepalm myself at this display of absolute stupidity. I hear Angeal grown in frustration as he is getting ready to support his friend - or rather prevent any fatal outcomes yet again - while the crowd cheers in excitement.

I only roll my eyes. Genesis ... can´t he ever get enough?

Seizing my opportunity - I bring my glass to my lips - downing it´s contents all at once - the drink Cloud had bought for me only a few minutes ago burning my throat - _I definitely need something strong to survive this_ \- then I get up.

Abandoning my friends at the counter wihout explanation, I push my way through the crowd towards the ring. I had been watching that bastard all evening and the rage that had been constantly boiling inside of me for the past days had reached a critical threshold - yes - there definitely was a limit to how much of Sephiroth´s bullshit I could bear - and I definitely wouldn´t let him flatten Genesis and Angeal in front of the gathered crowd. _No._ He had always been teasing me about how weak and pathethic I was - but fighting someone who was clearly inferior when it came to power or strenght - showing off his supremacy like that - misusing the inhuman powers he had gained from his sick alien mother residing inside his body - in what obviously was an unfair fight - that _really_ sounded pathetic to me.

No, I wouldn´t let him win this time.

My insides burning with rage, I finally reach the middle of the room where Sephiroth is already getting ready for his next fight - his back turned to me, he is making to take off his coat again.

 _Yeah you´d better prepare yourself for this one..._ \- I think - not bothering to contain my temper anymore as I push my way to the center of the crowd.

I reach Genesis and Angeal before they have time to even enter the ring - I don´t care to explain.

„Let me handle this." I tell them.

„Wha-" Genesis starts to protest irritatedly - probably insistent on having himelf beaten to pieces. But Angeal - probably understanding what I needed to do - thankfully holds him back. Brushing past them I enter the ring myself - putting away Blaze Edge, I´m ready to confront the new champion - the crowd going bersek at seeing a girl enter against the new„king".

I don´t care for becoming a champion. That´s not what I had entered for. The only thing I cared for was that boiling rage - burning my insides - and to let it free.

The look on Sephiroth´s face is priceless when finally he turns around - suddenly finding me instead of our comrades - ready to fight against him.

 _Yeah .. you´d better be scared..._

I detect worry and also sadness in his Mako eyes.

 _Safe your tears for later,_ I think. _You´ll need them._

Feeling the fury that had been pent-up over the past week inside of me boil over, I give him a derisive smirk, before hearing the gong - I attack. Like a dangerous dog bred for fighting finally taken from it´s leash - I charge forward.

Knowing that he held no advantage over me - knowing that I had received the same enhancements as he had - knowing that we were both monsters carved from the same tree - there is no respect - no fear - holding me back this time. For the first time in a fight we are equal and I don´t care to keep that fact a secret anymore - not at all.

* * *

SEPHIROTH´S POV

It is a strange feeling - fighting someone whose powers match mine for once - I barely manage to block her as her fists rain down on me in a relentless attack.

I can see the rage in her eyes.

I can see she clearly hadn´t forgiven me - not in the slightest.

Unable to hit back, I opt for dodging her attacks instead - I wouldn´t hurt her anymore. I couldn´t. _No way._

Remembering those times in the past when I had actually hit her - when I had in fact beaten the hell out of her - I can´t help but feel like a piece of shit. It hadn´t been something that had happened only a few times either. I don´t know how often she had been down to the hospital to get some of her wounds stitched after one of our training sessions - much too often - that much was for certain. I hadn´t cared back then. I had been a complete asshole. There was no way I could change what happened now.

After some time of dodging and blocking, I just let my fists drop - let my arms fall to my sides. There was no use in defending myself anyway. There was no way to get out of this. Better get it over with, I figure - as not making to defend myself, I just stare at her - her electrifying blue eyes ablaze with rage as she readies herself to attack again. There is not even the tiniest sparkle of merci there - no pity - only hatred - as bracing myself for the impact of her fist - letting her take out her anger on me - I allow her next blow to hit it´s target.

Her fist connecting with my yaw hard, I register the metallic taste of my own blood on my tongue. I don´t bother to counter. I don´t care.

I knew I deserved every single second of this - every blow - and I only try to stand still and swallow the pain as she keeps hitting me again and again - the fact that I didn´t fight back - making her attack me even more aggressively.

Fighting the urge to close my eyes, I force them open to look into hers. Those perfect slightly slitted pupils - those icy blue eyes I loved to look at so much.

I know there is no way she could ever forgive me for what I had done to her.

But I don´t regret it.

I´d definitely do it again.

I´d rather she hated me until the end of time, than know her dead.

I guess she had never really liked me in the first place.

And I couldn´t blame her. I had pushed her away from the first second. I had treated her like scum from the very beginning. I had tried not to get too attached to her...

I hadn´t given her much reason to like me. Ever.

It is the sound of the gong, signalling time´s up, that saves me from her wrath - or rather Zack and Angeal who - no doubt aghast at our behaviour - try to pull her away from me.

There´s no applause for the two of us - everybody´s just staring in shock.

Wiping the blood from my face - I look up - her eyes trained on mine in a murderous glare - I know she´s ready to scratch my eyes out - I just feel empty and sad.

How had I managed to make the only person I had ever had feelings for hate me like that? - To the point that she´d actually be happy to kill me without even batting an eyelid...

I really was only good for one thing, I figure. That thing I was payed for. That thing I suddenly didn´t want to do anymore.

No.

 _I don´t want to fight anymore._

I watch as they drag her away - still seething with rage - they are having a hard time forcing her away from me and out of the ring - out of my view.

Breathing heavily - I slowly make to leave the ring too - looking around I catch Genesis leaning against the wall, watching with a smug expression on his face. I guess he just loved to see me take some hits for once.

All the others looking at me as though I had sprouted extra heads, I make my way over to the bar and order double shots - I guess I really could do with something strong now.

* * *

LIGHTNING´S POV

After Zack and Angeal had dragged me out of the ring and away from HIM and managed to somewhat calm me down, I went straight to the bathroom. Splashing my face with cold water to hopefully regain my senses and ridding my hands from that bastard´s blood - I wash my hands in the small sink. Looking at myself in the mirror I can feel my rage ignite anew.

 _That bastard hadn´t even put up a fight..._

Still fuming, I go out onto the porch infront of the club and take a seat on the cozy porch swing - trying to relax, I let the peaceful scenery calm my mind. Even if I´d love to right now, I don´t dare take a walk on the beach alone. Nursing my swollen bruised knuckles, I pensively look into the distance.

Concentrating on using my Jenova powers to heal my tormented hands, or at least mend the pain - I give it a try, but it´s no use. He was right, I really couldn´t do it. I could always go back inside and ask him to help me out - but I guess I´d rather die than do that rigt now.

„Are you okay?" I suddenly hear Zack´s voice from behind me - not caring to turn around, I just nod - approaching me, I can see concern in his eyes.

„May I?" he asks carefully before he chooses to take a seat next to me on the porch swing.

I avert my eyes again - staring out at the horizon, I feel his weight lower onto the swing as he sits down beside me.

„Let me see..." he says - tentatively reaching over to touch my injured hands. I know he probably wants to use one of his healing spells on them - I pull them away instantly. Those spells very likely wouldn´t work on me anymore - they didn´t work on Sephiroth - they didn´t work on Jenova cells. I couldn´t risk Zack finding out anything about that.

 _Bad enough that I knew myself._

I feel tears stinging my eyes again at the thought of it. Somehow I can´t hold them back. I don´t know why. I hadn´t cried in front of Zack in ages.

 _Oh what a mess._

I thought I was done with crying infront of people. Crying - having feelings in general - it didn´t befit a monster like me.

Repressed sobs shaking my body - I feel Zack´s arms snake around my shoulders as he hugs me - pulling me closer to his body - I feel like I can´t hold it together anymore - I have no choice but let the tears fall freely.

„I just hate him... so much..." I manage inbetween sobs.

„Shhh... It´s okay..."he tries to soothe me.

„He didn´t even defend himself..." I spit - getting annoyed again.

„I know..." he whispers into my ear.

Zack just sits there with me, trying to console me. My head resting on his collarbone, I bury my face against his neck - one of his hands softly playing with my hair, while the other traces soothing patterns on my back.

It feels nice to finally be able to let got - it feels nice to have somebody be there for me... even if I don´t deserve it.

We stay like this for what seems like hours - Zack patiently holding me - he doesn´t bother me with questions - he´s just there. My mental breakdown exhausting me, I don´t even realise falling asleep in his arms - he just continues to sit there with me - to be there for me.

Right there - that night on the porch - Zack was my hero.

* * *

SEPHIROTH´S POV

Finally having summoned the guts to try and talk to her - to sort this out once and forever - I exit the bar to walk outside - just to find her there on the porch, in Zack´s arms.

I feel an instant twinge of jealousy at watching them sitting there entwined like that, but then again... it isn´t exactly my place to feel like that. Lightning liked Zack. And I knew Zack liked her too. Zack was nothing like me. Zack wouldn´t hurt her. Like ever.

Giving an inaudible sigh, I resist the urge to just draw Masamune and cut off his head. Instead I turn to go back inside and walk straight over to the bar - ordering another drink.

„She beat you up pretty bad huh?" Angeal says - joining me.

„I guess." I reply dryly - my eyes are trained on my drink as I wish he´d just shut up. Why did Angeal always need to talk about stuff?

„Judging from her burst of Anger, I guess she found out then...?" he assumes correctly.

I just nod.

„You told her everything?" he asks - furrowing his brow.

I just nod again.

„You also told her about your feelings?" he inquires - giving me a sceptical look.

I finally look up at him: „You´ve got to be kidding me..."

Angeal just sighs in defeat.

„Did you apologize?" he wants to know - after a short moment of silence.

„Of course I did... about a thousand times already..."I assure him.

„She won´t be angry with you forever you know..." I know Angeal just wants to comfort me but somehow I can´t help but doubt his words. She´ll probably never forgive me.

„I guess..." I say - for Angeal´s sake.

„Why don´t you talk to her now?" he suggests. „Where is she anyway?"

I take a sip from my drink again - just to set the glass down in font of me a bit too hard - breaking it in the process - _Shit -_ my drink soaking the counter´s surface - Angeal raises an eyebrow at me in wonder - I hadn´t failed in controlling my power in front of him in years.

„I tried." I reply - ignoring my mishap.

„But?" Angeal prompts.

„But... it appears she´s busy cuddling with your pup on the porch right outside the club..." I inform him - my eyes narrowing involutarily at the thought of Zack´s arm around her - I force the mental picture out of my mind.

„Huh?" Angeal looks surprised. His eyes darting around the room to search for Zack - I know he certainly hadn´t expected this answer.

„I told you the two of them would make a great couple!" Genesis throws in, suddenly leaning against the bar next to Angeal - about to order a drink himself - I catch Angeal throw me a funny glance.

I can´t help but think that Genesis´s right. Lightning definitely deserved better than me.

„You know it´s funny - how after first seeing her I actually joked about her being you´re match..." Genesis starts.

 _Please not that again..._

„I thought that she was just like you... but I guess I have been mistaken... I personally have always been fond of the theorie that every Jack had his Jill... but you know... I guess there is no match for someone like you out there." Genesis teases, his eyes twinkling with malicious joy as he can´t wait to rub salt into my wounds.

His provocations - which normally left me unfazed - suddenly sting - hurt - as realisation hits me.

What had I been thinking?

Had I really believed that somehow she miraculously could develop feelings for someone like me?

After everything that had happened?

I must have deluded myself...

 _...deluded myself with false hopes..._


	73. Chapter 73

CHAPTER 73

ZACK´S POV

I don´t know how long I sat there with Lightning on the porch of Club Duel. I didn´t care. All I cared about was her and how upset she was.

I couldn´t fathom what had her so distraught in the first place. She had seemed agitated and distressed ever since we came out of the final Wutai battle. I had no idea what had happened there, but I knew it had something to do with him - with Sephiroth. That much was obvious.

They had emerged together from that forest some time after the battle had officially ended - Lightning´s eyes had been puffy and red - I had realised immediately - she clearly had been crying.

And Sephiroth had seemed upset too - as far as I was able to tell at least. He didn´t exactly let on much - like ever.

I didn´t say anything back than.

I didn´t want to make it worse.

But I knew, whatever he had done to her back then, it must have been something terrible. It definitely wasn´t easy to make a warrior like Lightning cry. I knew he hadn´t exactly treated her respectfully in the past - he had actually treated her like shit - _damn_ \- he hadn´t even refrained from using physical violence against her. And that was definitely no way to treat a woman. Even if she was a member of SOLDIER she was still a girl after all, wasn´t she?

Sometimes I had the feeling the others forgot about that. Sometimes I forgot too - with her acting all strong and involnerable and everything... It sometimes was hard to see through the walls of the fortress she had erected around her.

Still, something had happened between them back then - Sephiroth had gone a step too far - he had hurt her beyond what she could take. He had made her cry.

And I hated him for it.

* * *

LIGHTNING´S POV

When I woke up the next day I definitely felt better. After falling asleep on the porch of Club Duel on Zacks shoulder - he had appearently carried me all the way back to the inn and up to my room.

Zack was worrying about me - I knew it - but I couldn´t fill him in, could I? No. I wanted to keep this whole thing a secret... well, as best as possible.

It is down at breakfast that I see Sphiroth again.

Taking a place on the table furtherst away from him, I can´t help but throw curious glanzes in his direction. His face decorated with bruises, dark circles under his eyes - I can´t believe it - he hadn´t even bothered to heal his injuries.

I can´t help but stare.

It is just then that he looks up from his plate - our eyes catching and our gazes locking immediately - those mysterious pools of Mako not giving away a hint of what might be going on behind them in the depths of his mind - I wonder what he is thinking right now.

I can only guess.

Sitting there and watching him suddenly doesn´t feel awkward anymore. No. I would never feel awkward in front of him anymore. There was no reason to. None at all.

„Hey, are you okay?" Zack´s voice suddenly makes me snap back to reality, as he makes to sit down by my side.

„Sure." I reply - only reluctantly tearing my gaze away from the silver haired genereal on the other side of the room.

„Zack... Thank you." I say - looking up into his sincere sky blue eyes - he rewards me with a kind smile.

„You´re welcome..." he says. „You know you can always come and talk to me if something´s bothering you... you can always count on me." He adds - and I know it isn´t out of courtesy.

„Thanks. I know that..." I lie.

Zack acting all protective over me - I couldn´t help but think it was cute. I wasn´t used to people acting like that towards me. It felt nice to know somebody cared about me for a change... to know that somebody was there for me.


	74. Chapter 74

Chapter 74

LIGHTNING´S POV

Our stay at Costa del Sol didn´t last long though. It was unexpectedly interrupted by the call of a very troubled sounding Director Lazard - who ordered us back to HQ for a top priority meeting in the briefing room as fast as possible.

We made it back there by aircraft within the next few hours. The transfer wasn´t a nice one - the mood was tense and there was that slight nervousness creeping its way into our hearts - that call from the director didn´t bode well.

Upon arrival at HQ we learn that President Shin-Ra had appearently set up an emergency meeting - involving only high ranked operatives - to be informed about the serious developements - we´ve been completely left in the dark about until now.

It seams that only a few days ago - Shin-Ra scientists had spottet an astronomical celestial body - speeding towards Gaia at incredible velocity - big enough to wipe out the entire planet should it come to an impact.

It felt kind of nice to be informed.

The news leaves us speechless.

After only shortly having defeated the Wutai - it seemed fate was eager to crush us. Rooted to the spot, I can´t think of anything we could possibly do to evade this.

„How much time do we have?" One of the Turks asks - I don´t even care to check who had spoken - it doesn´t matter anyway.

„Our scientist have calculated the body´s course again and again - but all results point towards one conclusion: we are left with about two weeks to save our necks." the President informs us.

„The most!" comes the voice of one of the scientists.

My eyes widening involuntarily - swallowing hard - I look up just to find Sephiroth´s gaze trained on me.

 _Only two weeks..._

We exchange insecure glances - before my eyes dart back to the fatso that is our big boss.

The arrival of Meteor - at this time not connected to the test runs of the black materia yet - it changed everything.

Suddenly it didn´t matter anymore that I was a monster - that I had been experimented on against my will or on whose side I had faught in that ridiculous war. All of this nonsense suddely insignificant and stupid in the face of the fact that this planet - the world as we know it - with all the people on it - was going to cease to exist only about two weeks from now...

„But don´t worry!" Heidegger suddenly pipes up - excitedly adjusting the sleeves of his green suit. „For the Public Safety Department has already come up with a plan to escape this cruel fate the gods have bestowed upon us!"

There´s a murmur going through the crowd - gasps of surprise and sighs of relieve - I´m not one of those to think themselves safe that easily.

„And in order to accomplish this, we need you guys to help us!" he adds - looking over the crowd his gaze lingers at us SOLDIERs and the Turks.

 _Of course._ Who else would do the nasty work.

„We need you to obtain something called huge materia - extremely large and very powerful materia, that are only produced in the core of a Mako Reactor - high density Materia that have 330 times the power of a regular materia."

„Once we´ve gathered all four huge Materia we will load them into rocket No. 26 - one of the successfull rockets developed by Shin-Ra´s space exploration department and launch it at that meteorite! The huge materia have enough power to blast that damn thing out of the sky in no time... no big deal really!"

Although I understand nothing of meteorites and rockets and huge materia - this sounded like a plaucible strategy to me.

 _Bomb that thing out of the sky._

That definitely sounded like something Shin-Ra would do.

Whatever my opinion, it wouldn´t matter anyway. This was probably the only plan we had.

„I guess I don´t need to emphasize that this affair has to be dealt with under utmost secrecy. We cannot allow any information to leak to the public - not at this stage of the operation - as you can see the company is in a very precarious situation right now - we can´t risk a fullblown mass panic to break out." Lazard stresses.

„We´re counting on all of you to help together in this." President Shin-Ra says - dismissing the crowd with those words.

People filing out of the briefing room - we make towards the exit too - but Lazard is holding us back.

„Please wait up a bit guys - I need a word with you" the Director says - looking up at Sephiroth and me in particular, but also at Zack, Genesis and Angeal.

„You may leave." he says - looking over at Cloud who only reluctantly follows this order - grumpy - as with him not being a first class this was non of his buisness.

„There is something else that is causing us trouble." the director starts - I can only stare at him.

 _Something else?_

He´s got to be kidding. What else can there be?!

Waiting until everybody has left the room, he closes the door and switches on the flatscreen at the far back wall - the picture of a map coming into focus.

„I know they want you to go and retrieve the huge materia together with the Turks but there might be an even more pressing issue right now." he says.

 _More pressing issue?_

What can be a more pressing problem than a meteorite going to crush the planet in merely 2 weeks time from now?

„Only shortly after the discovery of meteor, scientists recorded this - near the cave of north crater." the Director announces - hitting the keyboard of his computer he directs our attention to the map displayed on the screen. Zooming in on the area where said signal had been detected - strange red coloured dots appear - moving around the map over the icicle area on the northern continent of the planet.

„Recordings from thermograohic cameras - taken around the area of north crater". Lazard explains.

„What is that?" Sephiroth asks - his forehead in wrinkles.

„We don´t know for sure. It might be nothing. But we need you guys to make sure." Lazard says.

It doesn´t sound very convincing.

My eyes following the movements of the red and purple blotches on the video screen, I can easily tell that whatever it is, it is something big ... and it is moving.

An uneasy feeling stirring in the pitch of my stomach, I instantly know - whatever it is - it doesn´t mean anything good.


	75. Chapter 75

CHAPTER 75

LIGHTNING´S POV

With the Turks taking care of gathering the huge Materia, we were sent off to north crater to inspect where the strange signals the scientists had recorded were coming from.

Shin-Ra had been able to spare Rude to fly us as close to north crater as possible - some strange force field coming from the area around the crater was messing with the heli´s instruments - making it impossible to fly over and scan the region from out of the air - so it was on us to examine the territory - we were a recon unit - and we were going in there blind.

Rude watching over the current thermographic recordings from the heli - he had promised to keep us informed in case the device detected anything strange - but so far there was no movement or other sign indicating the presence of something to be discovered whatsoever. Whatever it had been that had generated those recordings, it was appearently gone - maybe the device that had detected it had been malfunctioning after all.

We can only hope, as alert and a bit nervous we venture further - securing the area.

Being in this strange place - with the knowledge that that crater had been created by the meteorite that had braught the alien I shared my body with - it creeped me out. Of course Jenova wasn´t there anymore - they had found her decades ago and her physical remains were most likely stored away in some freezer back at the Science Department or something, but still...

It is when we make it down to the bottom of the crater - to the path leading to the entries of the mysterious northern cave - that exact cave where they had found her in - the long and winding path laying ahead of us - stirring a great nervousness inside me. I don´t have a good feeling abut this. It is when we are about to round another corner - the rest of the path hidden from our view by some huge rocks, that suddenly there comes Rude´s voice over the walkie-talkie Sephiroth is carrying with him.

„Guys be carefull there is something huge out there." the Turk warns. His words doing nothing to make me feel any better, I exchange anxious glances with the others before carefully we carry on.

Advancing further down the path and around another bend - that feeling of foreboding intesifying - as suddenly - my heart skipping a beat - I perceive a deep rumble - the ground slightly shaking - I sense something huge moving - making it´s way towards us.

„Abort mssion! Do you hear me!? Abort mission! Return to th- " Rude´s panicked voice carries over from the portable two-way radio transceiver. Everybody´s eyes darting towards Sephiroth who is holding the device in his right hand - he just switches it off - narrowing his eyes, he looks over at me questioningly - our eyes locking - I can hear that rumble again - feeling the earth vibrate beneath my feat - I´m about to piss my pants.

„Did you hear that?" I ask fearfully - already dreading what is about to come. He just nods - the others staring at us - they probably think we´ve gone crazy. They can´t hear of course. Not yet.

Signalling us to stay quiet, the silver haired General carefully makes to round the next corner. Following him as silently as possible - it is after rounding the next bend in the path that we get our first glimpse at it - that thing - that later on would be desrcibed as „ultimate weapon".

A gigantic draconian monster - black and purple in colour - equipped with a pair of powerfull wings as well as arms - it approaches us on its 4 legs wagging it´s ugly long tail.

I´ve never seen anything quite like it and I certainly have no idea what it is - or where it has come from - only one thing was for sure - it was intent on killing us - now.

„Shit what is that thing?" I hear Genesis mutter under his breath. The intimidating creature monitoring our every move - it threateningly takes a step into our direction.

„Maybe you guys should leave." Sephiroth suddenly sais - to noone in particular. I look up at him in bewilderment.

 _Leave?_

„I became commander to lead you into battle not to your death... from here on everybody continues at his own discretion. I´m not taking responsibility for this... from here on everybody on his own." he sais - looking in the eyes of every single one of us - he takes out the walkie-talkie and throws it over for Zack to catch.

„Go." he advises - Zack´s eyes huge, he gives me a puzzled look - I just shrug my shoulders.

If Sephiroth advised you to leave, it definitely was time to get your ass out of there...

I watch the legendary war hero draw his Masamune - slowly, carefully as if not to annoy that thing - the others watching wide eyed as - signalling us to stay back - he carefully approaches the beast.

My eyes never leaving our target, I take out Blaze Edge as well - just in case. I can see Angeal get the Buster Sword from behind his back too - I had never actually seen him whield it - this could only mean one thing: shit was about to get real.

I don´t know how I got there or why I did it, but suddenly I find myself next to Sephiroth, my gunblade drawn and in fighting stance - looking over my shoulder to find his beautiful mako green eyes again - I can see a smal smile ghosting over his lips.

I won´t let him go against that thing alone.

Readying myself I nod at him - _now or never_ \- he returns the gesture - and then we go for it.

Acting on instinct I put Blaze Edge into gunmode - and aiming at the red round shaped opening in the creature´s chest I take as it´s weak spot, I fire away. It doesn´t seem to have the desired effect though as instead of doing any harm, the bullets merely seem to aggravate the creature, as immediately it starts it´s assault - bombarding us with a range of fire elemental attacks - giving us barely time to dodge. I don´t know what the others are doing - I focus hard on not getting slaughtered by that thing - with Sephiroth and me going at it simultaneously - our combined strenght doesn´t seem to make any difference against that damn thing whatsoever.

It happens in the blink of an eye - the second Sephiroth and I choose to attack again the beast suddenly charges foreward - launching itself at us at full speed it attacks us in a powerful assault again - there´s nothing I can do - loosing the ground beneath my feed I feel my body hurled up into the air - and landing with my head on a nearby rock I pass out for a moment.

„Lightning!" It´s Zack´s voice - worried - his face looming above me - I realise I must have been out. Getting up immediately - I manage to look up in time to witness Sephiroth being attacked by that beast again.

„Sephiroth!" I cry - I want to get up and fight by his side but Zack holds me back.

„Don´t!" he yells.

It is only seconds later that Sephirot is hurled through the air as well - coming to land a few meters away from me with a heavy thud - the beast now having noone to stand in its way - it approaches our small unit - readying itself for it´s final blow.

„Hurry guy´s - make sure you get out of here!" Genesis orders - placing himself in front of us right in the beast´s way - he takes out a tiny red orb - a materia I had never seen him use before - and I can´t believe my eyes when suddenly he calls out to summon Bahamut - the massive dragon like creature soaring through the air and recklessly throwing itself at our opponent.

Seizing the opportunity, we just run for it.

Crawling over to where Sephiroth is still lying on the floor - I make sure he is okay before I help him get up and try and support him (he had taken a few nasty hits) - as as fast as possible we retreat - nobody knowing for sure how long Genesis´Bahamut would manage to hold that beast off.

It is from the heli - Rude getting us out of there in no time - that we watch Ultimate Weapon rip Genesis´ Dragon King to shreds before - kicking off from the ground hard - it stretches it´s wings and bolts skywards.

* * *

The second the helicopter hits HQ´s helipad we directly head to the briefing room. And we are not the only ones it seems to have come there - a bunch of scientists as well as Heidegger and some other people from the Public Safety Department as well as the Weapon Developement Department are alredy gathered inside - heatedly discussing the latest developements it seems.

They all look up when they realise us enter. Their eyes immediately falling on me and Sephiroth - their best warriors - both our clothes singed from the massive beast´s fire attacks - our faces bruised and cut in various places - I guess it isn´t a very comforting sight.

There is silence for a bit, then Lazard finally speaks up:

„And? What did you guys find?" he asks carefully - hesitantly - discouraged at the state of our clothes and the grim expression on our faces.

Neither Sephiroth nor me seeming eager to answer, it is Angeal who takes a step foreward and describes what we had enoutered there - Genesis describing how that monster had crushed his Bahamut - Sephiroth not saying a single word - just presenting Lazard with one of his death glares - Zack keeping to the background all the while - I don´t really listen until they are over with explaining and there are murmors and conversations breaking out all over the room again.

Unable to catch a word in the ensuing noise of everybody talking at once - I feel out of place again.

„Sir?! Thermographic cameras have detected a huge flying object aprroaching Junon... also there has been detected movement under the surface of the ocean near the Junon Underwater Reactor..." one of the scientists suddenly pipes up, all the heads turning into his direction - silence suddenly falling over the room again.

„We are actually provided with video footage to support this information..." the guy clad in white robes sais.

„Video material?" Lazard asks - his eyebrows riding up. „Project it onto the Video screen, please"

Everybody´s heads turning to the wall - there comes the low quality recording of the giant dragon shaped beast we´d been attempting to fight earlier, soaring through the air. I hear people gasp in horror - discussion breaking out around us yet again - I don´t bother to catch on.

Turning to face the others, I hear Sephiroth ask what everybody is thinking: „What is that thing..."

„They are weapons..." comes a voice form behind my back - an eerie high - pitched male voice, causing the hair on the back of my neck to stand on end - a voice sounding strangely familiar to me... I turn around to find my self face to face with Professor Hojo - the sight of him creeeping me out to no end.

He must have sensed my fear for looking at me he gives a little snigger before he elaborates:

„They are monsters created by the planet itself. Massive bio-mechanical engines of destruction designed to protect the planet. They appear whenever the planet is in danger, reducing everything to nothingness." Giving a snigger at this - as if enjoying some crazy private joke - he takes a short pause before he carries on.

„They were appearently created 2000 years ago when the extra terrestial life form Jenova fell on the planet to destroy us all..." he sais looking over at Sephiroth and me, a cynical smirk forming on his lips.

„The planet autonomously spawned the weapons to fiht Jenova but they ended up on not being needed as the cetra sealed her away anyway - luckily that is - for us to find her so many years afterwards..." he gives an excited giggle at the thought.

„With the threat to the planet contained, the weapons cystallized into Mako at the north crater awaiting the day when the planet would be endangered again and they would be needed to protect it once more...What a pity that now they are seeking to destroy us..." Hojo concludes.

„Destroy us? But why would they want that?!" Zack asks confused.

„Hm... nobody knows for sure..." the Professor says shrugging his shoulders.

„Maybe because that fat incompetent fool over there and the red clad beauty were eager to use things they had no clue about - trying to convert something into a weapon they had no control over ... something that unbeknowest to them was actually a weapon already..." he adds derisively.

„What? Are you talking about the black materia?!" Sephiroth suddenly says - Hojo looking over at him appreciatively, he just gives his creepy smirk.

„Hahaha... you fools... did you think that meteorite decided to come and erase the planet of it´s own accord?!" The head of science department sais cryptically.

I can´t help but stare. The black materia had caused all of this?! That damn thing we had risked our lifes to extract from the temple of the ancients?

 _But... That can´t be..._

Nobody able to say a word - the crowd around us still engrossed in conversation, the crazy scientist turns his attention back to me - eying me curiously he turns to talk to me this time:

„How are you my dear?" he asks, to then lean foreward to whisper into my ear:

„You seem to have developed exceptionally..." the closeness of his voice making shivers run down my spine.

„A full success I might say..." he adds, my eyes widening in horror as he extends a spidery hand to touch my forearm.

„You should come and visit me in the science department some time... we could conduct some tests... your own little contribution to science if you´d like..." Hojo says - his eyes sparkling with malicious intrest.

I can sense he wants to say more - but I am saved by Sephiroth who pushes the creepy bastard away from me - inserting his body between me and the head of science department protectively, to save me from the Professor´s advances - I´m happy to have the General´s broad shoulder´s shield me from the madman´s view.

The presence of that scientist was unnerving to me - he scared me. Although I could probaby kill him with my left hand in the blink of an eye - Hojo somehow made me feel helpless and weak.

„Keep your hands off her, Hojo!" the silver haired General hisses at him threateningly.

„Ah Sephiroth... you look like you could need a little make shot..." the Professor says - a freaky smile making it´s way onto his ugly features - he gives an insane cackle that makes the blood in my veins freeze.


	76. Chapter 76

CHAPTER 67

SEPHIROTH´S POV

In the course of the next days more and more of those Weapons emerged to attack cities and military facilities all over Gaia. If things continued at this rate - there wouldn´t be much left of the world to get destroyed by that meteorite anymore.

With that thing in the sky that - only visible under the telescope at first - was now close enough to be made out with the naked eye (and it was growing bigger with every day) - Shin-Ra wasn´t able to keep it´s approach a secret for long.

With the Turks having managed to gather the four huge materia - they had been loaded into that rocked and launched off into the sky - nobody knew for sure how long it would take for it to reach it´s target - or if the mission would be a success at all.

People´s faces were directed skywards - tinged in Meteor´s alien pinkish sheen - they silently prayed for Shin-Ra to set things right.

Ironically as it was - that meteorite wasn´t the worst of our problems though - and as the Weapons went on their rampage, wreaking havoc all over the world - Shin-Ra wanted us SOLDIER´s to put an end to them.

An impossible task - If I may say so.

Lazard sending us to Junon to get rid of the Ultima Weapon we had faced before as well as Sapphire Weapon - as they called the beast aquatic in nature that had started to destroy the Junon underwater reactor - I simply refused to lead this mission.

I won´t endanger my comrades like that. I won´t lead them to their deaths.

What they asked of us this time was a task impossible to accomplish - that much was for sure.

They were sending us on a suicide mission.

Also I had other issues with the company as well.

How they treated us as their employees...

What they were doing to the planet...

How they had accidentally summoned Meteor with the black materia - playing with fire like that and provoking the extermination of all mankind...

The list was endless.

And I wasn´t intent on being a part of this anymore. Not any longer.

I was just so angry.

I was so disappointed.

They sent us to get ourselves killed without batting an eyelid and now - now I had received instructions to take my best opperatives and fight against those beasts again.

That was enough.

I was so fed up with them.

I felt backstabbed and abandoned by that company I had called my home for all of my life - realizing I had only called it home because they had taken my chances of having a real home away from me in the first place - before I was even born - the thought of it making my anger flare up even worse.

But worst of all were Lightning´s words. Those words that had left her lips when she had been sitting next to that creek - crying her eyes out. Those words that - no matter what I did - I couldn´t get out of my head anymore.

 _We are monsters Sephiroth... I don´t want to be a monster._

And I figure I don´t want to either.

* * *

It was already late in the evening when I made my way up to Lazard´s office, entering without knocking - I find him perched behind his computer, as usual.

„I quit." I say - my voice strong, determined.

Lazard only raises an amused eyebrow - chuckling - abandoning his work to look up into my eyes.

„Interesting... How come?" the Director asks.

 _Where should I start?_

„You can´t quit..." Lazard says after a moment of silence, causing my eyebrows to ride up in return.

„You are not an employee. You are property of the company. A lot of research funds ran into your creation..." He informs me - his expression smug - his words cutting into me like the sharp blade of a knife.

I feel my body go numb.

„You aren´t like the other SOLDIERs Sephiroth... you are marely a tool.. a tool we created to fight for us... a weapon... and you will do as instructed." Lazard says, getting up from his chair and presenting me with a complacent smirk.

Feeling the rage inside me rise - threatening to boild over any second - I don´t dare to speak - afraid I might loose my self-control - concentrating hard not to snap and rip that insolent bastard´s head off with my bare hands.

I feel my hands shake as I ball them up into firsts - my nails digging into my palms so hard they leave small crescent shakeped marks - fighting to keep my temper under control.

„Also... it might be interesting for you to hear that the rocket mission failed." he adds - his demeanour suddenly serious.

„It failed?!"

„Yes" the Director confirms. „The explosion fragmented the meteorite´s surface, but it wasn´t destroyed as we had hoped."

I just stare at him - trying to understand - to grasp the meaning of all of this.

„It will reach earth just a few days from now." he adds. „You see... Quitting will not make much of a difference for you anymore... Why not die a hero?"

Reisisting the desire to kill Lazard in a very painful way - I direct my rage at the wall next to his head instead - my fist slamming into it - creating a deep hole where just seconds ago his face had been - cracks form froming the impact - blemishing the once smooth surface.

I can see the shock on his face, trepidation, understanding... as he realizies I had just spared his life - a life that will be taken in merely days anyway.

 _What does it matter anymore._

He wasn´t worth spending the few remaining days of my life under arrest.

Fighting hard to regain my composure, I glare at him for another few seconds before finally I turn to exit.

Hurrying out of that fag´s office, not looking where I´m going - my eyes trained on my feet - I knew I needed to get out of there - fast - I run straight into Lightning. Knocking the files she´d been carrying right out of her hands, I opt to ignore her as brushing past her, I head straight for the elevator.

„Sephiroth?! What´s wrong?" I hear her voice behind me - not annoyed - only concerned. I can´t bring myself to confront her though - I don´t want to show her my rage. I don´t want to loose control around her. I don´t want to hurt her.

* * *

LIGHTNING´S POV

I´m on my way to Lazard´s office to hand in my report, when suddenly Sephiroth comes storming out of the room - obviously infuriated.

Running straight into me and knocking my folder out of my hands - the neatly sorted papers sailing to the floor in a mess, as he hurries away and out of sight.

 _Great. Now I have to sort throught them again. Thank you, General!_

But for some reason, I can´t help but worry.

Sephiroth loosing his temper like this - it was never a good sign. I wonder what had upset him like that.

Entering the office to report to Lazard, I find him cowering against the back wall - looking slightly dissheveled - beneath a fist sized hole in the concrete.

It doesnt take long for me to reconstruct the scene in front of my inner eye.

I wonder what Lazard had done that had angered Sephiroth so much.

„Is everything alright?" I ask, my voice emotionless, cold - I really could care less.

He doesn´t answer, but gets up into a standing position instead. Looking me straight in the eye - I see a funny glint in them - as if he had just had some crazy idea.

„Farron... What would you say if I offered you the position of General..." he starts - my eyes go huge.

 _General?! But... Sephiroth..._

What the hell´s going on here?!

„You know... take Sephiroth´s place..." he adds cautiously - his eyes, wary - monitoring me carefully.

„Why... What about Sephiroth?" I ask, I don´t get where this conversation is supposed to lead.

„Sephiroth is refusing to carry out Shin-Ra´s orders... so..." the Director trails off.

„So?" I prompt.

„So I thought it was time for a more skilled operative to take the lead..." Lazard´s says - his voice smooth.

I can´t help but wonder what orders Sephiroth had rejected. He wasn´t one to reject orders - like ever.

„Shin-Ra needs somebody to lead the war against those weapons... You as one of SOLDIER´s most giftet opperatives... with your abilities... leading an elite squad of first class memebers... victory will be yours." Lazad tries - it´s no use.

Shaking my head, I just snort at this.

Thinking to emerge from a battle like this victorious would be stupid. There was no hope to win a war such as this. Going to fight against those beasts meant suicide.

After all the company had done to me, had taken from me - I wasn´t willing to sacrifice my life for them.

No way.

Thinking about Sephiroth - I turn to leave for the exit - I felt like I needed to talk to him and I had a sense where I would find him.

„Think about all those people... those civilians out there... families... children.. they need to be protected... they need to be saved... they need your help!" Lazard tries again - his voice has a desperate undertone to it.

I stop. Right in the doorway - I turn around to look at the Director one last time.

„I am not a hero, Director. I am a monster."

* * *

LAZARD´S POV

The pink haired warrior leaves - leaves without looking back even once. Sighing I let my body drop into the buisness chair behind my desk.

„Father forgive us, for we don´t know what we´re doing..." The words fall from my lips without me even realising - a low whisper in the empty silence of the room.

I wonder if we were doing the right thing... tempering with nature like this... playing gods... we didn´t know what we were doing...

Processing the lifestream - gradually killing the planet... A tiny bit more and more everyday... So we could lead comfortable lifes...

Stealing artefacts belonging to an ancient life form - trying to use them for our own purposes - using them without even knowing what they´d do...

Creating powerful creatures - genetically modified fighters - weapons... weapons having their own minds, their own freewill, unable for us to control...

Maybe there was a limit to what we could ask of them... to what we could do to them... to the whole planet.

 _A limit we have crossed some time ago now._

I couldn´t shake of that feeling before - that maybe one day our creations would turn against us - their revenge singing us, burning us... Tormenting us - just as we did them.

Maybe the time has come we finally payed for our sins... maybe it was what we deserved after all.

But we didn´t know better. We didn´t think. We believed the world was our´s to rule, that it was for us to decide about it´s fate - it´s future.

And in some way we did... having bestowed that apocalypse upon ourselves.

And now that the time to pay the price for our ignorance had finally arrived - there was no way for us to get out of it.

Still, we didn´t know what we were doing. We didn´t know anything. Those guys from the weapon developement department... all those scientists... every one...

We thought we´d stand above - above everything.

But we had been mistaken.

 _People were only animals after all... animals, pretending to be gods._


	77. Chapter 77

CHAPTER 77

SEPHIROTH´S POV

After leaving Lazard´s office and running into Light, I took the elevator up to the top of the Shin-Ra building - up to the helipad.

There was nowhere else to go really.

I liked to come here in the past, whenever I needed time to think. Whenever I felt I couldn´t take it anymore... this place, these people, this job... this life.

Moving to the very edge to lean over the balustrade, I had arrived just in time to witnes the sunset - tinging the rooftops of the town below into beautiful colours. My gaze trailing over the silhuettes of the mountains in the distance - I let the fresh breeze soothe my anger - slowly clear my mind - leaving behind a feeling of emptiness... of loss.

Now that my rage is ebbing away it makes way for deeper emotions to surface... leaving nothing but sorrow and regret...

 _The rocket mission failed..._

This world is going to end. Soon.

It was not the fact that I was going ot die. No this wasn´t about me, or about my fear of dying. I wasn´t afraid. Not at all. I guess having been a member of SOLDIER for most of my life - I had accepted the fact that I could die every other day a long time ago... I had come to terms with my situation, that my life could end ever second... maybe before it had even started.

No, this was about everything I had done. My sins... and what could have happened if I hadn´t played along with Shin-Ra all those years...

I hadn´t had the best of starts into this world to begin with, I knew that.

But it was still me who had chosen to walk the path of the soldier - the path that lead down into the pitch-black abysses of the human soul and up to the destruction of the whole world, loyally striding at Shin-Ra´s side.

I could have objected. I could have rejected. I could have refused to follow their orders. I could have left or get myself killed.

But I hadn´t.

I had carried the burden of being their weapon with pride. As an honour. Never thinking about what it actually meant or entailed.

I had been oblivious to what was going on around me... with me. But nothing had been hidden from me. I had chosen to look away - the truth had been there in plain sight, right in front of my eyes, all the time.

I had chosen to be part of it. To descend down the path that had been laid out for me long before I was born. I wasn´t forced.

And although I knew that my decisions wouldn´t have changed anything about the world´s faith - I still wished that at some point in my life I would have found the strenght to defy my destiny - that just for a short time - I could have had a glimpse of what life could have been like if I were free. Free to decide about my life. Free to lead a normal life... far away from missions, from duties, from responsabilities.

From constraint.

From Shin-Ra.

My thoughts wandering back to Lazard´s words, spoken just a few minutes ago - I can´t help but feel my rage ignite anew.

I don´t feel like a tool... like a weapon. I feel like a human being... Or do I?

The only thing I was actually good at was fighting, killing - destruction.

Looking back at my life there isn´t exactly much human to find.

 _There isn´t much of a human left inside of me, or is there?_

My thoughts involuntarily carrying back to a certain female comrade of mine, I can´t help but wonder. Maybe there is more than I would have thought...

I am ripped out of my destructive thoughts when suddenly I hear the door to the helipad open.

Sensing her presence behind me - I don´t have to turn around to know it´s her. As if she could read my mind...

 _Lightning._

It doesn´t take long until she´s up next to me, leaning against the balustrate - joining me - her shoulder just a few inches from my own - settling to stare off into the distance as well.

Painfully aware of how close she´s standing - I have a hard time staying still - resisting the urge to just reach out and touch her - to hug her - to hold her close.

She wouldn´t want me to.

With so little time left - upsettig her was the last thing I wanted to do. So I keep my hands to myself - content to just feel her presence right there next to me - to know that she is here, that she came up here to actually see me.

It means a lot to me.

Time... So little time. I wish there was more time.

I hadn´t cared much about what happened to me or the people around me for most of my life.

It was ironic how now that everything was going to end, I suddenly did.

„That Meteor thing... They didn´t manage to stop it yet - right?" she says, looking up into the sky and facing the astronomical object nearing our planet. It´s not exactly a question. It is still there - plainly visible for everyone to see.

I don´t say anything. There´s nothing to say really.

„I guees there´s nothing we can do to change that fact." I say after some time - in lack of other words - fighting to keep my voice smooth.

 _Time._

There is silence again, as both of us don´t know what to say.

Risking a sideways glance at her,- I can see a single tear make it´s way down her cheek.

I suddenly wish I could wipe it away... comfort her... tell her that everything is going to be fine... but that´s far from the truth...

We both know there is nothing to hope for...

„The impact will kill us... if those weapon things don´t..." she says - reaching up to wipe that tear away herself. Her voice is strong - buisnesslike - as if she was merely stating a fact - as if she really could care less.

I admire her strenght - her ability to stay composed like this - the control her feelings - just shut them up and lock them away.

I still remember what she was like when she first came here. When she came to joind SOLDIER all those years ago.

Emotional. Weak. Vulnerable. But also determined. Determined and unwavering.

I had always considered her emotionality a weakness... but was it?

It doesn´t matter... It isn´t anymore...

Her time in SOLDIER has changed her - broken something inside her I wasn´t shure I wanted gone anymore.

I had changed her...

* * *

LIGHTNING´S POV

„They have spotted one of those weapons coming for Midgar as well..." I say - he just nods. I guess he already knew that - of course... Still it was something that kept bothering me.

„I wonder why they are going for Junon and Midgar though..." I murmur thoughtfully - not looking up.

He gives a low chuckle, his eyes still set on a point somewhere in the distance he shakes his head.

„Shin-Ra´s bases of operation and largest consumers of Mako Energy..." he says - his voice smug - as if it was actually obvious. Maybe it was.

I just raise one of my eyebrows as I consider this.

„With Meteor being out of their reach... those were probably the greatest threats to the planet the weapons could detect." he muses - a bitter undertone to his words.

Looking up at that thing in the sky, wishing there was soemthing I could do... anything - but knowing there was no way - I feet the severity of the situation hit me... hit me like a train.

 _This is it. The end._

Wathing the last rays of the sun die - die just like the world around me - and the first stars start to twinkle in the upcoming darkness, I can´t help but let my mind wander back... all the way back to Bodhum.

To Serah.

To everything I had left behind.

And everything I had gained.

Yes, I wouldn´t ever see Serah again. I regretted never having found the time to actually visit her...

When I had left home for Midgar all those years ago, I hadn´t thought it would be our last good bye. I knew I would be gone for a long time... Still at the back of my mind there had always been the prospect of a reunion... Yes, I was sure that one day I would return... return to Serah... return home.

But this was not the way life worked... Life was cruel.

And although I had lost so much I had also gained something. I had gained strenght, independence, knowledge, skill...

I had made friends and I had been able to provide my sister - my family - with everything she needed.

I had successfully accomplished this mission. My ultimate mission. The one that had been imposed upon me by myself... not by Shin-Ra.

And althought things had not always been easy I somehow had managed, I somehow had found the strenght to carry on... and now?

I couldn´t protect her anymore... I couldn´t save Serah from this... I couldn´t.

Feeling my chest constrict - I make my hands grab the banister hard - my knuckles turning white - tears threatening to fall once again - when suddenly I feel the gentle touch of Sephiroth´s palm on the back of my hand. Slowly loosening my grip, I let him hold it - his skin soothing warm against my cold fingers - he gently squeezes my hand - making me look up into his eyes.

Dark pools of Mako full of emotion I can´t decipher. Fear? Guild? Sorrow? Regret? Hate? Pain?

„I don´t want to fight them... I can´t" His voice is soft - barely a whisper.

My gaze lingering I realize he´s just as lost as I am...

I had never seen him qhite like this before. And I hadn´t thought I ever would.

His carefully guarded facade crumbling - just for a few short moments I get a glimpse of the real Sephiroth - the man that´s hiding behind the mask of the monster all the time. Looking up into his eyes I realise there´s pain. So much pain. I know he´s trying to fight it from showing - but he fails terribly and it makes my heart ache.

I wish I could somehow take it away.

„I´m afraid we have no choice in this..." I say. I hate to put it that way - but it´s the truth. And we both now it.

„Everybody´s got a choice." he says - but we both know they´re just empty words. We both know that only few people had a real choice in life - least of all him. Or had they?

Feeling his hand twich I let go - and he turns away from me, back to the view of the city below - illuminated by the warm light coming from the house´s windows - a comfort provided by the constantly working Mako reactors around the city - payed with the souls of all living things.

I absentmindedly let myself study my former mentor´s profile - wondering what´s going on in his head right now, while trying to decipher my feelings at the same time.

Yes... I had feelings for him. Feelings I couldn´t deny I had any longer - I must have been crazy to deny in the first place.

They were as bright as the sunlight.

There is silence again.

I settle to just stand there next to him - watching the sky darken and more and more stars dotting in the sky.

I wonder whether he´s going to say anything else when suddenly he does.

„Killing all these people... we might have made us the monsters ourselves..." he says - his voice slightly trembling.

„What do you mean?" I prod. It was kind of funny how the conclusions seemed to have drawn for himself were strangely consistent with my own findings

„I wonder whether we were doing the right thing... fighting for Shinra." he says, as our eyes meet again.

He was right of course and I knew it. I had known for quite some time now.

„Maybe those things... those weapons arn´t the enemy after all... trying to distroy us... Shin-Ra..." he starts - his voice slightly increasing in volume but dropping in pitch - I can tell he´s getting worked up again..

„I mean what did they think they were doing sucking the life out of this planet all the time?!" I can sense his anger flare up again - his hands forming into fists. I can see them shake as he fights for composure - trying very hard not to loose it right here in front of me.

„Something like this was bound to happen!" he yells - his fist slamming into the balustrate in rage where it causes tiny parts of stone to crumble to the floor. Ashamed of his behaviour - lack of control - he turns away - his back to me now.

I just watch in silence. Behind the hate and fury, I can sense his frustration... the frustration that had settled in all of our hearts these days.

Acting on instinct I extend a hand to gently touch his shoulder. I can feel him flinch - just a little - but he doesn´t shrug me off.

I just let my hand rest there - giving him some time to calm down - waiting for his breathing to calm.

„I wonder if the Wutai were fighting for the right thing..." he says - his voice is soft - barely a whisper.

I know exactly what he is talking about.

Those same thoughts had occured to me only recently. But there was no use in wasting energy in thinking about things like that - not when the world was going to cease to exist in only a few days...

At least that was what I thought.

 _Life is easy. You make choises and you don´t look back._

I had chosen to join Shin-Ra and become a SOLDIER. Although I hadn´t thought much about what that meant back then.

Still I wasn´t going to waste the rest of my life with regretting that action.

We had served Shin-Ra all those years. Him much longer than me.

Why part ways now.

It takes some time before he turns to face me again.

„It is not in the nature of a soldier to ponder on what is right or wrong. It is a SOLDIER´s duty to carry out orders. Nothing else." I tell him. Looking up into those devastated mako green eyes - helplessly staring back at me - I know it´s true.

We had never done anything else.

There was no reason to start now.

If the world was going to get destroyed anyway - we might as well carry on and protect our SOLDIER honour. Whatever that was worth these days.

I guess if he could have heard, Angeal would have beeen proud.


	78. Chapter 78

CHAPTER 78

LIGHTNING´S POV

„Seriously guys... can´t we rest somewhere? I need a break..." Cloud moans. There is sweat running down his forehead.

I can´t blame him. We´ve been walking for ages and I know everybody is thinking along the same line, but naturally nobody dares to admit it.

As we are climbing another hill, I see the silhuettes of a beautiful big city come into focus.

* * *

A day after my conversation with Sephiroth on the HQ heli pad, Shin-Ra had sent their elite SOLDIER´s to Junon to fight against the mysterious weapons again. Even though we had been accompanied by a whole squad of third and second class´s to support us - with ultima weapon and sapphire weapon both attacking at once, we didn´t even stand a chance.

In the end it didn´t matter - Heidegger blasted the beasts off with the sister ray anyway - getting rid of sapphire weapon for good - ultima weapon bolting skywards again - soaring off into the clouds - it unfortunately managed to escape once more.

After successful application, they were going to transport the monstrous cannon over to Midgar to use it against diamond weapon as well - the humanoid shaped beast approaching the capital. There were rumours they were actually planning to use it to fend off meteor too - using the 8 mako reactors surrounding the city to power the Sister Ray in an attempt to blast the meteorite to pieces once it was close enough - as a desperate last resort kind of plan.

I guess it won´t make much of a difference.

No matter what they were planning - we weren´t going to be there to witness it.

Being assigned the task to hunt down ultima weapon and dispose of it at all costs - we had left to track it down.

There wasn´t really anything else for us to do anyway.

Since we had had our talk on the heli pad, Sephiroth and I seemed to have come to a silent understanding. We both didn´t want this anymore. We both knew we had been fighting on the wrong side for all our lives.

But it didn´t matter anymore.

There was no good in turning our backs on our past, our friends, our familys... ourselves. There was no time for that. Not now, facing the end of the world.

And so we just kept going.

Helping each other out more often than not these days - we had never gotten along better. We didn´t talk much, but that didn´t matter. It were the small things that mattered. And there were lots of them. Like him extending a hand for me to help me climb a rock, or simply having my back when I found myself surrounded by a bunch of feral creatures the other day while collecting firewood.

Leaning with my back against a trunk or a rock next to him most evenings now when the bunch of us were sitting around our campfire - Genesis would light using the power of his materia - instead keeping to Zack and Cloud as usually, I started to feel comfortable around him - safe even.

Tracking down the weapon wasn´t exactly an easy task. Wherever we went, it always seemed to be a step ahead of us.

Sometimes I wasn´t sure I actually wanted us to find it.

We knew we probably wouldn´t be able to defeat that beast, but at least we would die trying.

We were SOLDIER´s after all.

Following the path of destruction ultima weapon had left behind, we spent the remaining days of our lives hunting down a beast that was actually designed to protect us, or the planet at least.

* * *

„I must agree with Cloud, I guess." Genesis sais after reaching the top off the hill as well - sitting down on a nearby rock to catch his breath. „We really should rest... We won´t hunt down that thing tonight and if we did ..."

I look up at Genesis in time to see the readhead grimace as he trails off.

Well... He´s got a point.

If suddenly by some miracle we were going to encounter the weapon tonight - unrested as we were - it would probably rip us to pieces before we even got a chance to do anything at all.

„Okay guys. Lets take a rest first thing when we reach that city." Sephiroth says - motioning at the rooftops glistening in the distance.

Groaning in defeat, Genesis gets up from his place on the rock again.

Judging from the size of the buildings, they still are miles away.

I hadn´t planned on spending my last days on earth like this - walking for miles on end - my feet hurting like hell... to track down a beast that would gladly deliver a very painful death to us...

I somehow wished Meteor would just speed up and kill us already.


	79. Chapter 79

CHAPTER 79

LIGHTNING´S POV

It was a beautiful summer evening that our hunt for ultima weapon lead us to the city of Palumpolum - a fast growing and well prospering port city. Having been on our feet all day long - we were all happy and relieved to finally stop at one of it´s many Inns - a magnificient proud-standing building completely made of stone at the outskirts of the city.

We had all agreed on taking a timeout first opportunity, before we´d resume the search for our target once more.

The scent of roasted meat wafting out from the entrance door and high open windows to great our noses, I can´t help but feel my mouth watering at the prospect of a propper meal - to Angeal´s unmistakeable joy we seem to have arrived just in time for dinner.

Everybody is thankful for the opportunity to finally rest and recover from the long walk - even the General - I can tell. Taking our seats around a big table on the Inn´s patio, I let myself fall into a chair between Zack and Sephiroth, my feet happy not to have to support my weight for some time.

After ordering a large glass of water from the dark skinned waitress, I close my eyes and let my back relax against the backrest - contentment written all over my face - as exhausted from the journey, I nearly doze off.

„AHHRG Genesis!" I hear Angeal exclaim somewhat revolted. „I´m planning to dine here!"

Opening my eyes I look up just in time to witness Angeal hit his comrade over the head with the menu. Chuckling to myself I realise the redhead had disposed of his combat boots in order to treat his feet with some fresh air.

I can only smile at their antics... I will miss their bickering... assuming that there was an afterlife... or something of that kind...

Our drinks finally arriving, I catch the waitress sending Genesis a disapproving look - only reluctantly handing the redhead the tankard of booze he had ordered for himself.

Taking a sip from my cool glass of water - trying to relax my sore joints and muscles - I let my gaze wander over the port below - the beautiful multi-coloured boats dancing on the water´s surface - the tops of the waves glistening in the evening sun - the gentle summer breeze carrying the salty scent of the sea, tickling my nostrils.

Here - far away from Midgar and Shin-Ra - the world seemed to be at peace - a completely different place. Also, the fact that Palumpolum wasn´t far from Bodhum didn´t escape me either. The beaches were different here. Different to Costa del Sol. They looked nice and welcoming - not tarnished by painful memories yet. Being here, sitting close to the shore... it almost felt like home.

Although Bodhum was still a fair distance off - a few day´s marches away - this was the closest to home I had gotten in years.

I would never see it again. _Ever._

There simply wasn´t enough time.

On the brink of getting melancholic again, I am saved the discomfort caused by dwelling in my memories much longer, when suddenly our food appears - the table bending under the weight of mountains of roast beef and potatoes. Angeal sporting the expression of a little child having been told that christmas came early this year - he digs in first.

Everybody helping themselves to some of the delicious dishes, I can´t help but notice how Sephiroth´s arm brushes against my own when he extends his left hand to get himself some beef - lingering there a few moments longer than necessary - the prolonged touch of his skin leaving behind a pleasant tingling sensation - absorbed in a conversation with Angeal, he doesn´t seem to notice at all.

Trying to ignore the way my body is reacting to the contact - I force myself to focus on the fork in my hand instead.

It doesn´t mean anything.

With all of us sitting so close together it isn´t exactly a miracle for our arms to acidentally touch - even more so as he is left handed.

No big deal.

„Oh man this food really is tasty!" Zack praises.

„Yeah, it´s good stuff!" Angeal babbles between mouthfuls of beef.

„Definitely... What about some shots to wash it down with!?" Genesis says exitedly. „Waitress!"

It is the second we are finished with our main course that the waitress arrives with our shots - clinking glasses with all the others in the middle of the table before bringing it to my lips to down the contents all at once - I let the clear colourless liquid burn my throat.

 _Guess one shot won´t hurt._

 _Uggh._

Watching the others do the same, I catch Angeal grimacing - Cloud unable to stifle his coughs once he sets the empty glass down in front of him.

„Uggh.. Genesis... what exactly was that?!" Angeal says - eying the small empty glass with distanste.

„AHHH - a good drop..." Genesis assures mysteriously - closing his eyes to savour the taste. I can´t help but shake my head.

„So guys... how about desert?" Zack pipes up.

„Sounds good to me Bro!" The others agree.

Already feeling my belly burst from the hearty meal, I don´t know where to squeeze in a desert exactly - but I´m in anyway. There´s no reason to skip it, I guess - this dinner might as well be our last.

The waitress returns with plates stuffed with mousse au chocolat, ice cream, cakes and more to choose from - everything decorated with fresh fruits - accompanied with another round of shots, as well as long drinks for all of us.

A content silence settling over the table - disturbed only by the occassional comment on the cook´s excellent abilities - we eat our way through the delicacies we have been provided with.

Our bellies filled to the brim, we just keep going until nothing is left - Angeal even picking up the crumbs from the cake plate with the fingers of his right hand - I wouldn´t have been surprised if he started cleaning the plates with his tongue.

* * *

The remainder of the evening flying by in a blur - the atmosphere blithe and the mood cheerful - we joke and talk until late into the night, when finally Sephiroth announces bedtime.

Aside from Genesis protesting immediately, the rest of us doesn´t mind - we are all tired and spent anyway. With the prospect of another exhausting day lying ahead tomorrow - it was definitely time we hit our bunks.

Making our way up the staircase to the guestrooms - everyone had gotten themselves seperate rooms this time - we can´t take our money to the grave anyway. All of the others bidding good nights and retreating to their rooms, I suddenly find myself alone with Sephiroth.

Although knowing pretty well by now that nothing good ever seemed to come from situations like this and that I should probably just say a polite goodnight and leave, I just can´t keep my eyes from locking with his the instant he looks at me - and I know it´s probably fatal to do so out here where we are alone again - but it seems like I just can´t help it.

„That was a nice evening, huh?" I mumble - fumbling for something to say.

„Hm... the food was definitely worth stopping by." He replies - his voice neutral and expression stoic as ever. I wish he´d just let his guard drop.

„Yeah... I can barely walk from eating so much." I say - flashing him a tiny smile.

There´s a pause where neither of us speaks nor moves - the only thing I hear is the sound of the crickets chirping outside - and the voice in my head that keeps urging me to step closer, to reach out and touch him - even though I wished it was, I´m not sure whether this is entirely Jenova´s doing.

Maybe... _Maybe it´s just me._

I catch his lips parting as if he wanted to say something, but he seems to change his mind at the last second as swallowing the words, he averts his eyes.

„Be sure to get enough sleep - we might as well face ultima weapon tomorrow." he says instead, before - without wasting another second - he turns to walk away.

I realise I don´t want him to leave.

I don´t want to be alone.

„Okay... I´ll try." I promise to his retreating back - feeling my heart sink in my chest.

Watching him take down the corridor, I wish I just had the courage to ask him to stay... to stop him... to call his name and...

„Sephiroth..."

Having reached his door and about to turn the key, he looks up at me - piercing green eyes studying me expectantly.

I don´t know what made me call out to him. I really don´t. But now that I had, I suddenly feel foolish - stupid.

I don´t know what´s gotten into me.

„Goodnight." I manage, a tiny blush - I dearly hoped would go unoticed by him - creeping onto my cheeks.

Giving me nothing but an acknoledging nod, he turns to enter his room and - the door falling into the lock behind him with a soft clicking sound - I am left to stand in the hallway alone.


	80. Chapter 80

CHAPTER 80

LIGHTNING´S POV

It was early the next morning that a healthy breakfast and some coffee later, we got up from our table, ready to leave in pursuit of ultima weapon again, that suddenly the current television program broadcasted on the huge flatscreen hanging behind the bar, was interrupted by some special announcement.

The voice of the president making me stop dead in my tracks, I look up to watch his face appear on the screen - the fatso sporting a serious expression - I instantly know this couldn´t mean anything good.

The bartender grabbing the remote to turn up the volume - we pause to listen.

All the eyes fixed to the television screen - I feel my chest constrict strangely - making it nearly imposible for me to take a breath - the tension in the room almost tangible - as everybody knew what this meant. There was only one reason to cut off the program these days, only one thing to announce really. If I think about it, I had been waiting for the bombshell to be dropped for some time now.

Still, it feels kind of hard to focus on the words - to understand the meaning behind them - as the man on the screen announces the end of our lives, the ultimate destruction of the whole planet - the apocalypse - a cosmic spectacle that´s going to wipe the life off the surface of this planet for good - sheduled to happen sometime within the next 24 hours.

According to scientist´s calculations we are not going to see the light of the next day...

I only marginally register the fact that I won´t be going to see the sun rise ever again.

 _And how I had wasted my last chance of seeing it by sleeping in this morning..._

Tearing my eyes away from the screen, they immediately dart over to meet Sephiroth´s green ones - already trained on mine as if he had been waiting for me to look up for some time now - our gazes lock once more.

 _A life full of wasted opportunities. That´s all mine ever was._

Taking in the news completely unimpressed - I know the General had anticipated this to happen some time ago now. I had expected it myself since the night we had talked on top of HQ again.

All the people in the room rooted to the spot, we watch as the setting changes to show video footage of Midgar where Heidegger had appearently attempted to fight Meteor with the use of the Sister Ray - the cameras temporarily blinded with a white light - it proves a futile attempt - as after some time it takes for the dust and debries dispersed by the firing to settle - a bright sunny sky is revealed.

A beautiful summer sky stained by the faintly pink glowing calamity of Meteor - sitting on the firmament - completely unfazed.

They switch back to the studio where the show carries on with scientific speculations on how meteor is going to unleash cataklysm on Gaia and how it had come to all of this, ensuing a debate about how this disaster could have been averted...

I don´t care to listen.

These are empty words anyway...

Shin-Ra would never admit their mistake, not even in the face of extinction.

But I knew the truth.

They had brought demise upon all of us by unintentionally activating an ancient weapon designed to destroy the world, when searching for a matter of mass destruction to use against the Wutai.

Ignorance and delusions of grandeur - the toxic cocktail that had lead humanity to inevitable desaster.

 _Shin-Ra._

I kind of admire all those people´s spirit, working to keep up the television program although they were going to die in less then a day - ensuring that somehow the show would go on instead of spending their time with their beloved ones.

 _Less than a day..._

My brain somehow doesn´t seem able to process this information. I guess I´m not the only one - the people around me shocked - devastated. I had forgotten how to most of the people out there the news of the end of the world were coming out of the blue.

It takes several long minutes for people to move again - for soft whispers to break out all around the room.

„What... but..." I hear Cloud babble right beside me, his mouth gaping in shock - he is lost for words. Of course he had known of Meteor´s existance - but at that point the rocket mission wasn´t from the table yet - and for some reason - people hadn´t given up their hope in Shin-Ra - and maybe some of them wouldn´t until the very end.

It´s Genesis right next to me who snaps out of it first - trying to compose himself, he hesitantly reaches inside his pocket to take out his phone - I shoot him a questioning look.

„Calling Lazard... ask for instructions.." he murmurs. I wait as the phone beeps - indicating that a connection has successfully been established but it´s no use - nobody cares to pick up on the other end. I hear the redhead give a disappointed groan as he closes the communication device shut with a snap.

It is only a few seconds later that suddenly all our phone´s go off at once - chiming in different tunes - we share bewildered glances before I give in and take out my own, flipping it open to read the screen.

One new text message.

„Members of SOLDIER, In the name of President Shin-Ra, I thank you for your daily hard work..." Blah blah blah... always the same bullshit.

„We deeply regret the way things..."

 _Really? Are they serious?_

I can´t help but scoff as I scan the empty letters - this must be a bad joke, surely.

„We appreciate your loyality to the very end. There will be no further instructions. May god be with you."

 _How tragic..._

Reading the mass mail penned by Lazard once more, I close my phone shut and throw it into the dustbin next to the wall, where it hits the inside of the plastic walls and reaches the ground with a final thud.

 _Pompous assholes._

I really could care less.

The voices from the TV echoing through the Inn - all of us staring at the insultingly stupid message we had received just seconds ago - nobody dares to say a word. Sephiroth is the first to move - setting the stuff he had been carrying on the ground next to his feet, he averts his gaze - I know he is contemplating on what to say - or maybe on what to do really.

„Ultima weapon has been sighted not far from here. I´m going after it." the silver-haired General announces after some time, looking into the faces of all of his comrades in turn. His voice is smooth and determined. If he felt something like uncertainty or apprehension, he didn´t let it show - hiding his feelings behind his emotionless pokerface as usual.

„Since there are no orders from Shin-Ra anymore... you guys are free to do whatever you want." his eyes lingering on me at his last words, he picks up his stuff again and turns to leave.

I´m not sure what to do.

Join the fight against ultima weapon? Stay?

Nothing I could do would make any difference anymore I guess.

Feeling new resolve building up inside, I snap out of my trance and picking up Blaze Edge, I head for the exit as well.

 _Can´t let him face that monster on his own, can I?_

„You´re going with him?!" Zack calls out behind me - turning to face him, I can see him look at me in disbelief - staring at me with complete lack of understanding.

„Yes..." I say - my voice low but determined. I won´t just sit around and wait for Meteor to crush me. I couldn´t bear it. I needed distraction. I needed something to do - to get my mind off the impending doom literally hanging over our heads.

My eyes on Zack´s skyblue ones - I sense Angeal and Genesis making to leave as well.

Zack doesn´t say anything. Staying where he is, he anxiously shifts his weight, while Cloud is still siting at the breakfast table following our conversation with his mouth gaping open stupidly.

„You´re in?" I ask offering a small smile.

Zack just shakes his head - _No_ \- a pained expression on his usually cheerful features.

„You can´t be serious guys..." he says looking over at Genesis and Angeal - Angeal is already shouldering the buster sword.

„Why are you going to fight it... you´re going to get yourselves killed... I mean what for? There´s no reason for all of this anymore..." He blurts out - a pleading look taking over his features. I can hear the hysteria lacing his words - the panic bubbling close under the surface of his self-composure - threatening to break through any second now.

I can´t blame him.

But I can´t stay.

„Zack where´s your honour?!" I hear Angeal scold him - shaking his head. I can´t help but think that this might not be the right time for one of his lectures. I for my part accepted Zack´s decision. It was not mine nor Angeal´s to make after all. If Zack and Cloud wanted to stay - that was fine by me.

There is a crushing silence where Zack looks down at the floor - obviously ashamed of himself - where I just want to slap Angeal in the face - where I just want to scratch his eyes out - for treating Zack like that - in a situation like this.

But it´s neither my place nor the time to do so.

I look at Zack for another few seconds - before hesitantly, I turn to walk towards the huge entrance doors.

My decision has been made.

I don´t know if I will ever see them again. _Probably not._

Even if opposing ultima weapon wouldn´t kill us - I doubted there would be enough time for us to return to Palumpolum once we were done.

 _I guess it doesn´t matter._

All of this will soon be over anyway.

And saying my silent good-byes to the both of them, I step out into the warm morning sun - to follow the path laid out for me - the path of a SOLDIER.


	81. Chapter 81

CHAPTER 81

LIGHTNING´S POV

It took the better part of the day for us to chase down ultima weapon. The sun shining down on our backs, burning our arms - completely oblivious to the fact that one of it´s fellow planets was going to be wiped off the solar system in merely a matter of hours - following the directions we had received from some of the local people who had been kind enough to tip us off - we headed south.

According to the informations we had been able to pry from the resident people, the beast we were after had attacked a small town some miles away - having wreaked havoc there the entire night - rumour had it the local militia, who had done a good job chasing the weapon off - had even managed to injure it.

One of the famers we met on our way told us he had seen them nearly take off one of it´s wings with a granade launcher and that the thing had dragged itself west from there - indicating the ruined cornfield behind him.

From there we just followed the swath of destruction ultima weapon had left in its wake.

We were catching up - closing in on it - and this time - without the ability to fly - without being able to bolt again - it would be done for - I could feel it.

It is already afternoon when finally we find it nestled into a ravine - seeking shelter against the rocky walls, nursing it´s wounds - only the cliffs and the sea lying in front of it - I wonder how the beast had actually gotten in there - it had probably fallen. Some of the rumours seeemed to be true as it seemed to be injured indeed - a huge part of it´s left wing missing now, it was appearantly unable to fly anywhere - which was rather convenient - at least this way it wouldn´t be able to escape again.

„Shit that thing is huge..." Genesis sais - looking as though he´d just pissed his pants.

„Your chance to become a hero." Sephiroth teases - the redhead just glares in response - then gathering his composure he striaghtens up and drawing his Rapier, he takes down the steep path that would take him down to the cliffs. Angeal throwing us an accusing look - he follows his comrade - while Sephiroth and I just stare after them - trying to asses the situation and figure out a proper strategy.

„The cliffs aren´t in our favour." the General points out. „If it manages to push us back..."

I know exactly what he´s talking about. I´ve been thinking along the same line. Looking over the edge of the cliffs, I can see the pointy tops of sharp rocks produding from the waves.

„Or maybe we could use them to our advantage..." I voice my thoughts. Maybe - just maybe - if we were lucky enough and managed to scare that thing into bolting again... Maybe it would be desperate enough to leap to it´s death.

„Hm... or get ourselves cornered with the rockwalls at our backs..." he says - somewhat thoughtful. „Without any route of escape at all... I guess I´d prefer the cliffs."

He´s probably right.

„Too bad that thing shredded Bahamut..." I muse looking at the redhead disappearing down the rocky slope. „I guess it would have come in really handy now..."

He just snorts at that, then we take down the path together.

To say that the beast wasn´t happy to see us would have been an understatement. The moment we arrive at the bottom the thing had already pounced at Genesis and Angeal - their weapons hadn´t been much use in blocking it. Greeting us with a few fire attacks - we manage to take shelter behind some of the bigger rocks - barely escaping it´s assault.

„This is going to be tough..." Angeal comments - pointing out the obvious. Genesis now looking as though he´d pissed his pants twice - I can´t help but feel my heart sink. Maybe it was a stupid idea to come here in the first place.

Well... It doesn´t matter... Now that we started it we might as well end this.

* * *

The battle seemed to go on forever.

As all of our usual `just charge at it and move in for the kill´ strategies wouldn´t work and even Sephiroth´s `just chop it´s head off´ tactics wouldn´t be of any use - we needed to think of something else - obviously.

With this the only sort of strategy coming to our minds - and there wasn´t really anything else to do anyway - we agreed to concentrate mostly on getting its armour down - which proved a task harder than we had anticipated. And although I guess we did a great job concidering the superiority of our opponent, in the end it didn´t need much for us to get cornered - the thing sensing it´s demise suddenly getting berserk - there was not much left to do but try to get out of there while still alive.

The beast lunging at us again - Genesis and Angeal manage to bolt for the cliffs - while I am just rooted to the sport - unable to move at all in the face of death - it is Sephiroth who pulls me out of it´s way and towards the walls.

Trying to block one of ultima weapon´s attacks with Masamune, that thing disarms him easily - ripping the katana out of his hands without effort (something I would not have believed if someone told me) - it comes to land out of his reach meters away.

„Lets get out of here!" he shouts, yanking at my arm when I don´t make a move. Instead of thinking about escape my eyes are fixed on the armor around the beast´s head - having glimpsed a spot at the neck where it has nearly come down completely - maybe just maye - if I managed to put enough force behind my attack - maybe I could bring it down.

Sephiroth seems to get the hint.

„Lightning! No!" I hear him shout in warning, but I don´t care - this way or the other, my life would end today - better die this way in the heat of battle then waiting for a rock to fall on top of my head.

Charging forward, I manage to force Blaze Edge deep into it´s armour - bringing it´s shield down completely and exposing the soft tissue around it´s neck. I don´t have the time to retrieve my gunblade to finish the job though - as in the blink of an eye it lunges itself at us once more.

Retreating backwards fast, I trip over a rock on he ground - loosing my balance, I feel my body fall and my backside hit the ground. Seeing ultima weapon pouncing at me - unable to get up again- I only marginally register Sephiroth trying to pull me away - his attempts are futile we are going nowhere - we are not fast enough...

I merely watch as the thing gathers its powers for its final attack - and I know we are done for the second our backs hit the rocky walls.

Ready for death - I wait for the impact - when suddenly there is an ugly gurgling sound - and two strangely familiar looking blades protruding from it´s throat where I had gotten rid of the armour just seconds ago - just above my face - we are showered in vast amounts of warm, crimson blood.

The beast falling forwards - Sephiroth pulls me out of the way again - avoiding the both of us getting crushed by the massive weapon´s weight - as it lands at our feet with a deafening rumble.

„You didn´t seriously think we´d leave you to take down that beast all by yourself?!" Zack´s voice permates the dust that has been swirled up.

„Planning to claim all the glory for yourself, were you?!" I hear Cloud call out from behind him, as moving towards us they come into focus.

 _Zack?!_

 _Cloud!?_

I had never been happier to see their faces.


	82. Chapter 82

CHAPTER 82

LIGHTNING´S POV

Not knowing what else to do, we decided to head back to Palumpolum and check in at the Inn again. It was only afternoon and there was still time and there wasn´t really anywhere else for us to go. After spending some hours walking we were lucky to meet some farmer kind enough to give us a lift in his yellow pick up as he was on his way to Palumpolum anyway.

Filthy - covered in the weapon´s blood already dried - I watched the scenery fly by from my place on the car´s platform.

Now that our hunt was over and we had managed to defeat the beast - with the adrenaline´s after effects fading and no tasks assigned - no duties to fulfill - I suddenly felt empty and sad.

This was what I had been dreading all along... the moment when there would be nothing else left to do but wait... wait for the end to come. And for a brief moment I hated Zack and Cloud. Hated them for killing that thing a second before it would have shred me to pieces, because yes... somehow when I chose to go with Sephiroth, I had hoped I might not make it. That maybe the weapon would killl me and I somehow would be able to escape the fate millions would face before the sun would rise again.

But no. It wouldn´t be that easy. Fate was cruel and now it would force me to sit it out.

Nobody said a word for the entire ride.

The silence was killing me. It was driving me crazy. But I couldn´t bring myself to start a conversation myself.

 _What´s left to say, really?_

I am glad when finally we arrive at the Inn. Finally able to move my feet - I get up and head up to my room without explanation. Once inside I go straight for the bathroom and into the shower. I needed to get rid of the weapon´s juices.

* * *

It was already evening when I entered the lobby again, where I met the others - who seemed to have taken their time to clean up as well.

„Ah, Lightning... decided to join us at last?" Genesis greets me. I just give him a glare - I am so not in the mood for his games. „We were just discussing how we are going to spend our last night alive and... well... what would you like to do?"

My eyes subconciously darting over to where Sephiroth has taken a seat next to the wall, I just shrug my shoulders.

„I don´t care." I say - it´s the truth. There isn´t really much for me to do... Of course there were things I wanted to do before I died. I wanted to see Serah again - at least - but with Bodhum a fair distance away, there wasn´t nearly enought time to make that wish come true.

„Can´t we return to HQ?" Cloud asks shyly - confusion in his eyes.

There are a few minutes of silence when nobody sais anything. It´s Angeal who breaks it first.

„We´ll stay here for the night." he announces - his voice is determined. Then turning to Cloud he adds: „We wouldn´t make it back in time anyway."

We all know he´s right.

„But Tifa..." I hear Cloud whisper- his eyes glazing over, I catch Zack brotherly pat his shoulder to try and comfort his comrade. I can´t help but pity him. He probably hadn´t even had the time to say good bye.

„Angeal´s right." Sephiroth says. „Take the night off and enjoy yourselves." I feel his gaze on me at the last part - lingering there for a few moments before he turns to leave the Inn.

The rest of us left shooting each other puzzled glances - the others get up to leave as well - I just stand there not sure what I am to do exactly.

I am saved finding an answer by Zack, who - grabbing my wrist - drags me along and out into the streets. An unpleasant numbness settling inside me, I let him steer me through the crowd - a lot of people seemed to have gathered on the streets looking up at the sky - looking up at Meteor. Some of them crying, some of them laughing... Some of them scared... some of them accepting...

I realise I don´t care. I. Just. Don´t. Fucking. Care.

As a member of SOLDER I had learned to live with the prospect of my own death. It wasn´t a big deal exactly. Dying was something everybody would eventually have to do. For some it was easy, for some it was hard, but in the end everybody did.

The kind of death awaitening us wasn´t the worst dying scenario I could imagine either. No. I figured it would all be over relatively quickly.

Zack´s arm never leaving my wrist, I tag along - as following Genesis´ lead we finally arrive in front of some ugly, abandoned building - a miserable excuse for a door that isn´t much more than some piece of rusty metal really, reveiling a narrow set of stairs leading to the basement - the stench of cigar smoke and vomit wafting out onto the street - making me scrunch up my nose in disgust.

They had obviously managed to find the most run down bar in all of Palumpolum.

I should have known... there always was a bar.


	83. Chapter 83

CHAPTER 83

LIGHTNING´S POV

I was standing somewhere at the bar, with a drink clutched in my hand, feeling lonely and anxious. Maybe it was just the effects of the alcohol (although I hadn´t had that much). Or maybe it was rather the fact that a gigantic meteorite was speeding towards Gaia and going to impact sometime within the next few hours - erasing every form of life from the planet´s surface - and that I was spending the last few moments of my life drinking at some bar - sulking and alone - while around me people were busy partying as if there was no tomorrow - which actually there wasn´t. I can´t blame them.

After the others had gotten themselves drunk at the local bar, Angeal had urged for us to return to the Inn - where the Innkeeper had decided to host a booze-up himself - additionally to serving his guests all the meals he had left. Angeal appearently planned on stuffing his belly with food until he´d burst.

So - granting our comrade his last wish - we agreed to return.

And there I was. My back pressed against the Counter - searching the crowd for Sephiroth.

I hadn´t seen him in quite some time now - nor Genesis and Angeal. Our gazes had catched a few times after our arrival, but we hadn´t had a chance to speak and now he was nowhere to be found. I guessed they had left the feast for something better to do.

I understood. I didn´t exactly like it here either.

Still I felt somewhat hurt that they had left me behind - that they had left any of us behind - on a night like this.

As if on cue, I suddenly see Zack making his way over from a crowd of young people who are busy making out and dancing.

I can see he´s far from sober even from a distance, as he approaches me.

„Hey... you okay?" he asks somewhat carefully - which is funny cause he usually isn´t exactly shy. Looking up into his skyblue puppy eyes - I can´t help but realise how much I actually like him. I guess I had never really noticed him - or his advances if there had been any - maybe there had - maybe not. I had never concidered him something more than a friend.

„Yeah... I guess so..." I answer - I´m not exactly sure whether under current circumstances there was anybody out there who could actually say of themselves that they were fine.

„You shouldn´t do that you know?" he says - there is concern in his voice and I realise that he came over to talk to me because he cared for me.

„Do what?" I ask dryly.

„Spend your last night sulking around..." comes his answer.

„I´m not sulking..." I retort somewhat defensively - my words making him give me a knowing smile.

„It´s the last hours of your life... You should try to relax - have some fun..." Zack is trying to talk some good mood into me - I can tell - but for some reason it only annoys me.

„Why don´t you join us over there?" he suggests invitingly - motioning over to where Cloud is snogging some local girl - Tifa apearently the last thing on his mind - as he spends his last nigh messing around - persumably drunk - around him some infintrymen and third class soldier´s mingling with the local People - following his example. I can´t blame him. I can´t blame any of them.

However I feel I´m not like them. I don´t want to spend the last hours of my life desperatly doing something I wouldn´t ever do under normal circumstances - something I would shake my head at or even regret doing - I wasn´t like them.

„Come on lets dance!" Zack says encouragingly - I´m not sure I´ve had enough booze for what I´m about to do - but shit I could at least dance with him - couldn´t I? A little bit of dancing won´t hurt. Besides, I don´t feel like turning Zack down. Not on a night like this.

And so we dance.

But for some reason I´m only half there - my mind occupied elsewhere - as I absendmindedly keep scanning the crowd for Sephiroth again and again.

„He´s still gone, huh?" Zack catches on. Looking into his kind, knowledgeable eyes, I can see sympathy and understanding.

 _Was it really that obvious?_

„Screw him. If he doesn´t even show up, he´s not worth your time." he sais - trying to console me.

I know he´s probably right, but I just can´t help it.

* * *

SEPHIROTH´S POV

It is late night already when - after spending some hours together with Angeal and Genesis - I finally return to the Inn where all the others were busy celebrating the end of this world. Making my way inside, I immediately scan the crowd for her. I just can´t help it.

I needed to see her face. I needed to assure myself that she was alright.

Catching a glimpse of Zack fooling around with some maid, I can´t help but feel relieved. I had half expected to find him messing around with Light. It wasn´t exactly farfetched. They seemed to have gotten closer those past weeks.

Not spotting her among the people, I feel my heart sink.

I wanted to see her - talk to her - be with her. And this was my last chance. The clock was ticking. And she was nowhere to be seen.

Pushing my way through the celebrating crowd - I feel my chest constrict and the speed of my heartbeat increase slightly.

 _What if I couldn´t find her?_

 _What if she had left?_

 _Would the last thing I ever said to her stay an order?_

Finally - a glimpse of pink hair causing me to look twice - I spy her standing at one of the Inn´s high window´s - were she´s watching the stars above - facing that thing threatening to fall from the sky - just like our mother had... so many years ago.

* * *

LIGHTNING´S POV

I was leaning against the windowsill looking up into the skies above - lost in thoughts. My brain finding it hard to accept the fact that our lives would end somewhere between now and the dawn of the next day, I tried and thought about my life - about all the things I had done - and those I hadn´t done - those I could have done.

How I hadn´t even met Serah again although I had promised her - more than once.

I realised I felt pity. Pity for all those innocent people - whose lives where going to end tonight. It wasn´t fair. It wasn´t right.

But what did I know? I was merely a monster created by some megalomaniacal megacorporation. I knew nothing of justice... of fairness.

I didn´t feel any pitty for myself. I wasn´t innocent and I wasn´t even human. I was an abomination and I had shed the blood of thousands. What had started out a necessity in order to support my family, I now did because I just enjoyed killing by now. I guess I coudn´t life without it anymore.

No... I deserved to get crushed by that thing.

I am ripped from my self-loathing thoughts, as I sense the presence of another person joining me at the window right next to me.

I am so not surprised to catch a glimpse of silver in my peripheral vision.

I knew he would approach me. I had been waiting for him to do so all night.

„I managed to convince the landlord into supplying us with a bootle of his most expensive champagne..." he starts - his eyes trained on the sky above - I force myself to do the same.

„Want some?" he adds turning to look at me - I can´t help but realise how gentle his voice is - not hard and emotionless as usual. I guess I like it.

I can´t help but chuckle.

„Poor bloke." I comment dryly, keeping my eyes fixed on the nightsky.

„I imagine your `convincing methods´ aren´t exactly `subtle´."

I hear him give a small snort at that.

"I hope you at least let him live long enough to see the end of the world." I add dryly - finally turning my head to look at him - just in time to catch that adorable half smile of his.

Looking up into his beautiful mako green eyes, I feel relieve wash over me. There I had thought I migh not get the chance to see him again before I died.

„I can assure you he´s still in perfect health." He says - setting said bottle as well as 2 glases he had appeaarently brought along down on the windowsill infront of us.

„I can just go back and change that though... if you insist..." he adds - his eyes twinkling with amusement.

I just shake my head. I can´t hide my smirk though.

Not wasting any time he fills our glasses - handing one of them to me - I take it hesitantly.

„To the end of the world." I say, looking up into his eyes - my voice barely a whisper. He just nods.

My eyes never leaving his, I bring the glass to my lips to take a sip of the delicious beverage. It tastes like 10000 Gils.

„How much did you pain for it?" I ask.

„Nothing." he sais.

„That guy handed it over voluntarily." he adds innocently as he takes in my suspicous look.

I´m not sure I can believe that.

„It would be a shame for it to go to a waste anyway." He says - shrugging his shoulders.

„I guess it would..." I say - feeling the drink sparkle on my tongue.

„We can´t have that can we?" I joke. Drowning in those mako eyes of his - I feel my heartrate speed up a the intensity of his stare.

Taking another sip, I remeber I am still supposed to be angry at him for leaving me behind earlier.

„You know it wasn´t exactly nice of you guys to leave me here with the kids a night like this" I say accusingly - feeling slightly irritated as I dangerously narrow my eyes at him for effect.

He cuckles at this. Brievly looking away than catching my gaze again.

„You know... You´re beautiful when you´re angry.." he whispers - raising one of his eyebrows seductively.

 _Had he really just said that?_

One of his disarming half smiles fighting its way onto his face again - I realize I want nothing more than to kiss it away with my own lips.

Turning away from him to not feel tempted much longer, I just give a snort and turn to look out of the window instead.

This guy was driving me crazy. In every possible meaning of this word.

The pinky sheen of Meteor looming above us catching my eyes once more - it makes the severity of the situation flood back to me.

Mentally shaking my head I give a small sigh. The world was goin to die in just a few hours and I? I was flirting with my former mentor.

„I still can´t believe it..." I say lost in thought - my voice suddenly serious - completely devoid of the airiness it had carried before.

„I guess that´s normal... the human brain is unable to grasp the concept of it´s own non-existance." he says. Looking up at him again, I quirk an eyebrow - he had said `human´.

Behind us the party is in full swing - Genesis had climbed the counter and was half way through citing from Loveless again, while I heard others cheer and shout or wholfwhistle - some of the onlookers even encouraging him to take his clothes off.

Dawning the contents of my glass all at once, I set it down on the windowsill again - a little too hard. Touching my hand to my forehead I can´t help but give a frustrated sigh - for what probably is the hundredth time that day. For a second there I consider to just take out Blaze edge and end this nonsense - firing a volley at the crowd in front of me and take them out of their misery - I´d save a bullet for myself and end it. Why wait and suffer so much longer?

„Are you okay?" I hear Sephiroth´s voice ask over the noise of the tumult. I feel his hand gently touch my upper arm. I can´t help but notice the fact that he isn´t wearing his gloves. I just love the feeling of his warm skin against my own.

„Yeah... sure... it´s just..." I start - trailing off somewhere mid sentence. I don´t want to witnes this any longer and I´m so not eager to join them in wasting their last hours drinking themselves into oblivion.

Looking back into the General´s eyes - I don´t feel the need to elaborate - No - we is probably thinking exactly the same thing.

„Care to go somewhere more private?" he suddenly asks, offering his hand to me.

Knowing perfectly well what those words implied, I just nod - and taking his hand, I follow him up the stairs.

* * *

I´m currently working on another story. That story is for FFXIII-2. It is LightningxCaius. This story will be much shorter (14 chaps) and will much more focus on the romance part. Just to give you something to look forward to.

Don´t worry I didn´t abandon There´s Lightning in those Clouds. I already have most of the chaps for the new story sketched out and you guys probably didn´t even notice;)


	84. Chapter 84

Chapter 84

 **Rated M for reasons.**

 _I had to cripple this chapter as this page does not allow any M+ content at all. (For some strange reason I´m allowed to chop off heads and torture people into insanity as much as I like, but am not allowed to write about everyday stuff people in my country are legally allowed to do from the age of 14^^)_

 _I´m sorry._

 _Complain to those who make the rules._

* * *

LIGHTNING´S POV

Following my former mentor up into his room, I could feel the effects of the alcohol I had consumed that night finally kick in - relaxing - slightly sedating me - something I´m very grateful for as I didn´t think I could possibly survive the awkwardness of this whole situation otherwise.

I can´t help but notice how beautiful the suite is – I hadn´t botherd to order a room for the night myself. With the end of the world ahead, I hadn´t thought I would need a bed to sleep in any longer... well we were not here to sleep anyway. My courage leaving me, I make my way past the huge four poster bed and onto the small balcony - it´s doors wide open to let the eary pinkish glow of the approaching appocalypse - casting the room in creepy shadows – the cool breeze coming from the sea, softly blowing in the expensive looking see trough curtains.

Reaching the banister - grabbing the rainling hard in need for something to hold on to - I make to stare up at the calamity above, that - in merely a few hours time - was going to crush us all.

Letting my eyes wander past the cause of our impending doom - loosing myself in the immeasureable depths of outer space - I am once again reminded of how small and insignificant I am. Compared to the vaste emptiness of the universe - my existence, my life, my fears - they are tiny and meaningless.

The thought of it is suddenly strangely comforting.

Hearing the sound of steps on the blank stone floor, I sense Sephiroth join me on the balcony. Slowly approaching me from behind, he places himself only inches from me - casually leaning against the banister with his side - he faces me. I feel his eyes study my profile carefully, before unexpectedly I feel the touch of his hand on my own. His skin - warm against mine - his thumb caressing the back of my hand – making me relax my grip on the banister and look up at him in response.

Icy blue meets mako green.

„Do you believe that when we die our spirits will return to the planet and join the lifestream... to wait there... so that one day we can be born again?" I blurt out - the idea had been on my thoughts almost all evening - and I hadn´t made up my mind yet - should I believe in it or not?

He doesn´t say anything. Just continues to stare at me instead - his features not betraying any hint of what might be going on behind them. Maybe bringing up that topic at all, hadn´t been the wisest of choices for a moment like this.

„I wish I could get another chance at this... You know life..." I muse, slowly averting my eyes again. It´s not a lie. I really wished I could.

Would I remember any of the things I had learned in this life?

Or would I start out completely fresh, with my memories cleared - doomed to repeat the mistakes of my past?

„Why?" he asks, suddenly breaking his silence - curiously narrowing his eyes at me. I can´t tell whether he really cares or whether he asks out of courtesy, or maybe just to say anything at all. I can only guess.

„I don´t know... There are just so many things I would do differently next time around..." I reply.

„You would?!" He asks, somewhat taken aback.

„Hm... Yeah I guess..." I let my words trail off. Of course I would. There probably were a million things I´d change - preventing Shin-Ra to get their hands on the black materia was only one of them.

He rewards me with an incomprehensible stare. I can´t help but scowl at him.

„You know... isn´t there anything you regret in your life?" I try, my voice somewhat small.

He just shakes his head - slowly - furrowing his brow at me. He seems confused and also slightly disappointed.

I can only stare at him in disbelieve - the memory of our conversation on top of the Shin-Ra building still fresh on my mind.

There must be someting. Right?

* * *

SEPHIROTH´S POV

„Oh come on there must be something..." she says, giving me that incredulous stare of hers.

„No... I don´t regret anything..." thinking about it, I realise it is true. No matter what self-loathing thoughts had pestered me the past weeks - they were gone now. All I had ever done and endured - all the choices I had made in my life - no matter how tainted, how ill-motivated - had led up to this moment - this very moment I shared with nobody but her. Just standing there and holding her hand - at this very moment at least - it felt worth it.

The world would end tomorrow.

Sure.

But still it was worth it.

The way she looks at me - her eyes full of disbelieve and also regret - I realise it pains me to see her like this. I hadn´t intended to make her sad when I had offered her to leave. Not at all.

I hated to see her that I wouldn´t let her get away with it.

Throwing all caution to the wind, I move in to close the distance between us - leaning down to softly brush my lips against her own. Lingering there for a moment - barely touching - I hold my breath until I pull away to tentatively - cautiously - look at her.

Waiting for her to push me away.

Waiting to feel the stinging pain of her hand slapping my cheek.

But it never comes.

* * *

LIGHTNING´S POV

Drawing back he looks down at me, our gazes instantly locking again - I remember myself to breathe. Feeling my heart beat wildly in my chest - I let myself drown in those deep green eyes of his. That marble facade of his crumbling, I can see fear there. Fear but also hope. His mako eyes somewhat pleading - I can´t help but notice how handsome he looks when he allows emotion to show on his face.

His fingers still caressing my own - I simply love the touch of his warm fingertips against my skin.

Finally allowing myself to give in to my feelings - to give in to him - pushing up on my tip toes - I make to close the distance between us again. He meets me half way - bending down a bit - stepping closer, I can feel his chest against my own - rising and falling with every breath he takes - the world around us fading to the background - as I allow our lips to connect once more.

Bringing my arms up around his neck, I don´t allow him to pull away this time and my eyes flutter shut when I feel his tongue trace the seam of my lips, asking me to let him in. One of his hands coming up to gently cup my face - I slightly part them to grant him enter – his tongue sliding inside my mouth to meet my own as he deepens the kiss - his other hand sneaking to the small of my back to hold me close. I can taste the remainder of the expensive champaign there and somehing else - something that is uniquely him.

I already feel light headed when we break apart to breathe – his gaze boring into my own - he gently takes my hand again and leads me back inside and over to the four poster bed.

Taking off his coat, exposing his delicious upper body - I know this is getting serious when he approaches me again - his hands moving to pull out my shirt from under my belt and pushing it up to expose my belly button piercing. The unfamiliar touch of his fingers against my abdomen - sending shivers down my spine - making me gasp in surprise. I can´t believe what is happening. This must be some crazy dream.

He stopps in his actions immediately. Looking up at me one eyebrow raised questioningly at me - he waits for me to stop him - but we both know: I won´t. He then resumes his task - pushing the shirt over my head to reveal my cleavage and discarding it on the floor.

Standing there in front of him in only my bra and the trousers of my SOLDIER uniform - I suddenly feel self-concious and stupid.

I wasn´t a very attractive woman, was I?

I knew I wasn´t ugly, but I wasn´t exactly very sexy either.

I couldn´t believe he had chosen me to accompany him this evening. Me. When he could have anybody.

He studies my face again. Possibly sensing my anxiety, he leans down to kiss my neck while his right hand is sneaking to the small of my back once more. I subconciously crane my neck to give him access to more of my volnurable skin as my breathing quickens. I realise I don´t want him to stop - desperate noises escaping my throat while he gently traces the skin of my neck with his teeth and tongue, one of his hands cupping my breasts and gently squeezing them - then tracing his fingers under my bra while his other hand supports my back - feeling warm and protective there.

I never imagined a guy like him could touch you like this.

Carefully.

Gently.

As if I was fragile in his hands... as if he was afraid he´d hurt me - something he had never had problems with in the past.

His lips coming up to meet my own again - locking mine in a passionate kiss - I suddenly feel his hands at my waist - working to open my belt. Loosing myself in the moment, I mirror his actions - leaving the both of us standing there dressed in only our underwear. I let myself fall onto the soft matrass of the four poster bed.

He follows suit. Lying down right next to me his lips descend on mine again - one of his hands sneaking down to remove my underwear - it doesn´t take long for us to lie there completely naked.

Our clothes forgotten in a heap on the floor - our legs entangled - our bodies pressed against another - we just stay like this for a few minutes - just drawning in each other´s eyes - his hands caressing my skin - my fingers playing with his hair.

This easily qualified for the most intimate moment of my life.

„Are you sure you want this?" he asks me. His voice is smooth, serious. It´s his eyes that give him away - those mako green eyes.

Tantalizing.

Intoxicating.

 _What am I doing..._

 _I must be crazy..._

I realise then that it doesn´t matter anymore.

What ever I did we were going to die anyway.

„Yes..." I hear myself say - my voice nothing more than a whisper.

 _Screw it._

This is the last day of my life. And I´m not going to leave this world as a virgin.

* * *

 _Has everybody seen the new FFVII remake trailer released two days ago? You didn´t?! Go and watch! NOW_!


	85. Chapter 85

Chapter 85

 **LIGHTNING´S POV**

I had no idea what time it was. It seemed I had left my sense of time behind at the doorstep to my former mentor´s suite - together with my sanity.

And I didn´t care.

I didn´t care how much time there was still left until Meteor would crush us.

I didn´t care how many breaths there were still left to breathe.

For to me, it didn´t matter anymore.

My head resting on the General´s chest - listening to his steady heart beat - with his arms around me, making feel warm and protected and safe and right - I felt a content calm settle over me - something I had never thought I´d possibly feel like awaitening my death.

I realised that for once in my life I was happy where I was.

Right here in his arms.

Not at home.

Not with Serah.

Nowhere else, but here.

It was a strange feeling - unfamiliar. But nice.

Those feelings - soothing - covering me like a blanket, I suddenly found I accepted my fate. Embraced it even.

Without that terrible incident, all of this would never have happened. I knew that. Even in a million years I´d never have gotten myself involved with him.

It was a strange feeling.

Doing something I would have never done under any normal circumstances, but still feeling happy.

Yes.

As long as he was here with me, I would at least die happy.

And at the end of the world - instead of crying and wailing like I had expected my life to end - I dozed off into a peaceful slumber.

* * *

 **SEPHIROTH´S POV**

I sensed her falling asleep - her cheek against my chest right above my heart - her hand resting next to it - it went up and down with every breath of mine. My eyes roamed the nightsky through the open window - dark with a million stars twinkling down to witnes the cosmic spectacle that was taking place right now - then focused on the disaster approaching our planet with tremendous speed - it´s newest addition.

A tiny moan escaped her and she stirred in her sleep.

I help her tighter in response.

I liked the way her body heat bled into me.

I tried to memorize the feeling of her skin against my own. I wanted to keep it - keep it forever - as I let my fingers caress the small of her back - carefully - so I wouldn´t wake her.

I couldn´t believe she was here with me.

I couldn´t believe what had happened that night.

I swallowed at the thought of what could have been had I only had the courage to approach her earlier.

Maybe she would have turned me down.

Yeah. I was sure she would have done exactly that.

But maybe... just maybe...

Well... this way or the other... It didn´t matter anymore.

I fell asleep content, feeling her soft skin on my own - the only thing I regretted: the fact that I was not going to live to spend more time with her.

* * *

And so they fell asleep entwined.

The two of them probably the only people in all of Gaia, who got to sleep that night.


	86. Chapter 86

Chapter 86

SEPHIROTH´S POV

When I woke up the next day, roused by the sounds of people busy bustling around somewhere downstairs, it was already light outside. The first thing I noticed was the weight of the sleeping girl´s head resting on my chest - the feeling of her steady breath against my skin - the warmth of her body nestled against my side - she was still lying in the same position she had fallen asleep in the night before.

It was the nicest of wake-up´s I could remember ever having.

I raised one of my arms - the one that wasn´t around her back - to remove a strand of pinkish hair that had fallen into her face - then lower it again to cover her hand resting next to her head - caressing her fingers with my tumb.

I don´t know how long we lay like this while I waited for her to wake up - or maybe I didn´t - as far as I was concerned we could stay like this for ever. I appreciated every second of it. I never ever wanted to let her go.

Eventually there was a soft moan and she started to stirr.

I couldn´t wait to look into those pretty blue eyes again.

It wasn´t until her sudden outburst, that I realised we actually were not supposed to wake up that day.

* * *

LIGHTNING´S POV

I wake up to warmth and light and the pleasant feeling of safe strong arms around me, caressing my skin... It feels like heaven and I take a few moments to revel in the feeling, my body only reluctantly preparing to get up - until all off a sudden it dawns on me that something is wrong - terribly worng.

My eyes snapping open with a start, I bolt up into a sitting position - the arms around me letting go only reluctantly - the blanket around my upper body slipping down to expose my naked torso. And my breathing hitches in shock as I take in the situation - the company - the memories of the last night flooding back to me - and I shoot up from the bed I had shared with the General - the renowed war hero and my former mentor - instantly grabbing a blanket to shield my body from his view - as I realise I´m completely undressed.

It is with utmost horror, that I run over to the window and look up into the treacherous sky, just to realise that the thing that was supposed to crush us - Meteor - is gone.

„What the -" I gasp in complete lack of understanding as the full extend on the situation I had gotten myself into begins to down on me and it is without looking at the man who is making to get up from the bed as well even once, that hurriedly I put on my clothes and run out of the room and down to the vast hall where everybody else is gathered around the huge TV flatscreen attached to the backwall behind the bar - my former mentor following only meters behind - to my great dismay.

„What happened?!" I manage to choke out - everybody turning to look at us - Angeal throwing me a knowing smile - I can´t help but notice Genesis´ befuddled stare, as I sense Sephiroth stopping in his tracks somewhere behind me.

Zack and Cloud exchanging whispered words - I know exactly what they are thinking - and I can´t blame them. Seeing the both of us enter the room together - and probably even having seen us leave together the night before - I might as well write the news on my forehead.

The walls of the room slowly closing in on me - I try and take deep calming breaths, as I fight to keep up my composure.

I´m not ready to cope with this situation.

I shouldn´t need to in the first place.

We should be dead.

DEAD.

But we are not.

I´m not prepared for the gossip yet.

„It´s gone." somebody informs me - I marginally identify Zack´s voice.

The crowd gathered in front of the TV somewhat parting - somebody - I don´t know who it is - then turns up the volume for me to catch the words spoken by the newsreader.

„... large parts of the city appearently destroyed." I register the male voice accompanying the pictures that flittered over the screen - and it´s those pictures that make the blood in my veins run cold.

There´s Midgar, or what is left of it - a heap of rubble. The remnants of the city I had once called home - the blank steel frame all that is left of the Shin-Ra headquarter´s building - now in ruins - the destruction of all of it caught on video tape.

And I feel my body go numb as the programm switches back to show the events of the past few hours - to show how Meteor entered the atmosphere.

How Heiegger used the Sister Ray powered by all the Mako reactors surrounding the city to fend off the catastrophy - and how he failed.

How seconds before the impact the whole place erupted in a burst of green light - gathering over the city and the adjourning wastelands - creating a shield and lashing out to push the gigantic celestial body away - to devour it - to destroy it.

How in the end the planet had managed to erase that threat it itself - using the lifestram as a weapon. With Midgar at it´s epicenter - the emergence of the planet´s powers had caused a local cataclism of it´s own - leaving the city beneath in ashes.

 _Serah._

That footage undoubtedly broadcasted continuously all over the globe - she probably thought I was dead.

I had never told her I had left Midgar, had I? Thinking about it I hadn´t written to her at all those past months.

 _Serah._

I needed to find her.

I don´t wait for the program to end - as turning around, I face the silver haired man I had spent the night with standing only a few feet behind me.

* * *

SEPHIROTH´S POV

Suddenly she turns around to face me.

„I quit." she sais.

It takes me by surprise. I don´t know what I had expected her to say to me once she´d bring herself to look at me again. But it certainly wasn´t this.

„I´m going home. I need to see Serah. She must think I´m dead."

Our gazes lock.

Cold calculated icy blue eyes on soft, crestfallen mako green ones.

„Take all the time you need." I reply - forcing my face into that familiar emotionless mask.

I realise I don´t want to let her go.

My heart screams for me to ask her to stay. But my head knows it´s no use.

We continue to stare at each other.

I slightly cock my head - giving a tight nod - to then look up again.

Her gaze lingers for a second longer - hesitating - then she turns her back to me and without glancing back even once she leaves.

I continue to watch her retreating form exit the Inn and make her way down the gravelly road through the high window until she is gone.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath to then slowly open them again.

I wished I could make her stay, but I knew I needed to let her go.

I try to recall the feeling of her skin against my own, but it is already fading... leaving nothing more buy a memory.

* * *

The XX -Intro


	87. Chapter 87

Chapter 87

LIGHTNING´S POV

So after spending the previous years of my life in SOLDIER, in Midgar and on missions all around the globe without visiting my old home town and my family even once - I hadn´t even written to Serah those past few months - I finally returned to Bodhum.

And it still sat there, at it´s sandy shores, as if it had been waiting for me all this time, looking exactly the same as when I had left it.

Coming home, it felt strange. It certainly didn´t feel like what I had expected. I didn´t feel happy - secure - to be home again, but I felt empty and useless instead.

Serah had been completely over the moon to see me - she really had feared I had died back in Midgar with all the other people - buried within the ruins that were the Shin-Ra Electric Power Company these days.

And although this girl - woman, really - I had left behind and abandoned - I had let down so many times - welcomed me with open arms, I didn´t - couldn´t - feel at home anymore.

It wasn´t about this place, or the people.

I was about me.

I had changed.

I didn´t belong there anymore.

But where to go?

Since Midgar was in ruins, and every trace of Shin-Ra was erased from the planet´s surface, there wasn´t really anywhere else I could go. I would stay here, with Serah. With her oaf of a fiancé, who had bunked himself in at our parent´s old place - to my great dismay

Yes, I would stay here, with my family.

After beeing gone for such a long time - after wishing to be able to return for so long - I felt stupid suddenly being here and not feeling comfortable at all - not being happy.

Although I had Serah, something was missing.

It took me some time to realise that it was my own family I missed. The one I had been sharing those past years with - my comrades.

And him - the stupid bastard of a General - I couldn´t get him out of my head.

I had no idea where they were now, nor what they were up to.

Had they returned to Midgar?

I didn´t know.

After the shock of waking up next to my former mentor, I had fled the scene the first opportunity. I had left in a hurry, without even saying goodbye to anybody.

Well, I hated good-byes anyway.

And I guess I couldn´t have stayed there a second longer anyway.

With everybody staring at me...

With everybody talking about me...

What had happened back then at Palumpolum, it had been a mistake - a blunder. Something like that would have never happened, if it weren´t for the announcement of the impending apocalypse.

I would never have agreed to follow him up to his room, if I had known that I would wake up to see the light of the next day.

Never.

Nor did I think that he would have asked me to either.

And though I tried - tried so hard to get it out of my head - the memories of that night - of him - kept coming back to me - kept haunting me.

* * *

It was a few days after my return to Bodhum that the letter arrived.

I already knew who it was from the second I saw the neatly written letters - spelling my name - on the envelope - I recognized his handwriting immediately - and it made my heartbeat speed up in excitement.

 _Sephiroth._

I couldn´t fathom why he had written to me - it wasn´t an officail looking envelope either.

Could it possibly be that he was thinking about me too?

Maybe he´d ask me to return to join them again.

Maybe he wanted to see me.

Sneaking upstairs, I sat down on the bed in my old bedroom I now occupied once again- Serah had kindly left the room untouched when she and Snow had rearranged the furniture all over the house - my fingers shaking in anticipation - I opened the letter in private.

„Dear Lightning,

If this letter reaches you in time, please don´t return..."

Reading the first line of his letter, I felt my heart sink at once.

No.

Of course he didn´t want to see me.

Quite the opposite.

He wanted me to stay away.

He asked me not to return.

Feeling my chest constrinct painfully, I tossed the letter away - to a corner of the room - the remainder of it´s contents unread.

I didn´t care for his words.

He didn´t want me to return. That´s all I needed to know.

Burying my face in my hands, I just sat there - fighting for composure - fighting back my tears.

I had gained so much. Over those past years I had found a place to fit in - I had found a job - an occupation - something I was really good at. I had found myself friends - family. I had developed feelings for somebody - somebody I knew I could never be together with - but I had been happy getting along with him - being friends with him. Him and all the others - I had lost them - had lost everything in just a single stupid night.

What had I been thinking - that Sephiroth would suddenly mysteriously develop feelings for me? Would fall in love with me? Me of all people?

It is the soft noise of somebody clearing their throat - coming from the door - that makes me look up with a start.

 _Serah._

She is leaning in the doorway with a tray of clean clothes tugged under her arm and she is eying me curiously.

 _Shit._

How long had she been standing there?

Saying nothing she enters and starts putting the freshly dried clothes away into the drawers.

„Who is he?" she nonchalantly asks out of the blue.

„Huh?" Her question catches me completely off guard.

„The guy you are thinking about." she clarifies, closing the drawer in front of her.

„What are you talking about?" I ask, trying hard to sound inconspicious.

It doesn´t work though, as just a second later she turns around to look at me - her hands at her hips - her expression stern.

„I´m your sister, you can´t fool me." she says - a dangerous untertone to her voice - telling me not to mess with her.

„I´ve never seen you act like this and I can tell somehing´s bothering you. You´ve been preoccupied ever since you came here. Then you receive some mysterious letter and you go up to your room to what - sulk? So... Yeah... I figure it must be some guy..." Serah explained.

„Oh..." It´s all I manage - for feeling caught, I don´t know what to say.

Is it that obvious?

Or is it just Serah - who actually knows me better than I had expected.

„So... Who is he?" My sister prompts, taking a seat on the bed next to me and looking at me expectantly.

„I can´t tell you." Is my prompt reply.

And it´s true. I can´t tell her. I just can´t.

„Why not?" She asks, kind of disappointed. I had forgotten how curious she could be.

„You´d freak."

Yeah, she definitely would. Even here, far away form everything - the war - Midgar - Shin-Ra. Even here people knew who he was - knew his name.

Serah would definitely freak to hear that I had something going on with the legendary war hero General Sephiroth Crescent.

I´d never hear the end of it.

„Hm... is it seriuous?" she interrogates me further.

„...No." I tell her.

„But you have feelings for him?" she inquires.

„...No..." I say again - trying to sound convincing. She just throws me one of her suspicious looks.

Sighting in frustration I give in. She can tell anyway. I am a bad liar - had always been.

„It doesn´t matter anyway." is all I offer.

„Why?" she asks, digging deeper.

„It was a mistake... He doesn´t want to see me again anyway..." I say - my eyes darting to the letter I had tossed in a corner after reading only the first line.

Unable to bear the uncomfortable situation much longer - desperate to get away from that interrogation of hers - I get up from the bed and turn towards the door.

„I´m going to take a shower.." I murmer, hurrying over to the bathroom.

And it is unbeknowest to me that Serah, after hearing the lock of the bathroom door click, gets up and over to the corner to pick up the letter and read - read what I would have read as well if I had only bothered to continue past the first line.

Because if I had, I would have known that actually in his letter, the General asked me to stay because they were coming to Bodhum - that they were actually on their way already - all of them.

* * *

So there we are - first chapter back in Bodhum. I hope you like the way things developed so far, and are not too disappointed for the planet to survive^^.

 **Also I´d like to advertise my new story THE ETERNAL PARADOX. First 2 chapters up already for you guys to read - check it out!**

It´s LightningxCaius - more compact, more organised, better style (I hope), more romance - promise! (although the first 2 chapters might come across rather gloomy - please don´t give up on me - Stars can´t shine without darkness, right? ;) )


	88. Chapter 88

CHAPTER 88

Hey guys, sorry for the delay (Christmas and New Year got me real busy). Anyway. Now I´m back there´s the next chap up, waiting for you already. Alse the next chapter for **The Eternal Paradox** will be up tomorrow the latest - check it out.

Special thanks from my part to PinKrystal and the anonymous guest who rewarded me with reviews. It´s you guys who keep me going.

Also, as it seemed to have created some disappointment among you guys, I wanted to underline once again the fact, that the lack of mature content in the last few chapters is not because I didn´t want to write them. I had them written already and I actually had to cut out huge parts of those chapters and cripple my story to make it go along with the rules and guidelines of :

„Please note FanFiction does not accept explicit content, Fiction Rating: MA, and the rating is only presented for reference."

It further says under the section Rating M: „Not suitable for children or teens below the age of 16 with non-explicit suggestive adult themes, references to some violence, or coarse language.

Fiction M can contain adult language, themes and suggestions. Detailed descriptions of physical interaction of sexual or violent nature is considered Fiction MA."

So sorry guys.

* * *

LIGHTNING´S POV

Being back to Bodhum was weird. But eventually I managed to settle in - managed to get accostumed to my new situation - to make myself useful - and as the following days dragged by, I felt the emotioal burden - the responsibility of being a SOLDIER, of being the sole provider for my family - I had carried around with me the past few years, slowly dissipate. After years of battles and missions, of anxiety, I slowly managed to let go, to relax - started to feel alive again.

I started meeting old frieds and hanging out at the beach like in old times. I started reading books again, started to help out Serah around the house or go to the market place to stock up on fresh supplies.

I had even somehow managed to arrange myself with the thought of Snow living with us at my parent´s old house - of him sharing a bed with my sister - it would definitely take some time for me to get used to the fact that my little sister wasn´t a child anymore, but in fact a grown up young woman.

And although I was glad to see Serah happy, I couldn´t bring myself to approve of Snow.

No.

That man was a walking disaster.

I couldn´t even begin to fathom why she had to choose him of all people.

But I loved her. And I respected her feelings. I would never complain or voice my opinion in front of her, in front of anybody really. It was her life. She could do with it whatever she wanted.

Still, seeing them happily huddled together in front of the TV or outside on the porch, watching the sun go down, enjoying their company, it made me feel sad and empty - made me feel like the empty shell I was.

There had never been much place for someting like love in my life.

All I ever did was fighting, working, sometimes going out and drinking.

And the only guy I had ever developed feelings for had to be my sociopathic, part alien former mentor, who had taken advantage of me the night I thought the world was going to end, just to throw me away like a used papertowel afterwards.

Or had he?

Well, it had been me who had left the set of the crime, but he hadn´t done anything to stop me either. And it had been him who had sent that letter - telling me to stay away from him.

It didn´t matter either way. Nothing good could have come of it anyway.

I just wished I could turn back time - go back and reverse everything I had done. But it was no good.

What had happened, already had.

No way to change that now.

It was the end of my second week at Bodhum and I was busy helping Serah in the kitchen, washing dishes and drying them off with a dishcloth, while Serah was somewhere outside to get some vegetables from the kitchengarden that sat there fenced, right behind the house, when suddenly I heard her call my name from outside

I didn´t answer at once, but finished drying the frying pan I had been washing first, when suddenly she sticked her head in through the doorway.

„Hey sis?" she said, making me look up at her questioningly.

„Huh?" I finished my work on the pan and put it back to it´s place inside one of the cupboards.

„Come on and get your ass outside. You´ve got visitors..." she announced, taking the cloth I had used to dry the dishes out of my hands.

„Huh? Who is it, Maqui and Gadot?" I asked somewhat bored as I picked up another pot from the pile on the kichen counter. She snatched it away from me instantly, a sheepish smile on her face as she shook her head.

„You better check for yourself." She urged, motioning towards the front door.

My surprise couldn´t have been bigger as I opened the door to go out onto the porch, the soft seabreeze blowing in my knee-lenght flower patterened summer dress and playing with my loosly put up hair - the sight of all of my favourite comrades gathered in my dead parent´s front yard makeing me freeze in the doorway.

Angeal standing closest to the door - greeting me with a kind smile - he was flanked by Zack and Cloud who were gaping stupidly as they took in my - to them unfamiliar - feminine appearence. I spotted Genesis a few feet behind them - his attention on the rather exotic looking flowers Serah had been growing near the entrance from the street - and Sephiroth trailing a few feet behind and seeming rather reluctant to enter the Farron property at all.

I carefully avoided his gaze.

„Guys..." I greeted them not knowing what to say exactly, as I looked from one to the other, all of them greeting me with smiles on their faces, I met the General´s eyes last. In contrast to the other´s, his expression is stern - guarded. I felt my heart sink instantly the second I dare to look up at his face - felt my chest constrict painfully as I studied those impassive, marble features - as I took in his complete lack of emotion. The way he looked at me, his gaze cold and calculated, it made it feel hard to breathe.

I don´t know what I had expected.

Of course he wouldn´t care.

If it affected it at all, that night at meteorfall had only complicated our relationship even further, had made it even harder for me to cope with his personality - with his antisocial behaviour - with the way he treated people - with the way he treated me.

Because it hurt.

It always had.

And now it did so even more.

Our eyes locking for a tiny moment, it was Angeal who spared me the awkwardness of having to maintain the eye contact any longer.

„Well, we were right on our way to Eden. Now that Shin-Ra is no more we thought we might as well join the PSICOM or at least the Guardian Corps, you know - with a background like ours, we thought they might have some use for us." The burly first class explained.

„Uhm... And as we were in the vicinity anyway we thought we might pay you a visit and ask you whether you´d like to join us..." he added, looking slightly discouraged at the completely dumbfounded expression displayed on my face.

„So... you didn´t get that letter?" Angeal guessed somewhat confused, turning to throw the silver haired General behind him a questioning look.

The latter just stood there, shrugging his shoulders, the whole affair seeming to leave him completely unfazed, as he continued to stare at me.

„Uhm... yes sure... the letter..." I stammered, mentally facepalming myself.

That letter.

Of course.

Maybe I should have continued reading past the first line after all.

Suddenly feeling stupid, I took down the steps of the front porch to meet them on the neatly trimmed lawn.

„I´m sorry... It´s just so... strange to see you guys here in Bodhum." I said as a way of excuse. Approaching my former colleagues on my bare feet, I couldn´t help but think that it was true. Standing there in their SOLDIER uniforms, they really did look out of place - seeing them here in my hometown felt unreal even.

It was a second later that I found myself crushed in Zack´s vicelike embrace.

„You rushed off without even saying good bye!" he piped up accusingly.

„I know... I´m so sorry." I started, my eyes darting back to the General´s mako green ones for just a second, he looked away instantly.

„Well... Anyway, your sister invited us for dinner..." Angeal started exitedly, following the direction of his gaze back to the front door, I caught a glimpse of Serah leaning in the doorway, a self-satisfied smile playing at her lips.

„Ohw..." was all I managed. I couldn´t help but realize how Serah didn´t seem surprised at the unexpected visit at all.

The traitor must have read my letter.

„Well she actually invited us to stay the night too..." Cloud threw in.

„You did what?" I snapped at my little sister, turning around to look at her, I threw her an accusing glance.

„Well we have plenty of guest rooms anyway..." Serah reasoned, her eyes twinkling with amusement - my little sister - she couldn´t hide a guilty smile from showing on her face.

„We don´t have to stay, if you don´t want us to." Sephiroth cut in. „I´m sure we can find somewhere else to spend the night." he added, seeming eager to have a reason to leave himself.

What´s up General? Getting cold feet?

„No... No that´s okay." I assured, cracking a forced smile I let my eyes wander over to the annoying individual in question once more - huge mako green ones staring right back at me.

Looking closer, I found uneasiness and insecurity there, behind his marble features.

I had completely forgotten how well I was able to read him - despite his attempts to hide his feelings.

He might be able to hide them from his comrades, but not form me. Not anymore.

I´d had a lot of practice after all.

„You´re all welcome." I told the group of heavily armed men, standing in the neatly kept front garden of the peaceful neighbourhood of the small town of Bodhum - beckoning them inside with a gesture of my arm.


	89. Chapter 89

Chapter 89

Huge thanks to my new followers and those who added this story to favourites and of course my last chapter´s 2 reviewers (It´s people like you who keep me going):

 **PinKrystal** (already sent you pm;))

and the **anonymous reviewer** who encouraged me to keep writing so kindly: don´t worry I won´t quit writing this story until I´m done. I´m sorry for not including Serah´s reaction to Lightning´s return, I didn´t think about it at all when writing this, however i promise to rewrite that chap at a later time (when I´m not so busy with pushing the story) and give it an update to include a scene about that. Ok? ;)

Btw I´m sooooo happy you guys like my story!

* * *

SEPHIROTH´S POV

„- just a second before it bit my head off!" Genesis voice pierced the hummid air of the peaceful summer evening. We were seated around the dinner table on the Farron´s backyard porch overlooking the beach and the annoying redhead had started recounting from our early SOLDIER days - when the three of us - Genesis, Angeal and I - were still wet behind the ears - overexaggerating as usual.

I heard the younger of the Farron sisters gasp in awe as Genesis´ narration skills left her sitting on the edge of her seat with exitement.

„Oh come on it wasn´t that close..." Angeal corrected - slightly shaking his head at his comrade´s way of telling the story.

„Oh yes it was!" Genesis retorted, sounding slightly hurt. „I nearly shit my pants back then!"

„Won´t doubt that..." I commented dryly - thinking that this probably was the only part of the story that was true - and earning an angry glare form the redhead in question. He always got offended so easily.

I caught Lightning rolling her eyes at us from the other side of the table.

 _Lightning._

„Anyway... that was nothing compared to that one time Sephiroth wresteld that Midgar Zolom!" the annoying redhead started, suddenly turning the attention on me - his idea of a payback I guess - the bastard knew exactly how much it pissed me off to be the center of attention.

„Wait!? You did what?!" Serah´s fiance exclaimed exitedly, his mouth gaping open stupidly as he looked me up and down in awe.

„Yeah, took him down all on his own..." Angeal said, talking with his mouth full as usual.

„Or up, when you consider how it ended with that thing impaled on a tree." Genesis threw in.

„Wow... man... I mean...wow...What happened?" Snow inquired, his eyes huge - staring at me expectantly - causing me to just shake my head, and look away in discomfort.

Oh, how much I hated this...

„Come on! Tell us the story!" the blond man pleaded. Looking at the others for help, I saw Cloud and Zack sharing curious glances - the Farron sisters both waiting for me to conitnue with interest - it was Lightning´s left eyebrow riding up impatiently that made me give in with a frustrated sigh.

Thank you, Genesis.

„Well... first of all it wasn´t a really big Midgar Zolom..."

* * *

LIGHTNING´S POV

The evening passed by in a blut. With Serah, Snow and all of my comrades joining for dinner my family almost felt complete.

Sitting there and listening to the first class´ tales - most of which I had never actually heard before - originating from before my time in Shin-Ra - stories from the smaller wars preceding the Wutai war, where the multi concern had fought groups of rebels formed by local people who revolted against the construction of mako reactors in their hometowns - whose land Shin-Ra had taken by force, as they would continue to do for years to come - ruthlessly flattening those trying to stand in their way.

I listened attentively all the while, unable to keep from smiling and sometimes even laughing at Genesis´ marvelous talent for turning harmless everyday anecdotes into breath-taking action adventures, or at one of Zack´s stupid remarks that would inevitably follow one of those - sneaking furtive glances over at the silver haired General every now and then whenever he wouldn´t notice - I just couldn´t keep from looking at him.

It was crazy.

Having him here, sitting on the other side of the table - it felt weird - unreal almost.

Never could I have imagined the renowed war hero joining a family dinner here in Bodhum. Zack and Cloud maybe, but him... no. It was impossible. And although something inside me felt ready to burst from happyness at seeing Sephiroth at all, there was something else - namely my head - that told me it was no use.

That tiny voice at the back of my mind, that constantly reminded me that I needed to get my feelings in check or this would end badly, would leave me behind hurt and scarred, if I weren´t careful - for this man, sitting there in front of me, throwing me casual glances, and occassionally locking his eyes with mine - he was dangerous. And I don´t mean dangerous in the sense of being able to chop your head off, because this we had behind us (hopefully) - but dangerous in the sense of rip your heart out and leave you to die from the pain.

I was no fool. I knew that the General didn´t have any romantic feelings for me - knew perfectly well that whatever happened there in that night in Palumpolum had only happened because of extraordinary circumstances - because the both of us had thought that we were going to die - that in fact the whole planet was going to be erased from existance in merely hours - and not because he actually liked me beyond what was considered normal among colleagues - if at all.

Of course there would never - under any circumstances - be a chance of a relationship or anything between the two of us.

Never.

I knew this from the very beginning - had known all along - and I knew I needed to stay away from him - needed to keep my distance - needed to stop thinking about this - about him really - because if I allowed myself to hope - to dream - one day reality would knock on the door and kill me.

It was for those reasons - those reasons and the awkwardness that had settled between me and the General ever since Meteorfall - that I had tried to avoid him ever since he came here and that - hoping to get away without having to talk to him at all - I was planning to slip away from dinner as soon as I would have the opportunity. It was right after we finished desert and there was a change of topic steering the conversation away from SOLDIER and over to my sister´s wedding, that I picked up some of the dishes and left the table to carry them inside and into the kitchen to clean up.

Happy for having some privacy - some time to think - I took my time, before - after neatly stacking the plates back into the cupboard, I took a deep breath and headed out into the hall - ready to make my way back outside to sit with the others again - bumping straight into the silver haired General I had been trying to avoid all day.

I definitely had the worst of luck.

Standing there - startled by the sudden appearance of the subject of my thoughts - for a few seconds I didn´t know how to react, didn´t know what to do.

Why?

Why did things like this have to happen?

I had dreaded that moment. That awkward moment, when we´d involuntarily meet all alone, when I wouldn´t be able to evade him any longer - when I would be forced to talk to him again - think of something to say, really - when all I actually wanted was to feel his lips against my own - to feel his arms around me - once again.

No.

That simply wouldn´t happen, couldn´t happen anymore. I needed to stop this - now - before it was too late.

Planning to just brush past him without acknowledging his presence whatsoever, I didn´t slow my pace, kept my eyes trained on my feet.

My plans to just walk past him and ignore him were diverted though, when I heard him adress me by my last name - his voice slightly husky - it sent tiny shivers down my spine.

„Farron." he greeted me, giving me nothing but a tiny nod. My eyes shot up to meet his own - to take in his calculated killer stare. The look he gave me - cold and impassive - it made something in my chest hurt, hurt badly.

Back to using our surnames, are we?

Okay, that´s fine by me.

„Crescent." I contered, careful to keep my voice devoid of emotion. I looked away fast and made to continue down the hallway, when suddenly the sound of his voice made me stop once more.

„Claire … I..." he started, then trailed off again - instead of continuing, he just gave a soft sigh.

„Don´t." I stopped him. I knew exactly where this was going to lead and I didn´t want to hear it - didn´t want to hear any of it. It was hard enough the way it was - the fact that the night we had spent together didn´t mean anything - that it would be better to just continue as if nothing had ever happened - I knew all this of course and I didn´t need him to say it out loud. I just couldn´t bear it.

I saw his lips parting, about to object, but I beat him to it.

„I understand." I assured him, fighting to keep my voice steady - having a hard time to try and hide my emotions.

„You... understand?" He asked softly, suddenly seeming confused as he sceptically narrowed his eyes at me.

„Lets just not talk about it, okay?" I added in a clipped tone, avoiding my eyes and looking on the floor instead of his mesmerizing mako eyes, eager to escape this awkward situation as fast as possible and before he had time to say anything else, I left the room to - without looking back at him even once - hurry outside.

* * *

SEPHIROTH´S POV

Watching Lighting´s reatreating back I stood there in the hall abandoned, left without a clue of what to do - of what to think.

What the fuck had just happened?

I had waited for the oppotunity to talk to her for the entire evening, ever since we got here actually.

She had successfully evaded me all afternoon and had made a point of avoiding my eyes at dinner, that alone was strange in itself - as she had never seemed to have a problem with bluntly staring into my eyes on several occasions before. Now it seemed she could barely bring herself to look at me.

Leaning with my back against the wall, I lingered there in the hall a little longer, thinking about what I had been planning to tell her, thinking about how she hadn´t even cared to hear me out, how she had pushed me away, how she hadn´t even given me a chance to say anything at all.

And it hurt.

It hurt, because the truth was that I missed her. I missed her badly.

I wanted to be with her - I wanted to spend time with her - be there for her.

But of course, she wouldn´t let me.

I didn´t want to talk to her about this in the first place, but of course Angeal had urged me to do so - had convinced me that confessing my feelings for her would be the only right thing to do. He actually almost had me believing that she would be happy, that she might in fact feel the same way. But he was mistaken.

She didn´t care for me at all.

She hadn´t even given me the chance to say anyting.

And it hurt.

The way she was treating me. The way she was looking at me, the way she talked to me...

It didn´t take a genius to realise that she didn´t want me - not even wanted me here in her place - that I wasn´t welcome here - that she wanted me gone.

How could I have been stupid enough to believe, that she could actually like me?

Me of all people?


	90. Chapter 90

Chapter 90

A huge thanks to my faithful reviewers=) You Keep me going guys!

To my anonymous guest reviewer: I will do the serah thing as soon as I have time for it without neglecting the main story. Promise.

To PinKrystal: PM as ususal;)

On with the story!

* * *

LIGHTNING´S POV

It was already late when I woke up the next morning. The sun already high in the sky, I couldn´t help but wonder - I hadn´t slept in in years.

The memories of the past night flooding back to me, I just stayed under the covers for a little longer, letting the information filter through my sleepy brain.

How the General had approached me in the hallway.

How I had walked back to the table, acting as if nothing had happened.

How he had joined a few minutes later.

How I had caught him staring at me from the other side of the table several times.

How I had wished he wouldn´t do that - wouldn´t do that to me - because it made things so much harder - so much harder for me.

How Serah had invited them to stay a little while longer. At least until the wedding, to which she had invited them too.

How I had escaped to my room shortly afterwards. Just to lie there, tossing and turning, and looking up at the darkened nightsky, unable to find some rest - unable to get that pair of mako green eyes out of my head.

 _Damn._

Sighing deeply, I pushed myself

up in my bed and got up to put on another summer dress before I made my way over to the bathroom to make myself look somewhat representable.

I couldn´t help but notice how quiet the house was - unusually quiet for a house with eight people residing in at the same time this hour of the day - and making my way downstairs I found the living room as well as the porch outside empty.

Looking through the other rooms, I didn´t encounter anybody until I made my way outside onto the front lawn, where I found Genesis standing with his back to me, dressed in a crazy patterned hawaiian shirt and a pair of bright red speedos, that left only very little to the imagination - shamelessly peeing into our front yard.

„Genesis! What do you think you are doing?!" I shouted at him once I realised what he was doing.

„Uhm... Watering the flowers?" He replied nonchalantly - at least he was descent enough to put away his *** before he turned around to face me. The front of his shirt unbuttoned to reveal his well trained abs - that mischievous smile I knew so well tugging at his lips again - telling me he hadn´t missed the way my eyes had roamed his body to subconsciously check him out.

 _Fuck, what´s wrong with me?! -_ I chided myself in my head for letting him catch me doing something emberassing like that.

„Where is everyone?!" I swiftly changed the subject, hoping he would leave it at that.

„Went down to the beach couple of hours ago... I actually only came back to the house to check on you." He said, twinkling at me seductively.

„Oh shut up, you jerk!" I snapped, turning aroung to head back inside to find my beach mat and hopefully one of Serah´s old bikinis.

Going up and into my sisters room I rummaged through her cupboard to produce a cute white one. It wasn´t exactly Victoria Secret, but it would do.

Getting up to go back to the bathroom to put it on, I found the annoying redhead leaning in the doorway - I just scowled at him.

 _What is he doing here?!_

„Uhm... you wouldn´t happen to know - by any chance - where your sister keeps her booze..." the irritating first class started.

„No, I certainly don´t!" I barked at him, then pushed him out of the way to lock myself inside the bathroom.

* * *

It was about quarter an hour later that I arrived at the beach. Luckily Genesis had already been gone once I came out of the bathroom and now I spotted him in the water a fair distance away, a tiny crimson spot bobbing up and down in the waves, accompanied by a silver and a black one - Sephiroth and Angeal.

„There you are!" I heard Serah´s voice, from a nearby beach chair, greeting me with a cheery smile.

„I didn´t want to wake you, you know..." She added.

„That´s okay." I said, spreading my beach mat next to her and taking a seat.

Funny, after all this time, walking on a beach still gave me goosebumps.

„Where is Snow?" I asked, scanning the beach for the burly blonde, I found him down at the shore, where he appeared to be engaged in a fight with Zack and Cloud, who were busy hitting themselves over the head with a couple of ownerless parasols.

 _Children..._

„Oh... I see." I commented dryly, making Serah giggle.

„It suits you!" She said.

„Huh?"

„My bikini... It suits you." She clarified. Looking down at my exposed skin - my belly button piercing sparkling in the summer sun - I couldn´t help but feel self-conscious and stupid. I hadn´t been this scantily dressed in public for ages.

It didn´t take long for the guys to join us, the first class´ appearently done with swimming, they had picked up the others and they where now approaching together - all of them sexily shirtless - how come I had never realised before I had been working together with a bunch of porn stars?

It was Zack who reached us first, running on ahead of the others like the little puppy he was.

„Hey girls... everything alright?" He asked, sounding slightly out of breath, and letting his body fall onto the beach mat next to mine.

Serah - eager to engage in conversation immediately - I let her do the talking and just gave him a tiny nod, my gaze trained on the well defined chest of a certain follow first class in black boardshorts he must have borrowed from Snow.

 _Damn._

I had a hard time forcing myself to look away.

„So what´s next?!" Cloud asked exitedly, the timeout on the beach obviously had him jumping with joy.

„What about a beachvolleyball match?!" Snow suggested, rummaging through his beach bag to produce a battered looking ball.

„Cloud, Zack and me against you three guys." he said, motioning towards Sephiroth, Genesis and Angeal.

„Oh no! You can count me out!" Cloud cried immediately.

„I´m not going to play against him." He added, pointing at Sephiroth and causing the other first class´ to erupt in chuckles.

„NO WAY!"

Taking a deep breath, I dared another glimpse at the silver haired General in question, just in time to catch one of those adorable half smiles of his. Letting my eyes linger there for just a few seconds longer, I couldn´t help but notice the way the sun reflected in the waterdrops running down his still wet skin, making their way down his torso and -

 _Fuck._

I hated this guy - hated him so much for just being him, for doing this to me, for affecting me like that, it didn´t seem fair.

„Oh come on Cloud without you we´d be uneven!" Zack tried, but it was no use.

„It´d be uneven anyway! No matter how many people play on our side!" the cowardly blonde threw in.

He was right of course... but still... Cloud could be such a pussy sometimes!

„It´s okay, guys, I´ll take him on." I heard myself say.

Now where had that come from?!

Getting up and brushing the sand off my legs, I found all the others staring at me crazily.

I didn´t care.

It were the General´s eyes I met, those beautiful green eyes, that would haunt me like forever - no matter how hard I tried to forget about them - he rewarded me with a curious stare.

Standing there in only Serah´s tiny bikini, the stupid thing leaving me practically naked, I couldn´t help but feel uncomfortable.

„Okay guys! Then lets go!" Snow cried exitedly, motioning over to the beach-volleyball court.

The remainder of the morning passed by in a blur.

The volleyball-match intended a pastime among friends, soon turned into a fierce battle between Zack, Genesis, Sephiroth and me - with Angeal and Snow wisely keeping to the background and Serah and Cloud watching from a save distance. That contest, it got nastier and nastier by the minute, until it was nothing more than a blur of fast and violent balls hurled back and forth between the General and me - it was only thanks to my Jenova cells that I could keep up with him - but only barely so - and in he end it was my body that - from the force of his last attack - was knocked to the ground.

I wasn´t hurt - except for my ego maybe - but still I took a few seconds until I pushed myself up onto my knees - that match it had been quite exhausting after all. And it was just when I was about to get up on my feet again that suddenly he was right next to me, offering me one of his uncloved hands.

„Are you okay?" he asked, offering me a small smile.

Looking up at him, at his handsome features, the way he was studying my face - concerned, curious - I couldn´t help but wonder.

Was he talking about my face hitting the sand or about something else entirely?

I didn´t know.

„Yes... I´m okay." I lied.


	91. Chapter 91

Chapter 91

Hi guys, thanks for reviewing again=)

PinKrystal - I love you =)

And to my anonymous guest: It´s okay if you don´t have an account here, you´ll just have to live with that „anonymous guest" nick I gave you;)

Yeah don´t worry, I´m going to update at leat once a week - I always used to do so except for those christmas/new year break I took without warning - I´m still sooo sorry guys=( =( I´ll never do anything like it again without telling you in advance - promise.

You also asked me about Lightning´s eye colour: well actually in my story they are blue. If I wrote somewhere that they are mako green than it was a mistake - I´m sorry. I do get confused sometimes when writing from different perspectives. The only difference between before and after the jenova cell treatment concerning her eyes is that her pupils are slightly slitted/catlike, but not as much as Sephiroth´s. I think I mentioned that in one of the earlier chaps when she realises her transformation (at least i hope so;))

Thank you for your feedback and continuous support=)

You are great!

* * *

SEPHIROTH´S POV

I had always wondered what Lightning actually liked.

You know, like Angeal liked stuffing his face with food or Genesis with his stupid book.

Not unlike myself, Lightning was always serious, practical. I rarely saw her smile, did I?

And it wasn´t until I saw her eat prawns one evening in Bodhum, when we were sitting around the dinner table outside on the Farron´s porch - Serah had invited Maqui, Gadot and the other´s as well - all of us together - that I realised I had never actually seen her genuinely happy before.

* * *

LIGHTNING´S POV

Sitting outside with all of my friends and family huddled together - it almost felt unreal.

Never had I hoped that I´d see all of them together gathered in one place at the same time - all the people that mattered... and Snow.^^

I wish I could just freeze that moment - freeze it and keep it forever.

Serah and Lebreau had outdone themselves cooking seafood - my favourite dish - while I - useless in the kitchen as always - had tried to help her bake some bread. A futile attempt resulting in something the dog´s might eat, but certainly not something that could be served our guests.

My mouth watering at the sight of the delicious meal, I dug in hungrily - I already had forgotten how much I had missed the food from home - Serah and the Norah guys merrily following my example.

Looking at my old comrade´s faces, I can´t stifle a laugh at taking in the way they look at the prawns and calamari on their plates in front of them - this time it´s me for once, spraying everything with food, not Angeal as usual.

I had completely forgotten that with none of them having lived at a beach before, they weren´t exactly used to seafood.

While Zack and Sephiroth seemed brave enough to give it a try, and Angeal after sceptically taking a few first bites dug in as usual, it was the way Cloud was eyeing his plate suspiciously and Genesis who had his nose scrunched up in disgust - that nearly made me choke from trying to hide my obvious amusement.

The redhead and the blond rewarding me with incredulous stares, my good mood doesn´t last Long though, as it is just a few seconds later that Serah takes out the breadbasket, not only revealing her own perfectly made loaf of white bread, but also - to my horror - that damn charred thing I had fabricated in the stove earlier.

Snow, being the first to realise - he pointed towards the partly burned chunks - and started to laugh immediately.

„Hey Serah... why do you serve our guests that dog food?" he said playfully.

Oh how much I hated that guy!

„Well actually..." Serah started, turning to look at me, „It was Lightning who made that bread. It was her first time, so I figured it´d be rude to just throw it away..."

Her fiancé, picking a chunk of my failed creation, he held it against the light to examine it, then tried to give it a squeeze with his giant fingers, the bread - hard as a stone - it wouldn´t budge at all.

„Maybe you should keep to killing monsters instead wasting your time in the kitchen Lightning... I mean... you could easily beat someone to death with this." the stupid oaf of a man said, causing the others to errupt in laughter.

It was Sephiroth who took a sample next, taking a bite and giving a tiny shrug - I heard the hard burned pieces crunch between his teeth - but he ate it anyway. The other´s laughter dying down to small chuckles - everybody staring at him expectantly, the General looked up to meet my gaze for a tiny second before announcing that it actually wasn´t that bad - well, he was a bad liar - but at least it was enough to silence the others.

I couldn´t help but avert my eyes in shame.

Thankfully nobody else dared to touch my bread after this.

But still, I couldn´t imagine a scenario more emberassing.

Thank you Serah.

I kept sending her angry glares for the rest of the evening but it would do no good - she just kept smiling back at me cheerfully, winking at me whenever our eyes´d catch - well I guess that´s what you have younger siblings for - to have somebody you could count on to get stabbed in the back by.

It was later, when I went back into the house, carrying in all the dishes, while Serah was busy preparing desert, that she started one of her talks again.

„This guy must really like you." she said, once I had put the dirty plates down on the kitchen counter.

„What are you talking about?"

„The General..." my younger sister prompted.

„I mean... he actually ate that bread of yours..." she joked, making me look away. Turning around I made to go back outside when she adressed me again, her next comment catching me completely off guard.

„It had been him all along, right?" Serah said, giving me a knowing smile.

I didn´t know what to answer.

"It´s the way you look at him that gives you away." She explained.

"Well... What are you waiting for? Why don´t you make the first move?"

What am I waiting for...

Well...

Things were complicated between me and Sephiroth lately, weren´t they?

Serah had no idea...

Choosing to remain silent instead of saying something stupid, I hurried back to the others instead.

* * *

„Genesis what exactly is the gift of the goddess?" Zack asked out of nowhere.

It was late in the night already and the 6 of us former SOLDIER members where lounging on the sandy beach behind our house, watching the dark waves roll by.

„Thats a question impossible to answer..." the redhead started. He was wearing that ridiculous hawaiian shirt again he must have bought somewhere in town.

„It manifests itself differently for everybody." he explained.

„Yeah... for me it´d be an antidote to your constant drivel." Sephiroth said dryly, making Zack and Cloud laugh out loud. I could´t keep a smile form forming on my face, either.

Looking over at the silver haired General sitting not far from me, I could easily make out one of his adorable half-smiles illuminated by the pale white light of the moon. Our eyes locking for a tiny moment, I realised I loved to see him have some fun - to be relaxed - at ease.

Of course I had seen him like this before - on several occasions - but seeing him like this here in Bodhum, it was something different all together.

Could Serah be right?

Was there a chance he liked me too?


	92. Chapter 92

Sorry for the delay guys. I´ve had some nasty troubles wrinting those last few days - I don´t know, somehow words just won´t come. Don´t worry, I know exactly where I want to go witht he story and I have most of the following chaps drafted already so there´s no way I´m going to abandon this story any time soon. Still I´m afraid my little writers block might show in this chap an maybe the next. I´m so sorry guys. please forgive me I hope this will pass soon. I really had trouble writing this. Also I have nearly finshed the next chapter of the eternal paradox - I actually wanted to post it last week - there´s only a tiny chunk missingin near the end - but however I couldn´t find the words to write it. So sorry. Hope to update sometime this week. Next one the latest.

Thank´s for your support guys. Please don´t give up on me.

* * *

Chapter 92

LIGHTNING´S POV

Days dragged by and Serah´s wedding drew nearere and nearer.

I had spent a lot of time helping to prepare for it - together with Lebreau, I had put up chairs and tables, had cleaned the house, had helped with the deko and, and, and...

There were so many things to do.

And that was a good thing I guess.

It kept me busy - kept my mind from tinking too much.

Because the closer the wedding came, the more anxious I started to feel.

I had abandoned Serah all those years ago, had left her just like that, but now that the moment had come to leave her to Snow, I was reluctant to let her go. I knew I needed her. And the idea of her being married to that oaf of a man... It didn´t sit well with me. Well, I had never exactly been very fond of him in the first place.

So I naturally was in a bad mood already when on the night before the wedding, we were sitting out behind the house again as usual, just sitting and talking, having one drink or the other - to Genesis great joy.

However I didn´t join in on any of the conversations. I just sat there, lost in though, and let my eyes wander, observing the others. My eyes travelling past the Norah guys - immersed in a game of cards with Cloud - and Zack, who was shamelessly flirting with Labreau, I stopped at Snow and my little sister, huddled together on the porch swing, kissing passionately.

I smehow couldn´t bear to watch them.

Tearing my eyes away, I looked up, just to meet by Genesis´ curious stare.

Following the direction of my gaze over to the kissing couple, the readhed sitting on the opposite side of the table gave a content sigh, before he looked up at me again.

„Infinite in myster - Ouch!" He wasn´t even halfway through the first line that I kicked his shin under the table - hard.

I was so not in the mood for this.

The annoying redhead rewarding me with an accusing glare, he isn´t ready to give up, but instead of shutting up like I had so much wished for, he just continued anyway, completely unfazed by the protesting groans of the others.

Ignoring the other´s curious stares, I just get up and leave.

I´m just not up for it today.

Making my way down to the beach, to check on the chairs and the flowers again (Serah was going to have a beach wedding), I made sure that everything was still in perfect order for the ceremony next morning. Aproaching the alter to rearrange the flowers Lebreau had put up there for decoration purposes, it was the sound of his voice that made me drop them to the floor.

„You did a great job on this... You and Lebreau..."

Sephiroth.

He had managed to sneak up on me again.

Oh, how much I hated when he did this.

I just gave a grunt to indicate that I had heard, while I bent down to pick up the flowers now lying on the floor.

The moment I came up again, he was standing next to me already - penetrating mako green eyes glistening in the fading lights of the sunset, staring at me.

„Lightning... What´s wrong?" he asked, his voice was gentle, soothing.

„I don´t know..." I admitted after giving a frustrated sigh.

„It´s just Serah... The wedding... I... I don´t know... Everything just happened so fast." I started. I don´t know what made me tell him, but suddenly I talked. First tentatively, then the words just started flowing from my mouth, I couldn´t stop them from coming out.

„When I left her for Midgar she was just a girl. Now she´s a woman... going to marry tomorrow... I can´t believe so much time has passed already. And Snow... I don´t know.. he´s ... I don´t know whether he´s the right guy for her... He´s so... He´s just so..."

Although I had never voiced my objections, although I loved my sister and respected her choice, I couldn´t - wouldn´t - approve of snow. Never. Snow was an idiot, naive. How was he supposed to keep Serah safe? That guy was all talk. Nothing else. And he had not an ounce of discipline inside of him.

My words trailing off, unable to think of something to say, I just looked up at the General, my eyes begging for advice.

How was I going to suvive the next day?

„You shouldn´t be so hard on Snow, you know..." Sephiroth said.

„He really loves your sister. They are happy. Why don´t you give him a chance?"

Unable to think of something to say, I just gave him an incredulous stare.

That wasn´t exactly the answer I had expected - not from him at least.

Looking away, I slowly shook my head.

He was right of course.

But still...

„He cares for her. He only wants the best for her... Just like you." the General reasoned.

I knew it was true.

But what was I to do - to feel - to think?

Back when I had left, Serah was the only family I had had. We had only had each other. We used to be so close. Now that I was back again, I felt stupid, felt dispensable, felt like an intruder inside my own house. Serah didn´t need me anymore. She had Snow now.

And I... I had nobody.

Where would I go from here. I couldn´t stay with Snow and Serah, could I?

I couldn´t stay there and watch them live their lifes, marry, have children... I´d only be in their way.

I had fought all those last years - I had fought for Serah, to protect her, to support her, to make sure she had everything she needed, to make sure she would be happy, and save, and whole. And I had accomplished all that. I had accomplished this mission.

Serah had been my reason to live, to carry on.

And now, now that I had to let her go, I had nothing.

Now I didn´t know where to start, what to do.

Being a soldier it had been my duty to carry out orders.

Just that.

Nothing else.

Back then I had been yearning for freedom. I had wished to be free. Free of orders. Free of compulsion. Free of Shin-Ra. Free of responsibility.

And now...

Was this freedom? Was this what I wanted?

Standing there, stranded, lost, without a clue of what to do next?

„What should I do now, that I don´t have to look after Serah anymore?" I murmered, feeling lost.

„Hm... Why don´t you look after yourself for once?" the General suggested, extending one of his arms to gently take my hand.

„Huh?" I had completely forgotten he was there.

The feeling of his smooth cool skin against my own, it didn´t make coming up with words any easier.

„You said everything you ever did was for Serah. Why don´t you do something for yourself...?"

Shit, I must have thought aloud.

„Something for myself?" I repeated stupidly.

„Yes... I don´t know. You could quit. Quit fighting. Start anew..." he said, his thumb caressing the back of my hand, it sent tiny shivers down my spine.

„Why not?"

Pulling my hand away from his, I just shook my head.

What was he implying?

I wasn´t sure.

„I can´t quit fighting." I said.

It was true.

I couldn´t quit being a SOLDIER. I wasn´t even human anymore. I couldn´t go back to leading a normal life, never again. The beast it was in my blood, ran through my veins, to the very core of my being. He hade made sure of that, hadn´t he?

Looking up at him again, I could tell he knew exactly what I was thinking, knew that he was thinking just the same thing. It was written all over his face.

What were we doing here anyway?

Pretending that we could live like that. Like them?

Would Serah even accept me, would she have let me into the house, if she knew what I had become? If she knew I had become a monster?

Somehow I didn´t think so.

Somehow I wasn´t even able to accept it myself.


	93. Chapter 93

Hi guys! I´m sooo sorry for the awefully long wait. For some unknown reason I was having real problems writing those past few weeks and I´m not sure I´m doing much better now. I can´t garantee I will be able to update regulary again, but I promise I´ll do my best to avert such long waiting periods. Again, I´m so sorry =(=(=(

However here I am back with a new chap of there is Lightning in those Clouds (I´m sure you guys will like this one!) as well as another chap for the Eternal Paradox too - check it out!

Thank you guys for having faith in me! I love you so much!

But enough of this now and on with the story!

* * *

Chapter 93

LIGHTNING´S POV

The wedding was beautiful. Taking place at the sandy shores of Bodhum, down at the beach right behind our parent´s old house, with white wooden chairs for the guests and a beautifully decorated altar and a small rose arch for the bride to walk through, dressed in her magnificent white wedding gown, Serah received the wedding of every girl´s dreams.

I don´t quite remember how I did it, but somehow I managed to play along - managed to keep a friendly smile plastered on my face - managed to feel happy a bit for my little sister - walking down the aisle with her eyes twinkling with joy, with happiness. It felt good to see her so cheerful, so sure - it gave me the impression that maybe, just maybe, I was doing the right thing letting her go.

The corner of my lips might have twitched the moment the pastor asked the community if anybody had any objections, but of course I stood my ground - a silent spectator as I watched my little sister married off to that guy, Snow Villiers. The latter looking completely over the moon as he made to put that golden ring on Serah´s finger, as he leaned down to kiss her, sealing their bond.

Maybe he wasn´t such a bad guy after all.

There was a huge feast afterwards at the local Inn - There were tons of people to be served after all. Snow´s family counted 30 people alone and ours, well we had a whole bunch of friends to make up for the family we´d lost.

I was sitting at the dining table, squeezed in between Zack and Angeal, the latter stuffing his face with food as usual, it was always a joy to watch him dine.

„What is this? Pork? Taste´s awesome!" the burly first class sputtered between chews.

Looking up at Sephiroth who Serah had `coincidentally´ put right opposite from me when she had decided on the seating arrangements, our eyes locking for tiny moment, I couldn´t help but crack a smile.

It didn´t matter where you were, some things just never changed!

„No Angeal... It´s Behemoth steak! Gadot and Snow took it out on their watch last night." I managed between giggles that turned into bursts of laughter the second I took in Genesis disgusted expression as he realised what it was he had been eating all along. The redhead sitting right next to my favourite first class General, he let the piece of meat he´d been chewing on fall back onto his plate with a tiny thud, than grimacing and taking a long swig from his glass of whine, he demonstratively pushed the plate away from him.

„Hmm... Never thought they´d taste that good!" said Angeal, who didn´t seem to care at all.

„Genesis! Aren´t you going to finish this?" he asked when he took in the redhead who kept eying the piece of meat infront of him as if it was going to attack any minute.

„Here, it´s all yours!" Genesis said, shoving the plate into his mate´s direction.

It was just so him to play the diva again.

Maybe that was what came from reading too much poetry.

The remainder of the evening passed with speeches, games, dancing and of course booze.

Lots of booze actually.

So much that Cloud was seen actually taking off his shirt as he made to dance with Maqui and Lebreau even allowed herself to be seduced by Zack. I even spotted Snow´s sister Crystal give Angeal a peck on the cheek as the two of them were having a go at Serah´s wedding cake together.

Of course Genesis was reciting from Loveless again. And it was at least at this point of the evening that I was happy I had had a few sips too much of that applejack the red haired First Class used to carry with him wherever he went.

Dancing with yet another guy, some old, balding relative of Snow´s that did remind me a lot of Heidegger himself, I guessed I wouldn´t have made it through the evening without getting myself tipsy anyway.

The old fool shamelessly checking out my cleavage, it is when the song ends and the music changes to a more romantic tune, that I turn away from my current dancing partner, just to find myself face to face with Sephiroth.

Startled by his sudden appearance, my heart skipping a few beats before allowing itself to give a tiny flutter, I can´t help but feel tiny pleasant shivers running down my spine the second I feel his skin on mine as he gently takes my hand, the other coming to rest somewhere at my red dresse´s waist.

Going with the flow, I let him stear me through the crowd, allowing my eyes to drawn in those brilliant green ones for what seems like an eternity, my feet moving on their own, miraculously missing his despite my abysmal dancing skills, they already hurt in those red peep toes Serah had selected for me to match my dress.

My toes hurting with blisters from those horrible shoes, my skin wet with sweat from hours of dancing and my head spinning with the side effects of the alcohol and the noise of the music, with the bodies of people pressing against my own, I know I needed to get out of there.

And realising nobody was watching, as our dancing had lead us to a less crowded area of the room and near the back door exit, I take my opportunity and bolt.

* * *

SEPHIROTH´S POV

„I´ve got to get out of here." she suddenly said.

I didn´t understand what she was talking about. We´d been barely dancing five minutes and there she goes, looking around to check whether anybody´s watching... This definitely wasn´t a good sign.

I had been waiting the entire evening to catch her on her own so I could approach her, so I could talk to her, biding my time to find an opportunity to dance with her and there she was slipping away from me again.

As usual.

I dis´t know what I had expected.

Of course she would push me away again.

It was so her.

I should have guessed that of course today would be no exception.

I felt her small hand close around my own, felt her tugging at my arm tentatively, before she let go and pulled away from me to sneak out throught the Inn´s side doors, pausing to look back at me for a tiny moment before she turned and left, my eyes following her as she vanished into the night.

 _Lightning._

What was I supposed to do?

Hesitating only for a few seconds, I decided to follow her out onto the beach.

No matter if she wanted me to come along or not, I wasn´t going to let her walk out there alone. The memory of what had happened in Corel still etched into my mind, I wasn´t stupid enough to repeat my past mistakes ever again.

No lonely beach strolls for Lieutenant Farron anymore...

Walking out and looking around for her, I didn´t spot her immediately but found one of her crimson high heeled shoes at first, carelessly tossed away in the sand.

How could one possibly loose one´s shoe? How wasted was she exactly?

Picking it up, I followed the trail of footprints until I found the other. And I couldn´t help but chuckle. It was so like her to get rid of those as fast as she could. Albeit she did look beautiful in them, I guessed they weren´t exactly comfortable nor practical.

Continuing a few meters further down the shore, the sand grains glistening in the moonlight like tiny diamonds twinling in the dark - I found her down by the water where she shed the rest of her clothes to just plunge herself into the gentle waves.

Approaching slowly, I followed her example.

The salty waters pleasantly cool in contrast to the dry hot air of that hummid summer night, it didn´t take me long to reach her.

She had stopped a few meters into the sea, the water reaching up to her belly, her gaze trained skywards, as once again she stared up at the stars above.

„I just love looking at the stars... watching the nightsky... pondering what is up there." she said once she sensed me near her.

I had already guessed that much. I had catched her doing that on plenty occassions, hadn´t I?

„Sometimes it just feels like something inside of me is reaching out for it..." she added, her voice taking on a dreamy quality.

Yes. I knew what she meant. I had felt it too. It were the Jenova cells inside of us, craving the infinite depths of the universe.

I didn´t bother to explain it to her.

She wouldn´t like to hear about it anyway.

Approaching her from behind, I chose to close the distance between us instead - bringing up my hands to rest them at her hips, I leaned in to gently kiss her neck.

Feeling her skin under my lips errupt in goosebumps, I heard a soft moan escape her throat before she leaned to the side to expose her neck to grant me further acces. Slightly shivering under my touch, I felt her body relaxing against my chest - slowly - as I brought my arms up around her to just hug her from behind - tracing soft kisses down her neck and collarbone.

It felt good to have her close to me again.

I had been craving the feeling of her skin on mine ever since I had first felt it there.

The truth was that I had missed her.

I really had.

Those weeks after the night of Meteorfall - every day that I had let pass without talking to her, without touching her, without kissing her, without showing her how much I needed her - watching her going about her daily business - knowing that she was there only meters from myself - but unable to just find the courage to reach out to her - because I didn´t know whether she´d want me to - they had been terrible, had been torture.

How much time had it been going on like this exactly?

Months?

Years?

I wasn´t sure.

But it didn´t matter - we were together now.

* * *

ANGEAL´S POV

I had been watching them all evening, and it was therefore that it didn´t escape my notice how the both of them sneaked out together.

„Hey Angeal... Have you seen Sephiroth anywhere?" Genesis asked. „Can´t seem to find him, and that son of a bitch´s still owing me a few drinks!"

„Hm... I can´t find Lightning either!" Serah piped up from somewhere behind us.

The bride throwing me a knowing glance, I had a hard time hiding my smile.

„I think I saw the both of them sneak out about half an hour ago." Zack threw in from next to me, raising his eyebrows suggestivly. I was surprised he had had time to notice this at all while busy flirting heavily with that girl, Lebreau.

„Well... it was about time." I said. My statement earning happy smiles from everybody except Genesis, who just scrunched up his nose in mock digust.

Well... It was none of his business anyway.

* * *

 _Thank you guys for reading!_

 _How am I driving - ÄHHHH - I mean writing!_

 _Please let me know in a review!_

 _See you next chap or via pn;)_


	94. Chapter 94

Chapter 94

Sorry guys for the wait. You can thank PinKrystal for this chapter to appear a week later than intended and also for the plot twist;) So yes sweetheart... this chapter is for you. I know you would have liked to see more action but you know what I am like;) And that it happened at all... Well I really only did that for you... because you requested this^^

Also I updated the Eternal Paradox too in case anybody´s interested in reading this as well.

* * *

Lightning´s POV

I woke up the next day with a hangover.

A hangover and the memory of one of the most beautiful nights I had ever had.

My second night with Sephiroth.

We spent it out on the shore behind my parents old house.

What had originally started out with an innocent little swim in the sea turned into something more serious the second the silver haired general had joined me in those shallow waters.

I could still taste him on my lips, could still feel his touch on my skin.

And this time I didn´t regret anything.

* * *

The night was cloudless and I was standing there with the waters reaching to my waist looking up at the stars and I remembered having said something about how much I loved to look at them.

I couldn´t remember what had led to it but the next moment I had felt his hands on my hips, had felt his chest against my back had felt his lips on the back of my neck and on my collarbone - the contact of our skins sending tiny shivers up and down my spine – before I felt his arms wander to my midsection and hold me in a tight embrace.

„I really missed you." he whispered into my ear, his voice slightly husky.

I simply loved the sound of it.

He had missed me...

My heart giving a crazy flutter I let my hands go up to find his own and tilted my head to try and look at him standing behind me when I felt his lips gently brush my cheek.

I didn´t remmeber what made me do it but after a few moments I pulled away from him to turn around and face him.

Looking back at me - unsure of what to do - he only let his arms dangle at his sides.

„Claire... I..." he started tentatively but I didn´t let him finish. I just took a step forward to close the distance between us again - to lean up and connect our lips again.

 _Screw it._

My reaction seeming to take him completely by surprise, it took him a few moments to respond - to kiss me back - took a few moments before I felt one of his arms at the small of my back and the other come up to gently cup my face.

„I think I missed you too." I said fist thing we broke apart.

It was the understatement of the century.

The thought of him living in the same house with me - sitting at the same dinner table only feet away - knowing him close to me at all times without the opportunity – an excuse really - to touch him - it had been torture - had been killing me inside.

Why had I been holding back in the first place?!

I suddenly couldn´t even remember anymore.

„You ´think´ you missed me?!" Sephiroth asked somewhat sceptically.

The silver haired General standing there in front of me, he couldn´t hide one of those adorable half smiles forming on his face.

„As in you´re not even sure you -"

I just silenced him with another kiss.

There was just no time for stupid banter – not anymore.

I needed him – wanted him – needed to feel him close to me.

It was as if my body was taking over – my mind shut off completely – as I steered him back to the shore – our lips didn´t part for even one second on the way – not until we had reached the shallower parts of the waters that was – where the general´s foot caught on a stone caused the silver haired first calss to tumble backwards and the two of us came crashing to the ground with me fortunately landing right on top of him.

„You´re going to kill me..." Sephiroth chuckled.

„Believe me, if I had any intention of killing you, you´d already be dead by now." I shot at him, giving him a challenging smile.

„Sure..." he just said.

„I had the best of trainers after all..." I added – a stupid grin spreading all over my face. He just propped himself up on one of his elbows to come up and kiss me again.

Oh, how much I had missed those kisses...

The general´s free hand softly caressing my shoulders - my back - my sides - I felt it slipping lower and lower – before – breaking our kiss for just a few moments – he shifted my weight so I could finally feel him where I needed him most.

And how much I needed him...

I hadn´t even been aware of how much my body had been yearning for him.

Suddenly nothing else mattered anymore.

Only him.

As if he were the only reason why I existed - my only reason to breathe – had somehow been all along.

And I knew – I finally new for sure – there was no doubt anymore – that I was really, completely, head over toes in love with him.

In love with General Sephiroth Crescent.

And suddenly – finally - for a few short hours at least - I was happy.

* * *

I don´t know how long we lay there afterwards.

With nothing but the soft breeze of the sea to dry us we sat there until long after our hair wasn´t damp anymore – until the sun was already starting to rise.

It must have been hours.

Hours we had just spent there on the beach – lying in each others arms.

We hadn´t even done any talking.

Well, there were no words to discribe the way I felt right now anyway.

It was the General who spoke first.

And his words – they pulled a plug inside of me – making the warm cozy feeling of bliss of happiness that had somehow accumulated in the pit of my stomach over the past few hours sowly drain out into nothingness.

„When we are leaving for Eden next week you´re coming with us, aren´t you?" the General asked, looking up at me expectantly – I hated the fact that he had to bring this up now – had to bring this up at all.

This wasn´t something I was ready to face right now.

„I... I don´t know."

It was true.

I really didn´t know.

What should I do?

Now that I had found my family again after all those years, I wasn´t sure whether I was ready to leave again – not yet.

On the other hand, what else was there to do for me?

Sitting at our parents old beach house doing nothing - it was getting old fast - and besides I needed to earn some money, right?

Things couldn´stay like this forever.

But now that I had returned and was reunited with my sister, I wasn´t eager to leave anytime soon...

Why did he have to do this...

Why was he trying to make me choose.

Why now?

Looking up at the general I found his eyes gazing at me with disappointment – maybe hurt even.

„I´m not sure I´m ready to leave Bodhum again..." I tried to explain.

I didn´t know whether he´d understand.

He had no family after all.

„Please Lightning... I need you to come with me... I need you at my side..." his mako green eyes pleading – I could only stare at him in amazement.

Had he really just said that?

That so wasn´t him.

The silver haired general sitting up to take my hand – his mako killer eyes staring into mine – I knew what he was going to say would be important – at least to him.

„We could... I don´t know... Find a place to live in for ourselves... Maybe something similiar to what you have here..." he started tentatively – hesitantly – as if the words were reluctant to come out.

I could tell it was hard for him to say this – to open up like this – I wasn´t sure what was making him say it in the first place – his sincerity, his openness – it gave me goosebumps.

„We could have a family of our own..."

Those last words startling me – taking me completely off guard – I felt my eyes go huge – felt my mouth gaping open stupidly.

Who are you, and what have you done to my first class general?!


	95. Chapter 95

Hi guys! Sorry everybody for the awfully long wait. Is there anybody out there still reading this story? (I wonder.)

Anyway, I do have some good news this time. I have several chapters written ahead now, so updates will come more quickly and regulary now. Once a week. As I used to handle it before that horrible break. I´m still so sorry I didn´t update I had a lot of things to do. (real llife complicating things as ususal).

(I also updated the eternal paradox on friday, in case anybody cares.)

Sooo this one will only be a very short chapter, but I will update another one on thursday to make up for it.

So stay tuned guys and please enjoy.

* * *

Chapter 95

LIGHTNING´S POV

„Oh come on..." Zack started. I sensed a huge portion of puppy eyes coming up and I was not to be dissapointed.

„You could at least apply for the Guardian Corps... You could work right here in Bodhum and stay with Serah and Snow!"

Here he goes again...

„Hey that sounds like a great idea!" Serah piped up from the other side of the table.

 _Great._

Now the two of them had joined forces against me, it didn´t seem there was much of a choice for me anymore.

I didn´t like the idea of picking up a job in the military again.

Sure it was the only thing I had ever done, the only thing I was really good at, but still...

Those years had changed me. The war had changed me.

And what I had found inside of me, what that war had brought forth in the innermost dephts of my own being – now that finally it seemed to sleep, I wasn´t sure wether it was wise to rouse it again - wasn´t sure whether it´d be wise to feed the beast that had awoken there inside of me.

I wasn´t sure I was ready to face Jenova again. The monster. Residing there inside my body. Only inch-deep underneath my skin. Right inside my very body.

I guess I wasn´t.

Who would?

Also I wasn´t exactly sure the Guardian Corps would do.

Risking a look over at the silver haired General sitting on the other end of the table, I found him studying my features intently.

 _Sephiroth._

He didn´t want me to join the Guardian Corps.

He wanted me to come with him.

Whatever his plans for me, they didn´t include me staying here at Bodhum.

I knew that.

And I felt torn.

So very torn.

Because what was I´m supposed to do?

Sure I loved him. Had secretly done so for years. And now that finally I found out he returned my feelings, had done so all this time, I knew the answer should be easy.

But somehow it wasn´t.

It wasn´t to me.

Of course he had promised a lot there at the beach. Had been talking about having a family of our own... But what kind of family would that be exactly?

With both of us in the military?

Also I wasn´t exactly sure I was ready for this.

Not sure whether I´d actually be able to live like that, to walk a path that I had turned my back on all those years ago.

To maybe marry, have children and everything...

I wasn´t sure I actually wanted that. Was ready for that. Would actually be able to do that even if I wanted.

And Serah...

I wasn´t going to leave Serah...

What kind of family would mine be if Serah wasn´t in it?!

„Lightning?!" Serah prompted when I didn´t say anything. Appearently I had been silent for quite some time now.

„I... I don´t know." I stammered.

I felt Sephiroth stare boring into my skull, but I didn´t find the courage to look up.

I knew he expected me to come along.

But still...

How was I upposed to leave Serah again?!


	96. Chapter 96

Chapter 96

„NO - There´s just NO WAY I´m going to join the Guardian Corps!" Genesis voice bounced from the wall´s of the Farron´s hallway – he was sounding `slightly´ upset.

It was one week later and the group of them had just arrived back from their trip to the Sanctum, back from their job interviews.

„I wanted to join the PSICOM! I don´t get why I have to take on a job in the pussy department just because you are such a stupid bastard!" The redhead shouted - beside himself with fury.

„Guys?!" Snow asked - rushing out of the living room to see what was going on himself - his eyes huge.

He was pushed back through the doorway by a completely infuriated Genesis Rhapsodos, ellbowing his way past him, up the stairs and into the guest room, cursing all the way as he went up – he didn´t even care to lower his voice.

Snow – having no clue about what was going on – he only catched a glimpse of silver hair vanishing out the back door – his new sister in law nowhere to be seen.

„Shit...What´s going on?!" the burly blonde asked, somewhat taken aback at the First Class diva´s crazy antics.

„Nothing much..." Angeal informed - seeming completely at ease himself.

„Lightning got her job at the Guardian Corps."

Snow just kept looking at him incredulously.

„So...?!" he prompted when the first class didn´t care to elaborate.

„Well, when she came out of that office again, Sephiroth went in to negotiate someting for the rest of us." the first class continued.

„We all figured it was something about or loans or whatever."

„Anyway... They offered him a high rank position in PSICOM! Well, they actually offered a job at PSICOM for all of us."

„And?" Snow said, growing slightly impatient.

„He reclined."

„He reclined?" the giant blonde couldn´t believe his ears.

„Uhm...Yes..." Angeal verified.

„Decided for all of us to join the Guardian Corps instead."

„But uhm..." the freshly married man stuttered. „I don´t understand?!"

The burly first class gesturing over to the glass doors leading out onto the porch, where the silver hiared General seemed to be in middle of a heaty discussion with his new wife´s older sister, something in Snow´s head finally seemed to click in place.

„Oh..." was everything he managed as realisation dawned on him.

„Yes... `Oh´!"

* * *

Lightning´s POV

„You don´t have to do that, you guys don´t have to stay here..."

I must have said it about a thousand times already, but somehow he didn´t seem to even listen.

„What if I want to..." Sephiroth threw in.

„Look at Genesis. He´s really unhappy." I talked right over him. I couldn´t get why he was being so selfish.

„So if we left to join the PSICOM without you, I´d be really unhappy." he cut in.

„I don´t want to leave you behind..."

„Sephiroth..."

He silenced me by gently cupping my cheek, making me look up at him in the process.

„If you are not coming with us, then I will just stay here too. There is no way I´m going to leave this place without you." he said. His voice was low - soft - and his beautiful mako green eyes were boring into mine so intently that I thought I almost couldn´t bear to look at them.

„I´m not going to loose you again..."

„Sephiroth... I..." I tried tentatively but the intensity of his stare silenced me almost instantly.

„Lightning, I want to be with you... There is no way I´m going to leave you for a stupid job..."

At this I finally pulled away – trying to bring a at least a few feet of distance between our bodies, I made over to the other end of the porch.

I needed some space to think.

Somehow my brain just wouldn´t work right – would sometimes even stop thinking alltogether - whenever I dared to come too close to that man.

He was there next to me almost instantly though, his hand reaching out for mine, he didn´t even let go when I tried to pull away.

Turning my head to look at him, I gave him one of my frustrated sighs.

„Sephiroth... This just won´t work... I can´t be with you... I mean... You are my superior and everything..." I stammered, trying to keep my voice low so nobody would actually have any chance to listen in.

„Not anymore." was all the answer that I got. Those mako green eyes suddenly pleading I felt him reassuringly squeeze my hand.

„I..." Opening my mouth to protest, I realised that of course he was right.

Shin-Ra was no more.

SOLDIER was no more.

Suddenly I didn´t know what to say.

It wasn´t that I didn´t want to be with him.

It was just that... Somehow I wasn´t sure this was the right thing.

All of them staying here in Bodhum just because of me...

It somehow didn´t feel right.

Especially since Genesis had such a hard time accepting the fact that he wouldn´t work for PSICOM.

Although technically Genesis was a grown up man who was free to do whatever he wanted, somehow Sephiroth still was his boss – was somehow still my boss.

It was some quiet agreement between the six of us.

That although Shin-Ra was no more, we – who had somehow grown to be something like a family would still stick together – well or the 5 of them, since I so insolently had decided to quit and stay in Bodhum.

The General standing next to me softly tugging at my arm, I hesitantly looked up again.

„Light?"

What was I to say?

It didn´t seem like I´d have to come up with something anytime soon though, as the silver haired first class taking a step closer, I – only a few moments later – felt his lips descend on mine again in a kind of shy but persuading kiss.

It made my insides burst with bliss, with happiness and my heartbeat speed up as if I were running a marathon - and all my rational thoughts fly away with the soft seabreeze caressing our skins.

Until suddenly there was the unexpected sound of the porch door thrown open, making me instantly break away and even push the General away from me to hastily retreat a few steps, before trying to act nonchalantly I turned to face the newcomer.

„Sorry to interrupt you guys... But food´s ready." Snow announced carefuly sticking his head outside.

„That´s okay!" I just said, fighting hard to act as I usually would - I was horrifyed to feel my cheeks blush.

„Let´s go inside, I wonder what´s up for dinner!" I casually called over to the silver haired man standing at the edge of the porch now completely abandoned as I made to follow my brother in law back into the house.

The accusing look he gave me – the way he stared at me – completely stunned – hurt even...

I don´t think I could ever forget. Not until the day I died.


	97. Chapter 97

Hi dear readers. Here´s the promised next chap. And on time too for once;) I hope you like it.

* * *

Chapter 97

Lightning´s POV

The first few weeks in the Guardian Corps were fun.

It felt good to have something to do again. And it felt good to be out on duty with some of my comrades again, patrolling Bodhum´s many roads and adjoining palm forest - compared to our work at SOLDIER our job here felt like childsplay.

While all of the others insisted to stick to their SOLDIER outfit, Cloud and me gladly shed them for our new guardian corps uniform. Although I didn´t exactly approve of the kind of revealing skirt thing – this would definitely take some time to get used to – I somehow fell in love with the cute red cape at first sight.

We had such a good time those first few weeks and even Genesis was starting to settle in and accept his fate – a few swigs of that applejack here and then seemed to do the trick.

Still.

I had absolutely no idea how to handle my fling with Sephiroth – or whatever it was. Because I knew that for him it was so much more and I still hadn´t had a clue on what exactly it was to me.

It felt awkward again between us.

I had no idea how to interact with him.

How to deal with his expectant stares - with his hopeful glances.

I knew he wanted to be with me.

To somehow be more than just comrades or friends or secret lovers.

But somehow I couldn´t bring myself to make this official.

I wasn´t sure how the others would react.

The memory of that horrible morning after Meteorfall when I had come down the stairs with the General following only a few steps behind, the way everybody had been staring at us – at me - it was still haunting me.

What would people say if I got together with the General?

What would Serah think?

Somehow I wasn´t ready to find out.

This just wasn´t like the character I had made up for me – Lightning the relentless soldier – she was not supposed to give in to her feelings, to fall in love and start a family with her former mentor/boss. Or to have any feelings at all that was.

No this wasn´t the Lightning I had created.

Then who was it?

Claire Farron? The girl I had left behind all those years ago?

No... She had died the day her parents had... Hadn´t she?

What to do?

I wasn´t sure.

Not at all.

It wasn´t that I didn´t want to be with him – because there was that huge part inside of me that wanted to... Badly.

But then again – I wasn´t sure I was actually ready for this.

Now that I had forced myself into the costume of the warrior, the kiler, all those past years... How was I supposed to change out of it from one day to the next?

I didn´t know.

However. I knew I wouldn´t be able to evade Sephiroth forever, that he would bring this up again eventually. And I was not to be disappointed, as one sunny afternoon when I was patrolling the beach alone - he did approach me once again.

I had just made it past the last few houses and out onto the sandy shores, when suddenly I felt my arm grabbed and dragged into the shadows of the nearby palm trees.

Pulling out my gunblade, there was just enough time for me to give a small gasp of surprise before I felt his lips crash down on my own.

 _Sephiroth._

One of his hands reaching up to softly cup my cheek I felt the other sneak under the shirt of my guardian corps uniform and to the small of my back where the contact of his skin sent tiny shivers up and down my spine and it was with my back pressed against one of the palm tree trunks, that letting my weapon drop to the ground and sneaking my arms up and around his neck, I pulled him closer.

„I miss you..." the silver haired first class whispered against my lips, giving me a short moment to catch my breath.

„All the time..."

I just went to close the distance he had created between our faces again but he stopped me by taking a step away from me and pensively looking down into my eyes.

I couldn´t help but think that there was pain there, burried behind his marble features.

„Why are you evading me?!" It came instantly and unexpected. That question that had pestered me for days myself. It had pestered me because I still hadn´t found the answer.

Giving a frustrated sigh I took a step to the side to escape being trapped between his body and that tree, before slowly making to bend down I made to retrieve my gunblade.

Coming up again I made to inspect the blade and carefully clean it from the sand – just a feeble excuse not to look into his eyes – I knew – but somehow I just couldn´t bear to see the look in them.

„I think I fell in love with you the first time you ever shot at me... Of course I would have never admitted it back then. Even to myself..." he let his words trai off - they made my eyes snap back to his face.

„You still remember how you longed to do me in?"

„You were giving me such a hard time... Always." I told him. And it was true. Thinking of my first few months in SOLDIER, they´d been tough. He´d been such an asshole back then.

He´d given me a hard time back then, and somehow he was giving me a hard time now.

Somehow he always wanted more from me than I was actually able to give.

„I´m sorry." his eyes were sincere.

I only shook my head.

„It´s okay." I just said. My voice suddenly soft.

„I´m over it."

I don´t know why but suddenly my eyes were stinging and my vision was getting blurry with tears.

I averted my gaze instantly.

And there I was again. About to cry, trying hard to mask my feelings in front of him. Just like in the old times.

If he really fell in love with me all this time ago...

Then why did he have to torture me like this? Why did he have to go so hard on me all those years? Back then it had felt like the only thing he was intending was to break me, to see me crumble at his feet.

He seemed to be reading my mind though.

„I didn´t know how to cope with my feelings." he admitted as suddenly I felt my chin lifted by his ungloved fingers. „I think I didn´t even realise what they were until much later. The only thing I knew back then was that you were becoming a weakness. My weakness. Just like I seem to have become yours..."

His words rendering me utterly speachless I just stood there rooted to the spot – staring up at him in amazement.

Having the General say things like this – to openly talk about his feelings – it was weird - scary almost.

Our gazes locked – his hands reaching for my sides – the man in front of me slowly leaning in again - it was only a few seconds later that our lips met in yet another kiss – first gentle, then needy – it was enough to take my mind off all those haunting memories.

With the General´s arms wrapped around me tightly and my fingers tangled in his hair - our tongues engaged in mortal comabt - I was granted another few moments in paradise before suddenly the sound of approaching noises made me pull away with a start.

„Her behaviour... I´m just not sure what to make of it..." I heard Zack´s voice coming from the direction of the houses.

„I mean Lebreau is great... Everything about her... I´m just not sure I really have a chance with her..."

„Don´t worry. Somehow I have a knack for spotting people´s feelings. Even if they try and hide them. And I can assure you, she´s head over heels for you..." I heard Angeal answer from less than hundred meters away.

"Really? ... I don´t know man..."

Risking a peak around some nearby bushes, to my horror, I realised the two of them making their way straight towards us.

 _Shit._

I so wasn´t ready to be found here. Hiding in the bushes making out with General Sephiroth Crescent. Not by Zack. If he got wind of this, whole Bodhum would be informed in what was probably less than half an hour.

I was about to turn around and bolt into the other direction when I felt my wrist catched in my lover´s hands again.

„No. Don´t go..." the General whispered pleadingly.

„Please..."

I just gave him an incredulous stare.

„What am I doing wrong?" his brilliant mako eyes were huge and I felt his hands sqeeze my wrist imploringly.

„Nothing..." I replied hastily, eager to get away from here – where Zack and Angeal were about to find us any second.

„Then why do you keep doing that?" he asked.

„Keep doing what? Kissing you?" I retorted, risking another peek at the approaching men, before I looked up at him again.

„No... Pulling away like that..." he answered. And now I definitely saw pain etched there into his handsome features.

„Dropping me like a hot potato whenever you sense somebody near us..."

„As if you don´t want to be seen with me..."

Completely lost for words I just stood there staring up at him - my heart twisting painfully inside my chest as I realised what I was doing – what I had been doing all this time – what I was making him feel like. Right now.

„I´m sorry... I..." I muttered, unable to find something to say - those mako killer eyes boring into mine suddenly soft, giving away what he had been hiding from me for such a long time.

The man beyond the mask.

„It hurts." he said. And I knew it was true. And suddenly it hurt me too.

„Please stay..." he begged again. And I knew there was no way I could object, no way that I could leave him now as I sensed those men I knew my friends walking towards us, now only a few meters from where the vegetation still obscured us from their view.

„I..." I protested weakly. I knew it was no use.

„They know anyway..." he insisted.

And maybe he was right.

The silver haired first class leaning down to kiss me one more time, this time I didn´t pull away - forced myself to focus on the sensation of the kiss instead of worrying over my unsuspecting comrades´ reactions – and it wasn´t until finally we pulled apart again that I found the two of them down by the shore many meters away from us still engaged in conversation – that I realised they had walked straight past us.


	98. Chapter 98

Chapter 98

Lightning´s POV

Time continued onwards. And so did our lifes.

It was about two weeks later that the guys left our parent´s old beach house already bursting with so many people living inside at once to move into some appartments of their own. Genesis, Sephiroth, Angeal and Cloud moving to an appartment complex about ten minutes away from our place where I continued to live with Serah and Snow, while Zack moved in with Lebreau.

The two of them were now officially a couple – to noone´s big surprise.

It took me a little while to get used to it.

The beachhouse now deserted - compared to what it had been like before - it suddenly felt too large and too empty to be allowed.

I did see the guys a lot at work and sure we spent some of our freetime together, but living there with only my family it wasn´t the same as before.

Also I missed Sephiroth.

Although we hadn´t really spent a lot of time together when he had lived with us – still knowing he wasn´t in the same house but in fact blocks away – it definitely didn´t feel the same.

There just weren´t enough opportunities to run into him anymore.

And I realised I wanted him near me - wanted him close to me – needed him.

Of course we had our private moments. Our private own little minutes of bliss - of paradise - were at least for a small amount of time – completey unobserved – we managed to escape into our own world – managed to flee from reality.

But there just never seemed to be enough time, not enough dark alcloves to sneak into, or coves, or walls or bushes to hide behind.

And although I knew he really wanted to and I knew that it was stupid and childish and crazy to keep this - whatever it was we had going on between us - a secret, I just couldn´t bring myself to make this official.

With Angeal and Zack almost catching us that time on the beach, I knew it was only a matter of time until somehow they would find out anyway - but yeah... I so wasn´t going to be the one to drop the bomb.

Anyway, there were much more pressing problems to be dealt with.

It was about a month after we had joined the guarian corps, about two weeks after the guys had finally moved into their own places that the sightings occured.

Beast.

Monsters.

Lots of them.

Creatures that would normally roam the woods surrounding Bodhum – would stay hidden behind the covers of the bushes, they suddenly started invading the city.

More and more of them every day.

And nobody knew where they were coming from and more importantly, why.

* * *

It was at least a week after the frist sighting had occured and I had just returned to the Guardian Corp´s base at the center of the city – returned form another patrol with Zack – another 3 hours spent slaying monsters – with my new uniform drenched in monster juices, it almost felt like those low rank missions in the slums of Midgar again.

„Hey guys! What´s up?" Genesis greeted from behind the coffee maschine, busy pimping his coffee with a shot of rum.

 _Yummy -.-_

„Nothing much." Zack replied.

„Just another great sunny day spent outside admiring nature´s beautiful wildlife." he added pointing at is blood drenched shirt.

„Ughh you two look like you could take a shower!" the first class observed, scrunching up his nose in disgust as he walked over to set his coffee cup on the huge table in the middle of the room.

„Anything unusual?" I suddenly heard Sephiroth´s voice as coming out of one of the adjoining offices he made to join us – our eyes meeting for a tiny moment, I couldn´t help but feel the longing to be alone with him again.

To feel him close to me.

To feel his skin on my own.

To kiss him...

To be with him...

It was rather irksome really.

„Uhm... No." Zack answered when I didn´t answer whatsoever.

„Except for their display of poor body hygene of course!" Geneses threw in.

I already felt one of Zack´s cheeky retorts coming on when suddenly the front doors were thrown open and Angeal came striding inside, the carcass of a huge doglike creature slung over his shoulder. He carried it over to the briefing table where he unceremoniously dumped it onto the table top, spilling Genesis´s cup of coffee in the process.

„Angeal... What did we tell you about bringing food from home?! You can buy stuff at the cafeteria you know!?" the redhead started, the other´s just staring at the dead animal lying in the middle of the table, a fool decaying stench radiating from it´s fur, it instantly filled the entire room.

„What is this thing?!" Zack asked, carefully approaching the dead beast on the table – the rest of us just staring at the creature lying there in front of us.

„I don´t know..." I heard myself pipe up. „I´ve never seen anything quite like it..."

And it was true.

That thing – albeit having spent my entire childhood and adolescence here in Bodhum – I had never seen anything like it.

With the head reminding of a dog´s, huge bulging eyes, and teeth, teeth much sharper and much longer than any dog´s could ever be, with it´s paws and legs strangely deformed, I let my eyes trail to it´s side where a huge gaping wound sat – a large chunk of flesh missing where something had almost bitten it in two.

„I did some research guys..." Angeal began. „And honestly... There are no recorded sightings of a beast like this..."

The rest of us just staring at the carcass lying on the table completely lost for words, with it´s blood oozing from the wound and slowly ruining the carpet, it was Sephiroth who took a step forward to closer inspect the wound.

„Look at that wound..." He started, looking up to meet my eyes, the pensive look in those deep green pools of mako, I didn´t like it. Not at all.

„I wonder what had caused this."

Sure I wondered too.

Whatever it was, it certainly had to be something big.

* * *

It was later that day that – Zack an me already cleaned up and in a fresh pair of uniforms – the 6 of us old SOLDIER comrades met in the city center square to go for a drink.

The topic of the mysterious beast number one on the list of conversation topics, I didn´t really care to join the talk.

My thoughts they were elsewhere.

And I wasn´t the only one it seemed.

They were on the silver haired male occupying the seat on the other side of the table, mako green eyes fixed on mine at all times, our legs unbeknowest to the others touching underneath the tabletop where Genesis was placing drinks in front of every one of us.

The evening out with our friends, to me it seemed a neverending torture as waiting for the others to finally decide that it was time to go home I sat there, waiting for an opportunity to be alone with Sephiroth again.

And it took an eternity until finally we parted right in front of the pub - the General throwing me meaningful glances, the two of us - unbeknowest to the others - we just vanished into the shadows of a dim lit alley.

Finding myself with my back pressed to the wall (yes I was finding myself a lot in this position recentely^^) I instantly felt his lips crush down on mine, felt his arms around my waist, felt his hands sneak right under my shirt and the nails of his fingers dig into the soft skin of my back - passionately - needy.

„Please come with me." he started once we broke apart. His breathing laboured and one of his hands coming up to cup my cheek I knew exactly where this was leading once again.

„Let´s go to my place. There´s nobody there to bother us... You could stay for the night." he said, his eyes pleading and the hand that had been on my cheek traveling down to my chin, my neck, my collarbone, my cleavage while the other that had been resting on the small of my back was wandering to my butt.

I had a hard time resisting this temptation.

But I did.

„I can´t." I told him.

„Serah will notice. She´ll be worried..."

I knew it was true.

„Then just tell her..." he suggested.

Oh, I so knew he´d bring this up again.

It was without saying a thing that I averted my eyes.

Why did he always have to start with this?

Why did he always have to ruin those few precious moments that we had together with discussing this?!

Why couldn´t he just enjoy this the way it was?

What we had now, wasn´t it enough for him?

Did he always have to ask the impossible from me?!

„I don´t want to hide my feelings anymore!" the General said pleadingly.

„I need you... You are the only thing good that ever happened to me in my entire life..." he added, using one of his hands to make me look up at him again.

„Please..."

„Sephiroth..." I started, the pained look in those mako green eyes silencing me instantly.

„Please..." he insisted.

„No... I... I can´t." I stammered, unsure of what to do – what to say.

„I just can´t..."

„Lightning please... Don´t do this to me. I can´t go on like this much longer." he pleaded, eyes imploring me to give this a shot, to give this a try.

I just shook my head in response.

The man in front of me giving a pained sigh, letting go of my face he took a tiny step away from me.

That handsome face full of emotion just a second ago, it turned back into that coldblooded killer mask in the blink of an eye.

"What am I to you Lightning?" he suddenly asked out of the blue, his voice suddenly cold, steely.

"I... I don´t know... What are you talking about?!" I stammered.

He just shook his head.

„I can´t bear playing your games anymore..." he said.

And then he was off.

* * *

Sorry guys. I know this is getting old. It just had to happen again. Don´t hate me.

But hey there is going to be some huge surprise coming up in the next chap. so hope you are all looking forwards to find out and stay tuned. Until next week;)


	99. Chapter 99

Chapter 99

Lightning´s POV

It was a wendnesday afternoon when finally it happened.

The first incident one of us got injured by one of those mysterious beast.

And unfortunately it had to be me.

I was out with Cloud ridding the streets of some of those beast – this had already become some kind of routine it seemed - and it was in only one second of inattention that I got attacked. Four of those mysterious dog like beasts jumping at me simulatiously.

With Cloud taking care of one on his own and me managing to get rid of two with that one first instinctive blow I sent their way, somehow the last one managed to jump on top of me, it´s long sharp teeth sinking deep into the flesh of my forearm before I managed to throw it off – chasing a bullet straight to it´s skull.

The thing was dead in an instant, but the deed was already done.

I had successfully gotten myself bitten.

 _Great..._

„Are you okay?!" my worried comrade asked approaching me instantly.

„Yes... Just a scrape." I uttered and just pulled my gloves higher up my arm to obscure the wound.

There was just no need for him to see this - lest he was going to try and heal me with cure...

As I already had to find out the hard way, I knew – ofcourse - it wouldn´t work on me.

No...

Last thing I needed now was for the others to find out about my alien cell treatment secret.

It wasn´t a deep wound anyway...

I would just rely on my modified body cells to deal with the wound.

No big deal.

Or so I thought.

For it was only two days later that I started to feel weird.

Sick even.

* * *

The bitewound healing good - great actually - busy with all the work we had these days, I didn´t give the incident with the beast another thought, until suddenly the third day after it had happened, I woke up with a headache and a crazy queasy feeling in my stomach.

It was a saturday and Serah was home - already up and busy cooking breakfast down in the kitchen. The smell of freshly made pancakes wafting up the stairs meeting my nose on my way over to the bathroom, it instantly turned my stomach.

I barely made it to the toilet in time before I threw up big style.

Shit what had I been eating last night?

Realising that albeit feeling sick I was craving for food I went down to get myself some breakfast with Serah and Snow.

I stuffed my face with pancakes just to throw them up the second I managed to make it back to the bathroom.

 _Weird._

My eyes travelling down to my arm, carefully removing the sleeve of the shirt I had put on to cover the wound - there it sat - that bite mark staring me in the face like a startled deer.

It didn´t look conspicious whatsoever.

Neither red nor swollen.

It wasn´t even itching.

Still...

Was there poison in that monster´s fangs?!

„Hey are you okay in there?" I suddenly heard Serah on the other side of the bathroom door.

Yes... I... I don´t know... Might have eaten something wrong yesterday evening. That damn restaurant... I´ll never go and order seafood again anytime soon." I called from my position on the floor.

„Should I call in at work and tell them that you are sick?" Serah asked through the still closed door.

„No I´m going anyway. Just gimme a sec." I replied - carefully making to get up from the cool tiled floor, just to grab the toilet for support as I almost fainted from the ensuing dizzyness.

„Oh... Okay." Serah said

I managed to get on my feet, feeling crazily dizzy and a little faint as I rinsed my mouth with water and splashed my face.

 _Come on Claire..._

I really needed to get myself together.

And that was exactly what I did.

* * *

It wasn´t until the end of next week that I started to get seriously concerned.

The nausea didn´t vanish and with the newspaper full of cases of other people form the city bitten by those strange beasts having to get treated in hospital - an elderly man even dying from the infection that had ensued - I was starting to get more and more worried, that this strange sickness I had contracted wasn´t coming from the food I had had at that restaurant at all.

The wound of the bite on my forearm healed by now - thanks to my jenova cells´ fast healing abilities there was only a scar left by the end of the week.

But still my condition got worse and worse.

I was barely able to keep any food in and I was growing weaker and weaker, barely able to focus on my job anymore, falling into my bed first thing in the evening tired as if I had been participating in a maraton – something I hadn´d experienced ever since I had recovered from my Jenova treatment - I knew something was seriously wrong with me.

I didn´t want to go see a doctor.

I just couldn´t risk anybody finding out about the Jenova cells and with my degenerated body not responding to any form of conservative treatment, I guessed there was nothing they could do for me anyway.

I seriously considered asking Sephiroth for help.

I knew he had amazing abilities when it came to healing my genetically modified body after all and also he knew much more about that stuff than me, obviously.

But well...

We weren´t exactly getting along well these days.

Weren´t even on speaking terms.

 _Again..._

We hadn´t talked at all ever since our last make out in the alley after we had left the pub and yeah... He wasn´t eager to be in my presence these days it seemed - he had developed that new habit of leaving a room whenever he sensed me enter.

Well... Let´s say I wasn´t eager to approach him with this new problem either... Not if it wasn´t absolutely necessary.

Maybe this strange sickness whatever it was would go away on it´s own.

Maybe I just needed to hang in there a little longer...

Yes.

Surely it would be over soon.


	100. Chapter 100

Ohhhh guys! 100 chapters already! I know this is getting incredibly long. Do you guys want me to split this up? Like end the story and make a sequel? Or are you already fed up with this story anyway and are just waiting for it to end? ;) Let me know.

Until you tell me I´ll just keep writing here;)

Anyway.

Thanks for staying with me.

(Next chap of the eternal paradox is online now as well)

* * *

Chapter 100

Lightning´s POV

Days went by without me getting any better.

I had lost a lot of weight, felt tired or dizzy most of the time, the pinkish strands of my hair hanging loosely around my face, I wasn´t even sure I knew this person on the other side of the mirror anymore.

Was it really me?

That stupid desease I had contracted, I felt like it was slowly killing me.

Eating away at me.

I was barely able to make it through the day anymore.

I was feeling weaker and weaker every day and I was barely able ot keep my food in.

I had troubles at work too.

I just couldn´t keep up with it anymore.

All the fighting, that endlessly running around patrolling the streets, the beach, the woods...

Hours on end...

I suddenly wasn´t up to it anymore.

What was suddenly wrong with me?

I couldn´t remember feeling this weak ever since I received my Jenova treatment.

It was almost as bad as in my first few weeks at SOLDIER.

Were the effects of my cell treatment suddenly fading?

I didn´t know.

And I ddin´t know what to do about it either.

So I did my best to keep on going as if nothing had happened, hiding my predicament from the others at work, hiding it from Serah and Snow.

It was no good.

They noticed anyway.

I saw it in the way Angeal would look at me sometimes - his kind dark eyes full of concern, of worry – or the way Zack would ask me whether actually I was alright – whether something was bothering me – or what was going on.

I evaded their questions as best as I could.

What was I about to say?

Whatever I told them it would eventually lead to them trying to cure me with materia or making me go into medical care. And both of those weren´t exactly options. Right?

I could only hope that eventually I would get better on my own.

But I didn´t.

Not at all.

And it wasn´t until about another week later that I was sitting in the bathroom infront of the toilet once again, that finally Serah approached me - that finally I realised that I was screwed. And it were her words that made the world around me crumble.

I had just gotten rid of my breakfast the wrong way again and was about to force myself to get back up on my feet when suddenly I sensed my sister standing in the doorway right behind me.

„Does he know?" she asked out of the blue, making me turn around with a start.

She had caught me throwing up again.

 _Shit._

„Huh? What are you talking about?!" I contered, momentarily confused by what she had said there.

Her words just didn´t make any sense to me.

„Does he know?" she asked again, her gaze travelling down to my stomach and up again to present me with a knowing smile.

„Wha..." I opened my mouth to start again when suddenly it dawned on me.

 _Fuck..._

When had been the last time I had had my period again?!

NO...

Had I actually ever had one since I had returned to Bodhum?

I had...

Hadn´t I?!

Suddenly I wasn´t sure anymore...

No, No, No, No, No...

This so wasn´t happening right now, was it?

NO. FUCKING. WAY.

My expression turning to one of horror, my little sister standing in the door way, she only kept smiling at me.

A warm, kind and understanding smile.

It almost made me throw up again.

„You really should tell him, you know?" she suddenly said giving me an encouraging nod.

„He loves you. He´s got a right to know."

It was the last thing she said before she turned to go, leaving me there on the cold grey tiles of the Farron bathroom, completely devastated.

* * *

It was only ten minutes later that I left the house fully clothed and in a hurry as I rushed down the main street and towards the city´s shopping center, heading straight for the apothecary´s.

I didn´t even remember how I got there. How I got back again.

I didn´t care.

I didn´t even notice my feet hitting the pavement, didn´t even realise where I was until I was back safely locked in in my parent´s old bathroom – as taking a seat on the toilet - my purchase sitting in my lap - I opened the tiny package with shaky fingers.

And it was in a hurry that I read those fine printed instructions – easy to follow really.

Trying to do everything correctly as I tried to pee on that tiny test stick for exactly three seconds – no easy task.

To then just sit there waiting – desperately praying that test to be negative – desperately hoping that what Serah had implied was nothing, just a stupid idea of her´s – desperately hoping that this had nothing to do with... Damn! I didn´t even dare think about this.

No...

It will be negative.

It. Will. Just. Be. Negative.

I´m not pregnant.

I can´t be pregnant.

I just contracted some illness.

Some terrible, leathal illness that´s going to kill me in a few days time.

I´m okay with that.

But I´m certainly NOT pregnant.

Am I?

...

The longest three minutes of my life.

They seemed to stretch into eternity.

Please...

Please let it just be negative...

The waiting symbol on the digital display finally fading, indicating that indeed the time was up, there was a second of blank dark screen until then finally after an seemingly unbearable amount of time, it flashed up again.

Written in bright flashing letters, there was only one single word.

 _Pregnant..._

* * *

 _Soooo guys... Huge surprise? Or did you already see that one coming?_

 _I´m sorry to inform you that with very high propability there won´t be an update next week (holydays and such;)) WHich is also the reason why I gave you this chap early. I hope this chap´s content made up for it though;)_

 _What do you say to the newest developements? Love it? Hate it? Let me know in a review;)_


	101. Chapter 101

Hey guys. Long brake I know. But here´s the next chap. In case you´re still reading.

This chapter is for MissTaarna. :) You can thank her for this update. Because without her I would probably have abandoned writing alltogether.

Thank you.

I won´t promise regular updates. Because I already know I can´t keep that.

So I´ll just update when I´ve got the time.

But I will finish this.

Promise.

Now on with the chap.

* * *

Sephiroth´s POV

I was lying in my bed wide awake.

The thin cotton blanket was only covering my feet and the clock on the nightstand read 3:30 am.

Sleep was successfully evading me – had done so for the past three nights – and although I was tired (I really was) it was impossible for me to relax, impossible for me to clear my mind of my pink haired comrade I so unfortunately had fallen in love with.

I knew something was off, something was wrong with her.

It wasn´t the fact that she didn´t want to see me, that she didn´t want to talk to me, evaded me on every possible occassion...

No.

I was okay with that...

We´d been through that a thousand times already.

No...

It was something else entirely.

The way she had been keeping to herself. Avoided contact with everyone. With Genesis and Angeal. Even with Zack.

The way she seemed constantly tired. Sick almost...

And how she had entered the station that day, her eyes puffy and red... It didn´t take a shrink to realise that she´d been crying, that something was bothering her... A lot.

But no matter how much I turned this over in my head I just couldn´t fathom what had upset her that much.

Her.

Claire Farron.

SOLDIER first class.

I knew she wasn´t easy to upset in the first place.

Well...

Upset maybe... But not to an extend that made her cry... Or at least not so much that other people actually noticed.

No...

She usually kept her feelings hidden behind that marble SOLDIER mask I´d tought her to keep on any second...

So why...

Why was she suddenly having such troubles...

Why was that mask suddenly crumbling...

In front of everybody?

I didn´t get it.

But what was I to do?

Should I approach her...?

No she wouldn´t want me to...

Or would she?

No...

No way...

She was evading me at all costs again.

Had been doing so for days.

Maybe adressing such a intimate topic, it wasn´t exactly the subtlest way to make get her to talk to me again...

Not at all...

But what am I to do instead?

Watch her suffer...?

Could I?

I don´t even wanna try...

* * *

LIGHTNING´S POV

I did my best to hide my predicament from the others at work but somehow they noticed anyway.

I say it in Cloud´s curious blue eyes, in the way Angeal would look at me sometimes or the way Zack would ask me whether I was okay, whether something was bothering me or what was going on.

They knew. And I was a terrible liar. But no matter how much I thought about it, I just couldn´t bring myself to talk about it. To anybody.

So instead of reaching out for support, I withdraw further. From Sephiroth. My family. My friends.

I just couldn´t cope with it.

Couldn´t cope with the fear of somebody finding out about the dark little secret that was growing in my whomb.

The monster that was growing in my insides.

Because surely, a monster it would be.

Wouldn´t it?

With Sephiroth the only possible candidate for a father...

With the two of us infected with homocidal extra terrestrial alien monster cells...

I couldn´t imagine the thing growing inside me anything else but exactly that.

A monster.

The seed of Jenova.

Jenova´s legacy.

And it wasn´t only that.

The fucking beast was giving me cramps as if it was going to rip me open and emerge from the torn flesh of my belly any second.

It were those thoughts, those ripples of pain, again that were running through my head, my body, when I lay curled up in a small ball on the carpet of my bedroom, tears streaming down my already burning cheeks.

What was I to do...?

„Are you okay?"

Serah´s standing in the doorway again.

Somehow she seems extra curious those past days.

Well... I can´t blame her. Her sister is with child after all. -.-

„Yes. I´m fine. Thanks." I stammer. Gritting my teeth to hide another sob.

I´m glad I´m facing the wall this time.

So she cannot see my face – my pain – my torment.

Well...

She catches on anyway.

„Maybe you should quit, you know." She suggests from somewhere behind me.

I can only furrow my brow.

„Huh?"

„Because of the baby... Maybe you should quit the Guardian Corps. Just stay here. Relax a bit..." she clarifies.

„No... No... I´m fine..." I assure her quickly.

Quit the Guardian Corps. No way.

How am I supposed to pull that off without everybody asking stupid questions?!Without anybody realising...

Impossible...

„But... It´s dangerous..." Serah argues. „With all of those beasts... This isn´t about you alone anymore... You have to think of the baby too. What if something happens to you..."

I can only shake my head.

Getting killed by one of those mutant dog things...

Suddenly it doesn´t seem one of the worst things that could happen to me.

„You still haven´t told them, hm?" Serah says.

And she is right of course.

„You really should, you know. You won´t be able to hide it forever."

She is right of course.

I won´t be able to hide much longer.

Soon my belly was going to go... Well... Huge...

„Serah..." I start carefully.

There´s something going through my mind. Something I´ve been thinking about for the past few days. A thought that had occured to me the second that I had taken that fatal pregnancy test.

„Hm?"

„I... I think I...What if I don´t want it?" I begin tentatively.

„Don´t want what..." My sister answers stupidly.

Turning around to give her that `Serah... Please.´ look, I see her eyes go huge the second she realises what I mean.

„You... You don´t want the baby?! But..." she stammers.

I see hurt and confusion chasing around in that pretty head of her´s.

„Serah... It doesn´t fit me. It doesn´t fit into my life... It... I´m... I´m not like you!" I try to explain.

Serah is devastated at the thought of it.

I can see it in her pale blue eyes.

„It is your decision..." she finally sais before she turns away.

And she is right.

It´s my decision indeed.

* * *

Thanks for reading! And for staying with me;)


	102. Chapter 102

Hello guys! Thank you so much for your support and for still reading this story. I was surprised there were so many people who were happy to read from me. So here´s the next part. I know chapters in this story are short and have always been and some of you guys were asking me to include more text into less chapters but really... I don´t want to keep parts of the story from you that are freshly written. If chapters were longer it´d take ages until you could read the next part. So I´d rather keep it that way. Give you small pieces more frequently than big chunks twice a year. I hope you guys are okay with that. And enjoy the next one.

Thank you for reading, reviewing, writing PM... Everything. It helps me a lot. And I really do appreciate your kind support.

* * *

Chapter 102

LIGHTNING´S POV

Hours grew into days.

And days grew into weeks.

My cramps weren´t getting any better. But at least they were getting less frequent. A lot less frequent, actually, mercifully giving me the opportunity to pursue my missions in those temporary gaps of peace.

And it was a good thing too.

With more and more of those vicious dog like creatures roaming the streets of Bodhum every day, the Guardian Corps couldn´t afford any weak links in their chains anymore.

No. The citizens of Bodhum needed us. Needed to get protected. And it was our duty to help them out.

And about my own secretly growing problem...

Well...

I still hadn´t decided what to do.

Still hadn´t come up with a solution.

The much I wanted to get rid of it, the tiny beast growing in my insides, the more I feared my Jenova cell anomaly discovered by some doctor crowning himself the next genious of this misguided generation. It really was the last thing that I needed. Was there a possibility for someone to find out about my treatment if I had a stay at the hospital?

Well... Even if they had no clue what they are dealing with they most likely would realise something was wrong with me.

My body didn´t behave like a normal person´s should after all...

And then there´d be blood tests.

And examinations...

And, and, and...

The list of my worries was endless.

No... I couldn´t just go to hospital to get this removed... Someone was bound to notice something.

What then...?

What was I going to do?

Keep it?

Impossible!

No way!

So in lack of a better solution I just didn´t do anything at all.

Maybe, if I was lucky, the thing would die before somebody even noticed.

I mean I hadn´t exactly taken care of myself, of the „baby".

I had been exercicing, and fighting, had exhausted myself on plenty of occassions. I hadn´t eaten properly. I´d even received a few hits to my belly in some of my fights against the dog- like beasts...

Surely those weren´t exactly the best conditions for a baby to grown...

Yes... Maybe... Maybe I was just going to loose it anyway.

Lots of woman loose their children in the first few months of pregnancy... Right?

Right.

There was no reason I couldn´t be one of them...

Or was there?!

Would my Jenova cells even allow it?

* * *

„Hey... What are you doing?!"

I was crouching next to one of the mutant dog cadavers I had just slayed, my belly pains kicking in full force again like they did so often these days, especially after doing something particulary exhausting.

It was Sephiroth´s voice that rang out behind me and it instantly made my blood freeze.

Not him... -.-

I hadn´t been talking to him ever since I found out about my condition.

Not a single word.

And somehow I knew, I couldn´t look into his face, his eyes.

Well... I had no choice this time it seemed.

„Nothing... I was just – AHGHHH!" I started, jumping back on my legs to avoid suspicion when the beast inside my belly mercilessly hit me with one of those cramps again, the intensity of the pain making me double over instantly.

Fuck... Why now -.-

„Lightning!"

He is at my side instantly and I feel one of his gloved hands grabbing my upper arm supportively.

„Are you injured?!" The first class general asks instantly, as stepping in front of me to check my face, I feel his other hand coming to rest at my waist.

No, no, no...

This was not how this day was supposed to go.

Not at all.

I internally scream at him to step away from me, but as much as I want it, I cannot afford to push him away. Without the support of his arms, I might as well tumble to my knees.

„No... No I´m okay." I try to assure him, helplessly clutching my abdomen.

It´s no use.

He doesn´t buy it.

Mako green eyes boring into mine relentlessly, he doesn´t let go even when I try to pull away.

It´s only a few seconds later that I feel my hand pushed away from my belly and the front of my dirty Guardian Corps uniform tugged upwards to expose the sensitive skin of my luckily still flat looking stomach. And my eyes widen in horror when I see him shedding his gloves, when feel his hand press against my skin, right at the spot where unbeknowest to him his child is growing in my womb.

Our child...

The thought of it... It causes a funny feeling to settle in stomach.

Our child...

„Shh... Hold still... You might suffer from internal injury." he commands and I comply.

What else can I do.

Eventhough Shin-Ra, SOLDIER, is no more, he´s still my boss. My general. Will always be.

It´s only natural for me to follow his orders...

I only watch as he closes his eyes, watch his brow furrow in concentration as he focuses on our Jenova cell bond to use it to heal what he thinks is just an injury from my previous fight and the second I feel our cells connect, the pain stops and the cramps are gone...

Great.

So it can´t listen to me. But it does listen to it´s father...

It´s bound to be a boy. -.-

A boy...

Sephiroth waits for my muscles to relax, for my breathing to even as my body comes down from those waves of pain.

Thank you general...

„Did you receive a blow to your abdomen?"

I make to look into his eyes the second he opens them again. Beautiful mako green eyes. Full of concern... Full of couriosity.

We both know a kick to the abdomen from one of these dogs wouldn´t cause me pain like that. Would´t probably even register in my mind. Hojo had made sure of that...

He knows that... Right?

He´s bound to know.

And I realise this is it. That moment... I could just tell him... Should tell him...

Should just tell him the truth.

Why not?

He will probably find out one day anyway.

Just like Serah had put it, I won´t be able to hide it forever...

„Lightning?"

The silver haired man in front of me gently reminding me of his presence, it takes me a few moments to organize my thoughts.

„N-no... I mean Yes... I mean maybe... I don´t know... I... I´m not sure..." I stammer.

No. I can´t tell him. I just can´t.

Never.

Mako eyes boring into mine, I know he is about to say something.

Something important.

„Lightning... I-"

I cut him off instantly.

„Thank you." I say.

It makes him swallow the rest of his words.

„It´s much better now." I force my lips to form those words.

And I see relief there in his eyes.

Relief that isn´t mirrowed in my own.

Not at all.

Because I know nothing´s changed.

Nothing´s better.

Nothing´s alright.

Nothing ok.

„Sephiroth! What the fuck are you doing! We´ve still got some work to do!" Genesis shouts from a few meters away.

Impatient as always, the irritating readhead can´t give us even a minute of privacy, it seems.

I hear the general give a low irritated sigh before putting on his gloves again he turns away from me and makes back to our crimson haired comrade.

Our eyes meeting for that tiny moment he turns to look at me once more, to give me a tiny silent good bye...

And it´s the second that he turns away completely that I feel the thing inside me complain violently - that a sharp stinging pain hits my insides again.

As if the thing inside is yearning to be close to him, urging me to follow.

But I just stay dead in my track.

And it´s gone in a matter of seconds.

I can´t let myself be commanded by a bunch of cells growing in my body.

Because surely... That was all it was.

Cells...

A cluster of cells...

Right?

I wasn´t sure.

But one thing I knew.

This thing was stubborn...

Stubborn, just like it´s father...

Yes...

It´s definitely going to be a boy...

No...

No, no, no!

Not a boy...

A _monster._

* * *

So guys... What do you think? Like the direction we are going? Hate it? Miss something?

Let me know. Every single piece of feedback will be appreciated and considered!

Thanks for reading!


	103. Chapter 103

Hey guys. Thank you for your many reviews! I was so pleased.

So here is the next chapter. I´m afraid it´s rather a short one. But hey it contains a surprise in the end;)

Hope you like it.

* * *

Sephiroth´s POV

„Anything new?" Angeal´s voice ripped me out of my musing.

I was examining the carcas of yet another of those weird dog like creatures Cloud and Zack had affectionately baptized „dogsters".

Looking up from my task I found my dear comrade and friend standing in the doorway to my office.

I only shook my head.

No...

It was almost the truth.

Almost.

Although I hadn´t exactly managed to gather any more insights on the beast´s origins, there was still something else... Something more like a dark suspicion, an unsettling crazy idea creeping into my thoughts and festering somewhere at the back of my mind.

Something about those beasts had been bothering me. Had been bothering me every since my first contact with them.

Because yes. There was something strange, something otherwordly about them, something that ran deeper than just their weird looks.

Something strangely familiar...

Something I couldn´t quite place, or in fact didn´t want to.

Yes...

I was wondering whether she could feel it too...

Lightning...

Had their cell abnormalties anything to do with ours?

Somehow I wasn´t sure.

Somehow I had no desire to find out. To investigate this any further...

„Zack found another 2 of them this morning. Upper half of their bodies missing..." Angeal revealed carefully.

„No idea what causes those `injuries´ if you could call it that... But whatever it is... We really need to locate the cause... Or rather identify it. I mean -"

„I know, Angeal." I cut in.

„Whatever it is... We cannot let it get near the city. Don´t you think I´m aware of that?!" I snapped at him.

The black haired first class looking rather taken aback at my unsuspected moodyness, I quickly averted my gaze, suddenly ashamed of my behaviour.

Fuck... I needed to calm down.

Whatever it was that got me so irritated... It definitely wasn´t Angeal´s fault.

No, not at all.

„Anyway... I´m not any closer to locating it´s whereabouts than the rest of you." I offer, carefully controlling my voice and my temper this time.

„Hmm..." Angeal hummed.

„One could think a thing that size is bound to leave some tracks..." He added somewhat suggestively.

Yeah... Tracks. Sure. But there were no tracks at all...

At least no tracks I wanted to find...

* * *

My short exchange with Angeal, it bothered me all day.

Those stupid beast, I couldn´t get them out of my mind.

And there was something else that was bothering me.

Lightning...

Or rather her strange behaviour...

I had suspected something was off with her, but what I´d seen yesterday...

She´d gotten herself injured by one of the dogsters...

How was this even possible?!

I mean, they migh pose a challenge when they attack in packs... But Lightning...

With her abilities I´d thought she´d be more than up to it...

Still... She´d gotten herself hit and possibly had received internal injury... It had been a lucky coincidence I´d been there...

But really...

When exactly had she gotten so weak?

Where the effects of the Jenova mutation wearing off again?

No...

It wasn´t possible.

I´d felt it there.

Our connection.

It had been as strong as ever.

Her cells´d been responding just the way I knew they would...

What was it then?

Was she seriously ill? Was some kind of desease impairing her abilities?

No... Impossible... I would have felt it.

And still... I had felt something, hadn´t I?

I had felt something strange... Something that shouldn´t have been there...

Hadn´t I?

Hmmm... Or maybe I hadn´t.

Maybe it was just the fact that she wasn´t exactly happy to let me in that had made the experience feel slightly different then before.

And that was exactly it, right?

She wasn´t happy to do anything with me anymore. Seemed not exactly pleased to see me whenever our paths did cross accidentally...

How did it come to that exactly?

What had I done wrong?

Suddenly I couldn´t remember anymore...

I only wanted us to be together...

To be a family...

I loved her.

I still did.

But she didn´t even want to make our relationship official.

Why?

What was so wrong with me she didn´t want anyone to know the two of us were together...

Why did it always have to be a secret?

Maybe she never really wanted to be with me in the first place?

Was that it?

No it couldn´t be... Right? RIGHT?

Maybe I should have given here more time...

Maybe I´ve just been trying too hard...

Giving a frustrated sigh I make to exit my office and not caring to look where I was going, I ran straight into something soft.

Or someone rather.

„Shit... I´m sorry, I didn´t -"

Looking up in surprise I suddenly find myself face to face with a pretty tall woman, sun tanned bronze skin and wavy dark hair framing a confident face with sparkling green eyes, a cocky smile forming on her lips as her shock of being run into slowly passes.

My gaze shortly lingering at the beauty mark beneath her right eye, I carefully take a step backwards to take in the stranger´s appearance.

The strange woman who couldn´t be older than 25, she wore a strange kind of dress, more like a sari really, blue in it´s colour and a black top underneath.

There was a large tattoo there on her arm and a spear clasped in her hand.

No... I´d certainly not seen her before.

Ever.

I had my hand ready at Masamune´s hilt in less than a second.

„Who are you and what are you doing outside my office?!"


	104. Chapter 104

Hey guys! Thank you so much for your feedback on that last chap! I know it got a bit confusing in the end but things will make sense fast.

Anyway. I´m probaby not going to be able to write anything for the next two weeks so I´m going to publish this and another one or two chaps over the next two days to make up for it! I hope you enjoy. So here´s the first:

* * *

Lightning´s POV

„Oerba Yun Fang, huh?" Genesis theatrical voice bounced off the ceiling of the guardian corps station´s entrance hall and around the walls of my brain.

„What a pleasure to meet you my love." he muttered in a silky voice while my pale blue eyes were busy staring daggers in that female newcomer´s back.

Oerba Yun Fang. What stupid kinda name was that supposed to be in the first place?

„The pleasure´s on my side... uhm..." the stranger replied out of courtesy. I could easily sense the discomfort in her voice...

Well... Genesis seemed to have that effect on a lot of people...

„Genesis! Genesis Rhapsodus! Former elite Soldier of Shin-Ra!" The redhead eagerly intruduced himself, proudly throwing out his chest.

„But... For you... Just Genesis."

Ugh...

I´ve heard enough.

I´ve seen enough.

My insides churning uncomfortably, I feel ready to throw up again.

I´d been watching her all day.

And the evening before.

Her... The pretty mysterious stranger, who was stalking aroung the sation now as if she owned the place...

Yes..

I´d seen her have dinner with Sephiroth, Zack and Angeal last night at Lebreau´s, had watched in dismay as the silver haired general had let her sit next to him...

The way she´d occasionally touched his arm in conversation and the way he hadn´t cut it off yet...

The way he´d talk with her and even laugh about some of her doubtless stupid jokes...

I had seen her pace the beach prominade with Sephiroth this afternoon. Alone.

And it hadn´t escaped me one second, the way she´d been looking at him ever since I arrived at the station today. Those secret glances she´d been throwing his way whenever she thought noone was looking, the way she´d been checking him out every possible opportunity.

And she was doing it again.

Trying to catch his gaze with those sparkling green eyes of her´s... As if silently trying to ask him to help her get away from all of this, from Genesis constant brabble and from all the curious eyes that were watching her in the entrance hall.

And it hadn´t escaped my notice either... The way the silver haired general looked back. That curious familiar stare his stern mako green eyes used to reserve for me. And me only.

And it made my insides burn.

Burn with...

With what exactly?

Was I jealous?

Was it making me insecure?

Was I scared?

Scared...

Scared of what?

Loosing him to that bitch?!

No way...

Or was I?

Uhm... We weren´t exactly together in the first place, weren´t even on speaking terms...

Was it possible this strange brunette woman had piqued general Sephiroth Crescent´s interest?

No.. No way...

They´d only met few days ago... This woman couldn´t possibly pose a serious threat to me... Or could she?

Hm...

Following the source of my discomfort to the other side of the room I stopped dead in my tracks as I saw her side with Sephiroth again... The two of them engaging in what seemed to be a very interesting conversation, I watched in utter horror as I saw the father of my unborn child crack a smile at something she had sad.

The way that smile of his just reached his eyes...

It was making my skin erupt in goosebumps.

It had taken years of having the hell beaten out of me by him at Shin-Ra for me to finally see that smile. Years. And now he´s dropping his mask in front of this girl after barely days...!

It was only a second before the two of them found their way outside and out of my view, the front doors of the guardian corps base closing with a heavy thud I am left inside with my heart pounding fast inside my chest.

No, no, no, no!

That was all wrong...

What was going on?

Why were they spending so much time together?

And why was he laughing at her stupid jokes?!

He hadn´t looked at me even once since I had entered that room. Had he? No.. His attention had been set on this girl ever since she had arrived here and I... I...

„Hey Lightning... Gotta check the caves for beasts again. Are you coming?" Zack suddenly asked out of nowhere. I hadn´t even realised he had been standing right next to me.

„Lightning?" He prompted when I made no move to answer but just kept staring at the couple making down the street together throught the station´s window.

„Why are they spending so much time together?"

„Huh?!"

I hadn´t even realized I´d said that aloud. I didn´t even care.

„This Fang girl..." I clarified.

„What-?... Oh... Uhm... Dunno... She kinda offered to help with those beasts and... Guess he´s showing her around or something?" Zack said carefully, rewarding me with a strange look.

„Why... Why is it bothering you?" He inquired even more careful.

Shooting him a venumous glare I just bend down to pick up Blaze Edge leaning against a corner before straightening my uniform, I started towards the front door.

I was so not going to answer this question.

„Are you coming or what?" I barked at Zack who only looked at me with huge confused eyes.

„S-Sure.." he said catching up with me.

And off we were.

Clearing another piece of the map of monsters.

Like we did now almost every day.

While my former mentor and lover... the father of my unborn child... was enjoying himself with that woman.

Oerba Yun Fang.


	105. Chapter 105

Sephiroth´s POV

„So this is one Bodhum´s famous beaches..." Fang had said somewhat dreamily. „I can´t deny it´s pretty."

„It is." I had answered carefully.

And it had only been a second later that I had felt the touch of her hand on my arm, making me stop dead in my tracks and stare at her inquisitively.

Those months here at Bodhum, they had changed me. Had changed me a lot.

Never had I dreamed of a day where I´d feel comfortable enough around people to let a stranger touch me without instinctively reaching for my sword.

Somehow those white sandy beaches, the soft gentle sea breeze, so far away from Midgar and the grasp of Shin-Ra, they had a calming effect on me...

I felt like a different person altogether.

A person. Rather than a company controlled war machine.

Those who´d been chaining me down for my entire life finally gone. Finally. For the first time in my life. I was free.

Or was I?

„I can´t believe I´m actually standing here with the famous war hero Sephiroth." the brunette woman had said looking up at me expectantly. And I hadn´t known what to answer... The whole thing making me feel rather uncomfortable.

I hadn´t exactly needed reminding of my oh so noble past...

I had given her a smile though and a tiny shake of my head before I had made to continue down the beach promenade.

„Hey... Did I say anything wrong?" her gentle voice had carried over to me from a few paces behind.

It had only made me emit a pensive sigh.

Stopping under one of Bodhums proud standing palm trees I had turned to look at her again.

„It´s not that... I... It´s just that I´m not exactly proud of most things I did... Especially considering the Wutai Wars." I answered carefully.

Thinking about everything that had happened, everything I had done... It made me realize once again how stupid and naive I had been.

The pretty brunette only studied my face with a curious stare.

„I guess we all have done things we´re not proud of." She suddenly said. And I was not ready to feel her touch on my hand this time.

It was making me flinch. But only a little. I don´t think she had even noticed.

She was right of course. But couldn´t she see the extend of what I had done in my past? All those life´s I had taken. Just because Shin-Ra had told me to?

Did she even know what she was talking about?

She probably didn´t...

But it wasn´t her fault, right?

She was just a normal person. A normal woman, who´d grown up under normal circumstances. Nothing like me. Nothing like the monster I was... The monster I am.

„I guess you´re right." I reply carefully, giving her another insecure smile.

I wasn´t exactly sure where this conversation was leading. Or that whole walk actually.

Fang had asked me to show her around Bodhum a little and so I had done. I wasn´t doing a lot of joyful freetime activities lately and somehow walking her round the city listening to what she got to tell and answering her questions about our work and the beasts and everything had proven a nice distraction to the dull everyday life I was leading these days. Well... Unitl now at least.

Carefully pulling my hand away from her´s I made to walk down the trodden path again that I knew would lead us back to the main street.

The conversation we´d been having was taking down paths I hadn´t anticipated.

And I was thankful when after a few minutes of silence it changed back to Bodhum and the plague of beasts that had befallen the city.

The reason Fang had actually joined us in the first place.

For helping us fend off those monsters that seemed to not only be roaming the streets of Bodhum now but were spreading to the adjoining villages as well, one of which Fang had come from to get rid of those waves of beasts from the very roots.

And it was a good thing too.

With so many beasts about we could need every hand we could find.

Two weeks had passed since Fang had joined our ranks and she had proven a useful ally ever since. Her performance was remarkable for a simple human. She knew how to fight, how to track down beasts, how to make conversation and when to shut up.

And sure... We all enjoyed her company and welcomed her help and everything, but still after all those days somehow her presence still made me feel uneasy.

This strange woman. None of her actions made sense to me.

There were those times when she´d try and catch me on my own... Times when I could have sworn she was trying to flirt with me... Times when I wasn´t that sure whether she had joined the corps because she wanted to help or just because she wanted to be near me.

I knew it all seemed a little far fetched. But still... I couldn´t shake off the feeling that she was trying to be close to me, always eager to catch my attention.

And she succeeded too.

With those huge sparkling green eyes and that pretty cocky smile of her´s listening to whatever she had to say was hard to resist.

It wasn´t that I had any interest in her... Not beyond what was normal considering a colleague... But still I found I enjoyed her company, her attention.

It was a nice feeling to be admired again, to feel important to someone. Something I hadn´t felt in a very long time.

And although we got along well, although it was kind of flattering and everything the way she treated me I still wasn´t sure what to think of her.

I couldn´t deny the fact that I liked her. She was funny. Was intelligent. I appreciated her company and her small witty comments. It was refreshing, was nice to have her around. Still.. I couldn´t shake off the thought that she was having ulterior motives... Motives concrerning pretty much me...

Because yes. She was always around me, always trying to humor me, talking to me, touching me even... And there was something else... Lightning... Those murderous glares she´d been fixing Fang with whenever they ended up in the same room, those accusing glances she´d throw my way whenever she thought I wasn´t looking...

Clearly my former apprentice didn´t approve of my newest acquaintance. Not at all.

But what was she tinking? I wasn´t sure.

Somehow I never knew what was going through that stubborn head of hers.

Somehow she´d never let me in. Just push me away. Hadn´t it always been that way?

It had.

And as much as I wanted things to be different... Well it had been her who´d stopped talking to me. Who´d started evading me again at all costs.

Sure, I was thinking about her.

Every night.

Every day.

All those things I had said. All those things I had wanted. Still wanted...

They were merely dreams... Stupid dreams.

I wanted her. Wanted us to be a family.

I had told her so.

A hundred times.

She´d made clear it wasn´t what she wanted. Right? She had!

Sometimes she hadn´t even listened, hadn´t wanted to hear about it.

She wanted nothing to do with me now...

Then why was she sending me those glances. Why was she looking at me like that all the time?!

„Hey, watch out!"

It was only Fang´s voice, paired with my genetically enhanced reflexes and years of hard training that saved me from dying a very painful death as two doglike creatures came flying at me out of nowhere.

My mind had been elsewhere again...

I really needed to be more careful...

I couldn´t allow my thoughts to trail off on duty...

This could have ended badly.

If it weren´t for Fang...

Cleansing my Masamune with a swift motion of my left arm it is stored away by the power´s of my storing materia before the second beast´s carcass has had time to slump to the ground.

„Thank you." I say sincerely, looking up at my shocked new companion.

Her eyes huge, she only takes a tiny step closer, her eyes fixed on the dead monsters in front of us.

These two are bigger than the usual `dogsters´ we had encountered before. Bigger and even more deformed then the ones we were used to fight these days.

„What are they...?" The woman asked carefully.

„Not sure." I answered thoughtfully.

They looked like dogsters. Just heavily mutated...

I had no idea where they´d come from, nor what they were.

But the dark suspicions I´d been nursing somewhere in the deepest corners of my mind only grew.

These aberations... Those mutations... They weren´t normal. Weren´t a natural phenomenon.

They didn´t just happen on their own...

Yes, there was something lurking in those forests. Something that wasn´t supposed to be there.

And suddenly I could feel it.

That strange pull. Luring me deeper into the hart of the forest. Asking me to follow that urge...

And yes, there was something.

Something within me indeed.

Begging for me to be united with what I was supposed to be part of from the beginning.


	106. Chapter 106

Hey guys!

I know this is short and dull but I will upload another 2 chaps tonight/tomorrow the latest. Promise! Have a good time!

* * *

SEPHIROTH´s POV

That feeling that had overcome me at the edge of the forest when I had been hunting with Fang, it never quite left me, hadn´t left my thoughts even for a second.

There was something nasty going on in these woods. I knew that. And I couldn´t much longer ignore it either.

„The origin of those beasts... It is somewhere in the middle of that forests. I know it Angeal." I stated matter-of-factly.

„We have to find a way to make this stop. They are getting bigger. And they´re getting stronger. And we know there´s something even bigger hiding in there." I added carefully inspecting the wound that supposedly bigger thing had torn into the body of one of the huger dogsters.

Angeal only gave a silent nod.

His expression was grave.

He knew I was right.

That much was for sure.

But he also knew this whole story was unsettling me to no end or I would have gone straight to the heart of the forest myself. And the fact that something was making me stop was something that was greatly worrying the black haired first class.

He´d probably never seen me this concerned before.

Well... Certainly not about a beast. Not even those weapon things...

No, this was different.

And Angeal knew it too.

Yes... What if there was something worse waiting inside that forest? Something more terrible than those weapons we´d faced. Something I probably couldn´t handle. Something I´d been trying to deny, to forget...

I didn´t even want to think about it.

No...

I dearly needed a break from all of this.

Just a little break...

It was already getting dark when the two of us made it back to the station.

And I was greeted by a pair of accusing blue eyes the second I entered the hall.

Lightning...

Standing on the other side of the room she was busy stacking some of her files and for a few seconds our gazes locked like they used to do back when we were still at HQ. Back when I used to give her a hard time.

Lightning...

Could she feel it too?

That presence in the woods?

I wondered...

* * *

LIGHTNING´s POV

„There´s something he isn´t telling us." I overheard Zack pointong out the obvious.

He was talking about Sephiroth of course.

And I couldn´t help but find my mind drifting back to him and the look he´d given me in the entrance hall that day.

I had almost thought he was going to approach me... To talk to me.

But he hadn´t.

No... The only person he had eyes for these days was Fang. -.-

He probably haden´t even really seen me...

„Hmm... No... I don´t buy it... Why would he do that?" Cloud said somewhat stupidly.

I could only roll my eyes.

Cloud really could be dense sometimes.

„No idea..." Zack mused.

He had no idea either.

But sure. Zack was right. The general knew something. Something he wasn´t telling anyone.

Not even Angeal.

And to be honest I didn´t like it either.

„Are you coming to the party later?" Cloud swiftly changed the topic. He never seemed eager to talk about anything work related.

„Sure. Lebreau is probably already there." Zack answered.

"Haven´t seen her all day."

And it was just a few moments later that he turned around, blue puppy eyes looking at me questioningly.

„What?" I asked slightly dumbfounded.

We were on one of our scouting-the-streets-for-roaming-beasts missions and I really could care less about their constant chatter.

„Are you coming too?"

I only stared at him.

It was just another friday evening with one of their friday night chill outs at the beach that had seemed to have become one of their after-work hours traditions... Completely without me.

„Uhm... No... I don´t know." is my only answer.

„Oh come on you never join our evenings anymore... Where are the good old SOLDIER times?!" Cloud said somewhat accusingly.

Yeah... Those good old SOLDIER times... Where were they exactly?

„I... I´m tired..." I started tentatively.

„But... I´ll give it a thought... Okay?" I added quickly when I saw the look on my comrades´ faces.

„Maybe... After I´ve had a shower and everything..."

„Great!" Cloud and Zack chimed in unision.

I didn´t feel that great about it...

I hadn´t felt much like going out lately, had I?


	107. Chapter 107

So here´s the next chap. It´s a little longer this time. Hope you enjoy!

* * *

LIGHTNING´S POV

The sun was already about to set when I arrived.

I had gotten home, taken a shower, taken a short nap and had forced myself out of my bed and into one of Serah´s more stylish summer dresses about an hour later, suddenly determined to go.

I hadn´t done anything fun in a very long time and I felt strong enough that day... Surely I could handle a few hours in a deck chair.

It was late when finally I entered the promenade that led to the beach and the party was already in full swing. There was fancy music and the sound of voices and the smell of fires greeting me before I could even see the bar, the people, the multicoloured seats and tents.

Reaching the beach I pulled off my sandals to feel the sand on the bare skin of my feet.

It was still warm.

Warm and reassuring.

 _Tonight´s gonna be a good night, I thought._

 _Tonight I´m going to talk to Sephiroth..._

Or at least that was what I told myself.

Yes...

Our silence had lasted long enough.

 _Tonight I´m going to set things straight again._

I kept repeating those sentences in my head again and again as I fought my way through the throng of people, trying to make my way over to the bar where I thought I´d peeked a glimpse of Genesis´ crimson hair.

I had half reached the place when I stopped dead in my tracks and the good mood I´d been talking myself into vanished into thin air.

The silver haired man I´d been hoping to meet was nowhere to be seen. But in his place there was that annoying brunette woman leaning against the bar at Genesis´ left, Cloud, Zack and Lebreau lounging somewhere close to them. Angeal was nowhere to be seen either...

Great. Fang...

This was proving to become a jolly evening for sure... -.-

I try to make myself approach them nonetheless but the second I take a step forward I see my two missing comrades join the party from the other side of the bar.

Sephiroth and Angeal.

And I feel my heart beat significantly faster at the sight of him...

Feel that strange fluttery feeling at the back of my stomach again at the prospect of talking to him...

Of hearing his low husky voice...

And then I feel my heart plummet and smash into the ground when I see the brunette woman rushing forward to greet him with a hug.

A hug that seemed pretty welcome to the silver haired first class since he didn´t seem to have threatened to hack her hands off yet.

And I feel my heart ache.

He´d never greet me with a hug anymore...

Had I really lost him to that cow?

Him... The only man I´d ever loved?

How could I have been so stupid...

How could I have let this happen?!

* * *

SEPHIROTH´s POV

That party on the beach was just as any other I had attended with my comrades since I had arrived here. Except of course for Fang.

It was the first of those nights that she attended with us and she seemed more excited than I had ever seen her.

Angeal and I had taken a little longer to arrive and the others seemed to be half drunk already, especially the young brunette woman who greeted me with a hug and a few nice words...

It was weird... The way she seemed to feel so comfortable around me...

My authority really must have suffered a lot since we left Midgar...

„There you are!" She said, her green eyes sparkling up at me happily.

„I´ve been missing you, General..." She added seductively as she pulled me away from the others by my arm and over to the bar.

„Tequilla for my handsome friend!" she ordered immediately, before she turned back to study my face, a huge smile on her lips.

„I´ve been waiting for you all evening!" She explained, batting her eyelids.

„You didn´t wait with the drinking, I fear." I answered somewhat chilly, but yes... It was amusing in a way, the way she seemed to sway there on her own feet.

I´d never seen Lightning get herself drunk like this, or had I?

Yes, maybe I had... But I´ve certainly never heard her call me her handsome friend.

No... She had more sense than that...

„There you go!" Fang said, shoving the little glass into my empty hand before taking her own one and putting it to her lips.

„Cheers." She said before she downed the thing, just to order another round the second her empty glass hit the wooden surface of the counter.

I obendiently followed her example.

I wanted a break, right?

Here was my chance.

It was 2 shots later that the feeling of somebody´s eyes boring into the back of my head made me look up and study the crowd.

There were Zack and Lebreau busily making out on one of the deck chairs and Cloud, Genesis and Angeal, at the bar next to us deeply immersed in conversation about a group of single ladies lounging near the waterline.

Watching around some more I glimpsed Maqui and Gadot, some friends of Snow dancing in the crowd, and even some of the other guardian corps members among the other guests enjoying themselves.

It was among a group of people I´d never seen before that suddenly I caught a glimpse of pink.

But it was gone the second I took a closer look.

Could it have been Lightning?

I wasn´t so sure. She hadn´t attended a party in ages.

And I hadn´t seen her around much. Not even at work...

No, it couldn´t be her, right?

Right...

That Tequilla was probably playing tricks on me already...

Or was it?

„Hey! How about a bath in the sea?!" Fang´s voice mercilessly ripped me out of my musings.

„I´ve never taken a bath in the sea before!"

* * *

LIGHTNING´S POV

Had he just seen me?

I wasn´t sure.

He had been staring into my direction for a couple of seconds, but I was pretty sure I was hidden from his sight by a bunch of people.

Next thing I knew he was talking to Fang again and I could only watch in horror as a few seconds later the pretty brunette started shedding her clothes to expose her smoothe brozen skin and a tiny black bikini, the eyes of my fellow comrades bulging, it was Genesis who stood there with his mouth gaping stupidly while Zack had the decency to look away, if only for Lebreau´s sake.

„Come on guys!" I heard the irritating female´s voice as she motioned for them all to follow her down to the water, all the while tugging at the General´s uniform, a futile attempt from her side to make him take it off and join her.

Or that was what I thought until a moment later the silver haired man, MY silver haired man obediently shed his clothes to expose his perfect upper body, Cloud, Angeal and the redhead joining them immediately.

It was carefully making my way over to the bar that I watched the brunette newcomer throwing off the rest of her clothes with my hands curled into fists.

The stupid bitch was showing off her smoothly tanned skin, her gorgeous boobs and behind for all of my comrade´s to see and it was almost too eagerly that that bunch of idiots was ready to take off their shirts and shorts and expose their trained abs and toned upper bodies for the stranger to admire.

Ugh.

It was horrible.

Fang´s attention was fixed on Sephiroth mostly as usual, as shamelessly she let her eyes roam his body as if he were her´s and her´s alone.

UGH!

The beast inside me stirring, I feel the almost irresistable urge to scratch her eyes out.

No.

I cannot watch this.

Not any longer, I thought as turning back to the bar I averted my eyes from the picture of the jolly party now jumping into the cool waves, splashing and laughing as they went.

I didn´t even wanna think about what kind of stuff might be going on under the silent water´s dark surface...

Getting up from my seat I made my way over to the toilets.

I felt tears coming again.

And I had no intention of letting anyone see them fall.

Never.

Things were humiliating enough as they were.

* * *

Lightning´s POV

It was about an hour later that I returned.

Making sure that my face showed no trace of my prolonged crying session – I had checked in the bathroom mirror about a hundred times – I made my way back to the party just to find my comrades at the bar, fully dressed again - it was only their damp hair that gave them away as leaning against the counter, they hadn´t wasted any time getting themselves drunk, it seemed.

Watching them from a safe distance away I saw that Fang girl standing next to Sephiroth again, no, leaning against him actually, it seemed she had gotten so drunk she needed to have her arms around his neck as she was talking to him so she wouldn´t just sink to the ground.

The sight of it, it was making me want to turn around and flee the scene immediately, but it was Angeal who saw me first, giving me one of his inviting smiles as he just waved me over.

Great.

I couldn´t just run away now that they´d seen me, could I?

Making my way over with tiny tentative steps, I come to stand somewhere next to Angeal with the rest of the group looking at me questioningly, there is that awkward moment were all conversation stops and even that Fang girl looks up at me to see what was going on.

It took only a second though before everyone started talking again and I just stood there stupidly, trying hard to evade those pretty mako green eyes piercing my skull from the side now.

„Hey, you came!" Zack said invitingly, sky blue eyes smiling at me.

„You´re late, you´ve been missing out on an awesome nighttime swim!" Cloud threw in.

„Yeah... I´ve been missing out on a lot of things it seems." I say, my voice suddenly very small, I wasn´t even sure they could hear.

„How bout a drink?!" Genesis offers, holding out a bottle of vodka for me to take a swig, but I refuse.

„No. Thanks. I... I can´t."

It was true.

I was carrying a child after all.

I couldn´t afford to drink any alcohol.

The redhed giving me one of his strange looks, my eyes involuntarily travel upwards to meet Sephiroth´s curious green ones.

The man who had gotten me into that mess in the first place looking me dead in the eye, for a tiny moment there I wasn´t sure whether he knew about my secret. Whether he´d known about it for quite some time.

That one time he´d been touching my belly after my fight with that dog thing...

Where he´d saved me from another wave of my pretty uncomfortable pregnancy cramps...

He´d used our Jenova connection there.

Was there a possibility he´d found out right then?

The unsettling stare of the General making me squirm, I quickly decided to look away again.

„What? No alc for you? Are you sure you´re okay?!" Cloud suddenly said, and I want to just hit him in the ball for it.

„No... I.. I think I´ve had too much already..." I lied.

But in a way it was true.

I´ve had enough of it.

This party.

These people.

This situation.

This life...

Suddenly everything about it sucked.

Turning around on my heels, it was without another word that I made my way back into the crowd and away.

Just away.

I needed to get away.

* * *

SEPHIROTH´S POV

Cloud said something about Lightning not drinking and suddenly she was off again. That comment had somehow offended her, or maybe it was something else...

The woman I loved turning around to look back from a few meters away, I found her eyes fixed on my face, our gazes locking for an awkward moment, her stare cold and hostile, I try and give her a reassuring smile.

It was only a second later that she turned to let herself get swallowed by the crowd.

I felt the sudden urge to just go after her.

Yes, it had felt good to see her here. To know she was going out again. That maybe she was feeling better...

I had missed her.

Missed her a lot...

And the sight of her alone had made my heart give a crazy hopeful flutter.

„Hey... What´s wrong pretty boy?" Fang suddenly asked.

She´d been clinging to me all evening and it was really starting to get too much, or maybe it had become to much quite some time ago.

How had I ended up with her arms around my neck in the first place?!

Anyway, I didn´t even really hear her, my eyes following the pink haired first class vanishing somewhere in the crowd, my attention is far away from the drooling woman right in from of me.

The cocky brunette removing one hand from my neck to actually touch my face, to make me look a her, it is just another futile attept to catch my attention.

No... This had been going on for far too long.

Catching her wrist in a firm but gentle grip I carefully put her hand away and back to her side, where surely it belonged.

No... There was only one person I´d ever let touch my face.

„I´m sorry. I can´t." I whisper an appology before gently pushing her away I am off.

Pushing my way through the crowd, it takes me a few minutes myself before I locate my comrade near the exit. A tiny pink dot fighting her way against the throng of people pushing to come in, I try and move faster to reach her before she´d manage to leave th e beach. But I´m not that lucky it seems as once she´s made her way outside she´s quickening her pace to a run, eager to get away from me it seemed.

Shit...

„Sephiroth!"

Fang´s suddenly there behind me.

„What´s going on?" She asked as panting, she gave me a slightly devastated look.

Quickly averting my eyes from my new colleague´s face I feel them land on Lightning again. Just a flash of pink hurrying down the street.

„What... But..." The brunette choked out following my gaze.

„I see..."she sighted before looking up at me again.

„You´ve got a crush on her, huh?!"

It made me look up at her instantly.

I wasn´t sure `crush´ was exactly the right word to describe my feelings for her...

No... `crush´ was definitely not enough.

I only averted my gaze to the ground, to have it snap back to Fang´s face the second she ended her next words.

„But really. She´s not interested I think." Fang said somewhat casually as she watched the pink haired woman vanish in the darkness of that night.

„Seriously... I haven´t seen the two of you talk like ever since I got her." She said presenting me with one of her dazzling smiles again.

My eyes travelling back to the spot where Lightning had disappeared I felt my heart sink the second that I realised it was true.

She hadn´t been talking to me in a long time, not if she could help it, had been evading me at all costs.

Letting the truth of it sink in, I gave a small frustrated sigh.

Then on the other hand, it´s been like this before. Hadn´t it?

It´s been like this a lot of times.

Back in Midgar.

And even here in Bodhum.

„It´s... Kinda complicated." I said somewhat pensively.

And it was true.

It really was complicated above all else.

„I´m not complicated." the tipsy woman offered inching closer again.

„Yeah I can see that." I replied dryly.

No... I so wasn´t in the mood for this.

Turning around on my heels to walk back to the bar, I heard her voice pipe up from behind once more.

„Hey... Sexy one..."

I turned slowly, only begrudgingly this time, rewarding that stupid nickname she´d given me with an exasperated sigh.

„Think you could walk me home?" She asked, big green eyes pleading me to agree.

„I´m feeling terribly lost... Young girl... Big new city... Tons of monsters roaming the streets..."

She gave a tiny tipsy giggle.

„Uhm... Sure..." I said, gritting my teeth, as feeling slightly stupid I followed her back to the main street.


	108. Chapter 108

SEPHIROTH´S POV

„There we are. You´re safe."

The way back to the hotel had seemed to stretch on forever and so had the woman´s constant babbling.

She was drunk of course...

But still...

She was starting to get on my nerves.

Maybe she should have asked Genesis to bring her home.

He always loved to babble for hours himself...

Maybe they could talk themselves into oblivion or something.

„Care to come in?" Fang suddenly said suggestively, leaning against the doorway to the local inn for support.

And I felt my insides churn uncomfortably.

„No thanks." I declined instantly.

She pouted.

„I´d rather not..." I stammered, fighting to find the right words.

„Sorry. I´m... I´m just not interested." I finally said, before swiftly turning away I quickly made to walk in the opposite direction when suddenly there it was, a flash of pink vanishing behind a corner, catching me completely by surprise.

„Sorry. Gotta go." I threw at the brunette woman staring after me completely dumbfounded, as doing my best to walk to the corner in what I hoped was in an inconspicious way. I broke into a run the second I was out of Fang´s sight.

„Lightning?" I whispered once I had made it around the corner and into one of Bodhum´s darker corners.

She was nowhere to be seen.

Was that Tequilla playing tricks on me for real this time?

No...

I knew what I´d seen.

She was here.

I sensed her presence.

Could probably sense it from a mile away.

What was she doing here?

Was she following me?

Could it... Could it be she missed me too?

„Lightning wait! I know you´re here." I spoke into the darkness, but there was no answer only the dark silence of the abandoned alley.

A soft breeze carrying over from the sea tousling my hair and the sound of some crickets chirring in some nearby bushes.

And suddenly there she was, out of nowhere, standing a few meters behind me.

I loved the way she could sneak up on me like that...

She was probably the only person in the world gifted with that ability.

I almost consider walking over to hug her, when I find the inviting smile I give her is met with a poisonous scowl.

It makes my heart sink almost instantly.

Sure... She hadn´t been following me around to make up, right?

I should have guessed.

„No good night kiss for your new girlfriend?" She spat acidly and I felt my eyebrows riding up my forhead in surprise.

So that was what this was all about?

Fang?!

„No.. What...?! Wait! She isn´t... It´s not like you think it is..." I tried somewhat carefully, but from that dangerous look in her eyes I knew it was no use.

She had already made up her mind.

There was a moment of silence were she only stared at me until suddenly she turned on her heels to bolt again.

But I was faster this time.

Sprinting after her it only took a few swift strides for me to catch her wrist and make her turn back to me.

„Wait, what are you doing here?" I was already burning to find out.

She made no move to answer me, her pretty pale blue eyes narrowed into two stubborn hostile slits and her lips a tight thin line, she scowled at me.

I could only look at her in wonder.

„Don´t touch me!" she barked at me instead of an answer and I could only stare at her completely perplexed, trying to understand what was going on in that pretty head of her´s.

„Light..." I tried to calm her, my other hand slowly coming up to cup her face, I wanted nothing more than to hold her, to feel her close to me.

She violently pushed my hand away.

„I said don´t touch me!" She almost shouted at me.

I let my hands drop away as if burned.

There was a devastated look there in her pale blue eyes and tears threatening to stream down her cheeks any second.

I didn´t know what to say.

What was it she wanted to hear?

The woman I loved giving a tiny disappointed shake of her head she just turns away and runs, leaving me there in the empty streets utterly confused.

Would she ever give us another chance?

Probably not...

Or would she?

* * *

LIGHTNING´s POV

By the time I made it home my make up was smeared from tears straming down my face and my feet were sore from running all the way back.

I was unfortunate enough to run into Serah in the hall the second I come bursting through the doorway.

„Lightning! What´s going on?!" She cries in surprise as she runs over to tackle me in a hug.

I can´t find the strenght to answer her but just let my body sink to my knees while my hands find my little sister´s shoulders and hold on tightly.

„Hey... It´s okay... Everything´s okay..." She tried to calm me, her arms tightly around my body, her hands patting my back, it´s no use. The weight of all the things that happened in the past few weeks crushing down on me at once I find myself sobbing in her arms uncontrollably.

„He... He doesn´t want me anymore..." I managed between heavy sobs.

„What... What are you talking about?" My sister asked, her voice dripping with concern as she released me just enough to be able to look into my eyes.

„He... He´s... With Fang now..." I whimpered.

„What who? No... I don´t believe that." Serah insisted, one of her hands coming up to brush away a few strands of hair that had fallen into my eyes before pulling out a hankerchief she started dabbing away at my tears and make up.

„Didn´t you see them? They´re together on every possible occassion... They have missions together, they drink together, they go skinny dipping together in the sea... He actually brought her home after the party..." I cried helplessly.

„Did you tell him...?" Serah asked after a short pause.

I only shook my head.

No... Of course I hadn´t.

„Claire what do you want me to say... I can´t blame him..." My sister started carefully.

„You´ve been treating him like a stranger..."

„No I didn´t." I contered instantly.

„You did!" She insisted matter of factly.

„When was the last time you went out on a date with him? When was the last time you went skinny dipping in the sea with him?"

I only looked away.

„I haven´t seen the two of you together since... I can´t even remember, Claire." Serah said sincerely.

„Do you two even talk at all?"

No...

The answer was no of course.

Why was it that they had stopped talking again?

Why was it that they had stopped enjoying each other´s presence?

Why...?

„You didn´t even tell him about the baby..."

Yes the baby...

It was all about the baby, right?

That stupid baby, it had ruined everything.

Serah´s innocent blue eyes piecing my own as if trying to understand what was going on inside my head, I could only avert my eyes to my feet.

I couldn´t look at her.

She was right of course.

I hadn´t told him.

Couldn´t tell him.

Ever.

I couldn´t...

How was I supposed to pull it off now that he´d started something with Fang?!

Impossible...


	109. Chapter 109

This one is for vanillegurl. :)

* * *

SEPHIROTH´s POV

It was almost lunch time when I knocked on the wooden front door of the Farron´s beach house.

I had come to talk to Lightning of course. And no... I so not knew what I was going to say...

Fate granted me a little more time to think about it it seemed, as it wasn´t the woman I´ve been looking for who opens the door, but her younger sister who appeared in the doorway instead.

„Is she here?" I asked, not in the mood for courtesies.

„Uh... No?" Serah replied carefully, looking more than surprised to see me.

I had a feeling she hadn´t answerd me truthfully.

There was something in the Farron sisters´ eyes, that told you exactly when they were lying. Well... If you knew what you were looking for.

„Please... I need to talk to her. It´s important." I urged, ellbowing my way inside without waiting for an invitation just to be greeted by the scent of roast beef sizzling in the oven.

Serah only gave one of those frustrated sighs I knew so well coming from her sister.

„She´s up in her room. Still asleep I presume." She said in a small voice.

„Still asleep, it´s past 11am!" I stated in bewilderment.

It was enough, I decided as I simply made past Serah and up the stairs to Lightning´s room.

„Hey! No! You can´t just... She´ll kill me for letting you in!" the girl´s protests followed me up he stairs.

I really didn´t care.

* * *

LIGHTNING´S POV

There were the warm rays of the sun caressing the soft skin of my face, the distant sound of waves coming through the open window and the warmth of my soft cozy blanket and it was softly that I stirred in my sleep as finally I woke up to open my eyes to a pair of mako green ones staring at me intently.

Jolting up into a sitting position I gave a small shocked yelp, my eyes going huge as panicking I tried to pull up the covers to hide my naked body, scrambling away from the intruder until I hit the headpiece of my bed with a painful thump.

I hadn´t even put on my nightgown last night.

Shit!

„What the -" I panted once I took in the situation.

There he was. General asshole. Sitting on my bed right next to me, staring holes into my head.

„Why are you running away from me?" the silver haired man inquired instantly.

„I... I´m not... What are you talking about?" I fumbled for words, while I tried to determine whether this was real or I was in fact still asleep. Dreaming.

„What happened last night..." the first class prompted.

Well... If this was a dream it was a fucking nightmare.

I only gave him a frustrated sigh.

„Why are you stalking me?!" the general demanded. And it made me look up into his eyes again.

Those beautifully slitted mako green eyes...

„I´m... I´m not stalking you..." I stammered.

It was a lie. Of course I had been stalking him. Or rather _them_.

And he knew that as well as I did.

„What?! You think I´m stupid or something?!" the silver haired man barked.

I only averted my eyes again, my gaze trailing to my bedside table and my clock, I realised it was 11:30 already.

„Shit it´s that late already?!" I cursed and made to get up from the bed draping the duvet around me to shield my body from the general´s curious glances.

„Don´t change the subject!" he warned.

I only gave him an exasperated look.

„I´m late for work!" I reasoned walking over to the closet to pull out some clothes.

„It´s saturday." Sephiroth pointed out.

„I promised Genesis and Angeal to scout the woods with them today!" I tried to explain.

He only narrowed his eyes at me.

„Consider yourself suspended."

„WHAT?! WHY?!"

He only gave me one of his killer stares.

„Fine." I spat as turning away from him, I made to shed the duvet in exchange for some clothes.

The general didn´t move an inch.

„Would you mind leaving the room while I dress?" I barked agressively.

„Nothing I haven´t seen, I guess." he contered, raising one of his silver brows at me.

AGH! That bastard! I screamed in my head as I tossed one of my bras at him.

He dodged it easily.

He only gave me one of his mocking smirks. - Really?

„Fine... Would you at least stop staring at me, please?" I said somewhat pleadingly.

It seemed to do the trick.

„Fine..." Finally getting up from the bed, I watched him turn away and staring out of the window down on the beach below.

I seized the opportunity, dropping the duvet to the ground I hurried to put on my clothes, wrestling my sore breasts into one of my already a few sizes too tight bra.

Ugh... I really needed to get myself new ones. And soon.

And yes... I needed to set things straight, I thought as turning back to the room my eyes wandered back to the silver haired man looking out of the window, my hand subconsciously wandering to my already slightly swelling belly.

It was still far too small to draw any attention yet.

Still it would not stay like this forever.

Oh Sephiroth...

Why was he even here?

„I´m... I´m done." I said somewhat carefully, waiting for the first class to turn back to face me.

„Good." he said, mako green killer eyes boring into mine once more.

„Now would you kindly explain this to me, please?!"

* * *

SEPHIROTH´S POV

„Explain what?!" she almost shouted, as throwing me one last dangerous look, she hurried out of the room and over to the bathroom on the other side of the landing.

I wasn´t sure she even heard the angry growl I sent her when she threw the door shut in front of my face.

„Lightning please. Stop this. It´s ridiculous!" I tried to reason with her through 5 centimeters of heavy wood.

„Go away!" She cried. Then there was the unmistakeable sound of something heavy smashing to the ground.

„No! I´ll stay right where I am! I´m not going to leave until you come out again!" I answered stubbornly.

„Come on.. Let me in..." I said in a softer voice this time.

I was done fighting with her.

I had come to end this ridiculous bullshit...

She didn´t answer.

„Oh come on! Don´t do this to me! We´re going to talk now!" I started, my voice rising in volume again. „I´m just so fed up with it! This whole shit, this charade, this farce! I can´t take it anymore!Why all this secrecy, huh?! What for?! Why can´t we talk about it like grown ups?!"

There was no answer still, and it made me both, angry and sad.

Why was she treating me like that?

What was it she wanted to hear from me?!

It was giving a defeated sigh that I let my body sink to the wood panelled floor right next to the doorway.

„Listen, Lightning. I love you." I began carefully, the words slightly stuck in my throat, it took some effort to finally get them out.

„It is true... I never thought I´d ever feel that way for someone. Never. But still I do. I am here and I love you. And all I wish for is for the two of us to get along again."

„I... I just want you close to me... I need you..."

...

„I know you´re feeling something for me too. I know it... I see it everytime you look at me. Everytime you look at Fang..."

...

„Why can´t you just give this a chance?"

...

Still, there was no answer.

„The way you followed me to check if what?! I´d go upstairs with her?!" I gave a small dry chuckle.

„Really... I´d never... You oughta know better than that!"

...

„I haven´t forgotten about that night in Palumpolum, or the night after Serah´s wedding. I couldn´t, even if I wanted to."

...

„I want the two of us to be together... I don´t want this to be a secret anymore."

There was a pause where I carefully considered my next words, but they left my lips without censor anyway.

I couldn´t help it.

„Claire... I want you to marry me."

There was only deadly silence.

„Lightning?"

Nothing.

„Please talk to me!"

There was no answer.

„Come on... Don´t do this to me!" I whispered against the wooden surface of the door, feeling increasingly stupid and abandoned.

There was no sound whatsoever coming from inside the bathroom.

And it made my fast beating heart sink.

Getting back on my feet, feeling a little weak in my legs I carefully tried the handle of the door.

It gave way with a tiny click.

She hadn´t even locked it!

„Lightning?"

Giving the door a tentative little push it opened to an empty bathroom.

The window opened widely, the woman I had just asked to become my wife, she was nowhere to be seen.

 _Damn..._

The look on Serah and Snow´s faces when finally I made it down the stairs was priceless.

Surely they´d heard every word.

„She... She came climbing down the rain gutter about ten minutes ago." Serah informed me somewhat shyly. Her huge blue eyes threatening to pop out of their sockets any second.

„Sorry I disturbed your lunch." I said, as wasting no time explaining, I made towards the exit.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed this one ;) That´s the last one for this week. For real this time;)


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